


To Love A Phoenix

by Simaril



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Gained Memories, Historical References, Hurt/Comfort, Immortality, Lost Memories, No cheating, Romance, Sequel Required, Slow Build, Temporary Character Death, cliffhanger ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:13:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 118,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24214981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simaril/pseuds/Simaril
Summary: In 1663, Carlisle said goodbye to his love Isabella before taking the men of his small part of London on the hunt for vampires, which ended his human life and stole the woman, he loved away from him. In 2005, Edward and Alice meet their new history teacher, Ms. Bella Swan, who has the most tempting blood Edward has ever come across. A story of love, patience, and bonds that surpass the years.“Bella is the woman I love,” Carlisle said, sitting down again, his voice inflected with pain. “She was my fiancé when I was human. I lost her when I was changed, but I never,never, stopped loving her.”
Relationships: Carlisle Cullen/Bella Swan, all canon pairings
Comments: 234
Kudos: 355





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This story is complete, but it needs a sequel that is only just started. I can't guarantee a seamless posting schedule between this one and the sequel the way I try to provide. It ends with a cliffhanger that will be resolved in the sequel. If you read, you're doing so at your own risk.

**_Bella_ **

Carlisle pushed the hair back from my face with a fervent look in his eyes. “My Bella,” he said, his voice strained.

I leaned into his touch and said, “You don’t need to be scared. I know you can do this, and we both know you’re doing the right thing. These are true demons that you have found; they’re not the innocents your father would accuse.”

“They are, but there are innocents coming with me. What if they’re hurt… _killed_ … because they’re trusting me? God will never forgive me.”

I stared into his blue eyes and stroked his face, feeling the chapped skin of his shaven cheek. “You’re doing God’s work tonight. There is no greater way to serve Him, and He will understand your heart was pure in His name.”

He pressed his lips to my forehead, and I felt their warmth and that of the breath he exhaled against my skin.

“I serve Him in all things but one,” he whispered. “I disappoint Him when I do not honor my father.”

I pulled back and looked at him. “Nor do I honor my father, Carlisle, but there is a good reason. Your father is a zealot that condemned innocent people to death in his hunts. I do not honor my father’s will when I come to you in secret. But it is not you that he objects to; it’s your father.” When he looked troubled still, I cupped the back of his neck, stroking the fine hair at the nape, and said, “Our love is not a sin, Carlisle.”

“No,” he agreed. “Nothing that feels this pure and good could be a sin, but I do fear for judgment.” My face fell, and he rushed on, cupping my cheek. “But no fear is great enough to keep me from you, Bella. We will be married. You will bear my children. We will be together.”

I forced a smile and nodded as if I knew he was speaking fact. Though I was sure he meant what he said, believed he would be strong enough, I knew in my heart that I would never have a wedding with Carlisle, and I would never bear his child. As much as he loved me, he feared his father and God more. He allowed himself these snatched meetings in secret with me as he was driven by love. When the time came, he would choose God and duty first. I knew that and hated it, but he would not be the man I loved if he was not so dutiful to God and his father, however much I wished he wasn’t.

The only way it would happen was if his father died, but he was whole and hearty in his fiftieth year still. As the daughter and student of an apothecary, I could see the health and fire in his eyes, even though he played at being weak in order to make his son serve him better and to bring him to the manhood that he judged by Carlisle taking on the mantle of protector of our small corner of London from the unnatural threat witches and vampires posed. No, Carlisle would marry a woman selected by his father, possibly the daughter of a worshipper at his church, that would give him sons to carry on the Cullen name. 

Knowing this, I relished the time we had together even more and prayed selfishly that before that moment came, Carlisle would give me more than a sister’s kiss.

From over the ramparts of the tower came a soldier’s mocking call, breaking the spell around us. “Look at the lovers by the gate.”

Carlisle froze and then stepped quickly back from me so that we were a respectable three paces apart. “I should go. I need to prepare the men, and it will be dark soon; you need to get home before the watchmen are about.”

My hand reached for him, longing to touch, but the inopportune interruption to our meeting had broken more than the spell: it had taken my courage, too. I could not touch him as we were no longer lovers meeting at Traitors Gate. We were acquaintances—the wealthy apothecary’s daughter and the minister’s son—again as we could only be when we weren’t allowing ourselves to pretend otherwise.

“Be safe, Carlisle,” I said. “Come back to me.”

“I will,” he vowed, though his tone was more formal now.

He turned and walked away, following the north path along the Thames that would lead him on a circuitous route to Long Acre where our homes were, separated by mere feet but worlds apart when it came to happiness and love. By taking this route, he was giving me the safer and shorter journey home.

I tucked my basket onto my elbow, empty now I had delivered my father’s donations to the unfortunates of the rookeries, my excuse for being out, and set off.

As I walked, I sorted through my troubled thoughts. Every meeting with Carlisle was bliss, and every parting was pain, but it was a pain I would bear willingly while I still had the chance. Our time together was limited as I passed the years following my twentieth and still failed to marry and start a family to inherit my father’s knowledge and business.

I was being trained still, just as I had been since before I’d learned my letters, but that wouldn’t continue when I married. My father waited for that day, guiding me towards the wealthier men that we passed on the street and met in our church on Sundays, but he did not push me. He was a far kinder and more patient man than Carlisle’s father, Elias Cullen. I could only hope his patience would last when I failed to marry in another ten years, God willing I had them. I would not marry for anything but love, and my heart was owed to only one man.

I would never be Carlisle Cullen’s wife, but I would never be another man’s either.

xXx

I woke up with a start and flung back my blanket and jumped from the bed. My candle was unlit, but I could see with the bright moonlight that lit my window. I stayed perfectly still and listened hard.

I couldn’t tell what had woken me, the only sounds were my father’s snores from the room beside mine, but I was wary. As a wealthy family, we were a temptation to the housebreakers that would steal the gold my father stored under his bed, the precious ingredients to our medicines and salves in the shop along with my father’s valuable surgical instruments. I was always warned to be aware of break-ins and to never apprehend the thieves myself, as I would be killed without thought. Those that would sin with theft were already corrupted enough to add murder to their score. I was supposed to alert my father so that he could apprehend them with his matchlock.

I wasn’t sure that it was an intruder that had woken me, though, so I pressed my hand to my heart and stilled my breathing to allow me to hear better. That was when I heard the shout, and my breath resumed with a gasp, which made me cough and my heart race.

“Minister Cullen! It’s your son!”

I ran to the window and saw the group of men down the street hammering on the wooden door of the church. They were carrying the torches they would have wielded as weapons against the vampires Carlisle had led the hunt of, and they were obviously panicked.

The door of the church opened, and Elias Cullen stepped into the street. He was wearing full day dress, and I assumed he’d stayed awake at home to hear news of his son’s hunt’s success.

The glass of my window was thin, so I could hear their raised voices clearly. “What is it?” Elias asked.

“The vampires,” the round-bellied and usually friendly baker said viciously. “We found one, and it attacked us. Two of us were killed, and your son disappeared. We believe he was taken to feed.”

I gasped and pressed my hand to the glass.

Carlisle was taken. He was believed dead, but it couldn’t be true. Surely, I would know it. A love like mine for him had to have formed a connection between us; my heart had to stop when his did.

Elias Cullen nodded slightly and said, “Then we will avenge him. Gather our men, rouse the street; we’re going on a hunt.”

“No,” the saddler replied, shaking his head. “We will all be killed. They are too strong and too fast. I served you on many hunts, Minister Cullen, slew witches, werewolves, and vampires that you unmasked, but the monster we faced tonight was nothing like I have ever known. It was the purest demon I have ever seen. Its eyes were black and mad, its skin pure white. I will not put myself in danger on a fool’s errand.”

“Coward,” Elias spat. “We are protecting more lives than just our own.” He spread his arms as he always did at the pulpit on his church and quoted the verse I knew from my own teachings and worship, “ _The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion._ ”

“That may be,” the saddler said, crossing his arms over his chest. “But we lost three good men tonight, and I will not add my name to that account. You may go, but I will not.”

The other men around him shuffled their feet and shook their heads.

“Then you will leave my son unavenged!” Elias cried, his teeth bared.

As if his words were the final dismissal they needed, they began to walk away again.

I stared at them, my breaths coming quick and my heart beating a tattoo against my ribs, and then with a surge of emotion, I came back to life. Carlisle had been taken. He was not dead, couldn’t be as God alone would give me that knowledge, so I had to go to him. He could be hurt, but I would save him. My years of study and teachings had all led to this moment, the moment I would save the man I loved more than my own life.

I stuffed my feet into my boots and ran down the stairs and through to the storeroom. I grabbed at the jars, stuffing them into my basket without thought, not seeing what I was taking until my hand found the arnica, and I pressed it to my chest. That was what I would need. Carlisle would be bleeding if it was a vampire that attacked him. I also took a folded pile of cloth to staunch the flow of his wounds and then ran out of the door.

The street was busy. Women and children stood in their doorways, and their men moved along the road. The door to the church was closed again, and Elias Cullen was nowhere in sight. He might quote Proverbs to push his point, but he was not so righteous to go out alone. 

I darted along the street, calling to Carlisle without caution or care for our secret, and reached the place a group of men was standing in a circle. I looked through their shoulders and saw that there were two bodies on the ground. The smallest was one I knew by name. It was William Hearth, the young man, barely more than a boy, that my father had treated through a fever the previous year. The fever had left him weak and sickly, and I was amazed that Carlisle had let him be part of the hunting party. The second was the tall and broad tavernkeeper called Marsh. There were gruesome wounds with dark red, almost black, slicks of blood at their throats, and their skin was like snow in the moonlight.

I ran on, my calls for Carlisle becoming more urgent, until I reached a crossroads and faltered. Carlisle hadn’t told me where the hunt was going to focus, perhaps thinking he was protecting me, so I had no idea where to go. I called him again and then darted right, imagining I could hear my name being called back to me.

I came to the entrance to the sewer and stopped. There were smatterings of black on the ground, black that looked like the blood at the victims’ necks. I moved closer, calling for Carlisle again, and then my heart faltered as I heard a sound in response. It was a laugh, a strangely high and bell-like tone, and I moved towards it.

“Carlisle,” I called cautiously. “Are you there, love?”

I heard another laugh, this time behind me, and I spun around. I saw a flash of black eyes in a pale face, and then something hard as stone was colliding with the side of my head.

My vision swam and legs crumpled. As I hit the ground and awareness dimmed, I called the name of my love one last time.

“Carlisle…”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This story is complete, but it needs a sequel that is only just started. I can't guarantee a seamless posting schedule between this one and the sequel the way I try to provide. It ends with a cliffhanger that will be resolved in the sequel. If you read, you're doing so at your own risk.

**_Edward_ **

I pulled the Volvo to a stop beside a rusted Chevy truck, and Rosalie scoffed from the backseat and asked, “Who do you think drives the antique?”

“No idea,” Emmett said. “Maybe you should bring your BMW and show them what a real car looks like.”

“That wouldn’t be ostentatious at all,” I said dryly. “Even better, it would be a great start to our time in Forks to show that not only do we look different but also drive cars like that.”

Emmett laughed. “Edward, we’re not going to go unnoticed whatever we drive. We might as well have some fun with the humans.”

I glanced to the side to see Alice’s reaction, as she usually took my side on this topic, but she was staring out of the window with a vague look on her face. I dipped into her mind and saw that she was rifling through visions of the day ahead for Jasper, searching for a risk to his control. I saw nothing troubling coming for him, but I moved to Jasper’s mind to see how he was feeling in case.

Though my look was fleeting, he caught it and knew from my cautious emotions what the subject was.

_Don’t worry, Edward. I don’t plan on decimating the cafeteria on our first day._

I forced a smile and nodded, then climbed out of the car and retrieved my bag from the trunk. I left it open so the others could do the same and then walked toward the office.

The eyes of the students that were grouped by their cars fixed on us, and there was a moment of silence before they began to whisper to one another.

“Who are they?”

“Wow… The body on the blonde chick.”

“Dibs on the redhead.”

“It’s not red, it’s more… bronze… And you don’t get to call dibs, Lauren. He’s mine.”

Alice giggled and muttered, “Here we go again.”

“It’ll settle soon,” I replied. “You know it’s always like this at first. They’ll get used to us.”

“Not my Rosie,” Emmett said, slinging his arm around her back and pulling her close to him, causing a few sighs of disappointment from the assembled males. “You never get used to beauty like hers.”

Rosalie preened at the praise and tossed her hair.

Jasper gave a small groan in response to the upswell of emotion hitting him from the males’ reaction to Rosalie’s show and said, “And there’s the lust.”

Emmett chuckled, pleased as always at the proof of his mate’s beauty, and I sped my pace slightly toward the small building that was marked as housing the office.

The door was being opened by a ruddy-faced boy who did a double-take at the sight of us and then held it open and said, “Oh… you can go first.”

I thanked him, and we filed into the corridor and then through the windowed door of the office.

“What was he thinking, Edward?” Emmett asked. “Lust or shock?”

“No idea,” I said. “I wasn’t listening.”

Emmett grumbled about wasted opportunities. He didn’t understand why I didn’t utilize my gift more—except for when we were wrestling during which time he cursed it. As he wasn’t burdened with an additional sense, he didn’t understand how difficult it could be for those of us that were.

Thoughts were a constant hum in my mind at all times, except when I was able to physically distance myself from others. It wasn’t distracting, as my mind was more than capable of handling the additional flow of stimulation it gave me, but it was tiresome. I listened when I had need or curiosity, but otherwise I let it pass through me, unwanted and unneeded. 

I led the way to the desk where a red-headed woman was filing papers and cleared my throat. She looked up, and then her mouth dropped open comically as she stared.

“Hello,” I said. “I’m Edward Cullen. My siblings and I are registered to start today.”

“Yes…” she said vaguely and then snapped to life. “Yes! The Cullens and Hales. I have your paperwork here…” Her hands fluttered with the files and papers in front of her, and then she pulled out a sheaf of papers held together with a paperclip. She tugged off the clip and said, “Here, this is yours, Edward, and…” She fumbled with the others and then held them out to me.

I took them and checked the names and gave them to the correct sibling. 

“There’s a map on the back of your schedules,” she said. “You, Edward, have Ms. Swan for History first period, so do you, Alice…?” She looked from face to face until Alice waved a hand at her and smiled.

“And we’ve got Government,” Emmett said, indicating himself, Rosalie, and Jasper.

“That’s Mr. Jefferson in building six,” she said. “Oh! And I’m Mrs. Cope. I am here to help if you need anything while you’re settling in.” Her eyes moved to me, and a look that was both familiar and a little disturbing fixed me in its stare. “Anything at all.”

I focused my gift on her for a moment and fought back a grimace as I heard her internal swooning reminders of, _‘Just a child. Just a child. Get a grip on yourself, Shirley. Be professional. Think of the father.”_ An image of Carlisle’s face swum in her mind. She had met him when he and Esme had come to register us. For a moment that stayed and her thoughts were admiring, but then my face replaced his and the admiration intensified. _‘Too young!’_ she scolded herself.

“Thank you for your help, Mrs. Cope,” I said politely, carefully keeping my face neutral.

I walked outside and rechecked my map. History was in building two, just across from the office, a white painted number on the east corner identifying it. “We’re in here, Alice,” I said.

I started walking but could hear the laughter of my family behind me as Emmett said, “How bad, Jazz?”

“ _Bad_ ,” Jasper said emphatically. “I think it was about Edward.”

“I think so,” Alice said. “It was him she fixed in her _magnetic_ _stare_.”

Emmett and Jasper guffawed, and I gave a low groan. Traditionally and predictably, the first of us to gain a ‘fan’ in a new place was the one that drew the most teasing. The fact that Shirley Cope was well into her forties made it all the more entertaining to them. 

“I’ll see you at lunch,” I said dismissively and joined a queue of students filing into the building.

Alice fell into step with me after a quick goodbye to Jasper, and she nudged me with her elbow. “You okay?”

“I’m fine. I’ve set myself up to be the butt of Emmett’s jokes for at least a week by taking the lead back there, but that’s nothing new.”

She gave a soft laugh and said, “You didn’t get that attention because you took the lead, Edward. It would have happened anyway, you know that.”

“I do,” I sighed.

The problem was that I always attracted more attention than my siblings as it quickly became apparent that I was the only singleton. Jasper also had a theory that it was because I so obviously didn’t welcome their attentions that made me even more attractive to them. Apparently, some humans liked a challenge. Some vampires did, too. We have recently relocated from Alaska after only two years into our planned four-year stay as my discomfort in the face of Tanya’s advances became clear to my family. Tanya knew I wasn’t interested, and she was not in love with me, but she pursued me anyway.

We filed into the room and took two free seats at the back of the class. Alice took her pen and paper from her bag and put in on the table and folded her hands.

The aforementioned Ms. Swan hadn’t arrived yet, so the classroom was loud with chatter as the students took their seats. Some of the conversations were centered on us, but a tall, brown-haired girl was discussing the teacher whom I gathered was also new to the school. Her partner, a girl with frizzy brown hair held back with an Alice band, didn’t seem to be listening. She was casting occasional glances across the aisle at Alice and me and wondering aloud who we were and where we were from.

The clock was ticking toward the start of class when the door burst open and a woman stumbled in with her arms full of files and papers and brown hair piled high on her head.

“Sorry, sorry,” she said breathlessly then looked up at the clock and said, “Not late. Just in time. In that case, I’m not sorry at all.” She beamed around at us. “I’m Ms. Swan, and I will be teaching you history. This semester we’ll be focused on the Civil Rights Movement, which I have studied so deeply I feel like I was there.”

Her lips curved into an enigmatic smile that made me curious enough to dip into her mind. There was nothing there, though. I focused harder, and the full volume of the room hit me, but nothing seemed to be coming from her. A mental voice was usually the same as an audible one, but she was silent to me.

Puzzled, I leaned towards Alice and whispered, “I can’t hear her, Alice,” barely moving my lips.

“What do you mean you can’t hear her?” 

“Her mind, it’s—”

My words ceased as a wrecking ball of thirst slammed into me. Ms. Swan had stepped forward and dumped a pile of papers on the front desk and was saying, “Grab one and pass them towards the back.” Her movement had placed her in front of the vent that was blasting the room with warm air in the predictable chilly Forks’ day.

Her scent was like nothing I’d ever imagined. It made a monster roar to life in my chest, spreading greedy fingers up my throat and making my mouth fill with venom.

In that moment, it was all I could do to not sprint across the room and drain her there and then. It was only carefully earned control borne of the seventy years since human blood had passed my lips that stayed me in my seat.

Beside me, Alice stiffened, and her fingers clasped around my wrist. “What’s wrong?” she whispered.

“Her scent,” I hissed. “Can’t you smell it?”

Alice concentrated a moment and then said. “I can smell them all, but nothing special. What do you smell?”

I spoke through gritted teeth as I convulsively swallowed the venom that filled my mouth. “I smell nectar. I need to feed, Alice.”

I was so focused on fighting my thirst that I didn’t follow the vision with her, but when she gasped, I allowed a little of my attention to go to her thoughts. The image was clear. I was standing in a classroom full of corpses that had been living students only a moment before. The body of Ms. Swan was in my arms, and I was feeding greedily from her neck. As chilling as that image was, it was the person, crumpled in front of me with a deep bite in her throat that horrified me.

It was Alice. I had hurt her for that meal.

“No!” I gasped. “Alice, I would never…”

“You saw it,” Alice said, her tone mild.

“I won’t,” I vowed.

In front of us, a boy with hair styled into carefully constructed spikes turned, and for a moment, I thought he had heard our conversation, and then I saw the papers in his hands that he was holding out to us.

Alice took them with a murmured word of thanks, and then her fingers moved back to my wrist.

“You have to leave, Edward. Get out of here.”

“If I am close to her, I will kill her,” I said. “Her scent is too much, even from this distance.”

“You won’t!” she said harshly. “Think of Carlisle. Think of Esme.”

I looked into her mind and my own filled with the faces of my parents, their soft smiles and understanding eyes that told me this was another vision: this is how they would look at me if I did kill Ms. Swan. It would hurt them so much, Carlisle would mourn the loss of an innocent life and Esme the pain it would cause me, but they would understand. They loved me so much it would be forgiven without hesitation.

“I’ll come with you,” she said. “Follow me.”

I locked my muscles and sat perfectly still, not even breathing to deny myself the temptation of that scent, as she raised her hand and said, “Ms. Swan. Edward and I need to leave. He has a migraine, and I need to drive him home so he can take his medication.”

Ms. Swan looked at me, and a frown furrowed her brow. “Oh dear. You do look ill. Of course, go now. I’ll inform Mrs. Cope so she can tell your other teachers not to expect you.”

Alice packed away her papers and pen into her bag with one hand, keeping the other on my wrist, and then rose to stand and tugged me up beside her.

My movements were stiff with the control I was exerting over myself to not launch myself at the source of temptation, and I allowed her to lead me to the right and down the aisle. Her voice was a constant in my mind as she intoned, _‘Just a little longer, hold your breath,’_ and fixed the image of my parents' faces there for me to concentrate on.

The closer we got to the front of the classroom, the greater the war being waged within me became. I wanted to fight this, to escape the hell that this classroom had become, but I _needed_ to feed. It took all my concentration and effort to reach the door without attacking and to pass through it when Alice opened it for me.

I held my breath, fighting every inch of the way not to go back, until we were at the car and Alice was pushing me into the passenger seat and closing the door behind me. Only then did I let myself breathe in, and my nose was filled with the scent of the leather seats and the lingering traces of my family.

Alice started the engine and drove us out of the parking lot and along the road that would eventually take us to the concealed entrance onto our land.

“You did it, Edward! You controlled yourself.”

“I…” I shook my head. “I’ve never faced anything like it, Alice. There is no word for that kind of temptation.”

“I know, but you did it. We’ll go home, and you can…”

Her voice faltered as her mind filled with a vision. It was me at the door of a small blue house with a flagstone path on the edge of the forest. The Chevy truck we’d noticed at the school was parked outside. The door opened and Ms. Swan appeared. She looked puzzled and concerned for a moment and then shocked as I pressed a hand to her chest and guided her back into the house. I closed the door behind me and then snatched her up and plunged my teeth into her throat. She struggled helplessly and then stilled as the blood left her.

“No!” Alice said firmly. “You won’t!”

I nodded stiffly and pushed aside the image and focused on what else I could do. I needed to leave. I had to escape Fork and the temptation.

“That’s better,” Alice said as a new vision came. It was me behind the wheel of the Volvo, powering along a snowy road, my eyes set with determination. “Alaska?” she asked.

“I think it’s the best place,” I said. “It will be far enough.”

Not far enough for the scent to become a memory, but far enough that driving back to kill Ms. Swan would give me ample time to rethink my decision and turn north again.

“I’ll come with you,” she offered

I forced a smile. “I think I need to do this alone.”

She frowned and turned on the blinker as we approached the concealed turning. “It’s going to upset Esme and Carlisle.”

“I know, but killing that woman will hurt them more.”

“It will,” she agreed, pulling the car over on the dirt track. “I’ll tell Esme. She’ll make it harder if she sees you.”

I knew that was true, Esme would not want me to leave and it would be hard to refuse her pleading, so I slid over into the driver’s side when she climbed out.

With only one thought in my mind, to escape temptation, I turned the car and roared away. …


	3. Chapter 3

**_Bella_ **

My class before lunch was a rowdy group of freshmen that hadn’t yet settled into a new year of high school, so I was more than ready to get out of the room after an hour of trying to engage their attention.

In the end, I had used a ploy I’d learned from a former lecturer to call on them one by one and ask them a question that they should easily be able to answer. It gave them a sense of achievement and confidence for what was to come by already knowing something we’d study. It had worked, but I was drained by the time the last student had filed out and the door closed behind them.

I sorted my books and papers into piles and then followed them out of the room and checked my map. I wanted to get to the teacher’s lounge, but I hadn’t had time to bring lunch with me as I’d been running late, so I nailed down the route to the cafeteria and headed in that direction.

The room was already full when I got there, a line of people queuing to buy food and others already spread around the tables, chatting in groups. I eyed the end of the queue, weighing up the abuse of a teacher’s position of privilege over a truncated lunch break, and decided to go with privilege.

I moved along the queue at the salad bar and stopped beside a boy from my first class of the day, one I thought was called Eric, and said, “You mind if I…?”

He turned to look at me, then jumped back and said, “No, of course not, Ms. Swan.”

I grabbed an apple and handful of grapes that I dropped into a bowl and then carried them to the register where a statuesque girl with pale skin, wavy blonde hair, and golden eyes was waiting to pay for her full tray.

She turned to look at me, and the strangest thing happened. She narrowed her eyes, and I saw that they darkened. The only explanation I could come up with for the way they became almost black was that her pupils had dilated, but I could think of no reason for it. She had to be ill. I wondered if she was related to Edward and Alice, the students that had left my first class of the day when Edward had fallen ill; she had the same pale skin, and her eyes were now as dark as Edward’s had been when he left.

“Ms. Swan?” she asked with a touch of scathing in her voice.

“Yes,” I said, puzzled by the antagonism in her voice but maintaining my smile. “Are you one of Edward and Alice Cullen’s family?”

Her lips curled back, and I saw a flash of anger on her face. “Yes.”

“Rosalie,” the man with her said in a low voice. He also had blonde hair and striking eyes, and there was a strained look on his face, almost as if he was pained. He was more man than boy, though, surely too old for high school. I gauged his age as maybe one or two years younger than my technical age of twenty-three.

Uncomfortable with the tension of the moment, the anger I could almost feel radiating from the girl, Rosalie, I said, “Tell Edward I hope he feels better soon,” and then moved in front of her and paid the smiling woman at the register for my small lunch.

“Oh, I will,” she called after me, and somehow it felt like a threat.

A chill went down my spine as I walked away, and I continued out of the cafeteria and followed the route to the teacher’s lounge. I stopped when I got to my intended destination and took a deep breath then pushed open the door and went in.

The room smelled of coffee, which was heavenly to me after my difficult morning. I set my bowl down on a table and made straight for the coffee maker to pour myself a mug, but I was intercepted by a man who held out a hand to me, a broad smile on his face.

“Bob Banner,” he said cheerfully. “Science.”

I shook his hand, noting his gentle grip that could be an indicator of a weak man or a careful touch in the face of a vulnerable woman. I immediately chastised myself for my unkind thoughts. I had lived through many cultures of manhood and sometimes attributed actions of men in current times to those that I had lived through many years ago.

“Bella Swan. History.”

“I heard you were coming,” he said. “We were all excited to get some new blood on the teaching staff. Gerald Cunningham, who you replaced when he retired, was definitely a man out of his time, and the students didn’t respond to his teaching methods.

I bit my lip to keep myself from laughing. If he was looking for a person out of their time, I was definitely more out of place than Gerald Cunningham.

“It seems like a great school,” I said politely, though I’d had no time to form an informed opinion on the topic. “And everyone in town is very friendly.”

That was something I had learned. I moved to Forks in July, just in time to see the fireworks on Independence Day in Port Angeles, which had been a lackluster display compared to the show put on in Phoenix, the most recent of my many homes. Everyone I had met so far, and it felt like I had met almost everyone in the small town, had been friendly and had greeted me warmly. I could tell I was a curiosity as a new face, but I had made a few acquaintances, if not friends, notably the waitress at the Carver Café, Cora, who had quickly learned how I liked my eggs when I ventured there for a leisurely Sunday breakfast.

There were other people I’d met, the police chief, who incidentally shared a last name with me, had shared stilted conversation for a few minutes before he was rescued from his obvious discomfort by his deputy, Mark, when I visited the station to ask about wildlife safety for my new house on the edge of the forest and my desire to explore the local national park. It wasn’t my first time living in a forested area, and I have lived in a past with much more prevalent wildlife than now, but it seemed a suitable part of my cover as a young teacher fresh out of the city to check.

I had been greeted warmly when I went to one of the town’s few stores, Newton’s Outfitters, by a woman named Karen, who tottered around on strappy heels while advising me on hiking boots which I’d wanted to buy. 

“Yeah, Forks is a great town,” Bob Banner said. “It’s rare to get new people here, though you’re not the only ones right now. Doctor Cullen and his family have made quite a splash with their arrival.”

I nodded and edged towards the coffee maker, wanting to get my caffeinated lift so I could settle and eat lunch before I was due back in class.

He stepped back to allow me access and then continued his chatter as I poured myself a mug and then followed me over to the low couch and sat down beside me, taking a sandwich from a Tupperware box and lifting it to his mouth before lowering it and going on without taking a bite.

“Have you had any of them in your classes yet: the Cullen and Hale kids? I had the older three second period, and I’ve got to say, the time they put in at the advanced school in Alaska really paid off. They were right on target with my questions.” He took a large bite of his sandwich and looked at me expectantly.

“I had Alice and Edward first period,” I said, polishing my apple on my shirt. “But they had to leave when Edward got a migraine, so I didn’t really have a chance to see what they knew. I met two of his siblings in the cafeteria just now, and they were… interesting.”

I quickly took a gulp of my coffee and a bite of my apple as I had a feeling my lunchbreak was going to be filled with chatter.

He chewed quickly and swallowed. “Yeah, I think interesting is a good word for it. If they weren’t so obviously smart, I’d think the older kids had been held back a grade, as they don’t look exactly high school age. And they seem a little… different.” He frowned for a moment and then shook his head. “I’m probably seeing more than there is since they’re new. You get so used to familiar faces here that new people stand out.”

I took another bite of my apple instead of answering and considered. I thought perhaps there was more to it than him just seeing a difference to the people he was used to. There was something about the four I’d met so far. They all shared those striking gold eyes and were equally pale, paler than life in Alaska and Forks and the lack of sunshine to tan them explained.

I shook my head. I was seeing more than there was, too. The problem with living with a secret like mine was that you searched for secrets in other people. Perhaps because I was hiding something so huge, I wanted someone that could relate.

Bob Banner stared at me a moment and then said, “Anyway, I just wanted to say hello and to say if there’s anything you need, _anything,_ don’t hesitate to ask.”

I thanked him and felt a little relieved when he turned in his seat and initiated a conversation with Mr. Greene, the principal that had interviewed and ultimately hired me.

The emphasis Bob Banner had put on his offer for help was unexpected and a little troublesome. I had expected to get away without advances from colleagues in Forks as they were all older than my assumed twenty-three years.

I had set my age at that and my story as fresh out of training so that I would have the freedom to stay for more than a few years before needing to move on. I had found that with gradual adjustments to the way I did my make-up and the style of clothing I wore, I could pass for thirty years old at a stretch.

It was easier to get away with it in big cities with larger student populations, as others around me had more than enough to occupy them than any questions about me, but I’d wanted to stay in a small town again, to have the feel of a community.

I had no idea where I’d lived… before… as I’d woken in a forested area of Northern England, so I didn’t know if I was trying to connect with something from my forgotten first life, but it was possible that was what I was trying to find on an instinctual level.

All I knew for sure was that I was English, my original accent had proven that, and I was judged to be around twenty-three years old.

Everything else that I had been, if I’d had a family or friends, was lost. I wasn’t even sure if I’d started out human at all.

I wasn’t entirely human now.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Carlisle_ **

My heart was heavy when I pulled my car to a stop in the garage of my home and climbed out. It had been a good day in all other respects than the news I had received from a distraught Esme in a telephone call that morning: the news that Edward was gone.

I went to the house and opened the door, knowing from the murmur of voices inside that my family, with one exception, were assembled.

I took off my coat, draped it on a chair, and greeted them all by name. Then, I followed the voices to the seldom-used dining room, where they were all gathered around the mahogany table of Esme's choosing. I had expected them to gather there upon my arrival as it was the usual place we met for discussions of importance. There was something about being gathered around the table that enabled even the most volatile of my children to come to discussions with some manner of calm.

I was disappointed to see that the calm hadn’t wholly joined us this time when I entered. Rosalie sat stiff-backed with her hands clasped into fists on the tabletop. Jasper was staring down at his hands with a deep frown that made me sure the additional sense he had was straining him with the emotions of the room. Esme was on her feet, her beautiful face twisted with sadness and her hands clasped over her heart.

I opened my arms to her, and she stepped into them and buried her face into my chest. I patted her back and soothed her with soft words, and then, when she had gained control to straighten up from me, I pulled out a chair and guided her into it.

I had expected Esme to struggle with Edward’s absence the most as she was the one with the immense capacity to love with her whole heart, and Edward was her first 'child.' He was the one she worried over as he had never found his mate, wondering if he'd been changed too young, and she felt his solitude was harmful to him.

It was interesting to me that she never vocalized worry for herself or me, though we were both also unmated. We played the part of a married couple so we could be parents to the younger members of our family, but we had never shared romantic love or more than a sister kiss in public to maintain our cover.

It was probably Edward’s tendency to dark moods at times that made her worry for him more. I was satisfied with my life with them all and my time at the hospital, and she was consumed with our family. As far as I knew, she never felt she was lacking anything.

As for me… I was lacking something, but it was a thing I knew I could never have, and that made the feeling easier to bear.

It was only in moments of solitude, away from Edward’s ability to hear my thoughts and Jasper’s sharing of my pain, that I allowed myself to think of what I had lost all those countless years ago. As far as I knew, Edward knew nothing of Bella and my lost life with her. I had never wanted to share her memory with another person, not even one I loved as dearly as Edward, though Aro had known ever since the moment he first touched my hand the day I met him and his brothers.

I took my seat at the head of the table and said, “Esme told me Edward has returned to Alaska because of temptation, but I would like to hear the whole story.”

“It was a teacher,” Alice said. “Her scent was… He called it nectar.”

“Yep,” Emmett said, nodding. “I’ve been there. If it was anything like when it happened to me, it was a damn miracle that he got out of there without feeding. I didn’t stand a chance against either of mine.”

I absorbed his words and said, “I have known it to happen, of course, even before your slips, Emmett. I’ve not heard of anyone resisting either, but we should not be surprised Edward was able to; his control is spectacular.”

Rosalie scowled down at the tabletop and muttered sarcastically, “Yeah, because _Edward_ has never fed from humans. His record is perfectly clean.”

I felt a pang of annoyance at my first daughter. Edward did not have a clean record, of course. Apart from myself, Rosalie was the only one of us with an unblemished record of feeding on humans—though she had taken human lives in revenge. Edward’s turbulent past was known to us all and understood. She clearly felt I was giving him too much credit. But his control was excellent now, and had been then to an extend. It was only the cruelest of society that he targeted.

“That was different. Edward only…” Esme started, but I placed my hand on hers, and she fell silent.

“We know your control is just as good as Edward’s, Rosalie,” I said. “I am not underestimating your strength of will, but you have never been met with the temptation of one that calls to you in that way."

“But you’d handle it if you did,” Emmett said confidently. “You’re awesome, Rosie.”

I hoped Emmett’s instance of confidence and praise would soothe her, but it didn’t. She continued to scowl.

“Do you see when he’s coming back, Alice?” Esme asked with yearning in her voice.

Alice shook her head without taking a moment to look, which told me it was something she’d already been searching for. “He’s committed to staying away,” she said sadly.

“Then we have a decision to make,” I said. “We can join Edward in Alaska again or find a new place to settle where he can join us.”

I didn’t want to leave so soon as Forks was a perfect place for us to live. We’d only been there a month, so we had years ahead of us in which we could stay and go unnoticed, but Edward’s wellbeing and company were paramount to me. If he needed this from us, we would give it. I would not have him here suffering, and I would not risk the life of an innocent or his pain at taking another life.

Rosalie made a sound of frustration. “Or we could stay and wait for him to get it under control.”

“It doesn’t work like that, Rosalie,” Alice said. “You didn’t see him. It took everything he had to leave that classroom without killing her. He would have killed them all. Every child in the room would have died, and I would…” She touched the side of her throat, and a frown marred her perfect brow.

“He would have attacked you?” Jasper asked, his eyes narrowed with anger.

“He wouldn’t have been in control of himself,” Alice said, touching Jasper’s hand. “You know how that feels.”

Jasper scowled but nodded and cast his eyes down again.

“I don’t want to leave,” Rosalie said. “We’ve only just arrived, and Forks is perfect for us. This is one of only a few places where we get to be almost normal, and we’ve already been in the other towns too recently to go back.” She slapped her hand down on the table. “I’m not leaving!”

“Not even for your brother?” Esme asked mildly, though her shock was evident on her face.

Rosalie stared back at her defiantly. “No.”

Esme looked away and tucked her hands into her lap.

“You could stay, of course,” I said. “And we can all gather again at the next town.”

Emmett scoffed. “How’s that going to work, Carlisle? We’re not officially adults yet, and it’s not like we can suddenly come up with emancipation papers after we’ve put on a show in town about how we’re the perfect family. We’ve got to stay together.”

I frowned and considered a moment. “Esme could stay with you while I go to Edward. We can stage a divorce.”

I could tell from the softly drawn breath beside me that Esme wasn’t happy with the idea, but I could see no other solution. Like her, I wanted our family to stay together, but Edward had already gone, so that want was lost.

Rosalie looked just as unhappy at the idea. She clung to our family dynamic as she was the one that struggled the most with her situation. She and Emmett occasionally lived apart from us as a married couple, but that was her choice and timeframe. Edward had told me the times they chose to come to live with us again were always her decision. It was unsurprising as Emmett was an easygoing man that was wholly devoted to his mate. He could be happy anywhere as long as he was with her.

I glanced at Alice and raised an eyebrow. She concentrated a moment and then said, “I can’t see if it would work as the decision has been made to stay together. Oh…” Her eyes unfocused again, and then she nodded and said, “Yes. That would work.”

“What would work, Alice?” Jasper asked.

“If Carlisle goes to speak to him, he’ll come back. His commitment will completely shift.”

I hadn’t been aware that the passing thought, need, to go to see him had become a decision, but it was what I wanted.

“Great,” Rosalie said smugly. “You go get him, Carlisle, and then we can _all_ stay.”

“What about the teacher?” I asked. “Is she safe if Edward comes back?”

Alice concentrated for a moment and then said, “I can’t tell. It’s not definite that he’ll kill her, but nor is it definite that he won’t. There are things undecided.”

Then I could not go. If bringing Edward back put that woman at risk of death and Edward at risk of the pain of guilt, it couldn’t be done.

“But…” Alice’s face became bewildered. “What’s that?”

“Good question,” Emmett said. “What is ‘that’? You’re the only one seeing it.”

Alice shot him an annoyed look. “There’s something else, something unclear, that involves her, but I can’t make it out.”

“Is she alive in it?” Rosalie asked, her voice seeming indifferent to the answer of whether or not a woman would live.

“Yes, definitely alive.” She shrugged. “But you know how my gift works. It could all change in a heartbeat if someone makes a different choice. When you go, Carlisle, I think he’ll come back with you, and then it might become clearer.”

Esme’s eyes implored me as she said, “You have to go, Carlisle. Bring him home to us.”

I couldn’t deny either her need or my own desire to at least see him, check on him.

“I’ll leave tonight. I’ll need to call the hospital and fabricate a family emergency,” I said, rising to go to where I’d left my coat to get my cellphone.

As I dialed, a troubling thought reached me. Alice said she’d seen my choice before I was aware of making it. Was that true, or did she just want her brother brought back to us? I wanted to see him, and to have him home would be perfect for me, but I didn’t want that to come at the cost of a life.

I couldn’t deny the need to go to him, to offer comfort, but I vowed I would counsel him to stay away if I believed he would not be able to control myself.

I knew Edward better than anyone in the world now; I would know if he couldn’t control his thirst.

I would only bring him home if it was safe.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Carlisle_ **

I saw Edward’s Volvo parked in the garage when I reached our Denali house, and I felt a surge of comfort; I was close to him now, soon I would be able to get a gauge on his state of mind.

The drive to Alaska had seemed longer than ever, and with each mile I drew closer to Denali, the more power the draw towards him had. I could imagine how he would be suffering alone with what had happened, and I wanted to be there to support him.

I got out of the car and walked into the house, where I’d hoped I’d find him, but before I reached the door, I realized his scent lead away into the park. Wondering what he was doing, hoping he was perhaps hunting, I followed it at a run. It didn’t lead me towards our usual hunting areas, though; it took me north.

I saw his figure before I reached him, standing at the shore of Lake Minchumina. Though he would have heard me coming, he didn’t turn, just continued to stand with his back to me, tossing stones into the lake.

“Edward,” I called tentatively.

His hand dropped, his fingers releasing the stone he had been holding, and he turned his head to the side. “Hello, Carlisle.”

I reached him and touched his shoulder. His face, which had been a neutral mask, fell into lines of sadness.

I took his shoulders and pulled him into an embrace. “It’s okay,” I said. “I’m here.”

He embraced me in return and then stepped back and hung his head. “I’m sorry."

I cupped his cheek and spoke to him in my mind, wanting him to hear the purest form of my words so he could not doubt me. _Edward, you have done nothing wrong. You resisted. Not many could have done the same in your position._

He shook his head. “I almost didn’t. I would have injured Alice for that blood, and even after I fled, I was plotting to take it anyway. I would have gone to her house and…” He flinched. “It was so close.”

_You resisted. You were a better man than I have ever been. The control you exerted…_

He smiled, a dark and twisted thing. “Carlisle, there is no comparison. You would have resisted without even the slightest struggle.”

 _I am not so sure._ I spoke aloud. “Aro has a word for the phenomenon you experienced. He would call her your singer; her blood called to you like a siren song. It was no fault of your own that it happened. You know Emmett has experienced it before in his life, and the results for his singers were fatal.”

“Singer… Yes, that’s the right word.” His hands fisted. “I _hate_ it. I have spent decades controlling myself, but because of one woman, I almost destroyed it all.”

“Do you blame her for it?”

“I want to,” he admitted, his eyes filled with shame. “It would be easier to transfer the responsibility for it to someone else, but, no, it’s not her fault. She just happens to be my perfect victim.” He drew a deep breath through his nose. “I hate that it drove me away, though. How is Esme?”

“Upset,” I admitted, “worried about you. We discussed moving away from Forks, but there was… resistance.”

His lip twitched. “Rosalie?” Without waiting for a reply, he said, “Yes, I expect she wouldn’t be happy about the idea.”

“We will find another solution. We cannot separate the family easily; as Emmett pointed out, he and Rosalie cannot stay behind emancipated after the cover story we have in place.” I grappled for a way to heal this pain for my son. “But perhaps Esme and I can separate so that I can come to be with you. I’ve suggested it. We’ve only been seen in public together a few times since we moved to Forks, so there is not the reputation of a devoted couple in peoples’ minds. Or Esme can come to you, and I can stay in Forks.”

As little as I wanted to leave the hospital behind already, I would do it for my son. I believed I had a lot to offer the small community hospital, but there were other doctors that could take my place. My duty to my son was more important.

Edward’s eyes filled with sadness. “I appreciate the offer, but I won’t take you from a place you can do good. And I won’t take Esme from the others; she needs them as much as she needs me. The family must stay together.”

I saw his resolution, and I sighed. “What are we going to do then, Edward? I don’t want you to be alone here.”

“I won’t stay here,” he said with a grimace. “Not with Tanya. I can perhaps get a late admission to a college. You could cover my disappearance by saying I have been accepted to an advanced-placement boarding school. The transcripts Jasper and Alice created for us would support the story. Or I can live alone for a while. We have houses spread over the north that we’ve not visited recently, and I don’t need to be part of a community. I could live alone, isolate myself.”

“No,” I said firmly.

I would not leave Edward to live alone in secret. He deserved better than isolation. Edward’s thoughts tended to run a little darker than others in our family thanks to his exposure to the darker places in people’s minds on the occasions that he didn’t block them, so he needed to be with us for his own comfort.

“It’s the only way, Carlisle,” he said. “It’s dangerous for me to be around that woman.”

I realized he hadn’t used her name once since we’d spoken of her, and I wondered if a solution resided in that detail.

“What is she called, Edward?” I asked.

He frowned, evidently not having followed my thoughts. “Ms. Swan.”

“Her first name?”

“I don’t know. She didn’t say it, and I didn’t hear anyone thinking it.”

“Okay, and what’s she like?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. She seemed nice enough, enthusiastic about her topic, but I barely had a moment to see her before it happened.” He swallowed convulsively, and I imagined the memory of the scent that had so tempted him was returning. “Mrs. Cope doesn’t seem to like her, but I’m not sure of her opinion.” He frowned. “She was particularly admiring of the way we looked.”

I had met Mrs. Cope when Esme and I had gone to the school to register them as students, and Esme had teased me about the cow eyes that had been directed at me from the secretary. I imagined having insight into her thoughts would have given Edward additional negative judgment of her.

“What about her mind?” I asked. “What did that tell you about her?”

He laughed softly. “I have no idea: I couldn’t read her thoughts. I tried, but it was like there was a void where her mind should be.”

“She was silent?” I asked.

He nodded. “Totally.”

“That’s never happened before, has it?” I asked.

“No, never.” He turned away. “The one person whose thoughts would help me create a person out of a scent, a victim, and she’s silent to me.” He smiled slightly. “I know what you’re doing, Carlisle, trying to make her someone to value instead of just a temptation, but I have too little knowledge of her to do that.”

I sighed as my hopeful plan shattered. I didn’t know what else to do. I wanted to solve this for my son, to bring him home, but I couldn’t think how. He could come home and stay out of school, distance himself from the temptation, but that would be a different kind of seclusion. He could not enter the town without notice, so, though he would be with us, he would still be alone in a way. Life on the fringes wasn’t good enough for my son. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know you wanted to help, and I wish you could, but this problem has no easy solution.”

“Alice thought you would change your mind if I came.”

Edward’s lips twitched into a smile. “Perhaps she did. I have been waging war with myself to resist coming home since I arrived, so she could have seen it, or…”

“Or she could have been manipulating the situation for her own benefit,” I said with a sigh.

“Exactly. If I could be sure Ms. Swan would be safe, I would come home in a heartbeat. Believe me, there’s no place I would rather be than with you all, but Alice’s visions can change in an instant with one decision. I won’t risk it.”

Almost the moment the words left his mouth, I heard footsteps approaching. They were moving too fast to be human, and I assumed Tanya had detected our presence. As fond of her as I was, and how much I enjoyed spending time with our extended family, she could not have chosen a more inopportune moment to join us.

“Alice,” Edward said, confusion evident in his tone.

I looked back and saw the small figure sprinting towards us. I’d had no idea she was planning to follow me here, and when I’d last called, while stopping for gas in West Yukon, she’d been at school.

Unless Esme had lied to me, and I had no reason to believe she would, Alice had made the long journey in hours instead of over a day, which meant she’d flown. What could have made her so eager to come when I had already left myself?

She ran straight to Edward and took his shoulders, staring up at him through the clear foot of height between them “You have to come home,” she said intensely.

“Alice, you know I—”

“Look!” she commanded.

Edward frowned, and then his gaze became concentrated as he delved into her mind and saw whatever it was she needed him to see. I watched them as they communicated as only the two of them could, waiting for them to invite me into the conversation.

Edward’s eyes became confused and then widened with shock as he reacted to what he was seeing, and then he withdrew with a gasp.

“It’s really the only way?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said emphatically. “You saw it, too, I know. You just don’t want to see it.”

“See what?” I asked, a little perturbed that something that was obviously so important wasn’t being shared with me.

“Consequences,” Alice said enigmatically.

“Edward?” I prompted. “What is happening?”

Edward spoke doubtfully, his brow furrowed. “There are two paths laid out for us. If I come home—”

“Which you must!” Alice said impatiently.

“ _If_ … I do,” Edward said again, “things will be better for us.”

Alice made a sound of annoyance. “Better is an understatement. Things will be perfect.”

“But what about Ms. Swan? What will things be for her?” I felt guilty for adding another question, for hurting my son, but it was vital that we knew. “Will she survive?”

Alice and Edward exchanged a glance, and Alice said, “She will.”

“You can’t know that for sure, Alice,” Edward said. “If just one decision changes.”

Alice groaned. “But this is solid! With you, she has a chance. If you’re not here, she disappears.”

“Her life is dependent on Edward’s presence?” I asked, surprised by the turnaround,

“Yes,” Alice said. “The only other thing I’ve ever seen that was as clear as this was Jasper and me. It _will_ happen.” She turned her eager eyes on me. “Carlisle, it will be better for you more than anyone. Please, trust me. I have never seen you so happy before. If you come home, Edward, things will be perfect. If you don’t come, we lose that chance and we lose what we have now.”

“Lose what?” I asked.

Alice sounded apologetic as she said, “We lose you. I see you alone, unhappy, and searching for something I don’t think you’ll ever find.”

I pressed my fingertips to my temples, an unconscious human gesture gained by centuries of playing my part, and said, “Is it just Edward’s presence that saves me from that and gives us happiness?”

It seemed unlikely. I loved my son and wanted him with us, but it would not give me the kind of happiness Alice seemed to be referring to.

“No,” Alice admitted. “But it’s Edward that makes it possible. He has to come home to give this to us, to you.”

I could see the conflict on Edward’s face. “That future does seem perfect, Carlisle, and I want that for you…”

“It’s for all of us,” Alice said, her brow tight with frustration and her hands fisting. “We will _all_ be happy. Edward! And if you’re not there, Carlisle will be…” She stared at him until he met her eyes, and another moment of communication passed between them. “He will be gone,” she stated.

With a look of resignation, Edward nodded and said, “I’ll come home.”

I held up my hands to him. “I appreciate that you want me to be happy, both of you, but your visions can change, Alice.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Not this one, I guarantee it. With Edward, we’re happy, you’re happy. Without him, she disappears, and we lose you.”

I looked between my children, seeing the defiance in Alice’s face and the growing resolution in Edward’s. I had thought before that Alice might be misleading me with her visions to attain the result she wanted, and I wondered if she was doing the same thing.

Was I making a mistake? Should I insist that we all left Forks, against Rosalie’s wishes, to protect Ms. Swan, or should I trust them to know what was really best.

I had no additional gift to guide me, and I wanted my family together, so I had to decide who I put my faith in. Did I trust my son’s control and my daughter's gift to give me a future that had always seemed impossible to me after what I’d lost, or did I protect an innocent against the danger Alice said wasn’t there: the danger Alice said was only present if Edward didn’t come home?

“Please, Carlisle,” Alice implored. “It’s the way it has to be.”

With a sigh, I nodded and said, “Very well. But, Alice, if this changes, I want to know at once. As much as I want happiness for us all and to protect life, I will not risk one if something changes.”

Alice beamed. “It won’t change, trust me. This is just like Jasper and me: it’s decided.” She clapped her hands and said, “Let’s go home.”

I looked at them, seeing Alice’s excitement that was beginning to be mirrored by Edward, and I felt a curl of hope in my own chest at the thought of that future for myself and my family.

Carefully blocking my thoughts from Edward, I brought Bella’s face to my mind and wondered what this happiness could be. The only way I could see things being that way for me was with her, but she was gone. I was sure no woman could take her place, so what was coming?

And just how was my life going to change when it did?”


	6. Chapter 6

**_Bella_ **

I arrived at school early for a change that morning, my wipers sluggishly smearing the light rain that was falling. 

I had chosen my truck as it reminded me of the one I’d driven in the fifties, which had been brand new and a comfortable design for the time. I expected I would need to do a good amount of work on it when I’d seen it advertised in the Forks Forum newspaper, but Billy Black, whom I’d brought it from, said that he and his son, Jacob, had done a lot of the work on the engine already.

The truck was slow and noisy, but it was a subtle nod to my past, and it wasn’t like I needed to drive long distances in Forks. The furthest afield I usually went was Port Angeles, and it handled that trip fine. If I ever needed to go further, I would be able to take Bob Banner up on his offer of the use of his Ford.

I’d had no need to venture further yet, though, as I was happy in my little corner of Washington. I was within a fifteen-minute drive of La Push, where I went for my runs on the beach, the sand being the best surface for me to handle in the rain, and to visit my old friend who held my secret.

I leaned over the seat to grab my bag, filled with the assignments I’d spent the evening grading, and climbed out of my truck. I felt eyes on me, and I looked around and saw the Cullen and Hale children standing by their car, including Edward, who had missed most of the week of classes. There was hostility on Rosalie’s face and a kind of amusement on her boyfriend’s, but it was Alice and Edward that drew my attention. Alice looked curious, almost analytical, and Edward puzzled, and strangely yearning. It was such a strange expression that it made me uncomfortable, and color flushed my cheeks.

I was still watching them when I heard the squeal of brakes and saw the look of horror on both Edward and Alice’s faces.

I took them in within a split-second, and then my eyes found the blue van that was careening towards me, tires locked and brakes slipping. I had no time to get out of the way, it was happening too fast, and I knew in that moment that my time in Forks was over for good. If I was lucky, I was getting out of this with questions and curiosity. If not, my true nature was about to be revealed.

Then, when the van was within inches of hitting me, something slammed into me from the side. I was thrown onto the floor, and my head slammed into the asphalt, causing a blinding pain that made me groan. I felt hands lifting me and pulling me to the side as the van came at me again, whoever was holding me twisting my arm into an unnatural angle that pained me until it was released.

The van had hit the corner of my truck and was now curling around to the place I lay. I stared at it as it approached, and then my mouth dropped open as I saw Edward Cullen’s face in front of me as the van collided with his shoulders and then rocked back with the sound of shattering glass that rained down on me.

Edward looked stricken as he stared at me, and he didn’t seem to be breathing. He was frozen, and the screams around us and voice that I thought belonged to a boy called Tyler Crowley saying, “I killed her! Oh god, I killed Ms. Swan!” didn’t seem to reach him at all.

“Your head,” he said and then pressed his lips together again.

I touched the spot I had hit, worried that I would find blood, and was relieved to find none. The wound didn’t seem that bad, though there might be internal damage, I supposed. There was a chance I might be able to make it out of this without a problem, though.

“It’s fine,” I said.

“Ms. Swan!” Mike Newton’s voice called from the small gap between the truck and van. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I called back. “So is Edward.”

“Edward?” His voice was questioning.

“Edward Cullen,” I said, glancing into Edward’s eyes that seemed to be imploring me for something.

I thought of the fact he’d been standing by his own car a moment before the van hit, how he’d crossed the parking lot faster than anything I’d ever seen in my life, and decided I could be kind and cover for him. “Yes, we were talking. He pulled me out of the way just before the van hit.”

“Oh, wow. Thank God he was. We’re going to get the van moved. Help is coming.” The direction of the voice changed as if the speaker was facing away. “It’s Ms. Swan, Coach. She’s trapped in there with Edward Cullen.”

“Ms. Swan, are you hurt?” Ted Clapp, the gym teacher I’d spoken to a few times in the teacher’s lounge, called. “Is Edward?”

“We’re both fine,” I called back. 

“You need to get us out of here,” Edward interjected, sucking in a short breath that seemed to be paining him and said, “Ms. Swan hit her head hard.”

“I’m fine, Edward,” I said again, 

“I know you don’t feel it, but you’re in shock,” he said anxiously.

I placed my hand on his chest and said, “Edward, I am fine. Are _you_?”

Though he was apparently strong enough to stop a van with his body, he seemed to be in pain, and the fact he was holding his breath made me wonder if he had injured his ribs. 

I thought I should comment on the fact I’d seen him stop the van, but it seemed unkind. Perhaps if I allowed him his privacy of a secret, he’d let me have mine if it ever came to that.

“We’re going to get you out of there,” Ted Clapp called, “Don’t try to move.”

I tried to get to my feet, but Edward held me down with an irresistibly strong hand on my shoulder. “You might have spinal injuries,” he warned.

I stared at him in annoyance. I had a feeling this was going to end with an ambulance ride to the local hospital and annoying tests that would either expose me or inform the doctors that there was not a single thing wrong with me.

If I was petty, I would make sure Edward was stuck with the same ride and tests, which I thought would tell the doctors so much more about him than they would me. I seemed human to all intents and purposes, unless I was exposed. However, Edward Cullen, with his strength, speed, and the fact his hand felt like an icy stone on my shoulder, was definitely not going to be able to pass as a human to a physical exam.

“Okay, we’re moving the van now,” Ted Clapp said. “Try to keep still.”

We didn’t have to wait long. With much heaving and groans of effort, the van pulled away from us. Edward was the first to climb out of the small gap created, as I checked myself over for any sign of blood spilled and prepared for the inevitable and pointless ambulance ride to the hospital to begin.

Edward said, “She probably has a head injury,” while dismissing their concerns for himself.

Ted Clapp’s face appeared in the gap, and he said, “Can you move, Bella?”

I rose smoothly to my feet and said, “Of course. I am perfectly fine. We were lucky.”

“That’s great, but an ambulance is on the way for you. I think you should get checked out.”

I smiled sweetly. “Absolutely. Better to be safe than sorry.”

He nodded, looking relieved, and I maintained my smile while internally cursing the fact I was about to get a probably perfectly clean bill of health. I felt fine now and thought the injury was minor, nothing that was going to cause me a problem. 

Part of me dwelled on what I had seen Edward do, and I was curious and wanted to ask him how he had done it. Still, I, more than anyone, respected a person’s right to a secret, so I would leave my questions unasked and filed away my curiosity for his benefit.

After all, he’d inexplicably saved my life, so I owed him.

xXx

**_Edward_ **

Though Ms. Swan, Bella as Coach Clapp had called her, was loaded onto a gurney and a brace put around her neck, I was able to escape the same treatment by speaking calmly and clearly about how I was unharmed and their worry should be for her. Speaking confidently usually managed to get us through difficult situations.

Their worry _should_ be for her; the sound her head made when it hit the ground was horrifying.

Other than the ones I had hunted, I had never hurt a human before; I’d never been in a position to. The fact we all, excepting Carlisle, distanced ourselves from them all meant that it was not really a risk. But in my attempt to save her life, I’d injured her.

And I had not done it just to save her life for her sake, or even just _her_ life.

I had been watching her, bracing myself for the moment her scent hit me, when Alice’s vision had come at the same moment the squeal of brakes started. I had caught a glimpse of the woman’s body, crushed between the two vehicles, still conscious but fatally wounded, and I had known I couldn’t let it happen.

If that blood spilled, I would feed, and our secret would be exposed. The lives of myself and my family would be forfeit if we did not cover our tracks, and if we did, it would come at the cost of a parking lot full of humans. That would be the only way we could hide what happened.

That was the part that was me protecting life.

The part of me that was protecting a future was more selfish. I risked exposure for us all to give my father the kind of happiness Alice swore he would have because of Ms. Swan, to give us all a chance to share that happiness.

Bella was loaded into the ambulance, and I went to my car to follow her to the hospital. I needed to tell Carlisle what I had done, what had happened and what I had risked. Also, selfishly, I wanted to receive his comfort for the choice I had made. I also needed to be there if Ms. Swan started asking questions. She had seen enough to have many.

With the narrowed eyes of my family on me, and Rosalie’s screeching thoughts hurling abuse at me, I slid in behind the wheel and started the engine.

The ambulance was already ahead of me, its sirens blaring, and I followed it at the same speed.

The ambulance pulled up in front of the small ER, and I parked further back in the lot and then entered through a side door and made my way straight to Carlisle’s office where I could hear his thoughts dwelling on a file he was reading during one of the enforced breaks he needed to take in the quiet hospital to maintain his cover.

He heard me coming, and his thoughts became concerned. His worry was that I had come to tell him I was leaving again, that I’d found the lure of Ms. Swan’s scent too much to bear.

When I opened the door and entered his office, his brow was furrowed and eyes sad that quickly became worried when he took in the strain he saw on my face.

“What is it?” he asked.

“There was an accident at school,” I said. “Ms. Swan was hurt.”

 _Oh, Edward, you didn’t…_ His thoughts were stricken, and then he took in my golden eyes, light after the deer I’d taken down in the night in an attempt to guard myself against the lure of Ms. Swan’s scent. His face became apologetic. _I am sorry. I should not have even considered it. I know you wouldn’t._

“I would have,” I stated. “If the blood had spilled, I would have done it without hesitation.”

“What happened?” he asked.

“A van skidded on an oil slick, and she was almost crushed. Alice saw it a split-second before it happened, and I was able to stop it.”

“You saved her?” he asked, and then went on mentally, _Why did you do that, Edward? For her or for us?_

“Both,” I admitted, “But I did it without caution. I risked exposure.”

_Oh…_

“Nothing I heard from anyone there makes me think anyone noticed the distance I crossed to get there, apart from us, and Ms. Swan covered my presence to the humans, but I _ran_ across the parking lot and I stopped the van with my body. She saw too much.”

Carlisle nodded gravely. “I see. Well, as long as it wasn’t noticed by the majority of those present, I think it will be okay. We can face the questions Ms. Swan might have, though if she was to speak to others about what she saw…”

“We can deal with one person’s questions and voice by casting doubt over her sanity,” I suggested. “You’re a doctor and have an excellent recorded psych rotation.”

“You want me to make her look crazy?” he asked, his tone neutral and thoughts guarded. “She’s a teacher, Edward.”

Though I could not see it on his face or hear it in his thoughts, I knew I had disappointed him. He expected better from me, and I had failed him. My idea was not a good one. If Carlisle’s happiness depended on her, casting aspersions on her state of mind wasn’t going to endear us to her. But Alice said the vision was solid, so there had to be some way to make it work.

“Or she could have PTSD,” I amended. “Or a concussion. She did hit her head. The events could be confused in her mind.”

Carlisle steepled his fingers and said, “They could. Yes, it’s the best way if we’re forced to intervene.”

“It’s better than what Rosalie will want to do,” I said.

I knew Rosalie wanted our father’s happiness, but she didn’t yet know about Alice’s vision as we’d returned in the early hours of the morning, and she and Emmett hadn’t appeared until it was time to go to school. If she believed Ms. Swan was a danger to our lives, no affection for Carlisle would stop her dealing with the threat. And Jasper would be just as, if not more, committed to ending her to protect Alice.

Carlisle’s face fell. “Yes, I supposed I should have expected that. It will not happen her way, though. We will not take a life to protect this secret. We can leave town, leaving the mystery behind us. We’ll be something for her to puzzle over for life, perhaps, but it will be her life saved.”

A shadow of pain crossed his face as he considered that leaving Forks would mean leaving behind the future Alice had seen, but he would sacrifice it for the sake of her human life. As solid as Alice said the vision was, I knew Carlisle would find a way to change it if he needed to.

He stood. “Let’s go see her then. If she has a head injury, she’s going to need help, and perhaps I can lay the foundation for a PTSD diagnosis.”

I could tell it was hurting him to say it, but this was the best way if we were going to be able to stay in Forks.

We walked together out of his office and to ER, my mind running over the situation and what it could cost us, and what it could cost her.

When we entered the ER, I caught the scent of spilled blood, but it was not Ms. Swan’s, so the temptation was minimal. I followed the source of the scent to a bed beside one that had been curtained off and saw Tyler Crowley with small cuts over his cheek and temple from the broken glass of his truck. They were being dabbed at by Doctor Snow, Carlisle's colleague.

Carlisle caught the eye of a passing nurse and asked, “I’m looking for the teacher that was injured,” but I was already ahead of him. I could smell her, the lavender scent of her blood was a siren call to me, and I pulled back to the curtain to the cubicle beside Tyler’s and saw she was sitting on the bed with her legs crossed and hands folded in her lap.

She looked up at me and smiled, “Edward, how are you?”

“I’m fine,” I said. “Not even a bruise. How are you? Your head?”

She touched the spot that had hit and said, “It barely hurts at all now. I am just waiting for a doctor to give me the all-clear so I can get out of here.”

“I can help with that.” I looked back to where Carlisle was standing just out of sight and gave him a small nod to indicate that he should come in, but he was staring at me with wide eyes and his lips were parted.

“Carlisle?” I prompted.

He walked forward like a man in a dream and entered the cubicle. His eyes widened further, and his mouth dropped open.

“Ms. Swan, this is my father, Carlisle,” I said. “He’s going to…”

Before I could finish, I heard Carlisle’s voice, a mere whisper that held shock, awe, and something indefinable that I had never heard from him before.

“Bella?”

I glanced at him and saw something that I had never seen, not in all our long years together, as I had never seen Carlisle so completely taken off guard. I looked into his mind and found the face of Ms. Swan reflected there, but it was not the woman in front of me.

In his thoughts, she was wearing a pale blue dress with puffy sleeves that cinched in at the waist and spread into a full skirt covered with a white apron. On her head was a white bonnet from which a curl of her mahogany hair crept.

The face was exactly the same, but it couldn’t be. Ms. Bella Swan was a human living in 2005, but the face of the woman Carlisle saw was one of his human memories from over three centuries ago; I could tell from the muddy edges of it.

As confusing as it was to see the two faces before me, it was even more shocking to see the emotion that filled Carlisle’s mind with the memory.

The woman in his thoughts was someone he had loved with his whole heart.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is up early for WabbitWanderer95 who asked so nicely. Hope you enjoy it xxx

**_Edward_ **

Carlisle’s mind was wholly focused on the face of the woman that he’d loved, the woman that looked so much like Ms. Swan; no other thought crossed his mind. And he was completely frozen, not even breathing.

“Uh… hi,” Ms. Swan said cautiously. “Are you here to spring me?”

Carlisle just stared at her. There was no joy or sadness in him; he was overtaken by shock. For the very first time in my existence, possibly in his, Carlisle posed a threat to our secret. I had to get him away.

“Sorry, Ms. Swan,” I said. “My father is ill. I’ll ask Doctor Snow to come to see you.”

She looked startled, and then her eyes fell on Carlisle and became sympathetic. “Oh. Okay. Thank you, Edward.”

I smiled slightly and then grabbed Carlisle's arm and whispered, “Breathe, Carlisle, people are watching.”

He obeyed, drawing in a deep breath, and then freezing again. I had never seen him like this; I didn’t think anyone had. Carlisle was usually so controlled, the very best at the human charade. He was wholly given to vampire reactions now, frozen by shock.

I steered him out of the cubicle and called, “Doctor Snow, my father is ill. I’m going to need to take him home. Will you be okay alone?”

Doctor Snow looked up from Tyler’s wounded cheek and said, “Carlisle’s ill?”

“Yes.”

He looked at my father, and his eyes widened slightly. “Yes, I can see. Of course, take him home. I will call in Doctor Gerandy. He can help me cover the ER. I hope you feel better soon, Carlisle.”

Carlisle didn’t respond at all. He didn’t even seem to have heard the words.

I didn’t waste time going back to Carlisle’s office for his coat or keys. I led him deeper into the hospital and to a back exit so as to avoid the voices I could hear filling the waiting room. It sounded like the student body of Forks High had used the accident as an excuse to skip classes while they waited for news of Tyler and Ms. Swan.

We went outside into the cold air, and I steered Carlisle to my Volvo and opened the door.

“Get in, Carlisle,” I instructed.

He stared at me blankly for a moment and then climbed in and folded his hands on his lap, staring blankly ahead. I was genuinely worried for him in a way I’d never been before. Carlisle, wise, calm, controlled, was gone, and this shellshocked stranger had been left in his place.

I got in behind the wheel and drove us out of the lot and onto the road. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I took it out and answered curtly, “Yes?”

 _“What’s wrong with Carlisle?”_ Alice asked. _“He looks… awful.”_

“He… had a shock,” I said carefully, glancing to the side to see Carlisle’s dead stare down at his hands. “What do you see?”

 _“I can’t see his path at all!”_ she said desperately. _“It’s only because he’s beside you that I can see him. He’s just stopped. Was he hurt somehow?”_

“No. He…” I ran a hand through my hair. “What do I do, Alice? Will hunting help?”

I was hoping that putting Carlisle in a situation that was driven by instinct would snap him out of this.

_“No idea. You should probably try, though. Esme won’t take it well if she sees him like this. We’re all back at the house. See if you can get him to feed and then come join us. We need to talk.”_

“Is Rosalie making plans?”

 _“Jazz, too,”_ she said sadly.

“Not all that solid after all,” I said bitterly. “No matter what they decide, it’s not happening.”

Even if there was no connection between Carlisle and Ms. Swan, whatever that connection was, I would not allow Ms. Swan to be killed because of something I did. Not for her sake and not for the sake of the promised future I hoped we could regain when Carlisle came back to himself.

 _“Take care of Carlisle,”_ she said. _“We’ll be waiting for you.”_

“Thank you, Alice.”

I ended the call and tucked my phone back in my pocket, then drove us out of Forks and onto the highway to the park where I knew we would find rich pickings as we rarely hunted within it. I pulled over on the side of the road and got out then went to Carlisle’s door. At my instruction, he climbed out and then stood perfectly still. He was still wearing his white coat, so I slid it from his stiff shoulders and threw it back into the car.

“Come with me, Carlisle.” When he failed to move, I touched his arm and said, “Carlisle, please.”

He jerked up his chin slightly and then took a step forward when I backed away and then continued after me as I walked on. We weren’t running, just walking at a fast trot, as I didn’t think he would run if I tried to make him. It took a while for us to reach the places in the forest where it would be safe to hunt.

When we were far enough from all humans that the only thoughts for me to hear were Carlisle’s, and they were only that same face, I said, “Can you smell that?”

Carlisle nodded slightly.

“Wait for me.”

I sprinted through the forest and caught the lead buck and dragged it back to Carlisle; its piteous bleating and struggles making the moment pathetic and cruel. Carlisle stood perfectly still, just staring ahead, giving no sign that he knew I was back.

“You need to feed,” I said.

Carlisle made no movement to take the deer or drink, so I tore away a swatch of fur at the deer’s throat, exposing the blood. I wouldn’t dare do this with anyone else as the fight instinct might come into play over the hunt, but I could risk it with Carlisle.

He didn’t move, though.

“Come on, Carlisle,” I said. “You have to do something. Feed.” An edge of desperation found its place in my voice. “Do it for me. Please!”

Carlisle shook his head slightly and said in a whisper, “I don’t need to.”

Though his thoughts didn’t shift from that face, I felt that he was connecting again, though only a little. If he wasn’t going to feed, I would take him home to where perhaps we could find a way to help him together.

I snapped the neck of the deer, putting it out of its misery, and then hefted a towering pine out of the ground and kicked the deer into its root bed and then crushed the tree down over it again. I took Carlisle’s arm and said, “Can you run? We need to get back to the car. They’re waiting for us at home.”

Carlisle stared at me, not seeming to see me as who I was. It was more as though he was trying to find something in me that didn’t exist, then he nodded

“Then let’s go.”

I started running, checking my speed so that I wouldn’t leave him behind, but even that was too fast. He was moving at a human jog. I stayed at his side, my additional sense entirely concentrated on his mind, waiting for the moment something would break through and show me more than that face, but it didn’t happen. Though Carlisle had to be thinking of more than just her, it was buried deep where I couldn’t see.

Every moment that passed of his state increased my worry for him. I’d never seen _any_ vampire like this, and so didn’t know how to reach him and make him come back.

I needed my father’s guidance on how to heal this state, but it was impossible as he was the one that needed to be healed.

xXx

I felt a sense of deep trepidation as I pulled the car up in front of the house and climbed out. I opened my mind to the others in the house to see if Alice had warned them of what was coming, if they were in any way prepared, and got a sense that they knew but didn’t understand.

As far as I knew, none of them had experienced something like this before or seen it happen to someone else. I had hoped Jasper might have some knowledge of it as he was the one among us that had the most exposure to other vampires and times of difficulty, though they had primarily been newborns. 

I opened Carlisle's door and waited as he slowly unfolded himself from the seat and stood up.

“Carlisle, you need to stop this,” I whispered, too low for anyone inside to hear me. “They’re already worried and don’t need to see you like this. Think of Esme. Please, snap out of it for her.”

Carlisle blinked once and made a jerking movement with his head that could have been an agreement or refusal; it was too vague for me to be sure.

I closed the door behind him and started towards the house, hoping that he would follow as I didn’t want to lead him inside by the hand in front of them all, to show them the real depth of how bad it was.

He stared after me for a moment and then followed me slowly, up the steps and into the house.

Excepting Jasper, my family were gathered in the dining room; Jasper was standing just inside the door. He looked stunned as Carlisle entered, and his thoughts were a wash of confusion as he took in Carlisle’s emotional storm, or rather the lack of it. Just as I could see only one face in his mind, Jasper could only feel one emotion: shock. He seemed to have frozen in the moment of recognition when he saw Ms. Swan.

Jasper glanced at me. _How long’s he been like this?_

“Since the hospital,” I answered, taking no care to hide my answer from Carlisle in hopes that it would jar him into something resembling awareness. 

“Have you seen it before?” I asked.

He shook his head. _Not for this long. It was always fatal._

My own breaths stopped with shock at the word fatal, my mind trying to comprehend a way in which a vampire could die like that. The idea that I could possibly lose my father stole my ability to show a calm front, and I placed my hand on Carlisle’s shoulder to both support myself and to hold a part of him as if that could help him.

 _It was always humans,_ Jasper went on. _There were times…_

His mind carried me to a dark alley in a dirty town that smelled of burning coal and the worst of humanity. He had a woman pinned to the wall, and his head was bowing to her throat. She was struggling, crying out for help, but as Jasper’s teeth touched her throat, all emotion drained from her and her struggles ceased. Jasper leaned back and saw that, though her heart was beating and her eyes open, they were devoid of awareness. As Jasper felt a surge of annoyance that it had happened again, her lips parted on a breath, and she collapsed, her heart stilled in a way only death could bring.

“They were scared to death,” I said.

He nodded, his face showing shame for sharing the memory of the time in his life he usually tried to hide from us all.

“That can’t happen to one of us,” I stated.

 _No,_ he agreed. _But it’s the only point of reference I have for something like this._

Carlisle had stood through our outwardly one-sided conversation without reacting, but as Esme called from the dining room, “What’s happening out there? What are you whispering about?” his lip twitched.

I hoped that Esme might be the one to bring him back to himself. She was the one we all tried to shield from sadness and harm as she was the one that gave the outward appearance of gentleness and vulnerability. Though I knew she was as strong as me physically, and her emotional suffering in life had given her immense internal strength, we tried to shield her from further harm.

“Come on, Carlisle,” I said. “We need to talk.”

Jasper went ahead of us into the dining room, and I heard him warn them all that Carlisle wasn’t well and that we needed to give him space. The mention of Carlisle being ill drew many confused questions, as illness was something we lost when the venom entered our bloodstream, but as we entered the room and I guided Carlisle to a chair, they all fell silent.

“Carlisle?” Esme said, touching his arm. “What happened?”

“He had a shock,” I said when Carlisle failed to answer. “He saw something at the hospital that…” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I’m not sure how to explain it.”

“Try,” Rosalie said harshly. “After what you’ve done to us today, you owe us an explanation for more than just him.”

I glanced at Carlisle and said, “Carlisle saw Ms. Swan, and he recognized her.”

“Bella,” Carlisle whispered. “I saw Bella.”

All attention moved to him at his words, and I searched his eyes and mind for a sign that he was coming back to us.

“Who is Bella?” Esme asked gently.

Carlisle shook his head and stared down at the tabletop.

“Okay,” Rosalie said. “Ms. Swan looks like someone Carlisle knew, that’s interesting and all, but we’ve got bigger problems than that.” She fixed her glare on me and said, “You exposed us, Edward.”

“I saved a life,” I reminded her.

“At the cost of ours!” she snapped. “If the others find out what you did, the Volturi, you know what will happen. We have to act now to stop it before it spirals out of control.”

“Alice,” Esme said. “Can you see trouble for us?”

Alice shook her head, and her eyes moved between Rosalie and Jasper. “I can’t see her at all as there is a decision blocking her future. Jasper, please…”

Jasper’s jaw tightened as he reacted to his mate’s need, but her protection outweighed his wish to make her happy. He shook his head.

“What decision?” Esme asked. “What are you planning, Jasper?”

Rosalie was the one that answered. “From what we heard after Edward risked us all, none of the humans are suspicious. They were talking about how they didn’t notice him there, but no one saw him crossing the parking lot or stopping the van.”

“Obviously,” Emmett said easily. “Humans never see the important stuff.”

“But…” Rosalie said pointedly, “Ms. Swan was right there with him. She had to have seen him blocking the van. She’s the risk.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “We need to deal with her.”

“You think we should kill her,” Emmett said. The information wasn’t new to him; he knew his mate well enough to know what she would plan in the circumstances. 

“Of course, I do,” Rosalie said. “And Jasper agrees with me, don’t you?”

Jasper nodded. “It’s the only way to be safe.”

Carlisle jerked as if an electric surge had passed through him, and at once, his mind came to life. The face that had consumed his thoughts disappeared and a red haze of rage took its place. I lurched to my feet and grabbed his shoulders as he rose to his feet, and the room was filled with the sudden sensation of calm that Jasper could manufacture.

It seemed to have little effect on Carlisle, whose fist slammed down on the tabletop, driving through the wood and leaving a jagged hole. “No!” he bellowed, his voice loud enough to shake the bulbs in the light fitting above us.

There was a moment of shocked silence, and then Rosalie swallowed hard and said, “Carlisle, I know she looks like someone you knew, and we all know how you feel about human life, but this is about all of our lives.”

Carlisle fixed his black-eyed glare on her, and she flinched back.

“Be quiet, Rosalie,” Jasper warned.

Carlisle drew a sharp breath and growled, “No one will hurt Bella.”

Esme, who had watched the exchange in wide-eyed horror that Jasper’s influence couldn’t wholly banish, said, “Tell us who she is, Carlisle.”

I knew from her thoughts that she was trying to distract him from his rage, to bring him to calm with the memory of who he had known, and it seemed to work. Carlisle’s rigid muscles softened, and he said, “You can let me, Edward.”

Reassured by his outward and inward return to reason, I released my grip on his shoulders and went back to my seat to the right of him. Jasper’s calm continued to flow into the room, making my own stiff set relax slightly.

“Bella is the woman I love,” Carlisle said, sitting down again, his voice inflected with pain. “She was my fiancé when I was human. I lost her when I was changed, but I never, _never_ , stopped loving her.”

Rosalie opened her mouth to answer, but I held up a hand, and she snapped it closed again, though she glared at me. I wanted to hear this story from Carlisle, and I was sure nothing she could say was going to help the situation. 

Carlisle took a breath and went on, and as I listened to his words, I saw the faces of the people he mentioned and the places he lived and visited as they passed through his mind with each step of the story.

“London was not the same place in the seventeenth century as it is now. It was a collection of small communities in a larger city. Bella and I lived in Long Acre, which was essentially its own small village. My father was, as you know, a minister, and Bella’s father owned the apothecary. My father was a… difficult man, and he had forbidden me from even speaking to Bella as her father worshipped at a different church—which made him a heathen in my father’s eyes. Bella’s father forbade her from seeing me as he harbored strong feelings about my father and his mission to track and kill supernatural threats. He believed—and he was, of course, correct—that my father was accusing innocent people.”

He closed his eyes and pressed his hand to his chest, right over his heart, which was seeming to pain him.

“We were both dutiful to our fathers in all things but each other. We would meet in secret as often as we could when we had excuses to leave Long Acre. Bella would take food and medicines to the poor in the rookeries as her father was a kind man, and I would be sent out by my father to find and study the potential threats.”

He closed his eyes and spoke through his pain.

“I loved her more than I have ever or will ever love anyone or anything in my life. I wanted to marry her, but I was a coward. I planned to wait until my father died and then go to her father and plead my case, to promise to serve his will and his church so that I could be with her.” He squeezed his eyes closed. “I don’t think Bella believed it would ever happen, though I lived for the day it would. My father was fading with age. I clung to the knowledge that I would be with her one day to sustain me the hours and days we were apart, the times when he would pass in the street and not be able to acknowledge each other.”

“But you were changed,” Alice said in a soft breath. “You lost her.”

Carlisle's eyes opened, and they were darkened with pain. “I knew I could not go back to her as a vampire, it was too dangerous, so I fled London and hid in the countryside. As you know, I languished until I found a way to feed without taking a human life, and then…” He ran a shaky hand over his face. “I went back for her. I snuck into London by night and searched for her. I had discovered that humans’ scents were distinctive by then, and I was sure I would find her. She had always been so poignant to me. I knew I would find her by the smell of…”

“Lavender,” I supplied.

For a moment, his face stiffened as he looked at me, his mind supplying the memory of my description of her scent and the temptation it held to me, and then he went on as if returning to a dream.

“Yes… lavender,” he agreed. “It was from the salves she would create for wounds and burns. I searched for her all night, but I could find no sign. Her home was empty. It had been months, so I thought perhaps she’d moved away, and I was still searching when the sun came up. I hid and listened.” He touched his lips and then the spot above his heart. “I heard them talking about her. They said she was killed the night I died. She went looking for me when the hunt turned foul, and she was never seen again, just like me.”

“So, she’s a vampire,” Esme said. “She was bitten like you were?”

Carlisle turned his face away, and his chest moved with a shuddering breath.

“No,” I said. “Ms. Swan, Bella, is human. I have heard her heartbeat and smelled her blood. I’ve seen the color in her cheeks and the movement of veins beneath her skin.”

I had to swallow down venom as I remembered how it had felt to be so close to her when we’d been trapped between the van and her truck. She had been pressed against me, entirely at my mercy, and I had resisted, I didn’t know how I had done it. 

“Then how is she here?” Rosalie asked, and her voice had lost its demanding and hostile tone. She had been touched by Carlisle’s story and was now moved by his pain.

“I don’t know,” Carlisle said. “But it is her, I am sure. My human memories are so clear to me as I dwelled on her for those early months. Everything connected to her, my father and my home, is etched into my memory. I would know her face in a sea of thousands. It is her down to the last detail, but Bella is dead. Even if she had not been killed that night, if she managed to escape somehow or was trapped, she would have died three centuries ago. She is somehow human, but somehow still Bella.” He pressed his hand to his eyes, and his mind was filled once again only with her face, though this time, it did not scare me. “She’s my Bella.”

Esme touched his hand, and he lowered it and looked at her. “Why did you never tell us?” she asked.

Carlisle smiled slightly. “It was pure selfishness; I didn’t want to share her, not even her memory. When Edward awoke and his gift became obvious, I moved her to a hidden place in my mind that I only ever visited when I was alone. She was the one thing I’ve ever hidden from you all, and I apologize for it, as you were all so open with your lives.” He was speaking especially to Esme and Rosalie, who had both shared the traumas and losses of their human lives in the form of Rosalie’s lost longed for life, and Esme her baby boy. “I truly am sorry.”

Jasper spoke calmly, though his mind was turning over what he’d heard and was trying to see a way around Carlisle’s connection to Bella and the risk she posed. “I understand that things are different now, especially for you, Carlisle, but what are we going to do about what happened today?”

All eyes moved to Carlisle, and our breaths were held as we all awaited his reaction.

“She will not be harmed,” he stated.

“Then we’ve got to find another way,” Rosalie said, her voice careful. “Do we leave Forks?” The resentment she felt for the idea was clear in her mind, though it was concealed from her face.

“No,” Carlisle said without hesitation. “I will not leave Bella again.”

“She’s not…” Rosalie started, but Carlisle cut her off.

“We don’t know anything for sure, Rosalie. She is not the same woman I love; I know that’s impossible. But she is somehow connected to her, and I will not leave that behind.”

“Can you see anything that will help us, Alice?” Esme asked.

Alice closed her eyes and searched ahead, but she was still blocked by the decision someone else had made regarding Bella: Jasper’s decision. He was not as moved as the rest of us by Carlisle’s story as he saw the threat more clearly than we did. He had lived in a state of warfare before, and that made him hyperaware of dangers. He would not risk Alice’s life for anything, not even Carlisle’s chance of happiness with some version of the woman he loved.

Alice’s eyes moved to him, and she implored, “Jazz, please, just let me see.”

Jasper’s eyes narrowed for a moment, and then he nodded.

I followed Alice as she searched ahead along the path of Bella’s future, and I felt her same shock and relief as I saw a scene in the teacher’s lounge in which the attentive staff of Forks High listened to Bella’s account of the accident.

 _“Yes, Edward Cullen saved my life, pulled me out of the way just in time,”_ she said. _“He was asking me about an assignment.”_ She gave a small laugh. _It’s a good thing I decided to test their knowledge of Martin Luther King that week, or it could have ended very differently for me.”_

The surrounding adults nodded and spoke admiringly of my actions.

“She’s not going to say anything,” Alice said with satisfaction. “They’ll all ask, but she’ll tell them Edward was with her when the van came. She’ll cover for us.”

“Why? “Jasper asked.

Alice shrugged. “No idea. Maybe she thinks she imagined whatever she saw, or maybe she’s just a good person. Either way, there’s no danger to us.”

“Then it’s all good,” Emmett said happily. “No one needs to die, and the secret is kept.” He clapped his hands together. “So, what happens next, Carlisle? What are you going to do?”

Carlisle’s head snapped up as if he had been lost in a dream again. “Do?”

Emmett grinned. “She’s either a doppelganger of your Bella or she’s got the best anti-aging cream known to man. Either way, this is your chance to be with her. We need to come up with a plan of action. I’m thinking you arrange a parent/teacher conference for Edward. We all know he’s a little challenged academically.”

Rosalie gave a soft laugh. The truth was that, even with us all playing down our intellect and knowledge, we were perfect students. There was no way Carlisle was going to be able to make a believable excuse to see her out of one of our academic records.

“I don’t know,” Carlisle said quietly. “Perhaps…”

“You’ve got to do _something_ ,” Alice said emphatically. “Like Emmett said, this is your chance.”

Carlisle's eyes became distant, and his mind dwelled on Bella’s face again. There was an aura of adoration in it that made me feel I was intruding, so I withdrew.

“This is what we talked about, Carlisle,” Alice said. “It’s what I saw for us. Edward needed to be there to save her. Now you’re on the path to the life I saw for you. It can happen. Bella is how it will happen. You can’t hide from it; it’s going to happen anyway.” 

Carlisle stared at her for a moment and then said, “I need to hunt.”

“I’ll come with you,” Esme offered.

“No,” Carlisle said quickly and then softened his voice. “I would like some time to think.”

He stood and looked down at his shirt and tie, the security badge still pinned to his pocket and his pager to his waist. “I’ll change and go now. I suggest you all stay at home for the rest of the day. The fact Edward was in an accident is a good enough reason for you all to take the day off.”

He patted Esme’s hand, squeezed my shoulder, and then strode from the room.

When his footsteps could be heard above us, Esme said, “He is going to do something, Alice, isn’t he? They will be together.”

Alice glanced at me for a moment, and then her eyes became unfocused. I tried to follow what she was searching for in her mind, but I was presented with a perfect recitation of Pride and Prejudice. Curious but respecting her wish for privacy, I withdrew and waited for her to speak.

When her eyes cleared, she was smiling slightly, and she said, “Don’t worry, Esme. It’s all going to work out.”

“It’s what you saw before?” I asked, confused as to why she was hiding her thoughts from me.

Alice grinned. “It’s even better now, Edward. Okay. There are things we need to do, and Carlisle isn’t going to be the one to do them. Esme…”

As Alice began to plot out the next steps to bringing Carlisle to Bella, the faces in the room moved up into intrigue and excitement. The hope that we could all share that happiness with Carlisle, that we could help it happen, lifted even Rosalie’s mood.

We just had to wait for things to fall into place, for Carlisle and Bella to come together, and then we would be complete. 


	8. Chapter 8

**_Carlisle_ **

The blessing of Forks for me that day was that almost every place in it was surrounded by the forest, which meant I could lurk out of sight and watch, wait.

I stood at the edges of the school parking lot, concealed but still with a perfect view. I could see the vehicles that had been the location of the crash. The van was surely bound for scrap, as it had large dents and all the glass had been shattered. The old red Chevy truck seemed to have suffered only a scrape and dent, and I was sure it would be fine; vehicles of that generation were solidly built and could withstand impacts.

I didn’t know which car belonged to which victim of the accident, but I had a feeling Bella owned the truck. I’d never considered what kind of car she would drive, as Bella belonged wholly in the seventeenth century to me, but the Chevy had a certain charm and uniqueness that I thought she would enjoy. Somehow, I couldn’t picture Bella behind the wheel of the van.

While I watched, a tow truck arrived to take away the van, observed by Principal Greene, who looked stressed. I could imagine the injury of a student and teacher on school property would cause a lot of paperwork for him.

The tow truck was loaded and driven away, and the principal disappeared inside, leaving me to maintain my watch.

I didn’t know if Bella would return to the school after being in the ER, or if she even had already as the scents were so confused that I couldn’t trace hers. I hoped she would, though, as I desperately wanted to see her again. The longing for it was unlike I had need ever experienced in either human or vampire life. I had yearned to be with her when I was human, but my ability to feel anything had been limited by that state of being. Only as a vampire was I able to feel this total immersion in emotion and sensation. I ached for her now.

My mind pondered her presence in my world again, trying to puzzle out how she could be here. I had no explanation for it. She was human, I had seen that in the hospital and smelled it in her scent, but she was also Bella. I could never forget the details of her after so many years longing for her. She was impossible, a miracle. Of course, to me, she always had been.

The memory of the rage I’d felt when Rosalie and Jasper had been plotting her demise had been more than I’d ever felt, even more than the anger I’d felt when I realized I had to leave her behind all those years ago. I had been enraged, and I couldn’t be sure Edward’s restraint of me had been unnecessary. The red haze had descended.

As much as I loved my family and wanted their safety, if they had insisted on targeting her, I would have killed them to protect her. There was no doubt in my mind that I would have been the victor, even opposing Jasper with his experience of warfare, because I would have been fighting for something so much more important than them. They would have been fighting for their own safety. I would have been fighting for my whole world.

I had been waiting for a long time when I heard the bell ring inside the school, announcing the end of the day’s classes. I held my breath and waited as the students streamed out of doors. I watched as the lot filled and emptied as students got into their cars and left. I noticed that many people delayed to examine the van and truck before they left.

I expected that teachers, my Bella among them, would leave a little later than their students as they would need to organize their classrooms and do some of the grading due before they left. Still, I was starting to think perhaps Bella was already at her home, wherever that may be, when I felt an approach behind me.

I was irritated that one of my family had chosen to interrupt me at this private moment, especially as I had made it clear I didn’t want company, but the scent that reached me was Esme’s and my ire eased. Esme was the sweetest and most gentle of us all. I never had cause to harbor negative feelings against her before and didn’t want to allow them now.

“Hello, Esme,” I said, my eyes still fixed on the parking lot as she arrived beside me.

“Carlisle,” she said softly. “Have you seen her yet?”

“Not yet. I’m not even sure she’s here.” The disappointment was evident in my voice.

“I won’t stay long,” she said. “I wanted to give you something, though, and I thought it was better done sooner than later if we were going to make preparations.”

I dragged my eyes to her and said, “Preparations?”

She held out her hand, her fingers curled and then spread to reveal her wedding ring resting on her palm.

“Esme…”

“It’s time, Carlisle,” she said, tipping the ring into my hand and closing my fingers over it. “If you are to have any future with Bella, you need to be free to pursue it. The pretense of marriage served us for many years, but it’s time for something new. We can stage a divorce.”

“No,” I whispered. “You can’t leave us. We need you.”

“I won’t leave Forks,” she said. “Alice suggested two choices. One, I leave the house and settle somewhere else in town, or we could make it an amicable divorce and stay living together.” Her eyes became steely. “I don’t want to do that. We need to be convincing if the story is to stand up to Bella’s scrutiny. I think I should leave the house.”

Momentarily distracted from my longing to see Bella, I appraised the woman who had been my wife in all ways but physical for eighty years. My heart swelled with love for her. For more than any of us, Esme needed to be among her family. She had suffered a grievous loss in the last days of her human life, which had left her with an overwhelming amount of love to share. When she awoke and her life as a vampire started, Esme endowed Edward and I with that love, though she never asked me for more than I could give. She spread that love as more of our family joined us. She needed to be with them.

“No, Esme,” I said, stroking her cheek. “I will move out. I will not have you go away for my benefit.”

She stared up at me, her deep golden eyes sad. “I will miss you.”

“I will see you as often as I can,” I said. “No one ever notices our comings and goings, set apart from the town as we are. It will only be for outward appearances. It will hardly be any different.”

“But it will be. When you and Bella are together, everything will change.” I opened my mouth to answer, and she pressed a finger to my lips. “I am happy for you. I have loved you all these years as a brother, even though we played the role of a couple, and I want nothing more than for you to be with the one that completes you. Bella is that person.”

“That is true,” I said. “She is the only one that can complete me, but we don’t know it will happen as I hope. Alice had a vision, did she tell you?”

Esme beamed. “She told us all. It sounds like heaven for you, and that will spread to us all.”

“Yes, it would be heaven, but there is no promise that Bella is a part of that. For me, knowing she is here, alive in some form, somehow, even if just as a copy of the woman I love, means I am already feeling that. It might be that that’s all I will have. Just because she is my world, it doesn’t mean I will be hers. She might choose another to love. She might…”

I stopped and my head snapped to the right as I heard a voice speaking from the direction of the school.

“Really, Bob, I’m fine. You don’t need to walk me out.”

“I’m going in your direction anyway,” a male voice replied. “And you’ve had a shock today. I could drive you home. I’ll be able to…”

His words were lost as my mind swam at the sight of Bella. I reached out a hand automatically, as if I could touch her despite the distance between us.

“That’s her,” Esme breathed, not a question; my reaction had told her all she needed to know. “Carlisle, she’s lovely, absolutely beautiful.”

“Yes,” I agreed. “She truly is.”

Esme touched my arm and said, “I’ll leave you. We’re planning to hunt tonight, as Edward needs to stay as sated as is possible, so we will see you in the morning.”

“Thank you,” I said, not taking my eyes from Bella; the man beside her was merely a blurred outline, insignificant compared to the wonder that was her.

I heard Esme’s footsteps moving away, and my fingers curled around the ring she’d left me with. It was a gift.

Bella reached the truck—it was hers—and thanked the man with her and then opened the door, which seemed to stick a little, and climbed in. She brought the engine to life with a roar, and then, after waving to her companion, she pulled out of her spot and steered it onto the road.

She took a left, passing me, and I moved deeper into the trees to follow. The truck moved at a steady pace, though even that seemed to strain the engine which rumbled, and I followed her route in the trees at the side of the road.

I was lucky until she reached a right turning that was lined with houses that I couldn’t pass without being noticed. I sighed with annoyance and stopped a moment to consider what I should do. Now that I knew that it was her truck, I would be able to find it again, but that would involve me driving around the town. My own car was at the hospital still, and I might be noticed if I went back to retrieve it after leaving so abruptly. I wasn’t even sure how Edward had excused me as I had been almost totally unaware of my surroundings until we reached the forest, acting by instruction. The Volvo would surely have been taken for their hunting trip, and I could not drive Rosalie’s M3 or Emmett’s jeep without drawing a lot of attention.

I felt bereft of purpose as I realized I couldn’t yet see her again. My breaths came weakly, and my chest ached. I felt almost as I had done in my very earliest days when I had first ventured the idea of marrying Bella to my father, the day my hopes were dashed in a lengthy tirade against her father, the apothecary, and his choice of church. I was that at a loss for what to do.

I turned away and started to walk back to the house, my footsteps slow and plodding, when my phone trilled. I took it from my pocket and answered it after checking the caller ID.

“Alice?”

 _“The Volvo is waiting, and I’m texting you her address,”_ she chirped. _“She’s going to the store on the way home, so you’ll have a little while to wait. Oh, and I’ve put an offer in already. It’s generous enough that it should go through without a hitch.”_

“An offer for what?”

 _“You’ll see,”_ she said smugly. _“I think you’ll like it when Esme has worked her magic, and it’s close.”_

“Close to what? Alice, you’re speaking in riddles.”

Instead of answering me, she giggled and ended the call.

Mildly irritated by the mystery of the call, though knowing I should have expected it as Alice loved surprises, I set off towards the house to collect the Volvo.

My irritation vanished as I thought of Bella, how I would soon be able to see her home if not her in person.

Any link I could have to her, any knowledge or glimpse into her world, would make her come to life for me in a whole new way. It would bring me a step closer to knowing her, even if knowing was all I could hope for, and that made me happier than I had been in a long time.

xXx

The last home I had known Bella to live in was a timber-framed two-story house with a thatched roof—a kind that had been typical of the time in London and what had made the Great Fire so devastating. The home that she had now was also wooden, with blue painted clapboards, but the roof was grey tile. The door was navy blue with a small window at the top and a shining brass knob.

The wood aside, the difference was stark. This looked comfortable and cozy, whereas Bella’s home, as mine had been beside the church where my father had preached, had been cold and stark. Bella had lived better than most, myself included, as her father had been a wealthier man that many in our area. But her home had not given a comfortable way to live compared to those that had followed the fire built from brick, warmer and more sanitary.

I liked this house; it suited Bella, and I could see her efforts at making it personal in the flower beds and the stepping stones that led from the driveway the steps to her door. The porch had a wooden swing, and there was a light beside the door styled to look like a brass lantern.

The mystery of Alice’s call was answered by the empty house beside Bella’s, separated by a low wall from her property and painted in light green, with the realtor’s sign posted in the yard. Evidently, if the offer was accepted, this was to be my new home. Bella’s house aside, it was isolated from the others at the end of the road a few hundred feet away.

Though no one had visited our Forks house since our arrival in town over the summer, it had surely been an object of scrutiny before, set well away from the town and road, with its statuesque proportions and the curious steel shutters that had covered the windows when it was empty. People might wonder at me leaving an impressive house like that to live in a much smaller place in the town, and there may be gossip that the divorce had cost me greatly financially, but I would be happy to be so close to Bella.

As long as the gossip didn’t negatively impact Esme, and it probably wouldn’t as she didn’t have the connections to the townsfolk yet as she’d not had much time to develop them, it would be okay. And I would do what I could to ease the impact on her by taking all outward blame for the divorce. I would not assume the role of an adulterer, not with my hopes for a future with Bella, but the long hours I worked would be a reasonable explanation for why things had ended. 

Out of sight until the opportune moment, I examined the house from the tree line, guessing at what changes Esme would make to it, and listened carefully for the sound of Bella’s truck approaching. I wanted to create a reason to talk to her when she arrived, at least I hoped I would dare to, and I thought being a prospective buyer would serve the purpose.

I waited thirty minutes until I heard her coming, and I quickly moved to the front of the house and pretended I was examining the upper story.

The truck chugged closer and then pulled into the driveway beside the blue house. I glanced to the side, taking in the view of her behind the wheel, absorbing it, and then, when she opened her door and climbed out, I allowed myself to face her fully and raised a hand in greeting.

I saw the flash of confusion on her face when she saw me, and I realized she recognized me from the hospital and my strange greeting and abrupt exit. I internally chastised myself for doing this so soon. She was bound to have questions, and I had given no time for her curiosity to fade and be replaced by other events. I had been too eager, but it was too late now to do anything about it. I had put myself in this position, so I needed to face it head-on.

Taking a deep breath, her scent reaching me on the air—almost precisely as it had been when she was human—I raised my hand and said, “Hello.”

She gave me a curious look and then seemed to connect me to the morning’s events. “Hi. You’re the doctor, right? Edward’s father?”

The evident lack of affection in her face where there had once been adoration was painful, but I reminded myself that this was not the Bella I had known, and I couldn’t expect more. I needed to create a new relationship with her, God willing she gave me the chance.

“I am,” I said. “I’m sorry we didn’t have time to speak properly at the hospital. I was taken ill. I had barely more than seen your chart before it hit. I’m sorry if my behavior seemed strange.”

She waved away my apology and said, “Are you feeling better now? You look a lot better.”

“I am,” I said, taking a few steps closer to her. “It’s a migraine condition. They come hard and fast, but as long as I can take my medication quickly, they are manageable.”

She nodded sympathetically. “I’ve never suffered with them myself, but I heard they can be awful. Poor Edward has them, too, doesn’t he?”

The joy I felt at this conversation, distant and unconnected to what I wished for as it was, was consuming. It took my centuries of practice controlling my face to not show it and keep an amiable smile in place.

“He does.”

“Is it a genetic thing?” she asked.

“Edward is my adopted son,” I explained. “We adopted him, Alice, and Emmett when they were very young, they’re siblings, and then my ex-wife’s relatives, Rosalie and Jasper, when they were orphaned later.”

Referring to Esme as my ex-wife for the first time felt strange, but I wanted it to be clear between us from the very beginning. For a moment, I wondered if this version of her would be the type to ask questions about the end of my marriage, but I was unsurprised when she didn’t.

“I see. That’s quite a large family you have. They seem great. From what I’ve heard about them from the other teachers and seen myself, you should be proud of them.”

“I am,” I said.

She smiled and then circled the truck to get paper sacks of groceries from the other side.

“Can I help?” I offered, seizing on the chance to extend the moment.

“I can do it,” she said without hesitation, leaving me to wonder if it was independence that refused my offer or if she was wary of a man that had behaved so strangely at the hospital and had now appeared again. “But thanks.”

I grappled for another reason to speak to her before she disappeared inside and stumbled upon the excuse of my—hopefully—impending arrival as a neighbor. 

“I was just taking a look at the house,” I said. “I am hoping to buy it. Would you recommend the neighborhood?”

She kicked the door of her truck closed and walked across the stepping stones towards her door. “Absolutely. I’ve only been here for a couple months, but I like it. There’s not much of a neighborhood really, only the Parker place and the Bennetts’ on the other end of the street, but I like having space.” She hurried on as if fearing she’d been rude. “It would be nice to have a closer neighbor, though: someone to borrow a cup of sugar from maybe.”

“I will keep my cupboards stocked in case you have need,” I said, my happiness at the thought of that chance visit brimming over in me. I felt positively alive in that moment, as if my heart still beat in my chest, racing with excitement. 

She grinned. “Thanks. I should get this inside before the frozen stuff defrosts.” She hefted the bags higher in her arms and then said, “Oh, please thank Edward for me. I didn’t have a chance before, what with the whole ambulance ride, and I’ll try to catch him at school on Monday, but he shouldn’t wait for it. He saved my life.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to invite her to our home to thank him in person, but I quashed the urge. Even if she was not one of my children’s teachers, we didn’t know each other. I was pushing for too much too soon. I was going to have to take my time with her, hope and pray that I would have even a little of what I wished for.

Until then, I would have to be patient.

“I will pass it on,” I said, then held in a sigh as I went on, “I should get home,” lifting a hand in a reluctant farewell.

“Okay, well, good luck with the house. If you need any help moving in, I can tote boxes with the best. Although…” the same small smile seemed to cross her face that always did before when she was teasing me, “I’m guessing you’ll be fine if you have Edward’s help. He’s very strong.”

“Ah, yes,” I agreed awkwardly. “He is.”

I quickly went to the road where I had parked the Volvo and climbed in.

Though none of us could have really expected it after what had happened, she clearly wasn’t unaware of the unnatural ability Edward had shown in saving her life. That was perhaps a good thing. If I was to have what I wished for with her, she was going to know the differences in me compared to herself, a human. She didn’t seem afraid of what she had seen, which another person might have been. Alice had seen her respecting our secret, covering Edward’s slip in exposing his strength and speed, so I believed she would hide it for me if she knew it all.

“Too much,” I said aloud into the silent car. “I am getting ahead of myself.”

 _Perhaps,_ a voice whispered in return, a voice that sounded like Esme’s, _but what have you been waiting for all these years if not this? Hope is a good thing, Carlisle. Let yourself have it._

Knowing it was what she would say to me if she was there, and knowing she would sincerely wish for it for me, I allowed it to comfort me as I started the engine and drove away, watching the door to Bella’s house closing behind her in the rear-view mirror.

I would hope.


	9. Chapter 9

I dropped the bay leaves and thyme onto the beef and then poured over red wine, which bubbled and glugged.

This was a recipe I had learned from the French-born chef Antonin Carême when I worked under him in the kitchen of Buckingham Palace when he served George IV during his reign as Prince Regent in the early nineteenth century. I remembered the two years of my life I’d spent there with affection as, not only was I back in England, I was a part of an exciting time of England’s assumed supremacy after the fall of Napoleon, too.

I was once lucky enough to meet The Duke of Wellington when he visited Carême to compliment a meal he’d been served—and also to, secretly, offer him a job at Apsley House. The arrogance of the Duke to try to ‘steal’ a chef from the Prince Regent had amused us all, and there had been much laughter and gossip for us staff below stairs about it.

It wasn’t often I delved into the more time-consuming recipes when cooking solely for myself, but after the day I’d had, I wanted to give myself time to relax, one way to do which was by cooking.

The sauce came to a simmer, and I put on the lid and poured myself a glass of the remaining wine and sipped it. I was doing my best to not dwell on what had happened, what had _almost_ happened, but I was not wholly successful. Even by my broad standards, it had been a strange day, and I was glad I had a weekend ahead of me before returning to work where I would be questioned further.

Upon my return to school, just in time for lunch, I had been the subject of curiosity and many people expressing how lucky I had been and how worried they were. I said again and again how lucky I was that Edward Cullen had been there, and how I knew it would have ended fatally for me if he had not pulled me out of the way, and they all agreed. The Cullens, who already had a reputation of being mysterious even after only five days of their presence at the school, were even more interesting to them now.

They were interesting to me, too. I suspected that whatever secret Edward held, the enhancements he had that allowed him to save me the way he did, were shared by the rest of his family. They all, with the possible exception of the mother who I had not met, shared those unusual golden eyes, and I had seen both Rosalie’s and Edward’s darken to black, a phenomenon I now believed was more than merely pupils dilating. They had the same pale skin, though I noticed Edward’s had more color that morning than he’d seemed to have when I’d first met him, a faint flush in his cheeks.

If I was not who I was, bearing my own secret and so therefore more respectful of others’, I would want to examine them more and perhaps discover what they were. I was sure they weren’t human. 

The fact they weren’t was a shock to me, even with what I was, as I had never met anyone else that wasn’t. I had always felt separate from the people I had lived among all my years as I was the one that was different, unending, but now I had met others that were as different as me. It was actually a nice feeling.

I took another sip of wine and looked out of my window, across my yard to the adjoining one to the house that Carlisle Cullen might buy. Our brief interaction was an unusual one, even though the words we’d exchanged had been innocuous enough. It wasn’t only because of the doctor’s bizarre behavior at the hospital—which I now knew the reason for—but because of how completely he had held my attention that only my ability to control my reactions after centuries of practice had hidden.

He was handsome, that wasn’t in doubt, but there was something more about him. It felt more than physical attraction, which was nothing new as I had lived a long life and had many lovers over the years. It felt more like a connection that I’d never had before.

If not for the fact he was the father of students and clearly in the grips of what had to be a painful divorce, I might aim for something more personal with him. All I had heard about the family was of how perfect a couple he and his wife had seemed to be—information overheard from Mrs. Cope during lunch in the office in confiding tones shared between her and Frank Varner, so I was sure he was in no position for a new romance.

Shirley Cope was also interesting to me, though not that extraordinary for a human, as she seemed to move between personas depending on who she was speaking to. With the male teaching staff, she was friendly and endearing, whereas when she talked to me, Sofia Gogh, and Kathy Masters—who taught health—she was more formal and her smiles seemed forced. I wasn’t sure if it was because we were the only other females on a male-dominated staff or because we were younger—the eldest among us was Sofia, and she was only thirty—but she didn’t seem to like us much. I didn’t particularly like her either, but I had long experience of getting along with people I didn’t like.

One person I did like, though, and it felt strange after such a brief acquaintance, was Carlisle Cullen.

The idea of him being a neighbor was a nice one, as I would have time to get to know him, even if that was all I could do: know him. I couldn’t have more than a physical romance—that was impossible with my differences, even combined with his—as I couldn’t have more with anyone at all. I didn’t change. I endured endlessly, not aging or growing physically, and there was no future in that with someone else.

I shook my head and muttered, “What are you thinking, Bella? You have spent less than five minutes talking to him.”

There was no answer in the silent kitchen, of course, but it worked to bring my thoughts back to the fundamental truth of my situation.

I was getting carried away because of physical attraction and the familiarity of meeting another person with a secret to protect. My situation wasn’t going to change because I wanted it to, and I had known that since shortly after waking in the forest all those years ago. When my curse first showed itself and, after, it became evident that I wasn’t changing, aging, I stowed hopes of sharing my life and moved on. That was the first move in too many to count in my life, never able to stay even ten years in one place.

No, Carlisle Cullen could be a neighbor, a lover one day at most, and I needed to accept that idea now. Besides, I’d never been in love in my long life, so why would that change now?

I wasn’t even sure I was capable of it.

xXx

I was sitting on a folding chair outside the small blue house in which Quil Ateara lived with his daughter-in-law, Joy, and his grandson.

It was my first time meeting Joy, and I liked her. She was friendly and welcoming, only showing a little of the curiosity that came with my unexpected arrival. I had no sense that she knew who I really was, and she surely had questions for why I, a young woman, was visiting the now-elderly man, but she didn’t ask them. She had been friendly as we chatted, and then she’d gone in search of her father-in-law, who was having an afternoon nap.

I’d not seen Quil since my return to Forks as I’d only visited La Push’s residents briefly when I’d bought the truck from Billy Black, and I was looking forward to speaking to someone aware of my secret; one of the very few. Billy Black knew as the chief of the tribe—the legend had been passed down to him—but Quil knew me as I was as he’d met me before, though he was much younger back then.

There was movement at the door, and I looked up to see a thin, elderly man that hobbled out to me, his deeply wrinkled face stretching into a smile. I was shocked at the change in the man from the boy he had been, though I knew I shouldn’t have been. I had seen the changes in the humans of La Push over the years as I had returned occasionally to spend time with them and to get to know the new generations of elders as they came.

“Quil,” I said, getting to my feet and approaching him with my hand extended.

He shook it and said, “Bella,” in a thin tenor. “I was wondering if you would come to see me. Billy said you were back, and you have been seen on the beach. What took you so long to come to me?”

I smiled ruefully, feeling a little guilty. “I’m sorry, Quil. I was settling into the town and didn’t have much time.”

He raised a grey eyebrow. “Not even time for me?”

I bowed my head. “I am sorry. I’ll make sure to come back again more often now I’ve got everything sorted.”

He gestured for me to sit and then settled himself in a chair beside me with a wince that made me think he was suffering from tired and aching bones.

“How have you been, Quil?” I asked.

“Old,” he said with a sigh. “They call me Old Quil now. There is a Young Quil that’s taken my place—my grandson. I would like you to meet him. Can you?” At my nod, he looked over his shoulder and said, “Joy, can you track him down for me?”

“Of course,” she said. “I think he’s visiting Jacob. I’ll call Billy.”

She disappeared inside, and Quil seemed to settle in his chair, more relaxed.

“Where have you been, Bella?” he asked.

I laughed softly. “Everywhere, I think. It’s been fifty years, Quil, and I have to move on so often.” I tapped my chin. “I spent time in Italy in the eighties, and that was interesting.”

“Studying?” he asked.

“In the first few years, yes, but I went north in the middle of the decade and farmed.”

Quil laughed, a reedy sound that shook his frame. “You farmed?”

“Yes,” I said defensively. “It wasn’t my first time. There weren’t many more ways for a peasant woman to earn a living in seventeenth-century England. It wasn’t like I could start an apothecary alone, and I had no man to hide my talents behind.”

“No, I imagine it was difficult for you in those times,” he said. “But look how far you have come since. You’re teaching again, I hear.”

“I am,” I said. “In the town’s high school. I’m enjoying it. I’ve not taught since the seventies, and it’s much more interesting now, though maybe a little more challenging. The students are definitely more difficult to engage if they’re not inclined to learn compared to the past.”

“Youth…” he said knowingly. “It is so different from how it was when I first met you.”

“I don’t remember your father telling me you were a good student.”

He smiled strangely, as if he was harboring a secret. “Yes, but I was waiting for something special back then, something that passed me by.” His smile became a little sad. “Though it has returned again for some.”

Before I could ask what he meant, Joy appeared again and said, “Quil is on his way. I think he’s bringing Jacob with him.”

“Good! That’s good. He should be here,” Quil said enigmatically.

Joy hesitated on the doorstep, seeming to be waiting for something, perhaps an invitation to stay, and then said, “I am going to visit Sue.”

Quil raised a slightly shaky hand in farewell, and Joy strode away and down the road.

“Does your grandson know about me?” I asked.

“He knows all the legends, including yours, but not that you’re here again.”

“Do you tell everyone my story?” I asked, feeling a little perturbed at the idea of being known by so many.

“No. It’s passed down through the generations of elders and their children so they will be prepared when it’s their time. I’m not sure Quil believes it, though. The younger ones have less capacity for belief in our legends.” His lips tightened into a thin line. “He will learn better one day soon, I think.”

Intrigued by the ominous note to his voice, I opened my mouth and then closed it as I heard voices approaching and saw two young men approaching, the taller of which pushing a wheelchair in which Billy Black sat. The boys had long, silky black hair bound with cords and russet skin, while Billy wore his hair loose around his weathered face. The boys looked a little dour, perhaps at having their fun together interrupted by the summons to the old man and his guest, but Billy looked pleased, almost anticipatory. The identity of Quil’s grandson was immediately apparent as he bore almost the mirror of the face I had seen on his grandfather when I met him in the fifties.

They came to a stop with us, and Quil said, “Billy, boys, thanks for coming. Quil, get yourself and Jacob a chair. We need to talk.”

With a sigh, young Quil went into the house and returned with two chairs, which he unfolded and placed opposite his grandfather’s and mine while the other boy, Jacob, positioned his father’s wheelchair between his own seat and mine.

When they were all settled, Quil said, “Jacob, Quil, this is Bella.”

“Nice to meet you,” his grandson said politely but disinterestedly.

Jacob seemed more intrigued, though. He looked at his father, who nodded with a broad and approving smile, and said, “ _The_ Bella?”

“Yes,” Billy said smugly.

Young Quil stared at me and said, “What, really? Like _legend_ Bella.”

Quil nodded, looking satisfied.

Jacob and Young Quil goggled at me for a moment, and then seemed to realize they were being rude and looked away.

Unsurprised by their reactions—my old friend Quil’s had been the same when he’d first met me—I took pity on them and eased their discomfort by saying, “It’s great to meet you both.”

Jacob bit his lip, seeming to be teetering on the verge of speech, and then he looked away, embarrassed.

I recognized the look on his face from previous inquisitive generations and said, “You can ask your questions, Jacob.”

He grinned, his smile stretching his full lips and making his brown eyes dance with excitement. “Did you really know my grandfather?”

“Ephraim Black,” Billy supplied.

“I did,” I said. Ephraim was one of the generations of your descendants I’ve met on one of my visits.

“How did you meet us?” Young Quil asked. “I mean, did you just come to the stumble across the reservation? You saved the wolf chief, right?”

I laughed. “No, that wasn’t how it went. If you know my legend, you know I don’t have an explanation for how I am the way I am, what I can do. For the first two centuries of my life, among other things, I tried to find out the truth of my curse. I went all over the world and asked all kinds of people, different tribes and cultures. I came across the reservation in the 1820s when I traveled west from Missouri after arriving on a trade ship.”

“Wait!” Jacob said, holding up a hand. “Missouri! You did the whole Oregon Trail thing, like a wagon train?”

He looked so awed that it made me laugh.

“I came before the wagon trains began,” I explained, “so I was on horseback. I thought I’d find somewhere to settle and live for more than my usual limit of years in the less populated west. I’d lived on the land before and thought I could again. I did for about fifteen years, but I soon got bored and my wanderlust built up. I’d found your tribe early on, and even though they had no explanation for my curse, I stayed in contact. When I left the colonies and went to Europe, I had no intention of coming back, but I changed my mind, missing the country, and returned before the Civil War. When Washington joined the Union, I decided to revisit the west. I heard that your lands had been taken, and I ventured back just to see what had become of you. I was recognized by the chief of the time from a painted picture that had been passed down the generations, and, after my curse was accepted by the elders, I stayed a year with you.”

The two boys were staring at me with wide eyes, and the two elders looked pleased with their reaction.

Young Quil rubbed his nose awkwardly and said, “What’s it like, the curse? How does it feel? Can you show us?”

“Quil! His grandfather barked in admonishment.

The youngster ducked his head and apologized.

“It’s okay,” I said. “I can understand why you would want proof: the story is incredible. I won’t prove it to you, though. Part of it is too painful, and the other… If you don’t believe me and your own legends, it’s not my job to change your mind.”

Feeling the awkwardness that had settled over the two boys and knowing it would be easier for them if they could escape the situation, I said, “I think I will go for a walk on the beach for a while,” thinking that they would be free to leave then, too.

“Uh… there’s a gang of kids from the town on First Beach already,” Jacob said. “It’s a little loud.”

“I’ll give it a miss then,” I said. “I’m teaching in the town, and they won’t want me hanging around.”

“Stay,” Old Quil said. “We can take a walk around the reservation; you can tell me how much it’s changed since the old days.”

I wasn’t sure how easy a walk would be for him when he seemed so frail, but I did want to spend more time with him. “That’d be great,” I said. “Do you want to come with us, Billy?”

Billy’s face spread in a smile, and he said, “I’d like that if you won’t mind pushing me. I have some questions, and I’d like to hear about the reservation as it was when you knew it.”

The reservation as I’d first known it had spread from the Pacific beaches along the rain forest rivers to the glaciers of Mt. Olympus. The fact that had been stolen and the tribe left with so little for themselves was a travesty, but fairness was rarely part of life in the world as I’d seen it.

“Of course,” I said, getting to my feet and moving to stand behind his wheelchair.

“Get my cane,” Quil instructed his grandson and got slowly to his feet.

Thinking that it was going to be a slow and steady walk, and probably a painful one for Quil, I waited for his grandson to return. Then we set off in the direction of the eastern side of the reservation, passing the small houses in the shadow of the tall trees, and I relaxed into their company and conversation.

It really was good to be with people that knew the truth.


	10. Chapter 10

I woke to voices outside my window on Sunday morning. I was still drowsy after a night of strange and confusing dreams in which Carlisle Cullen featured along with dialects and places I’d not heard since my very earliest days in England.

I got out of bed and padded barefoot to the unshaded window that looked out onto the yards between my house and my neighbors’—soon to be Carlisle’s. People were milling around the other house, four of them, and they were making a great deal of noise.

Three of the four people were familiar, Alice and Emmett Cullen, and Jasper Hale, but the fourth I’d not met. I thought I knew who she was, though, as she bore the same pale skin as the rest of Carlisle’s family. This had to be their mother, Carlisle’s ex-wife.

They were strolling around in the drizzling rain, their clothes covered with long raincoats and rubber boots that seemed strangely incongruous on them compared to their usual discreetly designer clothes.

As I stood there, I saw Emmett glance up at my window and quickly look away. I moved away from the window and wandered into the bathroom to clean up. When I was done, I went back into the bedroom wrapped in a towel, and drew the shades. I usually left them open as sunshine was so rare in Forks, and I liked to wake with it when it appeared, but with the visitors next door, it was better they were closed.

I chose a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt and then tugged on brightly patterned socks that had been a farewell present from a friend in Arizona when I’d left the hospital where I’d been working as an ER nurse. I’d been known for my colorful socks beneath my scrubs at work.

I opened the shades and glanced out again at the Cullens. They seemed to be involved in a discussion of some aspect of the side of the house that faced mine. I smiled slightly, then went downstairs to get some breakfast.

The kitchen was directly below the bedroom, so the view of the other house was clear again, but I didn’t stop to stare. I started the coffee machine and poured a bowl of cereal, added milk, and then carried it to the table with a glass of juice.

Though I wasn’t looking, I was still very aware of the people outside as I could hear their calling voices and occasional laughter.

If that was Carlisle’s ex-wife out there, it was strange she had come as this was apparently the house he was going to live in when leaving the family home. It was either a very amicable divorce, which I’d not expected, or she felt Carlisle would need additional help making the house a home for the sake of her children who would perhaps be staying there at times, too. Though how many they could fit inside the relatively small house, I wasn’t sure. 

I had almost finished my breakfast when someone knocked on my door. Surprised, as I suspected it was one of the Cullens knocking, I walked into the hall and opened it.

Standing on the porch was Carlisle’s ex-wife. She smiled shyly at me, though her eyes seemed to be drinking me in, and said, “Sorry, to impose. I’m Esme Cullen. We were looking at the house next door for my ex-husband. But we haven’t prepared it for habitation yet, and…” she dropped her voice, “I was wondering if I could use your bathroom.”

“Of course,” I said, stepping back and gesturing her inside. “It’s at the top of the stairs on the right.”

“Thank you,” she said sweetly, and then seemed to hesitate on the verge of speech for a moment before smiling again and slipping up the stairs with soft footfalls.

I stood by the open door, and then a snatch of deep laughter reached me, and I heard Emmett’s voice saying, “She’s going to give Carlisle hell for not stocking the Charmin.”

“No, she won’t,” Alice said, sounding irritated. “You know things between then have ended without trouble. They’re _happy_ , Emmett.”

“Yeah, but…” I heard a throat being cleared, and Emmett went on, “but no one likes to be caught out.”

I was a little confused by the way they were speaking: the pointed statement Alice made about the end of her parent’s marriage ending peacefully and her annoyance at Emmett for suggesting otherwise. It didn’t seem like a natural conversation between siblings; it was more carefully staged.

I heard running water from the bathroom, and I quickly eased the door closed and moved away so I didn’t look as though I’d been eavesdropping—though I had—and went back to the kitchen to check the coffee pot. It was ready, so I reached for a mug and then hesitated as I heard footsteps on the stairs, thinking it would be polite to offer Esme some as a neighborly thing to do.

I went back to the hall as she glided—there was no other word for it—down the stairs, and I offered, “I’ve got a pot of fresh coffee. Would you like some?”

She beamed. “I would love some.”

I started back towards the kitchen and then turned and said, “Do you want to ask your children if they’d like some?”

A small smile crossed her face, and she said, “I can offer, but they will say no. None of them have ever developed a taste for coffee.”

“They haven’t?” I asked with a soft laugh. “I can’t get through my mornings without it.”

“My children are energetic enough already,” she said.

“Come on through,” I called from the kitchen as I took two mugs from the rack and poured the coffee. “Take a seat. Do you take cream or sugar?”

“No, thank you,” she said. “I like it just as it is.”

“Me too.”

I carried the mugs over to the table, set them down and moved my dirty bowl and glass to the sink, and then sat down with her. “You were looking at the house?” I said, inviting conversation.

“Yes, we managed to get the keys this morning, though the contracts won’t be completed for a few weeks yet. It’s a cash sale, so the sellers have been very helpful, giving us a little more freedom than usual. We want to prepare it for Carlisle to move in as soon as he can.” She stopped and bit her lip. “Not that there’s a problem with us living together. The separation has been thoroughly amicable, and there is more than enough room for us to have space in our current home. It’s just that he wants a fresh start.”

Like Alice’s rebuke to Emmett, Esme’s words seemed rehearsed to me, as if she was at pains to tell me the divorce wasn’t bitter, as if they both were with the door open and Alice perfectly audible. There was something about the whole situation that seemed strange. The noise they’d been making talking outside, loud enough to wake me, and Esme’s earnestness now, didn’t feel natural. I wondered if there was more going on that I was unaware of.

I took a sip of my coffee and watched Esme to see what she made of the brew as she lifted her to her lips, took a tiny sip, and then quickly lowered it with a look of distaste.

“You don’t like it?”

“No!” she said quickly. “It’s delicious. I just have a slightly sore throat, and the heat is making it sting.”

“Ah. You don’t need to drink it to be polite if it’s hurting you. I could get you something else; I’ve got chilled water?” I also had beer and wine, but I wasn’t about to offer that to a student’s mother first thing in the morning.

She held up a hand, “No, I’m fine, thank you.” She pushed her mug away and folded her pale hands on the table. “Have you lived in Forks long?” I don’t know much about you, other than that the children enjoy your classes.

“No, not long at all. I moved here at the beginning of July from Arizona. I’m just about settled into town now. You?”

“We arrived at the end of July,” she said. “The children were in a specialist advanced school in our last home, and Carlisle worked in a hospital. We came to Washington as I had a wish to live in a small town after being in the city. Forks seemed perfect. But what about you? Were you teaching in Arizona?”

“I was doing my supervised certification hours,” I said, reciting from my cover story for this time around. “I studied at the University of Phoenix, doing my teacher credits along with history.”

“You like history?” she asked.

I smiled slightly. “I do. It’s always fascinated me to see the way people and nations have changed over the year with the events.”

“You like people, too?”

“They fascinate me,” I said.

“Fascinating…” She looked a little tense and then said, “Edward told me all about the accident. He was worried about you. Were you hurt at all?”

“No,” I said, surprised by the sudden tension in her face. “Just a small bump on the head. Thanks to Edward, it was nothing worse. I was lucky he was with me.”

She must know Edward wasn’t with me when the van skidded, I was sure he would have told her the truth, but I thought maintaining that I believed he had saved me in a wholly human way was the right choice. Hopefully, it would cancel out any worry they might have about me sharing the inexplicable truth.

“Yes,” she said with a strained smile. “It was fortunate he was there.”

I looked at her, seeing her unease, and decided to be frank. By all logic, I should know there was something different about her son—and, I believed, them all—so perhaps it was better to be completely open. Some of the tribe knew my secret, and it helped me to know that it was only handed down as a legend, and I was not introduced to anyone outside of the elders’ bloodline, so perhaps she would feel better if I was upfront with her.

I laid my hands on the table and said, “Esme, I’ll be honest, I saw things and felt things when Edward saved me, and they’re a mystery, but that’s what they’re going to remain. I’m not going to ask questions or speak to anyone else about what happened. Edward saved my life. I owe him more than I can give in return, but I will protect any secret he or you might have as that’s the least I can do.”

Esme’s eyes widened, and for a moment, she seemed to have frozen completely, almost as Carlisle had at the hospital, and then her face broke into a wide smile and she reached for my hand only to pull it back and press hers to her chest over her heart.

“Thank you, Bella. Our family is… It means a lot to me to hear you say you’ll protect us in that way; it will mean a lot to all of us. My family, Carlisle, my children are…”

I smiled. “We all deserve our privacy and secrets. I can’t ask for that myself if I won’t give it to other people.”

She looked puzzled, and I thought she was about to ask for more on my possible secrets, but then there was a loud knock and Emmett’s voice boomed through the door, “Esme, are you nearly done in there? We’re hungry.”

Esme seemed to come out of a daze, and she got to her feet. “I’m sorry to run out on you like this. Emmett is the most impatient of my children, and his appetite is… voracious.” She laughed. “Thank you for the coffee. Perhaps I will see you again when we’re moving Carlisle in.”

“I’d like that. Take care of your throat. Honey and lemon helps.”

She thanked me again and then went to the door and opened it to where her children were waiting. Emmett was shifting from foot to foot, and Alice was looking pointedly at Esme as if communicating something with her wordlessly.

“See ya Monday, Ms. Swan,” Emmett said, lifting a hand in farewell and then walking away.

I waved to them as they climbed into the Volvo I’d seen both the children and Carlisle using and drove away, then I stopped on my porch and looked across at the other house, considering.

The Cullens were intriguing, even without taking their obvious secret into account, and the interactions I’d had with them so far had left me curious, but it was Esme that seemed the most telling. The palpable gratitude when I’d said I’d keep her secret made sense, as I felt the same about my own, but there was something more about the seemingly gentle woman. The look on her face as she’d talked about her family was raw and real. She felt passionately for them, all of them, and I suspected that could make her fierce in the right circumstances.

I thought I had done the right thing reassuring her that I would protect their secret, putting her mind at ease, as it would help them all, Carlisle included.

And a small and unwilling part of me was thinking of Carlisle more now after my confusing night of shadowy dreams. People did fascinate me, and I thought Carlisle Cullen might be one of the most interesting I would meet.

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

I looked up from the book I was reading on legends and lore when I heard the Volvo driving up and pulling to a stop.

I had been reading it to see if I could find any explanation for Bella’s reappearance in my life, how she could be unchanged, or perhaps reincarnated. I’d found nothing apart from oblique references to doppelgangers, and they were painted as a sinister creation, the complete opposite of what I believed about Bella.

“You’ll want to be here for this, Carlisle,” Edward called to me from downstairs.

I set my book down and slipped in a bookmark before closing it, then followed the voices to the living room where they were filing in. Esme, Alice, Emmett, and Jasper were kicking off rainboots and shedding coats with wary smiles. I didn’t know where they’d been, but I had a feeling from Edward’s words that it was something to do with Bella.

“You saw Bella,” I stated, and then my need softened my tone. “How is she?”

“She’s wonderful, Carlisle,” Esme said with passion. “Truly wonderful.”

Rosalie raised an eyebrow but didn’t speak.

“We went to see the house,” Emmett said, throwing himself down onto the couch. “It’s nice. You’ll like it, even though it’s tiny. We can add a few more rooms if you like.”

“I am sure it will be fine,” I said, then asked my more pressing question. “What did you say to Bella.”

“We didn’t slip up on anything,” Emmett said, then gave Esme a pointed look. “But it was close.”

I glanced at Esme, my eyes slightly narrowed. “What happened?”

“I was just talking to her,” she replied, a touch of defensiveness in her voice. “She invited me to stay for coffee. We talked a little about her—she lived in Phoenix before she came to Forks, and she just finished her teacher training—and I told her how we’d come here in July. I tested the waters slightly about what happened with Edward…”

I held in a sigh. With Alice’s assurances that Bella wouldn’t tell anyone what Edward had shown her, I’d not needed more. I thought talking to Bella about it was a mistake. It might have invited questions.

“It didn’t, Carlisle,” Edward said, his eyes strangely alive. He had evidently been following my mental musings. “She told Esme she isn’t going to say anything. She thinks we deserve our privacy and secrets.”

I was surprised but pleased. Bella’s understanding of privacy and offer of confidentiality to us was vital if I was to have more with her.

“She seemed a little too understanding,” Esme said carefully. “I think she has secrets of her own. I didn’t ask—”

“Because we interrupted,” Emmett said. “But you were going to.”

“You don’t know that,” Esme said. “I hadn’t decided anything.”

“Maybe not consciously, but you were going to ask,” Alice said, and then looked apologetic. “We would all probably have felt the same, I wanted to know more, too, but it wouldn’t have gone well if you had asked. It would have spoiled her next meeting with Carlisle as she would have been more guarded.”

My attention piqued, and I asked, “My next meeting? When?” with an undisguised eagerness that made them all smile.

“I’m afraid you have to wait until next Saturday,” Alice said. “We’ll get an informal contract for the house Friday, and we’ll all be moving you in on Saturday. You’ll see her in the evening.”

She glanced at Edward and winked, he looked concentratedly at her for a moment and then laughed.

“What?” Emmett asked irritably. “What’s with the secret?”

“You’ll see,” Alice said. “I don’t want to spoil the surprise.” She smirked.

“So I won’t see her until Saturday?” I asked, unable to conceal my disappointment. “Not at all?”

“Not that I’ve seen. I guess you could do some lurking.” Alice frowned. “Things can always change, though. But…” She became sympathetic. “She’s everything for you, Carlisle, we know. She’s what you’ve been missing for three centuries, but to her, you’re just a new neighbor. If you hang around too much, it’ll look weird.”

“Stalkerish,” Emmett said with a grin.

I knew they were right. I wanted to see Bella, I needed to, but I was going to have to control myself. This had to be paced carefully if I wasn’t going to spoil it all. It was going to be hard to resist going to her, but soon I would be living right next door, and that would give me many more opportunities to see her. I would have an excuse to talk to her; perhaps I could borrow my own cup of sugar.

“But I will be moving in on Saturday,” I said, reassuring myself with the confirmation. “I will see her then, and I’ll be so close after I’ve moved in.”

“You will,” Jasper said with a smile.

He and Edward understood my feelings and need most of all as they had the clearest insight into my love for her through their gifts. Jasper could feel what I felt for her, and Edward could see it all in my mind. They knew how it would torment me to wait.

Even though I’d had over three centuries without her, and that loss had never left my heart, I was now impatient to be with her again. Even just a conversation, to hear her voice and be close enough to smell her scent, hear her heart beating in her chest, to be near the miracle that she was to me, would sustain me more than the blood I needed to drink.

“We need to decide on a color scheme for your house,” Esme said. “I can decorate this week while you work so that it can be ready for you to move in on Saturday. We need to make sure it’s comfortable for Bella. Do you want to choose furniture?”

I felt a pang of jealousy that Esme might be able to see Bella before me if she was at my new house, but I quickly dismissed it. With my busy job at the hospital, taking time off to decorate my new home would be unfair and suspicious.

“Furniture, Carlisle?” Esme prompted.

“Furniture…” I considered. I had never been inside Bella’s house in London, as I would never have been welcomed by her father, nor she mine, but she once snuck into the church to see me when my father had been away. All I knew about her home then was that it had been as uncomfortable as mine, pitiful compared to how I lived now, though better than for many of the time. The one and only time we had ever sat together indoors was on the hard-wooden pews in my father’s church.

“I want it to be as comfortable as possible,” I said. “Soft and warm.”

Alice clapped her hands together. “Yes! Blankets and throw pillows, Esme, and a four-poster bed.”

I ducked my head at the thought of the only use for that bed for me, my thoughts swirling at the remote possibility that I might share it with her one day. The idea was intoxicating.

Jasper cleared his throat and said, “Yeah, I think he likes that idea.”

Emmett snorted. “Okay, Carlisle, calm yourself down before Jasper starts projecting. You and Esme can go look at paint chips. That’ll keep your mind off of it.”

Rosalie laughed loudly, and Alice giggled. Only Edward looked sympathetic to my plight.

Though I had never been in this position for teasing of this kind from Emmett, Edward had been when Tanya would make her obvious interest in him known. It was an unusual experience for me to be on the receiving end of it, a little uncomfortable. Not only was I a gentleman, but it was also my Bella. Anything of that kind I might possibly have with her was even more private than my memory of her all those years I’d hidden it.

“You can choose whatever you think she’ll like, Esme,” I said. “I’m sure Alice will enjoy helping you. I am going to…” I grappled for an excuse to leave.

“We can go to Seattle,” Edward said. “I want to visit a music store, and we can look in the bookstore to see if there’s anything else that deals with lore and legends.”

“I’d like that,” I said, getting my coat and going outside into the light drizzle.

Edward followed me out, and then I heard Alice’s voice trilling inside. “And you might want to get rid of that coffee before we start, Esme.”

Esme sighed and said, “Yes, even a sip that small is unpleasant. I really should have covered better. I’m not practiced enough at faking it like you all are.”

Edward chuckled. “Poor Esme. She’s going to need lessons if this is going to work out?”

“Bella really is going to be that large a part of all our lives?” I asked.

Edward nodded. “If it goes as Alice has seen, definitely. The little details might change, but each time she looks, it becomes more solid.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “You, Carlisle, are going to have it all.”

My chest swelling with pleasure, we walked to the garage and to the Volvo, Edward’s smug smile making me think he was listening to my mind again and enjoying my happiness.

It felt good to share it, just as it would to share my life with Bella with them all. If she could become part of our family properly, things would be perfect for us all.


	11. Chapter 11

**_Bella_ **

I came to a stop by the driftwood tree on First Beach and stretched my legs. Though exercise changed nothing in my body, I liked it. I was lucky that I had looked better-fed than many in my life in the beginning, as it meant I was of a reasonable size now: slender but not outstanding for the time. Many of the people I had lived among after my waking were underfed, especially in the cities; the people that could grow their own food fared better.

The times of hardship, such as during the First World War when I served at the Order of St John hospital in Etaples, France, as one of the voluntary aid detachment nurses, rations had been low. What we did have to eat many of us tried to share with the wounded as they were the ones most in need of sustenance for healing. For two weeks during the Battle of the Somme, which the hospital was one of the closest to, we had no rations come in at all. We had boiled nettles and harvested the smallest and bitterest berries, which were all we could find on the scant moments we were able to leave the hospital. I had eaten only enough to go unnoticed, as my body could sustain without food—though hunger pains twisted my stomach—so as my colleagues and the wounded could eat more.

I now loved to eat, to cook, and experiment in the kitchen, and I doubted there would ever come a time again in which I lacked a chance. America was a rich country, and food was plentiful if you had the money. After three centuries of earning and careful investment, I had enough money to get by comfortably.

I was thinking of baking when I got home as I walked to where I’d parked my truck, lifting a hand in greet to Young Quil and Jacob, who were passing me on their way to the beach with a friend. They greeted me awkwardly in return. I guessed meeting a legend was going to take time for them to process.

When I’d left home, the Cullens and Hales had been busy toting furniture and boxes into Carlisle’s new house. I’d not stopped to talk to them as they’d all been busy, though I’d received smiles and waves. I thought perhaps I could bake something for Carlisle as a welcoming gift. If I made enough, there would be some for them all, even Emmett with his, according to Esme, voracious appetite.

I mulled over recipe possibilities as I unlocked my truck and climbed in, starting the engine and cranking up the heat as the day was chilly under the overcast skies. I backed out of my spot and headed onto the road with the radio crackling in and out. I needed to replace it but never got around to it. I would have to pick one up in Port Angeles next time I was there and fit it. I was pretty accomplished technically as I’d lived four years as a mechanic in Australia in the fifties and had kept my knowledge relevant since them. I would be able to handle such a simple task without difficulty. 

When I got back into Forks, I made my way to the Thriftway to pick up the ingredients I would need for the proposed cake. I usually enjoyed going to the store as I liked to take my time and choose the best produce, to decide on the best cut of meat, but today I needed to hurry. With seven of them working, it wouldn’t take long for them to finish moving Carlisle in, and I wanted to get it baked and ready for them before they all left.

I went straight to the right aisle and picked up the basics, sugar, eggs, and flour, and then paused to decide what I was going to make. Having cooked all over the world, I had learned all kinds of recipes, but I wanted this to be special.

I decided to make a favorite of mine that I’d discovered from a neighbor of my own upon moving into a town in Alabama in the sixties: hummingbird cake.

I hurried up and down the aisles, gathering everything I needed, and then went to the register to pay. With my shopping bundled into one sack, I went back to my truck and drove home. 

They were still bringing in boxes to Carlisle’s house when I parked on my drive, and Emmett greeted me loudly and asked if I wanted to help in a teasing tone.

I laughed and said, “I’m afraid I don’t do heavy lifting, but it looks like you’ve got it. I’ll see you later.”

He grinned and hefted the cardboard box he was carrying a little higher and went into the house.

I went into my house, turned on the stereo, and fetched my recipe book from the cupboard. I was going to enjoy myself, and then I would have time to visit with Carlisle and his family, a tempting prospect with a good excuse as a welcoming neighbor.

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

“Alice,” Emmett said lazily, balancing a throw pillow cushion on his finger and trying to spin it, “is Bella actually coming today, or could we… I don’t know… hunt, or go home, or maybe go on a week-long vacation before she gets here?”

Alice giggled. “She’s coming. Just be patient.”

Emmett threw the pillow at her face, and she caught it and dropped it into the couch, which was still in its plastic packing wrap.

“I was patient,” he griped. “I was patient this morning when we were waiting for her to wake up; I was patient while she ate breakfast; I was patient when she drove off; I’ve been patient since she got back from that long-ass trip to the store; _now_ I’ve been patient while she does whatever she does that’s not being a good neighbor, coming to welcome Carlisle to the street.”

“ _And_ we’re just sitting here,” Rosalie said irritably. “This place is even more of a mess than it was when we started moving him in. We could have this place ready in an hour, tops, every box of books unpacked, and every oh-so-important throw pillow laid out on the couch, so why are we just sitting around?”

“Because he’s just moved in,” Esme explained happily. “We’ve got to show a human timed settling in for Carlisle for when she sees. It’s a slow process when you don’t have vampire speed. We’ve got as much done as is feasible for the time we’ve had, with just a little left to set the scene when she comes. The kitchen is ready, and that would be a priority for a human.”

“And she’ll be here soon,” Alice said. “She’s just busy right now. Though…” she giggled, “anyone that doesn’t want to play human can leave, as she’s coming with a surprise.”

“What surprise?” Emmett asked suspiciously as Edward got to his feet and said, “I’ll meet you back at the house. It’s probably better I’m not here when she comes. Her scent, you know.”

There was something in his eyes that made me suspect it was more than temptation driving him away, and Alice’s amused smile backed up my suspicions that he had heard something in her thoughts. Whatever it was about playing human that Alice was troubled by was obviously not enough to make her leave, though, so it couldn’t be anything too bad.

“You should probably come with me, Jazz,” Edward said.

Jasper frowned, seeming a little annoyed by the instruction. I understood his feelings. Though Jasper struggled the most with his thirst, he had hunted recently, and the scent of one human wasn’t going to overwhelm him when he was accustomed to being among a classroom full of them at a time.

“You should, Jazz,” Alice said, with a wink. “You’re not missing anything special.”

I was a little surprised that she didn’t think seeing Bella again was something special when she had been so eager for it throughout the day.

“Take the truck back,” Alice suggested.

Jasper kissed her and then followed Edward to the door and outside. I heard their footsteps crossing to the U-Haul truck we’d rented to bring my furniture and belongings and then driving away.

We’d not brought everything I usually kept around me as my collection of books and paintings from my study weren’t going to fit in with the scenario of me being a young doctor. I had brought the most important books and the Whistler painting of my former home as that was precious to me as a connection to my life with Bella, but I’d left the rest behind, including my father’s cross. 

Alice sat up suddenly and said, “Everyone, look busy, she’s coming. Esme, open one of those boxes. Emmett, Rose, start getting the plastic off the couch, slowly. We’re going to want it done for her to sit down.”

“And we couldn’t have done that three hours ago?” Emmett asked.

“No, because you’re still going to be doing it when she comes in,” Alice instructed.

I listened carefully as Bella’s front door opened and closed, and then she made her way across the yard and up the steps to my door.

There was a quick knock, and I got to my feet and hurried to the door, stopping a moment at Alice’s hissed command of, “Human speed, Carlisle,” and then opened it.

Bella stood with a Tupperware box balanced in one hand and a stainless-steel thermos in the other. “Hey,” she said. “I brought you a welcome gift.” She held out the Tupperware box.

“Thank you,” I said, taking the box. “Please, come in. Some of my family are here, too.”

“Yeah, I saw you coming and going all day. You’ve been busy.” She followed me into the hall.

“We have,” I agreed. “Though we’re nowhere near finished.”

“Can you take a break?” she asked. “The gift is hummingbird cake, and I made some coffee.”

“She did _what?”_ Emmett hissed from the living room, inaudible to Bella, and Alice giggled. “I am not eating cake. I don’t care if she is Carlisle’s long-lost love, I’m not choking down human food. I can’t.”

“You can and will,” Esme replied firmly.

“Esme,” I called. “Could you help us a moment?”

She appeared in the hall at a slightly too eager pace to be human, but Bella seemed unperturbed. They exchanged a smile, and Bella said, “Hello again, Esme. How’s your throat?”

“Oh, it’s fine,” Esme said.

Bella beamed. “Great, you’ll be able to have some cake, too. It’s an old recipe.”

Emmett guffawed in the living room, and I heard his breath gust out of him as, I assumed, someone, probably Rosalie, jabbed him.

“I look forward to tasting it,” Esme said sweetly, taking the thermos from her and saying, “Go sit down. Carlisle and I will bring it through.”

“Thanks,” Bella said, going into the living room and greeting Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett.

Esme and I went into the kitchen, and I grabbed the coffee mugs and plates from the cupboard that Alice had insisted we unpack. I knew she was eager to get to know Bella, but even I was surprised that she seemed so keen to eat.

I placed the mugs and plates on a tray and went to the fridge for creamer, but Esme whispered, “Bella takes it black, and it’s going to be even worse for us if we add dairy to the mix.”

I nodded, reminding myself to be pleased that Esme had a chance to learn that small thing about Bella and not jealous. I had no idea how Bella preferred her coffee as it was still a relatively new beverage in my human adulthood, previously used as a medicine, and the availability for most of the populace was coffeehouses that served men only.

Esme cut the cake into small slices, protecting us from what would follow when we purged it, I was sure, and placed them on a second tray with forks. “Come on then.”

I followed her back into the living room where Bella was sitting on one of the armchairs and chatting to Alice about the problems of moving to a new house.

“Yeah, I’ve done it a few times,” she was saying. “You never realize how much you have until you’re packing it up. It took me weeks to settle in properly next door.”

“Weeks?” Emmett said doubtfully. “Poor Carlisle.”

“We will all help to speed the process,” Esme said, placing the cake tray onto the coffee table and saying, “Help yourself.”

“Esme, you’ve forgotten!” Alice said with a touch of scolding. “Rosalie and I are doing our juice cleanse still. We can’t eat _cake!_ ”

Emmett’s mouth dropped open, and Rosalie looked smug, pleased that her sister was giving her an out.

“More for you then, Emmett,” Bella said. “Esme said you’ve got quite the appetite.”

Emmett smiled, though it looked more like a grimace, and said, “Yeah, great. No coffee for me, thanks, Esme.”

“No, Esme told me you don’t have a taste for it,” Bella said. “I would be lost without caffeine.”

Rosalie smiled. “Emmett’s got enough energy already without adding stimulants.”

Esme placed a coffee down at my place, handed one to Bella, and then carried hers to the seat closest to Rosalie. I handed out plates of cake to Bella, Esme, and Emmet, then took my own to sit beside Bella. I could smell her lavender scent on the air, mixed with those of my family, and I breathed it in, feeling it reach deep and soothing me.

When we were all settled, and Emmett was staring at his slice of cake like it had offended him, Bella said, “Well, welcome to the neighborhood. Eat up.”

I took a bite and chewed slowly. I was usually good at avoiding eating by taking my breaks in my office at the hospital and refusing invites to dinner parties when they came, but I had done it enough and could play my part well. Esme managed to look pleased with hers too, but Emmett was struggling to hide his grimace. Bella alone seemed happy as she ate and sipped her coffee.

“It’s wonderful, Bella,” Esme said. “Really. Do you enjoy cooking?”

“I love it,” Bella said. “Even though I’m usually only cooking for one, I have fun. I like to try new recipes.”

Emmett shot me a smug smile and said, “You don’t need to eat for one now Carlisle is here. He’s a hopeless cook so he could probably do with a few meals. You could cook for him.”

“Emmett!” Esme scolded. “Don’t be rude!”

Bella didn’t seem upset by his forwardness. She looked to me and said, “Absolutely. How about tomorrow for dinner? You can come to mine.”

Though the thought of choking down more food—and then choking it up again later—wasn’t appealing, an evening of Bella’s company was irresistible.

“I would like that,” I said. “Should I bring anything?”

“No, I’ll get it all in,” Bella said. “Is seven o’clock okay for you?”

“It’s perfect. I have an early shift at the hospital, so I’ll be home by three and can spend some time unpacking before I come.”

Rosalie elbowed Emmett, who was poking his cake with the fork, and he took a large bite, chewed quickly and swallowed, and then said, “It’s delicious, Ms. Swan.”

Bella smiled. “Thanks, Emmett. I think we can go with Bella outside school, though. Ms. Swan is formal, and I’ll be seeing a lot of you now Carlisle is next door, won’t I?”

“You will,” Alice said happily. “We’ll be here _all_ the time.”

I could see the anticipation in her for those times she would spend with Bella, the chance to get to know her, and I was pleased, but I hoped her eagerness wouldn’t take too much of the time with Bella I could have alone.

“Have you had an enjoyable day, Bella?” Esme asked.

“I have,” she said, setting down her empty plate and picking up her coffee. “I went running this morning in La Push. I like the beaches there. Have you been?”

“No,” I said carefully. “We’ve not visited the reservation. We’re not much of a family for beaches.”

“That’s a shame,” Bella said. “You’re missing out. It’s really beautiful on the coast. I missed being close to the ocean in Phoenix.”

“Did you live there long, Bella?” Alice asked, smoothly changing the topic from La Push, which was forbidden to us through the treaty we had made with the werewolves that had guarded the area. They were long gone, but we respected the promise we’d made for our secrecy. The treaty had been handed down to the current chief, Billy Black, who had contacted me at the hospital when the elders had heard we were back in the area. 

“No, I was in Florida before that,” she said. “I went to Arizona for college.”

“Is that where you grew up?” Esme asked.

“No, I’ve moved all over,” she said. “My dad was in the military, so we traveled around.”

I nodded as a small piece of her story fell into place for me. There was so much about her that I wanted to know, what her life had been like, and I hoped I would be able to ask more at dinner. I would have to give my story more thought, too. She would surely ask. Our story was usually vague and concentrated on the family, but I wanted a real story of my life for Bella to hear.

One day, I hoped, I would be able to tell her the truth, to make her see what she meant to me, but until that day came, I would make one that was as close to the truth as possible.

I didn’t want to lie to her more than I needed to; I wanted her to know me as much as she could.


	12. Chapter 12

I spent most of the Sunday morning and afternoon grading papers and doing housework, and then the hour before Carlisle was due preparing dinner.

I had decided to make Thai as it was something I enjoyed and had made many times over the years, so I was confident with it. I had invited many friends and lovers over for dinner in the many years and places I’d lived, and I’d always enjoyed it, but I had never looked forward to it as much as I was the coming evening with Carlisle.

The afternoon I’d spent with him and his family the day before, the time we’d spent chatting and discussing Esme’s passion for interior design, Alice’s enjoyment of school and desire to study art in college, had been great. Emmett had chatted about his enjoyment of sports, which had surprised me as I’d not heard he was particularly active in the school teams. Rosalie had been quieter, not sharing so much, but she’d seemed happy.

The person that I had wanted to hear from the most, the one that fascinated me, had been the one that spoke the least in the overpowering presence of his family. Carlisle had seemed happy enough to listen, but there was a touch of melancholy when I had excused myself to leave that had matched mine when I left him. 

I was hoping he would open up more over dinner so I could get to know him a little better.

I checked the rice and then covered the pot and switched the CD playing from Linkin Park to a Joni Mitchell album. I’d first heard Joni singing at the Isle of Wight Festival in 1970, and I’d been entranced by her voice. I’d gone straight to a record store when I got back to London, a few days before I flew to Sweden to live in Stockholm, and listened to her albums on repeat until I could sing along to all the lyrics. I’d enjoyed Sweden, the variable weather, and it was my second time living there after a visit in the mid-nineteenth century. The language was one of the harder of those I’d learned, but I’d learned a lot through the years, and they got easier each time.

At seven o’clock precisely, there was a soft knock on the door, and I rushed into the hall, checked my hair in the mirror, and opened the door to see Carlisle standing on the stoop with a bunch of chrysanthemums one hand and a bottle of white wine in the other.

“Carlisle!” I said a little too enthusiastically.

“Hello, Bella,” he said with a soft smile. He held out the flowers. “I bought you these.”

I took them and gestured him inside and into the kitchen. I slipped the door closed, a soft thrill in my stomach as the scent of his aftershave passed me. It was unique to anything I’d ever smelled before, both sweet like honey and fresh like sunshine. If I had to guess, I would say it was a bespoke blend of the kind I’d once treated myself to in Paris from Ernest Beaux on what had been the three-hundredth anniversary of my life beginning as I remembered it.

I took a vase from the cupboard in the laundry room and arranged the flowers quickly, then added water and set them in the middle of the table I’d laid for dinner. Carlisle placed the wine on the counter and said, “Esme suggested this.”

I checked the bottle and said, “Riesling, that will be perfect. We’re having Thai. Do you like it?”

“I can honestly say I have never tried it, but it smells wonderful.”

“Then I can give you a new experience,” I said. “You don’t mind spicy food?”

“I love it.”

I opened the wine and poured two glasses and handed him one, then held up my own in a toast. “To new homes.”

He chinked his glass against mine and said, “New homes and new friends.”

The word friends appealed to me, though it wasn’t the word I truly wanted. For the first time in my life, and entirely against all sense, I was looking at a man as more than a possible lover and scolding myself for it.

“Take a seat,” I said. “I’ll bring the soup. It’s tom yum goong—spicy shrimp. It’s a favorite of mine.”

“Sounds lovely,” he said.

I ladled the soup into two bowls and set them down at our places then sat opposite him. I watched him carefully as he dipped his spoon and then brought it to his lips. There was something in his face that made me think he was feeling a little trepidation about trying it, and I wondered if he’d lied about liking spice. If he had, dinner was going to be an interesting experience for him.

His face transformed into a smile as he tasted it, though, and he said, “It’s delicious.”

With a relieved smile, I began to eat my own, and for a while, the only sound was the chink of our spoons against the bowls and the clink of the glasses being lifted and set down.

When Carlisle had finished, his bowl scraped clean and a slightly satisfied smile on his face, he sat back and said, “Well, I definitely enjoy Thai. I have just expanded my meal options in the future.”

“I can teach you to make it,” I offered, setting down my own spoon.

“I’d like that,” he said. “Perhaps we could batch cook some meals for me to freeze and heat later. My hours at the hospital are varied, so I am not always able to eat at the right times. Esme always accommodated me by keeping meals for me to heat, but now…”

He didn’t look sad as he spoke of his life with Esme, and I asked a bold question without considering the politeness of it first.

“What happened between you and Esme? Why did it end?”

He rolled his napkin in his fingers as he considered his answer. “Esme and I were never a perfect match. We had a lot in common, and I do love her as the mother of my children and my friend, but we should not have married. We were better suited as friends than husband and wife. We stayed together for so long for the children, but they’re all old enough now to understand our choice to divorce. Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper will be ready for college next year, and Alice and Edward will follow soon after. That’s if the older ones don’t wait for them to be ready. I know they’ve considered it. My children are all very close.” He frowned slightly. “I know it’s raised eyebrows around town, gossip, four of my children being in relationships, but it’s never been a problem to us. They are well-matched couples, and they respect our boundaries at home.”

“I’ve not heard any gossip,” I said honestly. “I’ve not had time with them outside school, apart from yesterday, but they all seem happy. Besides, it’s no one’s business but yours and theirs.”

“Thank you, Bella,” he said. “We feel the same.”

“You ready for more?” I asked.

He picked up his bowl and rose to stand, but I held up a hand and said, “No, you stay there. You’re my guest.”

I collected the bowls and spoons, set them in the sink, and then took the plates from the oven where I’d been warming them and set them on the counter and then carefully molded the rice in ramekins and tipped them onto the place in perfect mounds.

“It’s gaeng keow wan kai,” I said. “Green chicken curry. Another favorite.”

“If it’s anything like the soup, it will soon be one of mine, too,” he replied.

I spooned on the curry and set the plates down and sat. Carlisle picked up his fork, and I watched him again as he took his first bite, and then his face transformed into a smile, and he said, “Really, I love it.”

I relaxed and began to eat mine and then said, “Tell me about yourself, Carlisle. What made you become a doctor?”

He considered. “I always wanted to help people, to serve them in some way, but my decision to become a doctor came later than it does for most. I toyed with many ideas before that, studied many topics. I feel I can make a difference as a doctor, and I truly enjoy that.” His gaze became curious, and he asked, “And you? What made teaching the career for you?”

“I came to it later in life, too,” I said. “I’d tried lots of topics first. I studied history solely at first and then decided to add teaching credits later. I wanted to help people, to share the knowledge that fascinated me for so long.”

Carlisle frowned slightly and said, “How long? You’re younger than most of the teaching staff, aren’t you?”

I laughed to cover my discomfort and said, “My mother always called me an old soul. I am technically twenty-three, but I feel older. I have lived an interesting life, traveling and meeting many people, and I think that gives me a different insight than most my age.”

“An old soul,” he said thoughtfully. “Yes, I can see that. I often feel older than my peers, too. I am thirty-two, but the life I have lived has made me feel aged.” A small smile crossed his face, and I thought that he was harboring a secret, perhaps something to do with the one he shared with Edward and the rest of the unique family. 

He took another bite, and I sipped my wine.

“What do you like to do, apart from teaching?” he asked.

“I like to run, as you know, and I love to swim. But even in the height of summer, I wasn’t brave enough to tests the ocean in La Push. There was a pool attached to my college in Phoenix, so I was able to swim there.” I grinned and shared a little more of my history, though an innocuous piece. “I always wanted to swim the English Channel, and maybe one day I will, but the cost of doing it with a support crew can get expensive.”

Carlisle laughed, and I raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t think I could?” I asked, a little stung.

“No,” he said quickly, holding up a hand. “I think you’re more than capable of it. It’s just…” He bit his lip. “I would like to do that one day, too.”

Reassured, I said, “Perhaps we can do it together then.”

He nodded, something lighting up in his golden eyes. “That would be wonderful, though I suggest we wait for summer.”

I laughed. “Summer in the English Channel? It doesn’t matter how long we wait, Carlisle, the water is not going to be warm.”

“No,” he agreed. “We’ll need to invest in wetsuits.”

I lifted my glass to him and said, “It’s a deal then. I’ll have to find a pool to get training in.”

Carlisle beamed and then thought for a moment before saying, “Tell me about your family.” 

I forced myself not to squirm as I lied, sharing my carefully created history for my current life, “There’s not much to tell. I’m an only child, so I sometimes felt alone, and like I said, we traveled around a lot as my father was in the military: the air force. His name was Howard, and my mother was called Evelyn.”

“Was?” he said, catching the past tense.

“They died just before I started college, car accident,” I said, my tone inviting no more questions on the topic. “I have no extended family. What about you?”

“We have a family of cousins,” he said. “We were able to spend a lot of time together when we lived close to them before moving to Forks.” He set down his fork and wiped his mouth with his napkin. “My family are very outdoorsy, and we take as much time to hike and camp when the weather is good, which is, of course, rare in Forks. I have an arrangement with the hospital that I work long hours usually and take time off when the weather permits us to enjoy our outdoor pursuits. The school were understanding when we explained our habits when we registered the children.”

“I can see why,” I said. “Their grades in my classes are perfect. I can’t see them taking time off making them fall behind.”

“No,” he agreed. “They are dedicated students.”

“You ready for dessert?” I asked.

“More than ready,” he said. “Though, I have to ask, will it have spice, too?”

“No,” I laughed. “But it is more rice.” I went to the fridge and brought out the two bowls. “It’s khao neow ma muang—mango sticky rice.” I set down his bowl and then took mine to my place and sat down. Once again, I watched as he tried it, and smiled with relief at his obvious enjoyment. “You like it?”

“I do,” he said. “Really.”

I began to eat my own, enjoying the sweet coconut and fruity taste, and watching him and his obvious enjoyment. I’d been nervous about the meal for more than my uncontrolled hopes, but the success of the menu was a relief.

When we’d finished, I offered coffee, but he declined, so I didn’t bother to make it for myself.

“Where did you learn to make Thai?” he asked.

I couldn’t tell him the truth, so I said, “I lived off-campus in my senior year of college, and my roommate was from Thailand. She taught me how to cook her food, and I showed her some of my US recipes.

“Like the hummingbird cake?” he asked, and I nodded. “It was delicious,” he went on. “Emmett especially was talking about it that evening.”

“It’s a shame Alice and Rosalie couldn’t try it,” I said.

A wry smile crossed his face and said, “Yes, they were disappointed. I’m not entirely sure their juice cleanses are healthy, but they’re both strong-willed, and my opinion isn’t always appreciated.”

I laughed, enjoying the simple moment of a parent discussing his children with me in a way that wasn’t solely though my profession as it had been with my past of teaching and nursing. “They’re teenagers, Carlisle; being strong-willed is part of the job description.”

He chuckled. “Apparently so. I would not change them for the world, though. The children, and Esme in a way, are my world.” He glanced at me and then looked away again. “It’s only now with the divorce that I am seeing a life that extends beyond that.” He lifted his glass and toasted me. “And this meal is the first experience of that.”

I raised my glass and said, “I’m glad I could be a part of it.”

Though I tried to quash it, the way I felt when I looked at him, how I enjoyed his presence and the promise his eyes seemed to hold, made my stomach swoop.

I had to be rational, there was no true future for us, but I was going to have as much as I could with him while I could.

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

Though I could have happily stayed with Bella forever, I left when before it could get too late as I knew she would need to be up early for work. I reluctantly rose from my seat on the couch beside her, where I had been close enough to feel the warmth from her skin in the air and for her heartbeat to almost touch me, and thanked her for the evening.

She had said how much she’d enjoyed it, seemingly honestly, and I’d had no reason to doubt her. It had been perfect for me. I’d been able to get to know her and her life a little better, and I’d also gotten a glimpse into her world. She liked cooking, and I was sure she was good at it, despite the way it tasted to me. She obviously liked Joni Mitchell, as she had played two albums over the course of the evening and spoke fondly of a concert she’d seen in Florida once. I saw a book on her coffee table, a piece of historical fiction about the Napoleonic wars, which opened a conversation about literature and the difficulty of finding accurate historical fiction. She was knowledgeable about the topic, which was undoubtedly a product of her college education.

I had come away from the evening with a clearer idea of who she was and a yearning to know more. The fact I had a way to find out more was something that I went back and forth upon in my mind after I purged the meal I’d eaten from my stomach and washed away the taste with a deer.

I had researched doppelgangers and searched for other legends to discover more about how she was here, but I had not looked into her new life.

When I got back to my home, I took the laptop from the kitchen and carried it into the living room. I sat down with it open on my lap, and my fingers poised over the keyboard. I stayed like that for five minutes before I was pulled from my distraction by a soft tap on the back door and Edward’s voice calling to me.

“In here,” I said, though he would know that already.

He came into the living room and sat down in the armchair opposite me. “Are you going to do it?” he asked. “See if you can find answers about her? If you know more about her life now…”

“I don’t know,” I said. “It feels wrong, like I’m invading her space, which I suppose I am, but… Edward, I want to know more. I cannot ask anyone outside of our family if they have experience with a phenomenon like this, as my relationship with her could be seen as a risk to the secret that Aro wouldn’t allow. I won’t risk her.”

“But you want to know,” Edward stated. “Do you want to know enough to invade her privacy?”

“That’s the question, isn’t it?” I sighed. “And I cannot answer it.”

Edward ran a hand through his hair. “The thing is, Carlisle, if you don’t do it, someone else will.”

“Alice?” I asked, my lips pressing into a thin line of disapproval.

“Or Rosalie.”

“Rose?” I was surprised as Rosalie had shown no real feeling about Bella apart from happiness the pleasure her presence brought me. She’d been curious enough to be at the house yesterday for Bella’s visit, but I didn’t expect more curiosity from her than that.

“Yes. I’ve not delved into her mind to find out what her motivation is, but I suspect it might be her natural cautiousness of the secret. Bella is a wild card to her.”

“So you think I _should_ do it?” I asked.

Edward chuckled. “This is on you, Carlisle. If Rosalie or Alice do it, without your excuse or connection, it would be worse, at least I think so.”

Though I made no conscious decision, my fingers began to type Bella’s name into a search engine and hit enter. The results came quickly, but there were too many and only one of them seemed connected to the woman I’d met, an entry on the Forks High webpage.”

“Narrow it down,” Edward suggested. “Try adding colleges and teaching in Phoenix.”

I did as instructed and found fewer results, but none of them looked useful. There were Bellas, and there were teaching connections, but no Bella Swans.

“Perhaps she doesn’t have an online presence,” Edward said. “What about her family? Her father was in the military, Alice said.”

“Air force,” I supplied, adding in the words and waiting for the results to load.

When they did, I found nothing useful again. There was no Harold Swan in the air force that I could find. I typed in her mother’s name and found no useful results again.

“Nothing,” I said, my disappointment palpable. “There has to be something though, surely.”

“I don’t know,” Edward said. “We don’t have an online presence; we wipe it each time we move on.”

I frowned. “Why would Bella wipe her presence?”

Edward’s eyes twinkled with amusement. “Why would Bella, who was born the same year as you, be alive over three-hundred years later and looking like a twenty-three-year-old woman? Teaching in a small Washington town with no explanation for her longevity or reincarnation?” 

“That’s the question,” I said thoughtfully. “But she is human, there’s no doubt about that. She _cannot_ be the Bella I knew.”

“She’s her doppelganger,” Edward agreed. “She has to be. But maybe she somehow knows something about that. She told Esme she respects our secret because she had her own. What if this is it?”

“You think she knows there is something different about her,” I said musingly. “It’s possible, I suppose.” I sighed. “I don’t know. I felt that we connected tonight, as if she was giving something to me. She does have a secret, I know, but she didn’t…”

Edward looked apologetic. “She wouldn’t open up to you after one dinner any more than you would her, Carlisle. Even if she hadn’t promised to keep our secret and shown no interest in knowing more, would you tell her already?”

I considered my answer. I did want her to know as I wanted her to know all of me, but to tell her that would mean I have to tell her about our history, too, and I thought that might drive her away from me if I did it too soon.

If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that she didn’t know me in any way apart from the relationship we’d tentatively built so far. There was no recognition at all. Even if she was an amazing actress, her body would give her away if she did know me; I would be able to tell.

I didn’t want to spoil my chances by blasting her with a love that had endured three centuries for me and transferred to her now because she was the mirror of the woman I’d known. And there was the secret of my kind to protect. Alice saw a future for me with Bella, but I would have to be sure of it before I told her what I was.

“No,” I said. “I wouldn’t tell her yet. I would want to, but for her protection among other things, I don’t feel it’s the time for that honesty as she’s not pushing for it herself.”

“Maybe she’s thinking the same thing,” Edward suggested. “Carlisle, do you _need_ answers? If Bella has been wiping her history online, she might not be as good at it as us. If we dug deeper, really searched, we might find something.” He raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to do that for you?”

I frowned. “I want you to, but I won’t ask you to. Not for your sake,” I went on when he looked puzzled, “but because it wouldn’t be the right thing to do. For whatever reason Bella has remained unknown online, or if she has wiped her records, it’s her reason, her choice. We shouldn’t push for more. Perhaps she will give it to us herself one day, to me, but we shouldn’t take it without her permission.”

Edward looked satisfied, and I realized he’d wanted me to come to this decision. I was a little surprised as Edward was the one of my children that offered the least privacy by virtue of his gift, though he always attempted to give us as much as he could.

“Can I give you some advice, Carlisle?” he asked.

“Of course.”

“Don’t rush this. I have seen love develop in an instant, when Rosalie found Emmett, and I have seen it growing over the years among humans as well as coming in a rush. As much as I enjoyed seeing Rosalie find happiness, she and Emmett missed the exhilaration I’ve seen in other people when they took their time. You have this chance to build something with Bella, even though _your_ love is already wholly and absolutely formed, so enjoy it.”

I stared at him, seeing the goodness and brightness that had been the final decider for me after his mother’s plea for me to save him, and I smiled. My son was far older and wiser than the years he’d lived allowed. Perhaps it was by virtue of his gift, or maybe it was just the wonder of the man he was.

Whichever it was, I believed he was right. As much as I wanted to be with Bella immediately, to regain what I lost all those years ago, I had a chance no vampire had ever had. Our kind’s nature changed in an instant when they found their mates, and Bella was mine, but I could experience something through her that would be an indescribable joy.

I could watch the love Alice said was coming grow, share it with her. I could be a part of a process and future that I thought I’d lost the day that starving vampire had sank its teeth into me.

That was what I wanted. 


	13. Chapter 13

**_Carlisle_ **

I stood over my kitchen sink with a screwdriver in my hand and considered what I was about to do.

The faucet had been dripping for days, and I’d intended to ask Rosalie to look at it as she was the most mechanically-minded of my family, so she usually did our small repairs. However, Alice had told me to do it myself, that it would be worth it if I did it on Saturday morning, so I had waited.

Whatever she had seen happening, I assumed it was connected to Bella, and I so felt a thrill of something in my gut as I lifted the cap of the faucet and unscrewed the cover, my eyes glancing out of the window to see Bella raking leaves in her yard.

“Very well,” I muttered. “Alice, I am trusting you.”

I was able to unscrew the fitting easily, and I set it aside and then used a wrench to remove the nut and then pulled at the stem—just as I had read to do on the website I’d checked before starting.

No sooner than I had removed it had the water began to spew into the air, dousing my hair, face, and shirt and streaking up the window.

I jumped back and looked at the fountain my faucet had become then began to laugh. I bowed over at the waist and howled. For all my experience of the world, the multitude of surgical techniques I had learned, I was defeated by a faucet.

I saw Bella turn and frown at the window, which was dripping with the streaming water, she set down her rake and disappeared around the house. A moment later, there was a knock on the door.

Still laughing, I went to open it, water dripping down my face, and said, “Hello, Bella,” as she was revealed on my front stoop.

Her mouth dropped open as she took me in, and then she began to laugh, too. It was a beautiful sound that I’d not heard much of before, and I reveled in it for a moment before she coughed and giggled herself to calm.

“What happened?” she asked, her hand on her chest over her heart, which was beating fast after her laughter.

I smiled ruefully. “I was trying to fix a tap.”

“You were failing,” she said. “Need a little help?”

“You can fix a tap?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Some reason I shouldn’t be able to?”

“No, none at all. If you could help, I would be very grateful.”

I stepped back and moved into the kitchen, Bella following me, to where the water was still spewing into the air and puddling on the floor.

Bella sloshed through the puddles and opened the cupboard beneath the sink, the water now dousing her. She seemed unconcerned, though, as she moved aside the cleaning products Esme had placed there for me and then reached in one hand and did something that made a creaking sound. The water flow stopped, and Bella straightened up.

“Next time you try a little home repair with a sink, turn off the stopcock first,” she instructed, her eyes dancing with amusement.

“I certainly will,” I vowed. “Let me get you a towel.”

“You might want to get one for yourself, too,” she called after me as I went into the laundry room. 

I carried two towels back into the kitchen and handed one to her. She wiped at her dripping face and then ran it over her hair.

I rubbed at my own hair, which was slick over my head, and then my face.

Bella wiped a drip from her chin and said. “I look like a drowned rat.”

“A very attractive drowned rat,” I complimented.

I was surprised at my temerity in saying it, and I anxiously awaited her reaction. A soft flush heated her cheeks, a feature of her that I hadn’t seen since I had known her as a human. Immediately relieved, I relaxed.

“And you’re a very handsome drowned rat,” she said, and then lifted her towel and wiped my face.

The touch, soft and with the cloth of the towel between us, made me feel as though my skin was tingling. The air around us seemed to be charged with electricity. I realized this was the closest to her I had been, the most intimate touch I’d had, since I’d lost her all those years ago.

There was a moment in which her brown eyes stared into mine, and then a car horn sounded outside, and the spell was broken.

Bella gasped and said, “Damn, that’ll be Sofia. I’ve got to get fixed up. Leave the faucet alone; I’ll fix it when I get home.”

“You don’t need to do that,” I said, following her to the door as she rushed to it. “I can call a plumber.”

She turned back with her hand on the open door and said, “Carlisle, the mess you made doing something that easy is embarrassing. Let me spare your blushes and fix it for you.” She grinned. “I’d mop the floor, though, or you’re going to end up on your ass.”

I chuckled. “I will. Thank you for this, Bella.”

She darted out of the door and dashed across the path to the red car that was parked outside her house. The window rolled down, and a Spanish accented voice said, “What on earth have you been doing, Bella?”

“Home improvement,” Bella said. “Can you give me a few minutes? I need to get dried off and changed.”

“Of course,” she said. “Go ahead.” She looked past Bella to where I stood at my door, and a small smile curled her lips. “I’ll chat with your neighbor while I wait.”

“Great,” Bella said. “It’s Carlisle, the Cullen and Hale children’s father.

“Yes,” her friend said. “You’ve mentioned him.”

She’d mentioned me! I wondered what she’d said. I covered my quick smile and lifted a hand in greeting to the woman as Bella darted into her house. She climbed out of her car, and I walked towards her and met her on the sidewalk.

“Hello,” I said, holding out a hand and introducing myself as I should not have heard Bella explaining who I was at the distance between us. 

“Sofia Gogh, she said as she shook my hand, then looked me up and down and asked, “Did you forget to undress before you showered?”

I pushed my wet hair back from my face and said, “I was trying a little home maintenance and forgot to turn the water off. Bella rescued me.”

“Yes, that sounds like the kind of thing Bella would do,” she said, giving me an appraising look. “Bella said you’re _the_ Doctor Cullen.”

“I’m not sure what that means, but you do teach my children.”

“Good students,” she said. “They speak Spanish like natives.”

“We’ve spent time in Spain for vacations, and they’ve always been good with languages,” I explained.

“I hear they’re good at everything. They’ve made reputations for themselves in the time they’ve been here.”

I had no modest response to make, so I diverted the conversation. “Where are you and Bella headed?”

“She’s taking me to see the beach on the reservation,” she said. “I’ve never been.”

I looked up at the overcast sky that had made an appearance after three days of unseasonable October sunshine. The sunny days had given us a chance to hunt as a family in Northern California, where Edward had been delighted to learn there was a mountain lion problem.

“It doesn’t seem like a good day for a beach trip.”

“Probably not, but there aren’t many good beach days here, and it’s only going to get colder when Winter comes. We should take our chances while we can.”

“Very wise,” I said.

I heard a hairdryer start inside Bella's house and knew I didn't have long left to speak to Sofia. I wasn’t sure if I was pleased about that or not. I was enjoying this chance to meet one of my family’s teachers and a friend of Bella’s, but I also felt a little awkward. She thought I was _the_ Doctor Cullen, and I wasn’t sure what that meant, what Bella had told her about me or what the conversation about our family had been in the teachers’ lounge.

“You like Bella,” she said, apropos of nothing.

“I do,” I answered without thought.

“I like her, too,” she said.

“She’s a very likable person.”

“She’s a very trusting one, too, is open to people; she _knows_ them.”

I frowned. “I think she does.” Though she didn’t know the truth about me as she’d respected our privacy.

“She also has a kind heart,” she added.

“Yes,” I agreed, starting to feel uncomfortable with the topic. I felt almost as if I was being warned off.

The hairdryer shut off and I breathed a soft sigh of relief. There were footsteps, and then the door opened, and Bella came out wearing a heavy coat and sturdy boots.

“Sorry about that, Sofia,” she said. “I’m ready now.”

“It’s fine,” Sofia said. “Doctor Cullen has been good company.”

Bella waved a hand and said, “I’ll see you later, Carlisle,” then they both climbed into the car.

“Looking forward to it,” I called after her and then stepped back onto my path as the car started and pulled away at speed.

I watched them drive out of sight and considered. If I asked him to, Edward would listen for people thinking of what Bella might have said about me at school, but that would be unfair. He said I had a chance to enjoy this as a human experience, getting to know her, and I wanted to take it.

I walked back into my house and thought of the mopping up I had to do, the laughter I could imagine back at my old home as Alice told them of my attempt to fix the tap and consequent soaking. 

I was sure it would amuse them all.

xXx

**_Bella_ **

“It is pretty,” Sofia said, bending to pick up a green pebble and turning it over in her hand. “The water, the island, the driftwood; I can see why you like it.”

“I’ve had good times here. It’s a great place to run, too.”

She gave a small shiver that I didn’t think was caused by the wind whipping around us, which was building strength. “Running in the rain… I think I will stick to the gym, thanks.”

“I like the open air.”

“That’s not all you like, is it?”

My brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

She grinned. “We’ve discussed the beach, the weather, work, life in Forks… We’ve discussed everything but the handsome doctor and the moon eyes you were making at him.”

I nudged her arm, jostling her. “I don’t make moon eyes at anyone. I like Carlisle, yeah, he’s a nice guy.”

“He’s also in the middle of a divorce,” she said pointedly.

“I know. I’m not expecting more than friendship.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“It’s an amicable divorce,” I said in lieu of admitting my lie. “I’ve seen him with Esme, his ex-wife, when Carlisle was moving in. There’s no bad feeling there at all.”

“Is that what you want to see?”

“No, it’s what I really see. They’re both happier apart than they were together.”

She sighed and started walking away. I fell into step at her side.

“You’re a passionate woman, Bella.”

“I am,” I agreed doubtfully. “But I’m not jumping into bed with Carlisle because of it.”

“I don’t mean physically passionate; well, not only that. You’re passionate about teaching, your subject, your life. I worry that you’ll throw yourself into something with Carlisle because of it, that you’ll get carried away.”

I ducked my head and walked on in silence.

The truth was that I was feeling more and more for Carlisle. I’d spent four weeks skirting the issue with myself, enjoying the time we had when we were batch cooking meals to split between us, when we caught a movie together in Port Angeles, the memorable night I’d spent at his house for dinner—which was so obviously catered, as I saw by cooking with him the meal he'd served was way beyond his abilities. But nothing more had passed between us but conversation and brief, friendly touches.

The closest we’d been was that morning when I had gotten carried away and dried off his face. I knew that at some point, probably soon, I was going to have to face it and decide what I was going to do—allow myself more, something that risked hurting myself and possibly him when I had to leave, or just something physical.

My decision would be easier if I could tell what Carlisle wanted. There was a spark between us, always a lingering something in the air, but I didn’t think his attraction was just physical. I could hurt myself upon leaving, that would be my choice, but hurting him was unfair. In fact, the very idea of it was painful to me.

“What are you thinking, Bella?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “That’s kinda the problem. I can’t be sure what to do.”

Sofia checked her watch and said, “It’s past noon, and we’ve been walking up and down this beach forever. I’m cold. I think we should head back to Forks and warm ourselves up with a bottle of wine.”

I knew that bottle of wine was also intended to open me up to the topic, but I had good tolerance for alcohol—either a product of my curse or centuries of experience—and I would be able to keep myself in check.

“That sounds like a great idea,” I said. “I’ve got a bottle of chardonnay in the fridge.” One that I’d bought in preparation for a dinner I intended to invite Carlisle over for.

We walked back to the car, our hair being whipped by the wind now, which made me think we were leaving at the right time. It felt like a real storm was brewing.

We got in, and Sofia turned over the engine then hiked up the heating. I tugged off my gloves and held my hand to the vent to warm my fingers, as she pulled us out of our spot and onto the road.

We’d gone no further than the little red house where Billy Black lived with his son when the rain started.

“Forks weather,” she sighed. “I miss Seville.”

“Yeah, it must be very different,” I said.

“You’ve not been?”

“Not to Seville,” I lied, though I had been there before Franco’s regime in the thirties. It had been a short stay, only two years. Admitting it, even in a more modern setting, would invite questions I might not be able to answer.

“Ahh, you should go,” she said. “The city is beautiful and the weather…” She sighed. “Perfect.”

“What brought you to America?” I asked.

“My family emigrated when I was thirteen, and I suppose I have never wanted to leave them to go back to Spain for more than a visit. I went to college in Des Moines and came north for the job here a few years after I graduated. I thought I would enjoy small-town life.”

“Do you?” I asked.

“I like the people and the school, but…” She frowned. “I am getting wanderlust. I would like to go south again, perhaps Dallas or Houston. I want to finish out the semester, but I will start looking for alternatives in the new year. What about you? Do you think you’ll stay in Forks long?”

“I think a while,” I said. “It depends.”

“On what happens with Carlisle?”

“On what happens with me,” I said firmly.

Though Carlisle would absolutely play a part in my decision. If things became too much, if he was going to be hurt, I would leave before it could be too painful. Spending years with him only to offer no future would be cruel.

We reached the highway, and the rain fell even harder. The wipers couldn’t keep up with the dousing we were getting, and visibility was poor.

“You might want to slow down,” I advised.

“It’s fine,” she said. “This has good handling compared to your monster of a truck.” She turned to me and winked. “And I have airbags.”

“Look out!” I shouted.

In the moment she’d looked at me, headlights had filled my vision. We had veered into the wrong lane, and a car was coming at us. Sofia wrenched the wheel, and we spun right onto the dirt side of the road, which made the tires spin. With a loud crash and an impact that rattled my bones and sent me flying forward into the restraint of the seatbelt and jarred my stomach and ribs, we clipped a tree and spun around again to face the road. The airbag slammed into me, knocking the breath out of me again, and for a moment, I was dazed.

I pushed at the airbag, but it was already deflating.

“Sofia?” I said cautiously, looking to the side at her. “You okay?”

She was unmoving, her head resting against the side window which had shattered into spiderweb cracks that were stained with blood.

“No!” I gasped. “Sofia!”

I fumbled with my seatbelt and unlocked it, and then tried to shift closer to her, but a sharp pain in my abdomen stopped me. I looked down and saw the jagged piece of plastic that was embedded in my stomach. Blood was leaking around it, and I pressed my hands around it for a moment, testing my strength of will, and then gripped it and yanked it out with a cry of pain.

Blood flowed fast, soaking my coat and the lap of my jeans, and I breathed through the pain for a moment. I was hoping it wasn’t as bad as it looked, that it would heal without the shard in it, but I was losing too much blood.

I cursed and pressed my hands over the wound, trying and failing to staunch the flow. I became lightheaded, and my breaths came weakly, my heart racing and pumping the blood out of the wound.

My eyes drifted to the shattered windshield, and I caught sight of the shapes of three people coming towards us through the shattered windshield.

“Help!” I shouted. “Call 911!”

My door was wrenched open, and I saw a russet skinned man with cropped dark hair and deep brown eyes. His eyes found my blood-soaked coat and the red wound on my stomach that was still exposed.

“You’re Bella,” he stated.

“Yes,” I said weakly, leaning over the side middle console and pressing my fingers to Sofia’s throat where I could feel a fast and thready pulse. “Call an ambulance. I don’t have a cell.”

The man looked over his shoulder and said, “Paul, run back to town and call 911. Jared, get the door open. I can smell gasoline. Bella, you need to get out of here. If the engine blows…”

“I know,” I said. “But I’m not getting out until she does. I’m…”

My eyes drifted closed, and I struggled to open them. “Get her out,” I whispered. “You have to…”

Before I could finish, I felt my heart give a last stuttered beat and stop.

In the instant it took for the darkness to descend, I had one fragmented thought.

_No, please, not again._


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel it’s time for an IMPORTANT reminder. When I posted the first chapter, I put in a warning that this story requires a sequel which is not yet written. I fully intend to write it, but I can’t promise it will be ready when this is complete. I am hoping/believing that when I read Midnight Sun I will become enthused to write Twilight again, but there’s no guarantee. Please, read with caution and awareness that it’s a brutal ending. What I can do, it post a note in the chapter when we reach a point you can stop reading with a satisfying ending of resolution and come back when the sequel is written.

**_Chapter Fifteen_ **

****

**_Carlisle_ **

I lifted the warm clothes out of the dryer and set them down on the counter. They filled the air with the scent of the detergent I’d used, and I found I liked it.

I also liked doing the laundry.

Since Alice joined our family, I had rarely worn the same outfit more than once. She never wasted the clothes we bought—they were passed on to homeless shelters and thrift shops. I had expected her continuous restocking of my closet to continue when I moved out, but it hadn’t. After a conversation with Esme, Alice was forced to accept that constant variations of outfit were going to be suspicious to Bella. She had shopped for me, selecting clothes of a slightly different style to the more formal ones she’d bought for me before, soft sweaters and chinos, lounge pants for me to change into at night. Now I had a weekly laundry day in which my clothes were washed, dried, ironed, folded, and put neatly in my closet and dresser. 

I picked up a pair of lounge pants and paused as there was a knock on the door, and Alice called, “Carlisle?”

I heard a second set of footsteps, and Rosalie's scent joined Alice’s. They appeared in the doorway to the laundry room and took in what I was doing.

“I’m not sure if it’s disturbing or sweet,” Rosalie said. “Carlisle’s doing laundry…”

“I think it’s sweet,” Alice said. “He’s doing it for Bella.”

Rosalie made a point of shading her eyes and looking around. “I don’t see her.”

Alice elbowed her. “It’s part of the story, Rose. He’s got to immerse himself in this life to play the role well. This is more than passing as human: it’s living it.”

Rosalie shrugged. “Sounds like a lot of work.”

“It’s for Bella,” Alice said simply. “And it’s working. Especially all those dinners. You’re getting pretty good at eating, Carlisle.”

“And puking it up later,” Rosalie added.

“How much of Bella and I are you seeing, Alice?” I asked, my brow furrowed.

I accepted that her gift was a part of her and that she couldn’t necessarily control what she saw, but I wasn’t sure I liked the idea of her watching my time with Bella.

Alice looked a little guilty. “I see some.”

“Because you’re looking for it?” Rosalie asked.

“Okay, I sometimes look,” Alice admitted. “But I am so invested in it that I sometimes can’t resist looking. And I see a lot that I don’t search for. Bella is now part of my focus the same way you all are. When she’s with Carlisle, the focus is doubled.” She looked at me, and her eyes implored me for something. “I know this is about you and Bella, I do, and you want to keep that to yourself the way you hid her for years, but it’s also about us all. That vision I had of our future was _so_ happy, Carlisle. I want that now, and while I’m waiting… I look for it.” She smiled slightly. “Do you want me to stop?”

I considered. I did want what I shared with Bella to be about the two of us, to have privacy for those moments, but I accepted that they were all a part of it.

“I would like a _little_ more privacy,” I said carefully. “I know you are a part of this, but what Bella and I have is…”

“Private?” Rosalie supplied. “None of Alice’s business?”

“No. It’s personal. I do want to share her with you all, and I hope that will happen in time, but it’s all so new now, we’re building something. I would like to do that in as wholly a human way as possible for her.”

“Human,” Rosalie scoffed.

“Yes,” I said firmly. “Human. Bella is human.”

“In a way,” Rosalie said. “She’s a doppelganger, so maybe not—”

“She’s human!” I snapped and then softened my voice. “Whatever it is that makes her look like the woman I knew, the similarities I see in her nature and the perfect copy of her voice, is strange, but Bella is human.”

I looked at Alice, wanting to see her reaction, but her gaze was distant. She was seeing something outside the room and us. I waited for her to return, wondering what she was seeing, and then her face twisted with horror, and she cried out, “No!”

“Alice!” I said, holding her shoulders. “What are you seeing?”

She came back to herself with a jerk and said, “Come with me! Now!” then ran out of the house.

I sprinted after her, into the trees with Rosalie keeping pace a few footsteps behind me.

“What was it, Alice?” I asked. “Was it…” An iron fist of fear gripped my heart. “Is it Bella?”

“Route 110,” she replied. “Someone’s hurt.”

“Is it Bella?” I asked again, my fear making my tone harsh.

Alice didn’t answer.

“Wait,” Rosalie said. “Route 110 is the highway to the reservation. The treaty…”

“I know,” Alice said. “But we have to go. We might not be too late.”

“Too late for what?” I shouted.

Instead of answering, Alice sped her pace.

I was sure now it was Bella and that whatever Alice had seen was scaring her too much to share it. My mind ran away with possibilities of what could have happened to her, what I could do.

One thing that didn’t bother me was the fact I might have to cross the forbidden line to get to her. No treaty was going to stop me from getting to her and doing what I needed to do. The treaty was little more than a courtesy now, a small assistance to us. The tribe would keep our secret if we respected their land, but with no pack to protect their lands, there was no real threat to us. Let them tell their stories, tell people what we were, we would deal with it. And who would believe them in this day and age?

We reached the start of the land between Forks and La Push that was technically No Man’s Land, and then Rosalie cried out.

“Stop! The smell, Carlisle!”

I recognized what had scared her a moment later, among the smell of smoke and burning gasoline was the stench of wet dog, and I knew what it meant. La Push was once again protected by werewolves. It would not stop me, but it would complicate the matter considerably. It was the burning gasoline that scared me.

We reached the edge of the trees and burst onto the road, and then I did come to a stop.

There was a burning husk of a car and four people. Bella was kneeling beside her friend, Sofia, who was unconscious and bleeding from a gash of the side of her head. Beside her were two men with russet skin and dark hair, but it was the stench pervading from them and the fact the younger of the two was shuddering that stopped me. Werewolves.

I had seen this before. The man was fighting the urge to phase into his wolf form.

We all skidded to a halt, frozen by fear. I could smell Bella’s blood and see it on the front of her coat and lap, and I needed to get to her, but if I moved closer, the wolf might lose control and phase, injuring Bella if not killing her.

I stared, unable to go to her, but my whole being crying out for me to, and I felt that I was being torn in two.

Bella’s eyes found me, and she cried out desperately, “Carlisle, help!”

xXx

**_Bella_ **

I sucked in a breath and heaved it out with a groan as my heart stuttered and then began to race. It was always the same, every time it felt like the first, terrifying time.

I was being carried by the man that had recognized me, jostling as he ran. "It's okay, Bella," he said. "Just breathe."

“Yeah,” I said weakly. “Breathe. Where’s Sofia?”

“Jared’s got her,” he said.

I looked to the right and saw the younger man was carrying Sofia, her face starkly pale. I looked over the shoulder of the man carrying me and saw that there was black smoke coming from under the crumpled hood of Sofia’s car. There was a flicker of flames. and I said, “It’s going up.”

“Sam!” the younger man said frantically.

“Get her down,” Sam shouted. “Shield her.”

I was roughly set on the ground, and then Sam draped himself over me. His skin seemed to radiate heat like a furnace. His heat was quickly overpowered by the flamelike wake that rushed over us with a loud bang as the car exploded.

“Jared?” Sam called.

"I'm okay," he replied. "She's not, though."

“Let me up,” I said, pushing at Sam. “She needs help.”

Sam lifted himself off of me, and I rolled over and crawled to Sofia. My head was swimming, and I still felt weak, but I was alive. Everything else I felt, the thoughts and horror I was feeling, would have to wait.

The younger man, Jared, was kneeling beside Sofia. I reached them and checked Sofia’s pulse. It was thrumming a little too fast, but I was relieved that it felt strong.

“Sofia!” I said, pinching the lobe of her ear. “Wake up. Look at me.”

Her eyes flickered, and she looked up at me. "Bella… What happened?"

“We crashed,” I said. “Help is coming. I need you to stay awake and focused on me.”

She licked her lips. “I’m really tired.”

“I know,” I said. “Me too, but we both need to stay awake.”

Her eyes fell on the blood-soaked front of my coat and widened. "Oh, god! Bella, you're really hurt."

“I’m okay,” I said. “It’s a shallow wound; it just bled a lot. We’re going to focus on you right now, okay? Tell me how you feel?”

“My head hurts,” she said in a sigh. “What happened?”

Sam shot me a worried look. I was worried, too. It was possible that this was just confusion caused by shock or a concussion, or it could be a sign of a serious head injury.

“We crashed,” I said again. “I want you to do something for me, Sofia; tell me what you did today? Where have we been?”

She frowned slightly. “We went to the beach, didn’t we?”

“Yes,” I agreed eagerly. “What else?”

"We walked, and we spoke about…" She looked puzzled. "We talked about Carlisle, didn't we?"

“We did. That’s good. You met him. What did you think of him?”

I felt a strange intensity pressing in on me, and I looked up and saw that Sam and Jared were staring at me with narrowed eyes.

Sofia drew a weak breath and said, “I think… he likes you.”

I laughed softly. “I think he does, too. And I like him. But what did you think?”

Her eyes drifted shut, and I pinched her earlobe again. "No, Sofia, you have to stay awake."

She blinked drowsily and then looked at me. “Bella, you’re really hurt.”

“I’m not. It just looks bad. Really, I’m okay, and someone has gone to call an ambulance for us.”

“Should have got a cell phone,” she said tiredly.

I glanced at Sam. “Will it take him long?”

He shook his head and then stiffened. “No. He’s quick.” 

Sofia’s eyes closed again, and this time they didn’t open when I tested her pressure point. I cursed. “She needs help.”

I pressed my fingers to her throat and counted the beats, they were weaker now, fading, and panic started to grip me.

Suddenly, Sam's head snapped to the side, and he stiffened. A shudder worked through the other man, and Sam spoke in a commanding tone. "Not here, Jared. Do not do it."

“It’s _them_ ,” the other growled.

I looked in the direction they were staring and saw Carlisle, Rosalie, and Alice poised a dozen feet away as if held back by an invisible wall.

I didn’t understand why they had stopped, how they were even there, but I saw one doctor in front of me and one desperately injured friend on the ground. Whatever was happening, what Jared had meant when he said, _‘it’s them,’_ didn’t matter, Sofia could be dying, so I ignored the instinctual fear I felt at the trembling men beside me and the strange situation and shouted to him.

“Carlisle, help!”

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

My hands reached for Bella, and then the older of the two men shouted to me. “Are you the doctor?”

“I am,” I called back.

He looked at the younger man and said in a commanding tone, “Jared, go to the women. Keep them back. Do not attack unless they look like they’re going to.”

“Sam?” he said in an anxious reply.

“Go!” Sam commanded.

The shuddering man’s body seemed to cam slightly, and he jogged towards us. He stopped a few feet away, his nose wrinkled and eyes dark and wary.

Rosalie dropped into a crouch and hissed at him.

“Go, Carlisle,” Alice said. “Help her.”

The man beside Bella nodded and said, “You can come, but if I think for a second that—”

“I won’t,” I snapped, running to Bella’s side.

I turned her and pulled her coat open where the bloodstain was deepest, expecting a large wound that adrenaline was suppressing and enable her to be upright, but there was no wound.

“I don’t understand,” I breathed, relief and shock rushing through me.

“I’m fine,” Bella snapped. “Help Sofia!”

“Bella is fine,” Sam stated.

“But Sofia isn’t,” Bella said, turning back to her friend and lifting each of her eyelids in turn. “Her right pupil is dilated.”

I snapped into action, at last, my fear for Bella not assuaged with the close proximity of the wolf but calmed now I saw she was unwounded—though the amount of blood on her couldn't have come from her friend as it was the wrong scent and the head wound was not enough to create that big a bleed. I checked Sofia's pulse and said, Tachycardia.”

“Weak, too,” Bella replied. “They sent someone to get an ambulance, but it’ll take him a while. Do you have a cell?”

“I do,” Alice called to us, taking her slim silver phone from her pocket and dialing. I heard her explaining the situation, and then she said, “They already know. The ambulance is a few minutes away.”

“Tell them to prepare for a head injury. Signs of possible a cerebral bleed. How do you feel, Bella?” I asked. “Dizzy? Weak?” I was worried about of blood she’d lost. It was not enough for hypovolemic shock, but it would tax her body.

“I am fine!” she snapped.

Sam nodded slightly and said, “She really is.”

“How would you know?” I asked scathingly.

“I just _know_!” he growled, a slight shudder working through him that made me immediately anxious. He took a deep breath and stilled then said, “I’m in control. Are you?”

“I am,” I said.

“The ambulance is coming,” Alice called. “I can hear them.”

I heard the sirens, too, and then, as it drew closer, the struggling engine.

“Bella…” Sam said in a warning tone.

“I know,” she sighed, getting to her feet and walking towards where Alice and Rosalie were facing the wolf.

I called a warning to her, worried about her close proximity to the young wolf, but she waved an impatient hand and said, “Rosalie, can I have your coat?”

“Give it to her, Rose,” Alice instructed.

With a warning look at the wolf, Rosalie straightened up and slipped off her coat and handed it to Bella. Bella took her own, bloodstained one, off and replaced it with Rosalie’s and then said, “Jared, you can get rid of this for me?”

Jared chanced a glance back at Sam, who said, “Look how close she is. They’re in control. You can do it.”

Jared carried the coat away and threw it into the burning car. I smelled the scent of burning polyester joining the odors coming from the vehicle.

“Come with me, Rose,” Alice said, tugging her hand and slipping into the trees as the ambulance appeared at the end of the road.

Jared looked after them, and I called, “It’s okay, Rose. Both of you go home. I will come soon.”

Bella seemed unconcerned by our conversation. She was wholly focused on her friend as the ambulance came to a halt behind us, and the EMTs jumped out. I recognized them through the hospital.

“Hear we’ve got a head injury, Doctor Cullen,” Brett said.

“We do,” I said.

“And she was carried out of the car, so her spine needs to be checked,” Bella added.

Brett kneeled beside Sofia and began to check her airway and pulse, as Tim, his colleague, got a collar and the backboard from the ambulance.

Sam stood and moved back, his eyes fixed on me. “We will need to talk about this,” he said, his tone a warning.

“I will call your chief and arrange it,” I said.

“No, you will meet us at the river, where it crosses the line, tonight at ten,” he instructed.

I nodded. I knew it was vital that we speak, but I would rather we waited until Edward, Jasper, and Emmett were back from their hunting trip. But they were in Colorado. Even driving at our preferred speeds, they wouldn't make it back in time. I couldn't refuse the meeting, though. This was important. They had been calm with us and had enabled me to help, so there was a measure of trust between us. 

I was going to have to believe that trust would continue.

“You riding with us, Doc?” Brett asked.

“Yes,” I said. “Bella, there’s room for you, too.”

She looked at me for a moment, and I could see the need in her eyes, but then Sam shook his head slightly, and she placed a hand over the place her bloodstained clothes were hidden by Rosalie’s long coat.

“I’ll meet you there,” she said.

“Emily will drive you home,” Sam said. “I’ll have to stay here. The fire crew will be here soon.” 

Bella nodded and then looked at me and said, “I will speak to you later.”

I stared at her, my need to stay close to her battling the fact I was the most capable surgeon on the hospital staff and would be needed to treat her friend. As much as I wanted to know what had happened to her, how she could have lost so much blood and seem unaffected, but my duty to protect life was more pressing.

My questions would wait for the sake of saving a life.

That was what Bella needed me to do.


	15. Chapter 15

**_Bella_ **

Though I wanted to be at the hospital with Sofia, I knew I wouldn’t be able to go until I had cleaned up, and so I walked back into La Push and waited outside a small, neat house with flowerboxes under the windows and windchimes hung on the porch as he went in to speak to his fiancé Emily.

He came out again with a striking woman. When I first saw her, her face was turned away from me, staring at Sam with a look of adoration that I had rarely seen in my long life. She was beautiful, with satiny copper skin and silk black hair. And then she turned, and I saw the ravaged right side of her face. There were three scars from her hairline to chin, the innermost of which tugged her mouth into a grimace. I wondered what kind of injury had done this to her, and could only think of an attack by some dangerous wild animal.

She gave me an appraising look, and I forced a smile, though I felt anything but cheerful.

“Bella,” I said, holding out a hand to her.

She shook it and said, “Emily Young. It’s nice to meet you, Bella. Sam says you’ve had a difficult day, and he’s asked me to give you a ride home.”

“Yes,” I said. “Difficult…”

“You ready to go?” she asked.

“Please. I touched the front of Rosalie’s coat where it covered the bloodstain and said, “I need to clean up.”

She nodded knowingly and said, “Come on then,” and led me to a small blue Peugeot.

I climbed into the passenger seat and snapped on my seatbelt as she got in beside me and started the engine. The radio came to life, and she lowered the volume playing a cheery pop song and waved to Sam, who stood on the porch with his arms crossed over his chest and a wary look on his face. She pulled away from the house, and I stared out of the window at the passing trees and small houses of the tribe. 

We reached the husk of Sofia’s car, whose flames had now been doused by the fire crew standing around it, and were waved past by a cop.

“It was bad,” Emily said, looking at the car and then turning her eyes back to the road.

“It was,” I agreed. “Sam saved my life.”

“Did he really?” she asked pointedly.

“You’re of the bloodline,” I said. “You know.”

She shook her head and looked a little abashed. “I’m not of the bloodline directly. I lived on the Makah reservation before I met Sam. My mother is Quileute, but that blood is diluted in me.”

“But you know.”

She nodded. “I do. Sam told me.”

I frowned. _“Sam_ told you?”

“I know all the legends, the true ones, but I didn’t believe yours was real until today.” Her eyes darted to the legs of my pants whose bloodstains were made visible by the fact Rosalie’s coat had bunched around my waist. “Sam didn’t want to tell me, I promise. It’s just… I asked, and Sam can’t say no to me.”

“Quite the devoted fiancé,” I said, a little annoyed that my story had spread outside of the bloodline. 

“It’s not like that,” she said. “What Sam and I have is… special. It’s a legend, too. Has anyone ever told you?”

I thought of what had happened at the crash site, how Carlisle had seemed to need permission to come closer, and how the younger man, Jared, had guarded Alice and Rosalie. There were more legends than mine among the Quileutes, and I believed there must be some that were true, but I felt no curiosity. I had already been through too much that day to handle more bombshells.

“No,” I said. “And I don’t want to know.”

“That’s probably good,” she said. “It’s not my secret to tell.” Her face became serious. “Sam said you have a connection to one of them.”

“One of who?”

“The Cullens. The doctor.”

“I do,” I agreed.

She bit her lip. “Sam can’t ask this because there are rules for him, and I probably shouldn’t, but how much do you know about Doctor Cullen, Bella?”

“I know enough,” I said.

Her hands tightened around the steering wheel. “Do you?”

I sighed. “I know they’re different. I know they have a secret, too, but I don’t want to know what it is. I have told them that. I have seen amazing things that saved my life.” When she looked doubtful, I went on. “Edward Cullen saved my life, my secret. There was an accident at school, a van skidded on a patch of oil, and Edward got me out of the way. I could have been exposed, but thanks to him, I got to keep my secret. None of them know what it is, and that’s the way I liked it, though they have seen enough now to…” I shook my head. “They saw enough, just like I did then. But he saved me. I know I am safe with them because of it, and I don’t need to know more.”

Her brows pinched. “You’re not even curious?”

“Curious, yes, but I don’t want to know. You know my secret, a handful of people do and usually respect it, and so I accept that I’m not the only one hiding things. That doesn’t mean I need to know what they are.”

Emily didn’t answer, didn’t speak at all until we reached Forks and she asked for directions to my house, and I thought the subject was closed. Then we reached my house and she pulled up outside.

“You need to be careful, Bella,” she said. “You have to protect yourself. You’re safer than most people outside of the…” She stopped and took a deep breath. “You’re safer, but they are still dangerous.”

I saw her earnestness, the genuine fear as she spoke about them, but I didn’t feel it. Nothing any of the Cullens had shown me made me think I was in danger from them. Whatever they were hiding, it wasn’t a threat to me.

“Thank you for telling me,” I said blandly. “And thank you for the ride.” 

I opened my door and climbed out. She leaned across the seats and said, “You have to be careful, Bella.”

“I will,” I said quickly, and then closed the door and rushed into my house. 

When I was inside, I leaned my head against the cool wood of the door and sighed. It had been a hell of a day, and I did have questions about Sam and Jared, the rest of the tribe, because of it, but I didn’t want to ask them if it meant them breaking the rules that seemed so important. Whatever had happened at the wreck site, the reason Jared seemed scared of Carlisle and the things Sam had said, the way he didn’t seem sure Carlisle was safe, didn’t make me question the fact I believed he was.

Edward had saved my life, his family had been sweet, and Carlisle had been nothing but gentle and kind to me. He was a man that I was developing feelings for because of the person he was. I thought the biggest risk between Carlisle and me was to my heart, and that was mine to risk.

I would not risk his if I could help it.

I unzipped Rosalie’s jacket and went to hang it up, and then I saw the blood that had transferred from my shirt to the inner lining. I was going to have to wash it. I carried it into the laundry room, dropped it into the washer, and then hurried upstairs to clean myself up.

My shirt and jeans were too bloodstained to be salvageable, so I would trash them. I took clean clothes out of the closet and then went into the bathroom. I would have liked to make do with a quick washcloth wipe, but I was too tacky with blood to get away with it. I set the shower running and stripped off and then stepped under the hot spray.

This was not my first time cleaning myself of my own blood, it wasn’t even the five dozenth, but it never got any easier. It upset me to see the evidence of my injury, how I would have been killed without my curse. I ran my hand over my stomach and saw the unblemished skin that showed the healing was finished. Another mortal wound healed completely.

I washed off quickly and then stepped out and wrapped a towel around myself and rubbed my hair with another as I went back into the bedroom. I dried off quickly and piled my damp hair on top of my head with an elastic. I was going to be cold going out like this, but it wasn’t like it was going to harm me.

I hurried downstairs again and grabbed my spare coat, thinner and shorter, from the closet and then hurried outside.

I intended to go to my truck, but there was a red convertible parked right outside my house, and Rosalie was leaning against it.

I frowned. “What are you doing here?” I asked, then countered my rudeness by going on, “Not that I’m not glad to see you, but… Is everyone okay?”

“Alice thought you might like me to drive you,” she said. “She figured you might be a little shaky still after the crash, and I can get you to Port Angeles faster than you can get there in your truck.”

“Port Angeles?” I asked.

“Senora Gogh needed specialist care,” she said. “Carlisle decided she was stable enough to be moved. He’s waiting there for you.”

“Then I would appreciate a ride,” I said, rushing forward and climbing into the passenger side of the car.

She pulled away at a faster speed than was sensible on Fork’s roads, and I gripped the sides on the seat as my mind flashed back to the wreck.

“Sorry,” she said, slowing slightly. “I forgot you’re probably traumatized.”

“I’m not,” I said. “It’s just been a long day, and I’d rather not get into another wreck.”

She smirked. “I can promise that’s not going to happen with me at the wheel.”

We reached the edge of town before she increased her speed again, and I fisted my hands in my lap instead of gripping the seat. I was anxious, but I wanted to get to the hospital, and she was obviously confident at the wheel.

“You’re not hurt,” Rosalie stated.

“I’m not,” I agreed.

“But you were covered in blood.”

“I was.”

I stared at her, seeing her lips press into a thin line and her annoyance furrowing her perfect brow.

I felt torn. Though they knew some of my story, the fact I healed, I didn’t want to tell them it all. The tribe had been understanding of my secret, and the latest generation had taken it well, if a little awed. But to hear that someone had lived over three centuries was a lot for anyone to accept. It would change things. I liked the way they looked at me, Bella the teacher and friend. If they knew I was immortal, nothing would be the same anymore. I liked what I had with them, and I didn’t want to lose it.

I didn’t want to lose Carlisle.

“And…?” Rosalie said pointedly.

“And I’m not talking about it,” I stated.

She darted a glance at her, her lips parted and eyes wide. “You don’t think we’ve got a right to know? That _Carlisle_ has a right to know?”

I huffed a laugh. “You think _you_ have a right?”

“Yes,” she snapped.

“If it’s Carlisle you believe has the right to know, it’s Carlisle I will discuss it with,” I stated, crossing my arms over my chest and staring pointedly out of the windshield.

She made a strange sound, it was almost a growl, and pressed down on the accelerator so that we raced along the road, overtaking a logging truck with a blast of the horn.

My breath caught, and I reminded myself I would not be hurt irreparably if I was involved in my second crash of the day in order to stop me shouting at her to slow down.

Even if this journey was going to possibly give me nightmares to join the ones I’d already gained with Sofia, it was going to get me to her faster.

That was what I had to focus on.

xXx

“She’s nearly here,” Alice said, laying a hand on my arm.

I nodded stiffly, my nerves taut. “This is going to be hard for her.”

“Yes,” Alice agreed. “It is.”

“Do you think I made a mistake bringing her here?”

“Senora Gogh?” she asked and then went on when I nodded. “No. She needed neurosurgery, and since you’re posing as a general surgeon this time around, they wouldn’t let you do it. The next best thing was Doctor Briers, and he’s here. You did the right thing, Carlisle.”

I sighed. I was doubting myself in a way I didn’t usually. My focus in the ambulance had been keeping Sofia stable enough to transport the distance, but a small inner part of me had stayed with Bella. I always valued human life, I dedicated my existence to it, but it had never seemed so vital for a patient to be cared for than this woman, as any harm to her would harm Bella.

Alice moved to the window of the waiting room we were in and said, “They’re here.”

I hurried to her side and watched as Bella climbed out of Rosalie’s M3 and started towards the hospital without a backward glance. Rosalie locked the car and followed her, a crease of annoyance on her brow.

I left the waiting room and went to the lobby to meet her. Bella’s eyes found mine, and she rushed over and asked, “How is she?”

“She’s in surgery,” I said. “They found a bleed in her brain that needed to be drained.”

Bella paled and then asked, “Was she conscious at all? Did you get a gauge on any mental deficit?”

“No,” I said, surprised by the question. To ask if Sofia had been conscious made sense, but to ask about deficits seemed something a more medically knowledgeable person would ask more than a question from a history teacher.

Bella rubbed at her forehead, looking pained.

“Are you in pain?” Alice asked.

Bella dropped her hand and said, “No, I’m fine.”

“Inexplicably,” Rosalie said pointedly. “But we don’t get to hear about that, do we, Bella?”

Bella shot her a glare and then said, “Is there somewhere we can talk?”

“Yes,” I said. “I’m sure they won’t mind us using the surgical waiting room, even though we’re not family.”

“Her family!” Bella gasped. “I forgot! Has anyone called them?”

“I don’t know,” I said, then, seeing her stricken face, I rushed on. “I can find out though.” I patted her arm and then slipped through the doors to the ER and caught the eye on a passing nurse, one of the team that had triaged Sofia before surgery. “Do you know if anyone’s contacted Sofia Gogh’s next of kin?”

“Yes. The intake team found the details in her purse. I think they said her mother was in Iowa. They’ve been informed, so I’m guessing they’re on their way.”

“Thank you,” I said, walking back through to the lobby where Bella was waiting with Alice and Rosalie. “Her mother has been told,” I explained.

Bella let out a heavy sigh. “Good. Okay…”

“Can we talk _now_?” Rosalie asked pointedly.

Bella stared at her for a moment and then said, “Yes, we can talk. Where’s this waiting room, Carlisle?”

“This way.” I led them through the door and up a floor to the surgical suite waiting room. It was thankfully empty, so we had the space to ourselves. The room was created by small groupings of chairs and coffee tables.

Bella walked to a low couch by the window and sat down, her arms crossing over her chest and an uncharacteristically wary look in her eyes that make me think it was a gesture of defense.

I sat opposite her, Rosalie and Alice sitting either side of me, and then said, “We don’t have to talk about anything you’re uncomfortable with, Bella.”

Rosalie hissed, and I shot her an annoyed look. Not only was she being rude, but she was also showing Bella more of her nature that was necessary as Bella had no desire to know more about us. She glared back at me, the stubborn set of her jaw familiar and tiresome.

Bella took a deep breath and then said, “Obviously you have questions—”

“Yeah, we do,” Rosalie stated.

“But…” Bella rubbed a hand over her face and squeezed her eyes closed.

I saw her discomfort, and I realized it was more than the fate of her friend that was dragging her down. She didn’t _want_ to tell us.

I wanted to know how she had healed, how she was alive after seeing the amount of blood she’d lost and the injury Alice had described. I needed to know how she’d lived when Alice had admitted she’d seen Bella’s future disappear immediately after she’d pulled the shard of dashboard out of her stomach. I felt I had to know, but my more pressing need was giving her what _she_ needed.

I held up a hand. “Don’t, Bella.”

She frowned. “What?”

“Don’t tell us,” I said, fixing my gaze on her though I could feel Rosalie’s and Alice’s incredulous eyes on me. “We don’t need to know.”

“What?” Rosalie said stridently.

I ignored her and addressed Bella. “If there comes a time when you want us to know, then we will listen, but there is no pressure on you to tell us any more than you want to.”

Bella’s face moved into exquisite relief, and I knew I’d done the right thing. “Thank you, Carlisle,” she said. “Really. Maybe …” She shook her head. “I appreciate it.”

“You allow us to keep our secret,” I said, though I wished she knew.

It was a selfish wish, but I couldn’t help it. I was aware of the risk the Volturi would pose if they ever found out I’d told a human about us, but I also believed Bella would keep our secret for us. And there was no reason Aro would ever find out about Bella. I had not seen him in over two-hundred years, and no one else in my family had ever met him. I believed I could tell Bella the truth and have no consequence. I wanted her to know me as I truly was.

Alice cleared her throat and said, “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Bella said.

“Do you always heal from everything?”

“Heal…” She said with a quirk of her lips. “Yes, I do. Always.”

“But you…” She bit her lip, and I knew she was weighing up the fact of telling Bella what she’d seen in her vision, the way Bella had disappeared, and respecting Bella’s lack of interest in what we were. “Nothing,” she muttered.

“I have a question,” Rosalie said, rancor in her voice. “The… _men_ …that were there today, they know about you, don’t they?”

Bella nodded. “They know.”

“So why do they get to know but we don’t?”

Bella locked eyes with Rosalie for a moment and then looked at me and said, “You don’t need to know?” questioningly.

“I don’t,” I said serenely.

Bella smiled. “Then I don’t think there’s anything left to say. Thank you for bringing me here, Rosalie. You guys don’t need to stay. I can get a cab home.”

“I can stay with you,” I offered.

“I’d appreciate that,” she said.

“Rose, Alice, you should go home,” I said. “I’m sure Esme needs to speak to you. I’ll come home later with Bella.”

Alice got to her feet and then tugged on Rosalie’s arm and said, “Come on, Rose.”

With a look of annoyance, Rosalie got up and marched out of the room. Alice smiled at us and said, “I’ll see you later, Carlisle,” then slipped out after her.

Bella sank back in her seat and pressed her hands to her face, sighing loudly.

“Are you okay?” I asked tentatively.

Bella started to nod and then shook her head. “No, Carlisle, I’m not. It’s been a long day, and I just feel…”

I moved to sit beside her and put a tentative arm around her shoulders. She slumped against me, seeming untroubled by the hardness of my skin or the coolness of my hand as it stroked her hair back from her face.

“I know,” I sighed. “But Sofia is strong. A surgeon I admire greatly is operating on her now, and her prognosis could be good once the bleed is drained. And… and I’m here.”

Bella nodded and said, “Thank you,” softly.

I wasn’t sure if she was thanking me for my reassurance or presence, but she nestled a little closer to me, and I found myself smiling.

I had to face the wolves that night, and that was sure to be tense, but I was with Bella now, helping her, and that made it hard to worry about anything else.


	16. Chapter 16

**_Carlisle_ **

An hour after returning to Forks with Bella, I was at the old house with Esme, Alice, and Rosalie. We’d called Edward, Jasper, and Emmett to tell them what had happened, and they were on their way home, but wouldn’t be there for hours. We were all feeling a little tense, but it was Rosalie that was turning that tension into anger.

“What are we going to do about the wolves?” she asked, her tone harsh.

“We do the safest thing, Rose,” Esme said, placing a hand on her arm. “We wait until Edward, Emmett, and Jasper get back, and then we contact the tribe chief and arrange a meeting.”

“If they’ll wait,” Alice said.

“They will,” I said. “There was no rancor today at the crash scene. They don’t think we’re a danger to life.”

Esme nodded, appeased, and asked, “Have you spoken to Bella?”

“Not since we got home this evening,” I said. “She waited until she could see her friend out of surgery and then agreed to leave. She’ll go back tomorrow, and I’ve offered to go with her, but she refused. I think she wants to be alone with her thoughts. She has had a very trying day.”

“No kidding,” Alice said.

“Yeah, being in a car wreck, getting mortally injured, magically healing, and then refusing to tell us how it happened is tiring,” Rosalie said.

“We have to respect her wishes, Rosalie,” I said mildly. “She has given us the privacy of our secret, so we have to do the same.”

Rosalie opened her mouth to answer, her eyes tight with annoyance, but Alice spoke over her.

“I get it, Rose; I want to know what happened, too. Hell, this is the first time I’ve ever seen anything like this before, and there’s never been anything I _can’t_ see with my gift. I saw Bella injured, I saw her pulled the shard out of her gut, and then she disappeared. For all I know, she actually disappeared because she died and came back. The point is I don’t know, none of us do, and we’re not going to find out until Bella chooses to tell us.”

“And her secret poses no danger to us,” I said. 

“We _think_ ,” Rosalie said pointedly. “We don’t know anything for sure.”

“What possible danger could she be?” Esme asked. “I think we saw a miracle today. Bella could have died or been permanently injured, but she wasn’t. I am going to take that miracle and cherish it.”

“Exactly,” Alice said. “The vision that matters, Bella and Carlisle together, is still there. We’re going to have that. If Bella keeping her secret is something to do with how we get that, I’m happy.”

Rosalie crossed her arms over her chest and scowled. 

“We should do something,” Esme said thoughtfully. “We could call Edward. He Emmett and Jasper had to cut their hunting trip short, so we could go to meet them.” She checked her watch. “They will have reached Montana by now. If we leave, we can meet them and go into Oregon to hunt together. We have some clear days on Monday and Tuesday.

“Yes,” Alice said. “We should go. We all need time together as a family.”

She and Rosalie nodded, and I thought the possibility of seeing their mates had lifted their moods.

“Carlisle?” Alice prompted.

“I’ll stay here,” I said. “I have a shift tomorrow night, and I would like to be close to Bella if she needs anything.”

Esme gave me a small smile and nodded. “Let’s go.”

Alice and Rosalie rose, and Esme patted my shoulder before following them to the door. I sat listening to the sound of the M3 starting and pulling out onto the road, and then I stood, too, and started home.

I had an hour until I needed to leave, if I was going to leave, and I thought I would use it for hunting, too. I was carefully not making a decision about going to the meeting yet, as Alice would see as soon as I did, and they would come back, which I didn’t want.

If I was going to go to the assigned meeting with the wolves, I was going alone.

I knew I could perhaps be making a mistake, risking myself, but I trusted the wolves after that afternoon when they’d allowed me to help Sofia when she had been bleeding and Bella coated in her own blood. They believed I could control myself, so I thought it was the right thing to do to go alone.

Though I would have felt safer going with my family, especially if Edward, Emmett, and Jasper were there, I still felt confident going to meet the wolves alone.

If I was to take Alice, Esme, and Rosalie, I would be creating tension in the situation. And Jasper and Emmett would never forgive me for risking their mates.

At the scene of the crash, it had been me that was allowed to cross the line. Alice and Rosalie had been kept back and guarded by the younger wolf. They weren’t trusted. I was.

The fact I couldn’t ask Alice what the outcome would be without tipping her off to my plan was a complication, but it didn’t stop me. I was protecting them by doing this, and I would not regret that.

xXx

I arrived at the meeting place a few minutes before the assigned time and made a point of standing at the edge of the river, staring into its flowing depths and looking perfectly relaxed.

In truth, I wasn’t that relaxed. I was starting to doubt my decision. I knew I could leave now and rearrange a meeting when we could all go together, but I didn’t. I wanted it done, and I wanted to do it in as calm a manner as possible. If I showed them that I was confident and trusting enough to come alone, they would be reassured—I hoped.

I heard them coming, pounding paws on the forest floor, and then caught their scent—or perhaps stench was the more appropriate word.

They slowed, and then there was a rustle and the sound of four paws became two feet, and a bare-chested Sam appeared out of the trees with two giant wolves standing either side of them.

I couldn’t entirely hide my shock at seeing it was a pack of three, not two, but I covered it quickly and said, “Thank you for coming.”

“You came alone,” Sam said.

“I believed it was for the best. There is no dispute between us, so we can deal with this swiftly and calmly. If I had brought all of my family, we would have well outnumbered you, and I thought that might create tension.”

The silver wolf growled and leaned forward as if about to spring, and I stiffened, but Sam snapped, “Stop, Paul!” and the growls cut off, though the wolf continued to bare its teeth at me.

“We don’t want trouble,” Sam said. “But there are things we need to discuss.”

“There are,” I said. “But theirs is something I want to say first.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Go ahead.”

“Thank you for letting me help today. I appreciate the trust you put into me in allowing me to cross the line to help Sofia and Bella.”

The second wolf, the brown one I assumed was Jared, made a strange huffing sound that I thought was a laugh.

“Bella didn’t need help,” Sam stated.

“Yes, I soon discovered that, but I didn’t know that when I arrived. Bella is very important to me. If you had not given me permission…”

“You would have crossed anyway,” Sam said with a nod. “I thought so. That’s something we need to talk about. Bella. She is important to some of us in the tribe. We have a history with her.”

I frowned. “You have a history with _Bella_?”

I didn’t understand how much history they could have as she had only been in Forks a matter of months unless, of course, it was not her first time in the area. She’d not mentioned being here before, but she had told me comparatively little about her life.

I wondered if perhaps a doppelganger would have a connection to a tribe that could shapeshift into wolves. Was the fact she was a doppelganger what enabled her to heal?

“Is her secret a part of that history?” I asked.

Sam appraised me carefully and then said, “She’s not told you about herself, has she?”

Deciding on honesty, I said, “No. She hasn’t.”

“Then I’m not going to.”

“I don’t want you to,” I said. “I only want to hear that story if Bella chooses to tell it.”

Sam looked surprised, and the two wolves exchanged a long look with each other.

“That’s good,” Sam said. “Bella deserves the respect.”

Jared gave a short whine, and Sam nodded and went on.

“I have spoken with the other elders, and we all decided you needed to be reminded of an aspect of the treaty. You are forbidden from biting a human. You cannot feed from, not bite, not _change_ into one of your kind. It is forbidden.” He stated it carefully.

I stared at him, completely stunned. “You think I will bite Bella?”

“Won’t you?”

I hadn’t truly given it much thought. I had been caught up in what was happening between us, how much I was enjoying our time together, that I’d not looked into the future with her further than what Alice had seen.

I should have, perhaps, but I’d been caught up in the present. The idea of Bella remaining human, having a human life, appealed to me as she would not be bound by the limitations of my kind, but it would mean I’d lose her one day, and the very idea of it crushed me. I would be left alone again, denied the love of my life, and the memory would haunt me. Could I bear that? I had changed Edward, Esme, and Rosalie to give them a life that they could not have had otherwise. They were dying when I bit them. But Bella was healthy, completely healthy as she’d somehow healed from injuries. I would not lose her that way, so I would not be in that position.

If I was to change her, it would be her decision. And I would not be held back from having forever with her because of a treaty I made when I’d already decided to never change another person.

The wolves weren’t going to stop me from having forever with the woman I love.

They did not need to know that though.

“I will not,” I said serenely. “I decided long ago to not create another vampire.”

“You mean to not kill someone,” Sam said, and the two wolves growled.

“You see it differently to me,” I said. “It wasn’t taking a life in the circumstances I’ve done it before; it was saving a life.”

Sam glowered. “That’s something we’ll never agree on.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “If that law of the treaty remains unbroken, and you stay off our lands, we will keep our part of it. We will not threaten you, and we will not reveal what you are.”

I wondered if he knew the futility of that threat these days. It was no longer a time in which a rumor of vampirism would be a risk. If they tried, we would leave the area and the threat behind.

“Thank you,” I said. “We will, of course, stay off your lands.”

Sam nodded. “Then there’s nothing else for us to say.”

He turned and walked into the trees again, but I called after him. “Sam, you know I am no risk to your people. You trusted me today. Please, allow your people to come to the hospital when they have need. I could help them.”

Sam turned back and said, “I don’t _allow_ them to do anything. If they choose to stay away from you, that’s their choice.”

I didn’t believe that was true, but I couldn’t argue it further. I had gained what I needed from the meeting, and that had been my mission in coming.

“Very well,” I said. “I don’t imagine our paths will cross again.”

I turned to leave and then stopped as he said, “The woman that was hurt today, how is she?”

“She’s stable,” I said. “I am hopeful for a good recovery, but it will not be known until she regains consciousness.”

He nodded stiffly, snapped an order, and then they all disappeared into the trees, and then I heard a rustle and paws pounding the ground as they ran away.

I set off running back to my house, relieved that it was over, and had been handled without complications.

Well, one complication. They believed they had a say in Bella’s future. They had none, that was wholly down to Bella, but they did not need to know that.

It was entirely her decision. 

When I reached my home, I looked at the darkened windows of Bella’s house, and I wondered if she was sleeping peacefully. I hoped she was, but she’d had a difficult day, and some degree of trauma was likely. I would have liked to help her with that, to talk it through with her, but she’d refused my company for her return to the hospital, and unless I was going to be able to see her in the evening, it would be days before I saw her again.

The sun was going to bind me to the forest and big house until Wednesday, so I would have nothing to do but wait.

I opened my front door and then went into the kitchen where my phone was trilling. I checked the caller ID and hear the roar of an engine as I answered, “Alice.”

“What did you do?” she asked, her voice panicked. “What did you decide?”

I sighed. “I went to the wolves to ratify the treaty. I know you’ll think I should have waited, but I wanted to do it peaceably. And it was entirely peaceful. They’ve agreed to follow the original agreement again.”

“I don’t care about that!” Alice snapped. “Carlisle, your future is gone!”

“What?”

“You just disappeared. What have you decided?”

“Nothing.” A suspicion occurred to me as I connected my lack of future and the disappearance of Bella’s at the wreck. “Can you see me now?”

I heard her draw a breath and then the sound of the phone changing hands and Edward’s voice speaking in a growl. “That was stupid, Carlisle. They could have killed you. We thought they _did_ kill you.”

“I’m fine, Edward,” I soothed.

“He’s there,” Alice said from a distance. “I can see him. It’s all back. He’s with Bella soon.”

Edward sighed with relief. “Okay, we’re on our way home. Meet us at the house. We need to talk.”

“I’ll leave now,” I said. “But I think I have an explanation. Bella’s future disappeared after the crash. I think it’s the wolves that block her gift. I have no idea why though.”

There was a long pause as and then Edward said. “Maybe. We’re not finding out though. None of us are going anywhere near the wolves again. If the treaty is taken care of, we have no reason to.”

“I agree,” I said. “I apologize for worrying you all. I just thought it was the best way to handle the situation.

Edward sighed and then a note of amusement came into his voice. “Okay, but you’re on your own when Rosalie sees you.”

“She’s angry?” I asked tentatively.

Edward chuckled. “Carlisle, you have no idea…”

I closed my eyes and sighed. If I was going to spend the sunny days with my family, Rosalie would have ample time to make her feelings known.

I was already wishing for the clouds again. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any confusion. I posted a chapter from my Bella/Edward - It Was Always You - by mistake. To make up for any disappointment of not getting a new chapter today, I'm posting one now.

I dreaded the teachers’ lounge on Monday, and I was right to. I barely had time to get myself a coffee and opened my packaged sandwich before I was descended on. The staff gathered around me, all staring at me with bright interest.

“So, what happened to Sofia?” Bob Banner asked.

“We heard you were there,” Ted Clapp added.

I sighed. “We were in a car accident on our way out of La Push. You remember how bad the rain was on Saturday?”

They all nodded eagerly.

“We went off the road into a tree. I was okay as the airbag saved me, but Sofia was thrown against the side window. She has a head injury.”

Shirley Cope pressed a hand to her chest. “Oh my. The poor thing. How is she now?”

I believed her concern was fake but didn’t want to be rude. “They operated, and it was successful,” I said. “She woke up Saturday night, and I was able to speak to her yesterday, but…” I tailed off, unwilling to share more of Sofia’s condition to people that didn’t genuinely care about her. I’d already spoken to Karen the evening before, so she knew the situation. She was listening now from across the lounge, giving me sympathetic looks as I was pinned under their scrutiny.

“So, she is awake,” Shirley Cope said. “But is she brain damaged.”

“No!” I snapped, and then made my tone polite. “She’s going to need time to recover, but her prognosis is good.”

I couldn’t be sure of that as she was having difficulty with memory when I saw her, but that was normal after a bleed the size of hers, and she did have a good chance of recovery. I wasn’t adding her condition to the topics of gossip while she recovered.

“That’s good,” Bob said, and I thought he was sincere. “It could have been much worse.”

“It could,” I agreed.

"Have you thought of your luck, though, Bella?" Shirley asked. "You've been in town a matter of months, and in that time, you’ve been involved in two almost fatal accidents. Edward Cullen saved you from the first, and an airbag did the second.” She smiled, though her eyes were not friendly. “You should be more careful.”

“I will,” I said, flashing her my own bright smile. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…” I took a bite of my sandwich and grabbed a magazine from the table to pretend to read.

Conversation flowed around me about Sofia and the lack of substitute arranged, which meant Mr. Greene had to sit with her classes until they found one.

I ate and scanned my magazine, ignoring them, until a new conversation caught my attention.

“The Cullen and Hale children aren’t in today, are they?” Bob Banner said. “The Hales and oldest Cullen missed my class in second period, and I didn’t see them in the cafeteria.

“No,” Shirley said. “Their mother called this morning and said they’ll be out today and tomorrow. Apparently, they’re taking advantage of the clear weather to go camping together.”

“Camping in November?” Ted Clapp said. “They’re going to freeze.”

“I’m sure they’ll be prepared,” Shirley replied.

I realized Carlisle’s car had been missing that morning, and I wondered if he’d gone along on the camping trip. He said they had an arrangement with the school so they could take advantage of good weather, but it gave me a small pang to think I wouldn’t see him until Wednesday at the earliest. I hadn’t wanted him to come to the hospital with me the day before as I’d thought Sofia would need space from strangers, and I’d also wanted a little space for myself after I’d been exposed as unnatural, but I regretted it now.

I scolded myself for being weak, for allowing myself to grow more attached than I’d already become, but I couldn’t help it. I had never met anyone else like Carlisle, I wanted to spend time with him, to know him, and it was hard to keep a handle on my situation.

I wanted more from him than a lover, but I couldn’t have it. He knew my secret now, at least part of it, but my time with him was still limited.

It would hurt us both to have more when it would ultimately end too soon.

xXx

As the weather was good, I decided to go to La Push that night to run off some of my nervous energy. I ran from First Beach to Second, and jogged back, the slap of my sneakers against the wet sand and my breaths filling my ears and calming me.

When I got back to the driftwood tree that I usually stopped at, I saw three men sitting on it. They were bare-chested and dressed in cut off pants. Their feet were bare. When I was closer, I recognized them as Sam and Jared, and the one they’d sent back to the reservation to call for help.

I lifted a hand to them and walked over. “Hey,” I said.

“Hello, Bella,” Sam said, gesturing to the man I didn’t know. “This is Paul Lahote, and you remember Jared?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I didn’t get a chance to thank you on Saturday. You saved my friend’s life.”

I had expected some acknowledgment, but Sam merely nodded and said, “We were hoping we would see you soon, but coming to your house is…”

“We can’t,” Jared stated, and then ducked his head as Sam gave him a hard look.

“You can’t come to my house?” I asked dubiously. “Why not?” An idea occurred, the way Carlisle had waited for permission to come to help Sofia when he’d arrived, the tension of the two me. “I think I know.”

“You _know_? Paul asked incredulously. “You know what they…”

“Paul!” Sam snapped.

They knew about Carlisle and his family, I was sure, and what they knew worried them. There was something about their secret that affected these two men.

I perched on the edge of the tree and stared out at the waves crashing on the shore. “I know there is something different about Carlisle’s family, and I’m guessing you know more, but I am not as worried as you seem to be.”

“You should be,” Sam stated. “They’re…” He cut himself off, snapping his teeth together, and breathed hard through his nose.

“I’m not worried because I trust them,” I went on. “Thanks to Edward Cullen, I was saved from exposure. I would have been crushed when a van skidded on oil, far too injured for me to pass it off, so I would have had to flee and leave stories behind. He saved me, so I was able to stay here. He’s given me no reason to not trust him. None of them have.”

Sam seemed to consider a long time, his eyes hard, his friends watching him warily, and then he said, “You need to be careful.”

I stared at him, seeing his conflict, and then said, “You cannot tell me about them any more than you should tell people out of the bloodline my secret, am I right?”

He nodded stiffly.

“I can see you’re struggling, so I’ll make it clear: I don’t want to know what their secret is. They saw a part of my secret yesterday, but they don’t know it all because they’re respecting my right to share when I want to. I am doing the same for them. I know I am perfectly safe with them, just as I believe I am perfectly safe with you and whatever secret you’re hiding.”

Sam frowned. “Our secret?”

“Yes, your secret. I have seen how strong they are, and I saw that Carlisle waited for your permission to approach at the wreck site, the fact Alice and Rosalie had to stay back. Whatever they are hiding, you pose a threat to it.” I narrowed my eyes and then ventured a guess. “You have an arrangement with them?”

“Yes,” he said through his teeth.

“Then I won’t put you in a position to break it.” I got up and stood in front of them, arms crossed over my chest. “We can all keep our secrets, and we can all be safe.”

“You’re not safe!” Paul growled.

“I believe I am,” I said. “But thank you for trying to help. I have a long history with your people, and I trust you like I trust the Cullens.”

“You do have a long history with us,” Sam said. “You are a friend of the tribe, and your legend is a part of ours now, which is why you need to be careful. Old Quil cares about you. He’s worried.”

“He doesn’t need to be,” I said calmly and confidently.

I turned and started to walk away, stopping when Sam called after me.

“Bella, stay ignorant if you want, but let them know we will be watching.”

I turned back and saw the strain in both if their faces. “If you do respect me and my relationship with your tribe, you won’t be watching me. I can take care of myself.”

I strode to my truck without looking back, though my mind was sorting through what had been said. I didn’t want to know the Cullens’ secret, and I believed I was safe with them, but there was something about Sam and his friends that made me wary. The way they were talking, the way they said they’d watch, and Carlisle’s caution, the way Jared had seemed to guard Alice and Bella, make me think there was more danger in my tribe friends than I had seen before.


	18. Chapter 18

**_Carlisle_ **

On arrival at the airport in Anchorage, I went to rent a car, but there was already someone waiting for me at the desk.

“Irina,” I said with a smile of greeting. “What are you doing here?”

“Alice called ahead and told us you were coming. I thought I’d save you renting a car.”

“Thank you,” I said, embracing her briefly. “How are you?”

“Curious,” she said. “We all are. Alice didn’t say why you were coming back so soon, especially after you and Edward came and failed to see us at all…” She raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“I apologize,” I said. “It was a difficult time, and we left in a hurry.”

She stared at me a moment, her golden eyes assessing. “Why are you here, Carlisle?”

“I wanted to see you all, ask you something.”

“Hmm… Carlisle Cullen coming to us with a question. That’s rare. Let’s go.”

I followed her to the parking lot and climbed into the passenger side of her SUV. She got in behind the wheel, started the engine, and then pulled out of our spot and joined the queue of cars waiting to get out of the busy lot. She turned on the radio, and an upbeat pop song played. She scoffed and tuned it to a classical station.

I relaxed back in my seat and allowed the music to wash over me. It was a Mozart piece that I’d once heard performed by the Chicago Symphony Orchestra before Edward joined me and we began to create our family.

It made me think of a date I was hoping to take Bella on. The Oper Frankfurt were coming to Seattle in the new year to perform [La Dafne](https://www.classicalevents.co.uk/concerts/the-old-market-brighton/08-february-2020/19-30/opera-la-dafne) with Jane Archibald in the title role. I had not seen La Dafne in person before, and I liked the idea of experiencing it with Bella. It would be a deviation from our usual time spent together, and I thought she would like it as I had seen a few recorded operas among her CD collection—a discovery that surprised me for her age. The thought of seeing her dressed up for the event also appealed, and Esme always said I was dashing in a tuxedo.

“What are you thinking?” Irina asked.

I pulled myself from my thoughts and said, “I’ve met someone.”

Her eyebrows rose, and she said, “You’ve met a woman? Who is it? I didn’t know there were any of us in your area.”

I bit my lip and said, “It’s a long story.”

I didn’t want to mention that Bella was a human to her or her sisters, not yet at least. I thought the situation would be better explained when I had a chance to assure them all she didn’t know the secret, as Tanya and her sisters were purists about the law, understandably following the fate of their mother.

“It’s a complicated story, too, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” I admitted.

“Are you in trouble, Carlisle? Is that why you’re here?” Her tone was wary.

I frowned. “Do you really think I’d bring my troubles to you, Irina?”

She considered a moment and then said, “No. I’m sorry, I should not have thought it. I've never known you to be like this before, though; you’re not yourself.”

“In a way, I’m not,” I said. “In another way, I am the man I was in the very beginning.”

She frowned at me and then seemed to decide on patience for the story as she turned the radio up a little louder, and we spent the rest of the journey to her house in silence.

When we reached the sprawling cabin where she lived with her family, with its rich redwood walls and vast windows that were a result of Esme’s assisted renovations, she pulled up in the garage. We walked together to the front door, which was opened by Kate, who greeted me with a smile.

“Carlisle,” she said, a hint of her former Russian accent creeping through. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too, Kate,” I said.

Tanya greeted me next, and then I was invited to join them on one of the couches arranged around the roaring fireplace.

“Eleazar and Carmen are hunting, but they know you’re here and will be back soon,” Tanya said. “They’re eager to see you. We are all curious to know what made you make the trip to see us again so soon.”

“I am eager to speak to you all,” I said. “We had fortuitous clear days in Forks, so I was free to make the trip.”

“And you came alone?” Kate said questioningly. 

“Yes. The rest of my family have gone on a hunting trip.”

Tanya sat down, crossed her legs, sat back against the couch cushions, and fixed her intense eyes on me, though her pose was relaxed. 

Her sisters sat down either side of her, the perfect line-up of beauty and grace that was more than just an attribute of our kind. The succubae sisters were even more attractive than any vampires I’d met, excepting Rosalie, though their beauty was not a lure to me. Beauty for me came from ivory skin, cheeks that occasionally flushed, and rich brown eyes.

“How is your family?” Tanya asked.

“We’re all well,” I said. “We’ve settled in Forks. Though things have been…interesting lately. And you?”

“We’ve been fine,” Tanya said. “Unlike you, we have nothing interesting to report.”

I heard soft footsteps brushing against the snow-covered ground outside, and then the door opened, and Eleazar and Carmen appeared.

I stood and shook Eleazar's hand and embraced Carmen. After polite questions of each other's wellbeing, we settled down on couches, Eleazar and Carmen sitting close together with hands entwined, and the air became filled with anticipation.

“I come with a question,” I said. “But first, I should give you reassurance and explanation before I ask.”

Kate leaned forward and said, “Reassurance?”

“Yes. I have met someone,” I said. “Or perhaps have been reunited with someone is the correct term. Her name is Bella, and she’s human.”

The anticipation became stress, and Kate said, “Have you revealed our secret, Carlisle?”

“No,” I said solemnly. “I would not come here and include you in the situation if I had. Bella knows there is something different about us, there was… an incident that made her aware, but she has shown no curiosity. In fact, she has outright refused our offers to know.”

Irina narrowed her eyes and said, “This is still a dangerous situation.”

“I don’t see the risk,” I said mildly. “Bella has her own secret to keep. That’s why she is allowing us ours. It’s that secret I wish to talk to you about.” I pressed my fingertips to my temples and tried to gather my thoughts. “I need to know if any of you have experience with doppelgangers.” My eyes found Eleazar. “Did you ever come across them in your time serving the Volturi?”

“Doppelgangers?” Eleazar said, his brow furrowed. “You mean a copy of a person?” 

“Exact to the last detail,” I said. “Have you heard of it?” My eyes fell on Tanya and her sisters. “Or you? Outside of the Volturi, you’re among the oldest vampires I know.”

Tanya smiled, though it looked a little forced, and said, “It’s rude to refer to a lady’s age, Carlisle.”

I returned her smile and said, “I’m sorry. I was just hoping with your experience, you would know something I don’t.”

“I’ve never heard of it,” Eleazar said, and my heart sank. “And I spent time studying in the castle library while I was in Volterra.”

“It’s this woman, isn’t it?” Kate asked. “She’s the doppelganger.”

“She is. The woman I met is the perfect copy of one I knew when I was human. Every detail is exact, her features and her voice; even her nature is close—though she’s a little more exuberant than the woman I knew. I believe that’s a product of the time she’s living in, though. Things were very different in the seventeenth century.”

“We remember,” Irina said thoughtfully. “And this woman is definitely human.”

“She is,” I said.

I had already decided not to tell them about Bella’s inexplicable ability to heal. She was not trusting us with her secret, though I hoped one day she would, so I would not betray what I knew to others. She respected our privacy so I would do the same for her. Though I knew it might be able to help me discover more about her.

“Then I have no explanation,” Eleazar said, and Tanya and her sisters shook their heads. “It’s something I never heard of before. If it were not you telling us, I would say it was a mistake. A human could not live that long, only a vampire could, and there is no reason I can think of for someone being the copy of another. Not even identical twins are exact.”

I sighed. “I worried that would be the case.”

“You’re in a relationship with this woman,” Carmen said.

“I’m not sure it counts as a relationship yet,” I admitted. “We’re spending a lot of time together, and I love her as much as I did the day that I lost her, but I’m not sure how she feels about me. Alice sees her in my future, in all of our futures, but love… No. Not for her yet.”

Carmen nodded thoughtfully. “Have you considered that it’s your love that’s created this reunion?”

All eyes fell on her, the sisters’ curious and Eleazar a little doubtful.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

Carmen gave her mate a small smile and said, “Magic, Carlisle.”

“There is no proof of magic existing, mi querido,” Eleazar said softly.

Carmen held up a hand to him in dismissal and fixed her eyes on me. “I have heard of doppelgangers, though not as more than sinister legends, but I have also heard of magic, and I believe in it.” She ran a hand through her hair and looked thoughtful. “I believe you have found your love through a [haltija](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haltija).”

“A what?” I asked.

In answer, Carmen smiled and said, “I do not have my mate’s experience of vampire life and abilities, and I am not as well-read as anyone here, but I do like to study myths and legends as I am a living myth. In Finnish legend, there is mention of a [haltija](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haltija)s. They are a kind of guardian spirit of a person. I think the woman you knew was an etiäinen—one who came before. An etiäinen has all the features of the one that follows: their voice, scent, and nature. Ordinarily, this is a vague spirit that enters a room an hour before the true person comes. Still, there are instances of the etiäinen being the prearrival of a person in life."

“You mean the Bella I knew was a kind of spirit?” I asked doubtfully. The Bella I’d known was a living breathing person that I had touched, spoken to, connected to. I had loved her.

“Perhaps,” Carmen said. “It’s is just a legend. What if it’s a hint of something more though, some truth? I believe our lives are preordained in part. I was always supposed to be with Eleazar, but our paths would never have crossed as humans. We lived too far apart and belonged to different worlds. We needed to become vampires to meet.”

I nodded. “Yes, I can accept that, perhaps, but why was Bella not changed when I was? She died the same night I was bitten. I believe she was killed by the vampires I was hunting. If it was destined, we could both have been changed that night and could have had centuries together.”

Carmen shrugged. “That is down to the Fates. But she was not bitten, she died, so your paths diverted. Perhaps it was fated that you should be together in this time and place, and your years without her were the price of your happiness now.” She smiled. “You had to wait for her, and now you have her true self.”

I wasn’t sure I accepted that the Bella I had known was this _etiäinen_ , she had been too alive to me to be anything but human, but I did believe in fate. The fact I had found Edward on that Chicago hospital ward, dying, and had gained in him my true son; that Esme, the vital sixteen-year-old I’d met in 1911, had come back into my life on the brink of death in 1921 was too perfect to be a coincidence. Also, that I had smelled the blood the night Rosalie was attacked, and the fact we had chosen to live in Tennessee and that she had ventured to hunt alone in the Smoky Mountains the very day Emmett had come afoul of a bear, couldn’t be pure chance.

Was it too much to believe that Bella had been brought back to me in a second life so that I could be with her now?

“You see it,” Carmen said a little smugly, and then glanced around the room at the other dubious faces. “You are the only one to see.” She didn’t sound upset that her family didn’t believe in what she was saying.

“I do,” I said. “I am not sure how or why it has happened this way, but I truly do believe in fate, and if the price of my happiness now is the years I spent without her, then I will not resent the cost.”

Carmen nodded. “Good. Now, Carlisle, tell us all about her. I do not think we’re going to be able to meet her.” She shot Tanya, whose lips were pressed into a thin line, a glance, and then went on. “But I wish to know everything about the woman who has stolen your heart.”

“We all do,” Kate said, settling back in her seat. “Tell us everything, Carlisle.”

I smiled and indulged in what was my now favorite topic. “Well, she’s a history teacher, and I have moved into the house beside hers…”


	19. Chapter 19

**_Edward_ **

I watched Carlisle drive away, heading out to work in his Mercedes, from my place on his porch, and then glanced to the side at Bella's house. Through her kitchen window, I could see her swaying to the music I could hear playing through the thin barrier of her house’s clapboard walls and her occasional laughter reaching me.

I sat down on the porch swing that Emmett had built for Carlisle and swung it slowly back and forth. I was feeling a little dour. As happy as I was for Carlisle and what he was building with Bella, albeit slowly, it did make me feel a little alone. With each evening with Bella that Carlisle told me about, the time he was able to stay with her, I felt a little more lost.

Though Esme had no mate either, she had always seemed perfectly happy as she was with our family to love and didn’t seem to lack anything. I had believed I felt the same, that I was content, but the closer Carlisle became to Bella, the more distant he seemed to me. I missed the times we would have together, talking and listening, discussing everything that we’d done and wanted to do.

I now saw that Carlisle had been hiding what he wanted more than anything when we'd been discussing wants. I understood why he had hidden it, wanting to keep Bella to himself, though it was a marvel that he had with my ability and the extent of the time we spent together.

I heard the music cut off and then the sound of a door opening and Bella’s voice calling to me.

“Edward?”

I looked around at her. “Hello, Bella.”

“Are you okay?” she asked, her brow furrowed with concern.

“I’m fine. Just taking in the day.”

She looked pointedly up at the overcast sky, a perfect day for a vampire to be out among humans. “It’s quite some day.” She came closer and seemed to examine me. “Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t look well.”

I wondered if my thoughts had made their home on my face, the melancholy I felt.

“Do you want to come in for a while?” she asked. “I’m just cooking up some pies for the school bake sale, and I could do with some company.”

What I should have said was no. I hadn’t hunted recently enough, and it wasn’t entirely appropriate for me to be alone in a teacher’s house, but I also wanted to say yes. I’d had barely any time with Bella to talk to her. The closest we’d been was when we were pinned between the truck and van the day of the accident. Esme and Alice had found ways to speak to her, and Alice had been in La Push after the crash and the following drama so had forged more of a relationship there in the tense moment and the conversation that followed at our house while Jasper, Emmett and I had been away hunting. I wanted to know the woman that held my father’s heart.

Abandoning caution, I said, “I would like that,” getting to my feet, crossing the grass, and stepping over the low wall that separated her yard from Carlisle’s.

She went back into her house and gestured me in and then closed the door behind me. “Go on through to the kitchen.”

I went in and took a seat at the table. The countertops were spread with chopping boards and various fruits that smelled mildly offensive to me. That was a minor annoyance that actually helped in a way as it gave me something to think of other than her scent, which was embedded in every inch of the room and the close proximity to her when she came back inside and went to the counter. I was in command of the thirst, though. The monster was controlled.

“You mind if I carry on working?” she asked.

“Of course not.”

“Thanks.”

She took a chopping board from the counter, a bag of apples, and a knife, carried them to the table, and sat opposite me. She began to slice away the skin of an apple, her movements swift and sure. 

From my car where I had left it, I heard my phone ring, but I didn’t excuse myself to get it. There was no good excuse to suddenly leave her after being invited in, and I didn’t want to end my time with her already.

“So, what’s wrong?” she asked, looking up and frowning as I shook my head. “Don’t tell me nothing. There’s clearly something going on. Is it the divorce?”

“No,” I said quickly. “Apart from the fact Carlisle moved out, things are basically the same at home. He comes and goes, and he still comes away with us when we go camping. We have plenty of time with him. I think…” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I know you don’t want to hear the truth about us, and I won’t tell you, but our lives are sometimes difficult because of it. There are things that can…” I sighed. “My life isn’t what I expected it to be, and that’s hitting me harder at the moment than ever before.”

She appraised me and said, “I understand that. As you know, I’ve got my own secret, and it can be a burden. Things can be hard when you’re hiding something from everyone around you. You feel isolated.”

“You do,” I said. “It’s easier for me, as the whole family shares the secret.” I frowned. “Has it been hard for you to be alone?”

She considered her answer and then said. “Only in the fact that I’ve been lying to people all my life. Otherwise, I’ve never really been alone. I’ve always made friends easily enough.” She bit her lip. “When I left Phoenix and came to Forks, I wondered if I would be able to in such a small town with people already with their friendships already formed, but I’ve been lucky. I’ve made friends with others at the school.” A small smile curled her lips. “And I have Carlisle now.”

In that moment, I wished more than anything that I could hear her thoughts. I wanted to know what she really felt for my father. The fact I couldn’t tell was maddening as I was used to being able to find out what I wanted to know with my gift. Her silent mind taunted me.

“Yes, you have Carlisle,” I said pointedly.

She grinned and picked up a new apple. “He’s a good man.”

“He’s the best man I know,” I said solemnly. “He has done so much for me. I will never be able to repay him for the things he’s done and the life he’s given me, given us all.”

Bella nodded and started to peel the apple and then stopped with a soft curse as the knife slipped and cut the tip of her finger. A small bead of blood formed, and my eyes fixated on it.

For the merest moment, I thought I could resist, that I could hold my breath, get up, and flee the house without hurting her, but the monster was more powerful.

I lurched to my feet and rounded the table in a fraction of a second. In another, I had lifted her to her feet, pulled her head to the side to expose her throat, and then sank my teeth through her skin and sealed my lips around the wound. I didn’t feel her struggles or cries. She wasn’t a person. She was a meal.

The blood touched my tongue, and my mind soared. It was elixir, more incredible than the scent had promised, and my body sang with it. I rejoiced, absorbed, and felt the exhilaration of my thirst being sated with the most exquisite blood I have ever tasted.

The monster in me roared with approval.

“Edward, no!”

The scream came from behind me, and I lifted my mouth to growl a warning. This was my hunt, my blood, and I wasn’t going to share it with anyone.

Arms wrapped around my chest, and I was dragged away. I fought and struggled, feral growls ripping from me, but the arms holding me were too strong to resist, and a voice was growling in my ear.

“Stop, Edward! Look at her! Look at what you’ve done to her! Think of Carlisle!”

The name ripped through me, and reason returned. My struggles ceased, and I crumpled in Emmett’s grip.

“Get him out of here, Emmett!” Alice commanded. “Take him to hunt. Call Carlisle. Don’t tell him what happened; he needs to stay in control. Just tell him there’s been an emergency and to come home. Then call Esme and send her after Edward. She might be the only one that can help him apart from Carlisle, and he’s going to be busy.”

The arms hauled me up, and Emmett said, “Come on, Edward. Let’s get you out of here.”

I didn’t resist as I was half carried, half dragged outside and into the forest. As we reached the trees, I heard Alice’s concerned questions to Bella, and then a reply that made me cry out as it was the voice of the one I had injured, the voice of the one my venom would even now be seeping into, the voice of the one I had doomed to the existence of what I now cursed.

“Vampires?” Bella asked.

Alice drew a hitching breath and said, “Yes… Bella? Bella!”

Emmett froze as the sound of a fractured thud came, and I heard his breath catch. I held mine, too, desperately waiting for the sound I needed to save my life.

It didn’t come. Bella’s heart had fallen silent.

I had killed her.

“No!” Alice cried. “Bella!”

Emmett released me and shoved me aside as he raced back into the kitchen. I stood frozen, horrified by what I had done, and then dropped to my knees and bowed over until my forehead was pressed against the floor. Sobs ripped from me, gasping desperate sounds of misery.

"Bella!" Emmett breathed. "Oh, god, Bella."

“It might not be too late,” Alice said. “CPR! The venom might… Help me!”

Her cry reached me, and I sat up. In a split second, I was on my feet; in another, I was running into the kitchen and dropping down beside Bella, who Alice had laid on the floor.

“Move!” I snapped, shoving her aside. “Cover her wound!”

Emmett grabbed for me, and Alice said, “No, he’s the one. He has to be,” as she pressed her hand over the bloody wound in Bella’s throat that my teeth had made.

I didn’t know whether she had seen me save Bella or if she just knew the only way for me to save myself was to be the one that saved Bella, but I didn’t care. I lowered my ear to Bella’s chest, hoping that perhaps there was the faintest heartbeat that I had missed, but there was nothing.

I straightened up and tilted her head back then brew two breaths into her mouth. Her chest rose with them, oxygen entering her blood again, and I sat up and began to compress her chest with carefully measured strength so as not to crush her ribs.

“No,” Emmett was whispering. “She can’t… Edward, you have to…”

“I’m trying,” I snapped. “Alice?”

“I can’t see,” she said desperately as I blew two new breaths into Bella’s mouth. “It’s gone now, but it might change. Keep going.”

As if I was going to stop. The existence of the father I loved more than anything was tied to the woman lying in front of me. All I could do was hope that by moving the venom through her bloodstream, I could trigger the change. If it just reached her heart, there was a chance it would work.

I compressed her chest, my lips working in a litany of pleas to her to live, to come back.

It was my fault, all my fault. I had doomed this innocent woman because of my thirst, killed her, and if the venom failed, she was going to be gone forever.

“Edward,” Alice said weakly after a moment. “The venom.”

“What about it?” I growled and then gave Bella another two breaths.

“It’s not working,” she said. “The venom is coming out. It’s spread but is not starting her heart. I can smell it in her blood.”

I looked at her and saw that she was holding out her hand. The slick blood on her palm from where she had been pressing her hand to Bella’s wound was slightly diluted by the sheen of venom.

“Why?” Emmett asked.

Alice shook her head. “I don’t know. But…” She made a soft choking sound. “It’s not going to work. I can’t see anything at all.”

“No!” I shouted, pressing the heel of my hands to Bella’s chest again eagerly, too eagerly. I pushed too hard. With a sick cracking of ribs breaking, I felt the resistance under my hands disappear, and I saw the hollow I had created in Bella’s chest.

I sank back on my haunches, and a cry of misery ripped from me. I had done it. It wasn't enough that I had bitten her, drained her blood, and stopped her heart, I had also taken the one chance we had of saving her with CPR. There was nothing to do. 

She was gone.

Alice was releasing sounds of misery, and Emmett was staring at Bella’s face with a look of horror. He reached out a gentle hand and closed Bella’s eyes with a stroke over her face.

My mind reeled. I had killed Bella, Carlisle’s mate, and destroyed his world—all our worlds. We would never be the same after this. Carlisle wouldn’t. If he had the resistance and strength to live with this pain instead of seeking death, he was going to be a destroyed man.

And then, out of nowhere and nothing, a heaving breath was drawn and a cough. My incredulous eyes found Bella’s, and she stared up at me with terror.

I needed leave, get away from her to make her feel safe, but the fact I could see the color in her cheeks, the sealed wound at her throat, the curve of her chest instead of the sick, crushed hollow I’d created, had frozen me.

Alice touched Bella’s shoulder and said in a weak whisper, “How?”

Bella shook her head wordlessly, pressed her hand to the blood on her throat, and then looked at it with a gasp.

“It’s okay, Bella, just breathe,” Emmett said softly. “You’re okay.”

But how was she okay? Had could she live now when I had seen the evidence of her death. The injury I had caused her with my overeager CPR had made resuscitation impossible, but she was living now. I could hear her racing heart and see her breaths heaving her chest.

Bella’s eyes darted to me, and she cringed away.

“Get out of here, Edward,” Emmett growled. “You’re scaring the crap out of her.”

Though I nodded, knowing he was right, I couldn’t move.

“Go!” Emmett shouted, and Bella flinched.

I got mechanically to my feet, staring at Bella, and then whispered, “I’m sorry,” and fled.

I reached the trees, the taste of Bella’s blood still in my mouth, soured now with horror, and then I broke into a sprint.

I had just killed the woman Carlisle loved, ended her life. The fact that life had somehow been saved, she was incredibly alive and healed, wasn’t enough to assuage what had happened. And when Carlisle knew…

I was going to die for this crime. 


	20. Chapter 20

_**Carlisle** _

Though Emmett had not told me what had happened that I needed to go home for, the tension in his voice made me drive home recklessly fast as I never would within the town usually.

I skidded to a halt in my driveway and started towards my house, and then diverted to Bella's when I heard Alice speaking within. Her voice was soft, as if she was talking to a skittish animal, and it made me sprint the distance to Bella's door and knock loudly.

There were footsteps and then Alice opened it, her beautiful face sad and strained. "You need to listen, Carlisle…" she started.

I brushed past her without taking in the meaning of the words and followed the sound of Bella's heartbeat—a sound I could pick out of thousands—into the living room.

Bella was sitting on the couch with her knees drawn to her chest and a blanket wrapped around her. She looked pale and ill, and when her eyes found me, there was none of the fondness I was accustomed to seeing now. She looked wary.

I wanted to go to her side, but the way she looked made me pause. I had a feeling I needed to be careful with her. "Bella… What happened?" I asked.

She shook her head and cast her eyes down.

I turned back to see Alice standing in the doorway. "Alice?"

Alice bit her lip and then seemed to brace herself as she said, "Edward bit her."

My breath caught, and I abandoned all caution and crossed to Bella's side. I sat down beside her, noting the way she stiffened, and I said, "Oh, Bella… I am so sorry. I never would have allowed Edward to stay in Forks if I'd known. We thought…" I cast accusing eyes at Alice. "Why didn't you see this?"

"It was a split-second decision," she said sadly. "And it didn't impact what I'd seen before. Look at her, Carlisle, listen to her heart."

I looked back at Bella and focused on Alice's instructions. I gasped when I realized what she was saying. Edward had bitten her, so she should be in the midst of her change now, but her heart wasn't racing, her breaths weren't coming as gasps; she wasn't moaning or crying out. I had remained silent through my change, out of necessity, but I had still thrashed. There had been no hiding that kind of pain totally.

"How?" I asked, glancing at Alice for a moment before my gaze returned to Bella.

"I don't know," Alice said. "I saw Edward biting her, and I tried calling to tell him to get away, but he didn't answer. We were already on our way, but we weren't in time."

"But how is she not changing?"

"It didn't work. The venom didn't spread far enough before her heart stopped," Alice said miserably. " Carlisle, she…"

"Died," Bella whispered. "I died."

I froze, not breathing, not blinking, and then came back to life with a jerk. "No, you're here, you're alive!"

My eyes found Alice's, and she nodded slightly. "She did. Edward bit her and but her heart stopped before the change could start, and the venom didn't restart it when it again reached it. Edward tried CPR, but the venom didn't restart her heart…" She squeezed her eyes shut and whispered. "Her chest was crushed."

I reached out to touch Bella and then pulled my hand back. "Bella, how are you alive?"

She stared at me wordlessly, her eyes dark with pain and her lips drawn down at the corners. "I always am."

I shook my head, dismissing the selfish questions and asking the one that mattered, "How do you feel?"

Bella looked at me, and there was something in her eyes that I had never seen before, not in either life with her; she looked scared. "Am I going to turn into a vampire now?" she asked.

"No," Alice said confidently. "I can see…" She drew a sharp breath and stopped herself. "Changing is a process, and you've not started it. It's always immediate, as soon as you're bitten. If you don't die, you change, but… you died. Whatever happened seems to have reset you when it healed you."

Bella nodded and cast her eyes down.

"Can I touch you?" I asked.

She stared at me a moment, seeming a little calmer now, and then nodded.

I touched her throat, feeling her pulse and testing the pliability of her skin, which should already be showing the minutest changes perceptible to me, but there was none. She was warm, and her pulse was a little fast, possibly from the stress, but she was not changing. How she was living, I had no idea, but she was not going to be a vampire.

"You're going to be okay," Alice said. "I can see you with us, it's still coming, and you're human."

Bella frowned at her. "You can _see_ me _human_?"

"I have an additional ability," Alice said gently. "I can see the future. It's not precise, and I can only see the path someone's on while they're on it, but—" Bella held up a hand, and Alice fell silent then whispered, "I'm sorry."

Bella took a deep breath and said, "You know, I didn't even try to guess, I just ignored it like I wanted you to ignore what you saw happen to me, but I never would have guessed vampires." She shuddered. "You kill people."

"No, Bella!" I said fiercely, and she flinched. "We feed on animals. We don't take human lives, I swear."

Bella looked me in the eye. "Edward did."

"I know," I said, my hands clasping reflexively in my lap, and my innate love for my son made me defend him. "But, I swear, he did not mean to. Edward is unusually tempted by your scent. It's like…" I had no comparison to offer a human as an explanation. "It was obviously irresistible to him today. He would _never_ have wanted to hurt you ordinarily. He's been so strong for so long to protect you."

 _Not strong enough…_ I thought.

A wave of fury surged through me at what Edward had done, and I tried to tamp it down. I reminded myself Bella was alive; I could hear her heartbeat and see her breaths. But it could have ended today—I could have lost her.

"She cut her finger," Alice supplied. "He didn't stand a chance with the fresh blood."

Bella looked thoughtful for a long time, and I watched her in silence, and then she said, "I sometimes hated what I am, but I guess it saved me today. Dying again was bad enough, but I don't want to be someone that ever even _tries_ to kill people."

Alice stared at her for a moment and then asked, "Do you want to know all of it, about us?"

Bella shrugged. "I figure I need to now. I've seen enough, suffered enough, that I can't be ignorant anymore." She frowned and seemed to sort through her thoughts for a moment and then said, "How old are you?"

"I was changed in 1920," Alice said. "I'm not sure how old I was."

"And I was changed over three hundred years ago," I supplied.

I expected some reaction from Bella, that amount of time was a lot to comprehend, and, though she did look surprised, she smiled slightly and said, "Another long life. What else do I need to know?"

I had a feeling she was asking her questions, letting us tell her this, as she wanted to move her thoughts away from what had happened to her.

My mind was in the same place. I didn't understand how she could be alive if she'd died, and I desperately wanted to know how, but I would wait until she was ready to tell us. I had no right to ask anything of her after what I had allowed to happen.

"Our bodies are different," I said, holding out my hand. "You have noticed, I know."

Bella reached out and touched my palm. The sensation of her warmth, the feather-light touch, would have been heavenly in any other circumstance, but all I could feel was horror for what had happened to her.

"Like stone," she said. "And so cold."

"We don't feel cold to each other," Alice said.

"I guess that's nice," Bella replied, her hand moving up my wrist and then her fingers pressing to the place my pulse should have been felt.

"I have no heartbeat," I said. "Our bodies are frozen at the moment the change is finished. We cannot change physically at all. We're unending."

A small smile quirked Bella's lips, and she said, "I know the feeling."

Alice shot me a look laden with meaning, but I didn't respond. My focus was on Bella.

"You really don't kill humans?" she asked.

I met her eye and said, "I have never taken a human life in that way, though Edward, Esme, Emmett, and Rosalie are vampires because I changed them. I have never killed a human to feed. Some of my family have, but…" I shook my head. "It's hard to explain."

"The thirst burns like a fire in your throat," Alice said. "And you crave it with your whole body and mind. Our instinct is to kill. We, all our family, fight that feeling every single day to protect human life."

Bella nodded. "I guess I should say thanks for that, as an almost human."

"You are human, Bella," I said. "I don't know how or why you heal, how you're alive, but you _are_ human."

"I'm really not," Bella said, touching the place on her neck where I assumed Edward had bitten her. She looked at me and seemed to be thinking hard before she said, "I know your secret now. Do you want to know mine?"

Alice leaned closer, and I knew she was desperate to answer, yes. As Alice usually knew _everything_ , it was killing her to not know this secret.

"Do you want to tell us?" I asked.

Bella tugged the blanket a little closer around herself and said, "I think I do."

Alice perched on the edge of a chair and fixed her attentive eyes on Bella as she said, "Well, I call it a curse, but I don't think everyone would…"

* * *


	21. Chapter 21

_“Well, I call it a curse, but I don’t think everyone would…”_

Bella closed her eyes, and she looked pained, and then she looked at me, and a flash of something indefinable crossed her face. 

“I woke up in the seventeenth century, in the north of England.”

Alice gasped, and her gaze fixed on me. I nodded slightly and held up a hand to her. Of course, I knew the significance of what Bella was saying, but I didn't want to interrupt Bella to tell her the rest of my story.

“I have no memory of my life before, I’m not even sure I had a life before, but I had full knowledge of the world I was living in. I could read and write, and my body seemed well-fed, so I assumed I hadn’t been a peasant if I did have a life. I had other knowledge, herbs and treatments of an apothecary.” She frowned. “I think I did have a life. It seems like the most obvious answer to what I knew and was. There was no one around me, but for some reason, I thought I was called Bella.” She smiled slightly. “Whether or not that was true, it’s the name I have always used since, though I created different surnames for myself with each life I had after.”

“It was,” I said without thought. “You were called Isabella.”

Her gaze snapped to me, her eyes wide and incredulous. “How can you know?” she asked.

“Can I tell you when you’ve told us it all,” I asked.

She frowned but nodded and went on. “I found about my… curse… after only a few months. I worked on a farm, and there was an accident with a scythe when we were bringing in the harvest. I cut my wrist. It was deep, I lost too much blood, and I…” She flinched. “That was the first time I died. I woke up alone in the field, and I was coated in blood. I would have believed I’d just passed out and then come to, but the wound was gone.”

“Dear lord,” I whispered.

She smiled slightly, and her eyes became distant as if she was seeing something outside of Alice and me and the room we were in. "I went to the stream and cleaned the blood from my skin, and then coated the bloodstains on my clothes with mud. I knew that I would be called a witch if what happened was discovered, it was a time in which people believed in the supernatural, so I knew I needed to leave. I was scared.”

“Of course,” Alice said. “You must have been terrified.”

“I was,” Bella agreed. “I thought maybe I _was_ a witch, that the herbs I knew about and the treatments were witchcraft that I’d forgotten how to do. I swore to myself I would never do it again if I remembered, that I would _never_ use it to hurt anyone. I left the farm in the night and went south. I reached Dorset and set up a smallholding of my own. I lived there for eight years, three years after I should have left as by then, I realized that I wasn’t aging. I don’t know how old I was, physically at least, but I guess at early twenties.”

 _Yes_ … I thought. _Perhaps twenty-three._ Her father said she was an autumn child, and I knew I was born in summer as that was when my mother had died giving birth to me _,_ and we’d been born only a season apart.

“I went to Plymouth and found a job with a wealthy sea captain’s household,” she said. “I stayed a few months and then stowed away on a trading ship to India.”

Her face became dark, and I wondered if she was imagining the difficult days that would have passed for her, hiding in the darkest depths of the ship and surrounded by rats, and at the mercy of the men that might have discovered her.

“I died again in Bombay. One night I was passing through the city, and I was mistaken for a prostitute. When I fought the man that wanted me, a sergeant in the East India Company, he cut my throat.”

Alice pressed her hand to her chest, and her eyes became sad. “Oh, Bella.”

Bella shook her head slightly and said, “He must have dumped my body in the Ulhas River as I found myself on the shore when I woke. I realized what had happened and ran from the city. I didn’t think I would ever see him again among so many people, but I was scared. If my secret was discovered, I would have been killed again, and I had learned then exactly what that meant for me before and after.” She frowned down at her hands, clasped in her lap. “It’s not a peaceful experience.”

I flinched and shook my head briskly as Alice opened her mouth to ask a question. I was sure she wanted to know what exactly it was that happened when Bella died, but I didn’t want Bella to have to tell us. It was obviously traumatic for her, and she had already been through too much to ask her for more than she was already giving.

“It’s happened so many times in so many ways, but I always come back,” she said. “I can’t age, I can’t change more than basic physical needs, and I heal from minor wounds. And no matter what happens to me, I can’t stay dead.”

She looked at me, and I thought she could see the pain I was feeling because of the story she was telling me. She smiled slightly and seemed to decide to curtail her story.

“I moved around India and then came to Europe in the late eighteenth century. I then went to the colonies in the 1820s. I moved back to Europe later that century and then… I never settled for long, I couldn’t, so I’ve lived all over the world.” She looked at me, and what I hoped was a genuine smile spread across her face. “The meal I made you, I learned how to make it in Siam in the late nineteenth century.”

“It was… delicious,” I said, and Alice laughed softly.

“What?” Bella asked, looking between us both.

“We don’t eat human food ordinarily,” I said. “We are wholly sustained by blood. Food doesn’t taste the same to us as it does you. It’s…”

“Horrible,” Alice supplied, seeming bolstered by the lightening of the atmosphere around us.

Bella's lips parted, and she looked stunned for a moment, and then she laughed. “But you’ve all eaten. Esme had coffee, and Emmett had some of the cake.”

“Yep,” Alice said. “And he had to purge it later.”

Bella laughed again, a sound that made me chuckle, partially from amusement, and partially relief that things had eased for us.

“I guess I should apologize for that,” she said. “But he could have just refused. Why did you even accept my invite to dinner if it meant you were going to have to puke it up later, Carlisle? And why did you invite me to dinner at your place? You did it so many times!”

I hesitated before answering and then decided to go with honesty. "I wanted to spend time with you."

She smiled again, and I felt some of the connection we’d been building returning, a feeling that made my heart soar.

Bella eased the blanket from her shoulders and curled her legs under her, looking calmer now.

“Well, that’s my story. I have lived over three hundred years, moving around, taking jobs and helping when I could, living and dying. I don’t know who I was before, I don’t know why I am cursed to this. It’s my life, and I’m usually happy with it.” She looked at me. “I’m sure you can relate.”

I nodded. “I am happier with my life now that I have found you than I have been in all life since 1663 when I last saw you.”

She started and then said, “You _saw_ me?”

I reached tentatively for her hand and was pleased when she let me take it. I stroked her palm and said, “Bella, you were called Isabella Macey before… it happened. You lived in Long Acre, London, and your father owned an apothecary; you were trained in the craft, too. Our fathers hated each other because my father was an Anglican minister that endangered and ended lives through his pursuit of supernatural threats. Your father refused to worship at his church. You and I were…”

I lost myself in the memories for a moment, and my voice became soft.

“I would watch you every day as our paths crossed for all my remembered human life. When I grew brave enough, I noted the days you visited the market, and I would place myself in your path. It took two years longer for you to notice me, and then…” I fixed my eyes on her, wanting to see every fraction of her reaction to my words. “We fell in love, Bella.”

Her fingers contracted around mine, and I held my breath before she relaxed, and then I went on.

“We wanted to marry, but the situation between our fathers complicated it. The last time I saw you was the night I was bitten. I was leading a hunt against a group of vampires, following on my father’s mission in his stead, and one of the vampires we were hunting attacked me. I hid through my change and then fled into the countryside, leaving you for your own protection. I went back when I was sure you would be safe from me, but I heard that you’d died. I believed you were dead until I saw you in the hospital that day.”

She stared at me, her eyes glassy, and when she blinked, a tear slipped down her cheek. I held my breath again, frozen with stress by the moment, and waited for her to speak.

“Isabella Macey,” she said, wiping at her tear-streaked face. “I was a person.”

“You were,” I said, stroking her face. “You were a wonderful woman, kind and good, and I loved you more than anything I have or will ever again in life.”

Bella placed her hand over mine, pressing it closer to her cheek, and her tears wet my skin.

“I was loved,” she said with a hitching breath. “I have been alone all this time, and I didn’t think I’d ever been loved, but I had a father.” She closed her eyes, and a blissful smile lit up her face. “I had you.”

“You did,” I said, my own voice choked with emotion.

Alice got quietly to her feet and walked to the doorway, and then she turned back and said, “Bella, can I tell the rest of our family your story?”

Bella opened her eyes and sniffed. “Yes, I think I would like them to know.”

Alice smiled and then slipped out, the front door closing softly behind her.

Long after the sound of Alice’s footsteps had disappeared, we sat in silence, and then Bella patted my hand and said, “I am sorry.”

“For what?” I asked.

“I don’t remember you,” she said. “And you’ve had these memories all these years, you love me, and I …”

“You don’t love me,” I stated, my heart aching with the truth I should already have known as I lowered my hand to my lap.

She reached for me again, and her warmth seeped into my skin. “I don’t love you,” she said. “I don’t remember ever loving anyone in my life. I have had friends, I’ve had lovers, but I have never been able to let myself love anyone because of what I am. There was never any hope for a future. The longest time I could have with anyone was ten years, and that would be stretching it, so I never tried.”

“You could have it with me,” I said tentatively.

She smiled. “I could. I feel something for you, I have for a while, but I’ve not been able to let it become love because I believed I would lose you eventually.”

"You won't, though," I said fervently. “We can stay together forever. You’ll never have to leave me.”

She stroked my hand, and then her fingers traced my cheeks, which were lifted in a hopeful smile. “It seems a strange question, given that you and I have nothing ahead of us but eternity, but can you give me time?”

“I can give you forever if that’s what you need,” I said solemnly. “I will give you space if that’s what you need, or I can be at your side. I will give you _anything_ you need if you’ll just give me a chance.” I shook my head dolefully. “Even if you can’t give me a chance. I will always give you whatever you need as the love I feel for you means I can’t do anything but do that. But I have to tell you, no matter what you feel and decide, I will never be able to stop loving you, even if that’s what you need.”

Bella’s fingers found the back of my head, and I allowed her to tug me closer until our lips were millimeters apart. I felt her breath against me, and then her lips were pressed to mine, and she was making a soft sighing sound that made me shiver with exhilaration.

I kept my lips carefully pressed together to protect her from my razor-sharp teeth, though I wished I could part them and give myself to her entirely.

It was the first time I was kissing anyone with more feeling than a sister kiss shared with Esme in public and my daring kisses to Bella’s forehead when I was human. I had never felt anything like it in my life; it felt as if blood was flowing through my veins again and my heart was pounding.

Bella pulled away too soon, her breaths coming fast, Her fingers came to my face and stroked around my eyes, down my cheeks to my chin, where she traced a finger back and forth.

“I just kissed a vampire,” she said with a soft laugh.

I pressed my lips to her forehead, just as I had the night we’d parted for the last time as lovers, and said, “And I just kissed a miracle.”

She laughed softly. “I think we both did. You gave me a life that I never truly believed I had. I know who I was now. I still don’t know what happened, how I became what I am, but no one in my long life has ever given me so much.”

I stared into her deep brown eyes, drinking her in, and said, “I love you, Bella.”

She pressed her lips together, unable to say the same to me, but that didn’t matter. I had already been given more than I could have hoped for from her when her lips touched mine.

She had made me feel alive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… What do you think? We had a kiss, and we heard Bella's story from her side. I've been anxious about posting this chapter from the very beginning, and I'm dying to know what you think.  
> Until next time…  
> Simaril xxx


	22. Chapter 22

**_Carlisle_ **

Jasper met me at the edge of the forest, where Alice had directed me to find Edward, his eyes wary.

“How is he?” I asked.

“It’s bad. I’ve never seen or felt him like this before, Carlisle. It’s like he’s not even Edward anymore.”

I thought I had more insight into what I would be faced with when I saw my son, as I had seen him in the aftermath of something like this, though far less extreme, and had seen his regret. But this was clearly worse.

The day Edward had returned to Esme and I after four years of living alone and feeding on humans was one mingled with joy and sadness. It had been a stormy night, and his knock on our door had mingled with the thunder rumbling above. I had opened the door, and his face had been thrown into sharp relief by a flash of lightning. His red eyes had been dark with pain and regret, his conscience still paining him for the lives he had taken, though his victims had been the worst of humanity. I had led him inside without a word spoken aloud, my welcome and happiness at his return given in my thoughts, and then enveloped him in my arms and held him as he accepted my happy reaction to his return.

That had been a dark day for him, but this was going to be worse. It hadn’t been a carefully chosen victim whose death had been a method to save other lives from being taken and destroyed as well as to sate his thirst; it had been Bella, and the cost could have been far greater.

He had almost taken the woman I loved from me. He would have had she not been my own miracle.

“I’ll speak to him,” I said.

“He’s by the waterfall. He won’t let any of us near him now. Carlisle… try to be gentle.”

I frowned. “Have you ever known me to be anything but with him? Can’t you feel it?”

“No, you seem calm, and Alice hasn’t looked as she thought it should be between you and him, but emotions can change in a moment, and it was Bella. He drained her. She should have…”

“He did, and she should by all rules of nature,” I agreed. “And if she had, the cost would have destroyed me, but she is alive. And this is not a stranger or enemy that needs to pay for what he did. Edward is my son.”

If Bella had truly died, I didn't know how I could have carried on living myself if she was gone forever. I knew that I would not have sought to end Edward, though. What had happened to Bella had been a product of a choice I had made eighty years ago when I decided to accede to Elizabeth Masen’s pleas and change him. I had created a vampire, and it had been the vampire that had bitten Bella. Edward was so much more than that, and I knew he would never hurt Bella willingly. He had not been in control. I could not blame him for that; I loved him too much to hold his actions against him, even though it had been Bella that was his victim. 

He stared at me for a moment and then said, “He is. I’m sorry.” I patted his arm, and he said, “I’ll go home and help them get things ready.”

I didn’t ask what he meant as my need to go to Edward was more pressing, and I didn’t wait for him to leave before I set off running towards the roar of the waterfall where I would find my son.

I followed his scent, slowed my approach, and walked towards him, seeing him flinch, as I reached for him and stopped. He was sitting on a boulder, facing away from me, his head in his hands.

“Hello, Edward.”

It seemed to take supreme effort for him to raise his head, to reveal his red-tinged eyes.

“Are you here to kill me?” he said, his voice cracked with emotion and barely audible over the sound of the water pitching to the river from six-hundred feet above.

“No!” I gasped. “How can you even ask? Edward, you are my _son_!”

“I killed her.”

“I know that, but she lives now. Perhaps I would feel different if she had died, but I would never kill you. I love you, son.”

He looked awed and then huffed a laugh. “Even after all these years, all you have given and shown me, I still don’t see just how good a man you are. I don’t think any other man or woman could forgive what I did. Carlisle, I don’t deserve you.”

I perched on the boulder beside him and placed my hand on his arm. “She’s okay, Edward.”

He drew a shaky breath, “I took her life, ended it; I drained the blood out of her and stopped her heart.”

I flinched as the words sank in, and I imagined the scene, and then I summoned calm.

“And I did not even allow her the change,” he went on. “I crushed her heart.”

“I do not believe it would have worked,” I said. “Alice told me before I came exactly what happened. The fact the venom spread and did not restart her heart means it would not have worked, no matter what injury she received in your heroic efforts to save her. Her heart failed from blood loss, and the venom did not restart it. It was a minute chance that it would have anyway. She was not changed, no, but she did not die.” _Not forever…_ I added mentally, and he flinched. “She’s okay, Edward,” I reminded him. “Shaken up, obviously, but better than we have any right to expect. Look, see.”

I concentrated on how she had looked when I eventually left her to rest, her small smile. I didn’t even conceal the kiss to my cheek that she’d given me at her door from him. I wanted him to know. 

He stared at me and then seemed to come back to life with a jerk. Whatever he had seen in my mind, and it seemed to be more than just Bella, had reached him somehow.

“You really do forgive me,” he said, his voice a mere breath that would have been lost to a human with the roar of the falls.

“I do,” I said. “I won’t pretend that I wasn’t angry when I saw what you’d done, but I understand thirst and temptation. It was the freshly spilled blood of your singer. No one could have resisted, not even you with your hard-won control.”

I took a breath and prepared to raise the painful topic of what had to come next, but he spoke first.

“I know I have to leave. I think I will go to Alaska.”

“Tanya will be there,” I reminded him.

He laughed softly. “After what I did, having the discomfort of Tanya’s advances is the least of what I deserve. I shouldn’t be alone, and the Denalis are the only ones that will support my diet. After tasting human blood again…”

“It might be harder for you,” I finished for him. “Yes. But you will overcome it.”

“I will,” he vowed, getting to his feet. “I should go now.”

I wished I could tell him to stay. I wanted him close to me, but he did need to leave. Delaying the parting was only going to hurt us all, and the sooner Esme accepted what was going to happen, the better. She was the one that was going to suffer with this loss the most.

We walked together out of the vast field where we had recently played baseball and then broke into a run. He kept his pace with me, though he could have outstripped me if he wanted. Even at my pace, we were soon back at the house where voices were speaking inside and the sounds of a lot of movement.

I opened the door and entered first, taking a moment to survey the industrious preparations that had been made since I’d been there last, before stepping aside for Edward to follow me.

His head was bowed and his face shamed, but he quickly looked up and asked, “What’s happening?” when he saw the changes to the room.

The furniture was covered with dust cloths, and there were bags piled at the foot of the stairs. Even as we stood there, Emmett went to the control panel on the wall, and the steel shutters fell over the windows.

“What’s happening?” Edward asked again.

“We’re leaving,” Rosalie said, a touch of annoyance in her voice.

“No!” Edward said. “You can’t! I am going alone.”

“You’re not,” Esme said, flitting across the room to him and cupping his face in her hands. “We’ve all agreed that it’s the right thing to do. The divorce story means we have a good excuse, and you won’t be left alone.”

Edward opened his mouth, but Emmett said, “No point arguing, Edward. It’s happening. Alice has seen it,” before he could speak.

“She can’t have,” Edward said. “I won’t let this happen.”

Alice shrugged her small shoulders. “You don’t get to decide. We do. We all want this. You shouldn’t be alone.” Her eyes fell on me and became sad. “It’s for the best.”

I nodded slightly. I didn’t want to lose them all, but my need for Edward to have the support and love of his family with him was more important to me than what I wanted for myself. This was the right thing for them to do. It would not be forever. We would reunite again; we always did.

“We’re going to Vermont—Carlisle’s Burlington house,” Esme said. “We’ve never been there before.”

I last lived in Burlington before I moved to Chicago in 1917. It was perfect for them. Though smaller than our Forks house, it was big enough for them and old enough that Esme would be able to occupy herself renovating it to our usual standard of living.

For _their_ standard of living. It would be their home. For the first time since 1918, I would be alone.

No, not alone. I would be with Bella.

“I’ve got most of your stuff from your room, but you might want to take a look and see if I’ve forgotten anything important,” Alice said.

Edward stared at her for a moment, seeming to be communicating with her, and then he darted up the stairs.

I looked from beloved face to beloved face of my family and then whispered too low for Edward to hear, “Thank you for doing this for him.”

“We’re doing it for you, too,” Jasper replied. “You and Bella need time and space, and Bella needs to feel safe.”

“And we’ll stay in touch,” Esme said, her face sad. “We even could meet halfway for hunting trips sometimes if we have enough time. It’s not forever.”

I crossed the room and wrapped my arms around her. I held her close for a moment and then pulled back. "It won't be forever," I promised.

She nodded and patted my cheek. “Try not to worry about us. Take this chance to concentrate wholly on her. You can make this time work for you both.”

“Yes,” Alice said with an enigmatic smile. “After all, you both have all the time in the world.”

Emmett laughed. “Yeah, it’s definitely not going to be forever. I heard the story from Alice, but I want to hear some of it from Bella one day. I mean, being a vampire means we've been limited in what we've been able to do all these years, the things we could experience. Living three hundred years as a _human_ means lots of stories.” He rubbed his hands together. “It’s going to be awesome.”

“It is,” Alice agreed happily.

“It will in part,” I said. “But I am sure Alice didn’t tell you all of Bella’s story is a happy one. She has suffered. We must take care with that.”

“We will,” Emmett said. “But the rest of it… It’s going to be great, Carlisle.”

I looked at him, imagining that day in the future when my family could be reunited and Bella shared with them all, and I smiled. It was going to be complicated as Edward’s thirst for her wasn’t going to disappear, but we would find a way to make it work.

If I had my wish, and Bella and I were together, she would become be a part of my family.


	23. Chapter 23

**_Bella_ **

I had fixed myself dinner, but I only moved it around my plate and took a few bites. I didn't feel hungry. In truth, I didn't know what I felt.

What had happened with Edward had taken me completely off guard, and I didn’t feel as sanguine as I had pretended to be for Carlisle and Alice. I had died, again, and this time it was at the hands of Carlisle’s own son.

The basic fact they were vampires wasn't a problem. It was actually nice to have an answer to the question I'd been refusing to ask, and it did feel good to have someone else know my secret, someone I cared about in a different way to how I felt about the generations of the tribe. I'd had only a week in La Push with Quil when he was a child, and I'd not spent much time with him as I had spent more time with the elders of the time. I cared about him in a peripheral way, more because of the memory of his ancestors and our history than because of who he was as a man.

But Carlisle… Carlisle, I cared about for himself wholly. And now, through him, I had a possibility of something I'd never had before.

I would never lose him unless either of us chose to say goodbye.

I took the assignments that needed to be graded from my bag and set myself up at the kitchen table to work. I was halfway through an essay on the March On Washington, written by Mike Newton, a poor effort compared to what I believed he would be capable of if he studied more and socialized less. I was making an effort to not be too harsh because of my disappointment in him when there was a soft knock on the door.

Glad of the excuse to stop and relatively sure I knew who would be visiting, I hurried to the door in my slippered feet and opened it.

Carlisle stood on the threshold, a slightly sad smile on his face, “I hope you don’t mind me coming, but there were things I thought I should tell you before you learned from someone else.”

With a furrowed brow, I stepped back and gestured him in. "Go on through to the living room.”

He stepped past me, seeming to give me more space than he usually did, and I closed the door and followed him into the living room. He had seated himself on the couch, and his hands were folded in his lap, but he didn’t look as relaxed as he usually did when we were together.

I sat down beside him and turned slightly, so I was facing him with our knees pressed together.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Nothing is wrong,” he said. “It’s good news, in a way. My family are leaving Forks and going to Vermont.”

My breath caught. “You’re leaving?”

I felt a swell of sadness at the thought of losing him, though I understood why he would go. Edward had been through something when he’d bitten me, and he surely needed his father’s love and presence to deal with it. But when told Carlisle remembered me, gifted me with the knowledge of my first life, I thought there was a connection there. He said he loved me. I had wanted to be with him, to see if I could have a forever love at last, and I couldn't have that if he left Forks.

"No," he said quickly, reaching for me and then dropping his hand to his lap. I took his hand and stroked his cool, hard palm. He smiled slightly. “They are leaving without me,” he went on. “It will be better for you without him. You won’t have to live in fear.”

I frowned. “How will it be better for me? I’m not going to pretend what happened wasn’t awful, and, yes, I am still scared of him. They don’t need to leave for me, though; Edward doesn’t. We will just be more careful. I won’t be alone with him again.”

Carlisle shook his head. “You don’t need to suffer for us.”

“I won’t be suffering. He can’t kill me, not in a way that lasts. Obviously, I’d rather not be bitten again, but I am essentially safe.”

Carlisle stared at me, a strange kind of awe in his eyes, and then he said, “You are the most amazing woman, Bella. I appreciate what you’re saying, but Edward cannot stay here after what happened. Not only would you be in danger, and you know you would, but he would be haunted by the reminder of what happened, how it could have ended, whenever he saw you. The rest of my family all agreed that it was right to go with him.” He squeezed my hand gently. “They will be together, and it will be better for him.”

“You’ll miss them, though,” I said.

“I will,” he agreed. “But it is not too great a price to pay for you. Bella, you are everything to me. I know you don’t feel the same, and you don’t remember me. I understand it’s not the same for you as it is for me, but if not being with my family is the price of me being close to you, it is something I will gladly pay.” He touched my cheek with such gentleness it was like the stroke of a feather. 

“That doesn’t seem fair,” I said, though internally I was absorbing his words and treasuring them.

He loved me. I was loved. I wished I could say the same to him with absolute honesty, but there was still a barrier between us of my long years of refusing love. Perhaps it would be different if I remembered him the same way he remembered me, but I didn't, so it wasn't.

“It is the fairest way for all of us. Besides, I’ll be able to see them still. When we have good weather days in a row, we can arrange to meet. I can travel to Vermont, or we can meet halfway to hunt.”

“Hunt?”

He gave me an appraising look. “We have to hunt for our food, Bella.”

I laughed softly. "Yeah, I guess you would. What's the sunny days part, though?"

“We cannot be seen by humans in the sun without exposing ourselves as different. I will show you one day, if you would like to see.”

“I would,” I said and then went on with one of the many questions I had for him. “You said I should have changed when he bit me, but I didn’t, so how does it work? How do you become a vampire?”

“It is our venom," he said. "Our teeth are razor sharp and coated in venom. It incapacitates our prey with pain so they can't escape, though they would have no chance of that anyway as we're too strong and too fast. When the venom touches the bloodstream, it moves through the human's body, changing each cell as it passes."

“But the venom had to have entered my bloodstream. He bit me.

“Yes, but he drained too much of your blood for you to live. And Alice told me that when they were trying to save you with CPR, the venom was not able to restart your heart. It passed through your system without saving you—which would be a longshot in any case, even without the amount of trauma your body sustained with the shock and blood loss.”

“And I’ve definitely not been changed?” I asked. “It’s not happening differently because of the curse?”

"Definitely not. The spread is fast of venom, but the process of changing is slow. Each cell must be reconstructed. And the pain is unimaginable. The closest comparison I have is being burned alive. It lasts for days, two to three is average depending on how much venom enters the blood and how close to the heart. When I changed Edward, for example, he burned for three days as I did now know what I was doing; I just recreated my own wounds. We would both know if you were changing, especially by now. Your body would show clear differences to us both.”

I breathed a soft sigh of relief and asked. “How did no one know you were changing if you were in that kind of pain? You must have been screaming. Did the vampires take you out of London?”

"No," he said, a dark look coming into his eyes. "I had to hide as I knew my father would see that I was destroyed if he knew what I had become, so I hid in the Franklin warehouse cellar, and I stayed silent."

“You were silent when you were being burned alive?” I breathed. “How?”

“I was silent for _you_ ,” he said, touching my cheek. “All I could think of, all I wanted, was to be with you again. Even though I believed it would be impossible as I didn’t know there was any way to live other than killing humans, I clung to the smallest hope that I would find a way to be with you. If I’d been found, I would have been killed, so I hid myself and stayed silent, thinking of you as well as the pain.”

“I hate to think of you suffering like that,” I said sadly.

He smiled. “It was unimaginable, but it didn’t stop me doing it to other people. Edward was the first of my family. I was working in Chicago in 1918, treating victims of the Spanish Influenza outbreak. He and his mother were my patients, and…” His eyes became distant. “I had been thinking of creating a companion for myself for a long time, but I never wanted to take a life. Edward’s mother was the one that persuaded me. She somehow knew there was a way for me to do what medicine couldn’t. She pleaded with me to save him in any way possible. She said, _‘You must do everything in your power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward.’_ I looked at him and saw the goodness that shone out of him, sick as he was, and the purity of his face, and I thought that was the face I would wish for in my son had I had one.” He stared into my eyes. “In _our_ son.”

I smiled slightly. The idea that I once might have had a child, a son, was a strange one to me. It was impossible for me now; my body didn’t have the cycle of a human woman. I had never minded as my life was never suitable to share, and if my curse had not been passed on, I would have had a child to love only to watch it age and die while I stayed forever young and healthy. Or worse, it could have passed on to a child, and they would suffer death and what followed after the way I did.

Pain was nothing compared to that.

“What about the others?” I asked. “Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper? What made you change them?”

“Esme was an easy choice,” he said. “I had met her when she was just a child. I’d been called to treat her in 1911 when she’d fallen out of a tree and broken her leg. There was something engaging about her and the way she lived, not conforming to the female ideals of the time, and I didn’t forget her when I moved on again. Three years after I changed Edward, I came across her in a hospital in Wisconsin. She was so gravely injured that they’d taken her straight to the morgue, but she hovered on the edges of life. I saw the face of the girl I’d met in the woman, and I couldn’t bear to let her story end there, with that kind of pain, so I stole her away and bit her.”

I felt as if I was under a spell as I heard his story. It was incredible to me that he had done this and created this family of people who would have died without him.

“What about the others?” I asked.

“Rosalie came next, in 1933. She’d been… injured, too, and I couldn’t bear to see her end like that; it was too much waste. She found Emmett two years later when she was hunting. He’d been mauled by a bear. She brought him back to me and begged me to change him. I’d already decided I wouldn’t change anyone after Rosalie as she was not happy with her change, but I couldn’t refuse her. He was in love with Rosalie before be even woke up.” A small smile quirked his lips. “It’s an interesting story. Perhaps Emmett will tell you himself one day.”

I did want to see them all again. If Carlisle and I really did have forever, I wouldn't want that to be completely without them. Somehow, someway, we had to find a way for me to be around them without Edward suffering or slipping.

“Alice and Jasper were already vampires when they found us,” he went on. “Our family was completed with them. Well, I thought it was. But that was before I found you.”

I shifted so I was sitting beside him and leaned my head on his shoulder. “You have made your family,” I said. “And they’re all wonderful. It makes me wonder what my life would have been if I’d found you sooner, how many times we might have come close together just to drift away again over the centuries.”

“A friend of mine had a theory about that,” he said. “I went to visit our extended family recently, after the crash in La Push. They’re vampires, too, and keep the same diet as us. I asked them if they had any knowledge of doppelgangers, as that was the only theory I had for you at the time. No one knew of them, but one, Carmen, had theories. She told me about these legends. She thought you could be one of what are called [haltija](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haltija)s, a guardian spirit of a person. She thought you were of a type called an etiäinen, which is one that comes before. Obviously, you aren’t, you are the same person I love, you just had a different life, but one of her beliefs was that it was fate for you and I to meet now. She believed you’d come back in whichever form, into my life, because now is the time for us to be together.”

“Fate,” I said thoughtfully. “Yeah, I like that. It does feel like fate. Of all the places for me to choose to live after I left Phoenix, I came to Forks, and so did you. We would have crossed paths sooner or later, we had to a town this small, but that day in the hospital was the right time and place.” I lifted myself to look at him as I said, “Fate brought us together, and know we both know the truth, there’s no reason to be pulled apart again.”

That was my hope. I wasn’t Alice, I didn’t see the future, but when I thought of what I wanted in my life, Carlisle was the first thing that came to mind. There was no reason for us not to now. We both had forever, and he already loved me. If I could give him my heart, release the hold I had kept on it for over three hundred years to protect it, we would be together.

I would finally know what love really felt like. 


	24. Chapter 24

**_Carlisle_ **

“No, it’s sagging in the middle,” Bella said. “Pull it a little tighter.”

I obeyed, stretching the string of white lights, and then, when she’d given her seal of approval, I tacked them in place.

“Perfect,” she said. “Thank you.”

I climbed down from the ladder and went to stand beside her to see the result of our efforts. The Christmas lights had been strung across the walls, and they hung from the porch eaves. The effect was pretty, very seasonal, and Bella was obviously pleased.

My family and I never usually made so much effort for Christmas on the house’s exterior. Rosalie and Esme always insisted on a big tree in the living room, and it was a family affair to decorate it while Edward played carols on the piano. It was a tradition I enjoyed, and it did give me a small pang to think that it was happening without me this year, but being with Bella outweighed the regret.

“What are you thinking?” Bella asked, giving my arm a brief squeeze that made my unbeating heart feel like it was skipping.

“I was thinking about my usual Christmases,” I said, careful to keep my tone light.

She nodded. “You’re going to need to leave to see them soon, right? I didn’t ask. What do you usually do for Christmas?”

“It’s quite traditional,” I said. “Without the feast, obviously. But, no, I won’t be going to Vermont. I have taken shifts at the hospital so other doctors can spend time with their families. And I was hoping I could spend some time with you?” I framed it as a question.

Bella beamed. “You know you’re always welcome, Carlisle. I’m guessing you’ll want to skip dinner, which is kinda necessary since Sofia is coming over, and she’ll find it a bit odd if you just sit and watch us eat. But you can come over when you’re not working.” She gave me an interested look. “I’m going to Divine Service at the Weber church on Christmas Eve. Is that something you want to do?”

“You’re Lutheran?” I asked, surprised by the news. She was a Calvinist in her life before.

“Not exactly. I’m everything really. I go to all kinds of churches.” She gave me a small smile. “I tend to try something new with each new life. I believe there’s one God that listens to all prayers from all churches, so I don’t feel like I’m cheating.”

“I don’t think you are at all,” I said. “I have the self-same belief. I’ve not been to a service since my father preached on my last human day of life. I have visited churches, but I never stayed for the service. It felt…” I frowned. “I’m not sure. I just never have.”

“Do you want to come with me?”

“I truly would,” I said. “It would be something new for me after so long, and it would be nice to share it with you.”

“Great,” she said. “It starts at eleven, so I’ll have dinner with Sofia and then spend the evening with her before we go. Are you going to be free for the evening, too?”

“I will. I am working the early shift Christmas eve and a double on Christmas day. I can come to you after dinner.”

“Perfect. I’m sure you’ll know when we’ve done eating. Come over whenever.”

“I will,” I said.

My hand reached for her and then dropped. She gave me a small smile and then took my hand and cupped it in her own. “It’s okay, Carlisle,” she said. “You don’t have to be on guard all the time.”

“I don’t want to overwhelm you,” I admitted. “I know it’s not the same for you as it is for me. For me, you are… everything, but for you…”

“I know it must be hard for you, but you can relax. You’re never going to offend me with affection.”

I relaxed and stroked her palm. “Thank you, Bella.” 

She gave a small shiver and said, “Okay, I have obviously gone soft with Arizona winters because I’m freezing. I’m going inside to get warm. Do you want to come?”

“I wish I could,” I said fervently. “But I have to get to work.” I gave her hand a brief squeeze, wishing I could say farewell with a kiss but not feeling it was quite time for that, and said, “I will be home tomorrow when you get back from work, so feel free to visit.”

“I will,” she said brightly. “See you tomorrow.”

She released my hand and went to her porch with a spring in her step. I watched reluctantly as she carried in the ladder and the door closed behind her, then I went back to my own house to change for work, already counting the hours until I could be with her again.

xXx

**_Bella_ **

I set the turkey down in the middle of the table and said, “Here you go!”

Sofia looked from the platter to me and said, “Pavo Trufado de Navidad! You’re giving me a Spanish Christmas! How did you know?”

“I googled,” I lied. In truth, I knew as I had spent Christmases in Spain during my life. “It’s okay, right? I got the truffles from the deli in Port Angeles.”

“It’s perfect,” she said. “I have not had this since my last Christmas in Seville. My parents have gone native, so we have ham. But this… It’s a glimpse of home, Bella.” She reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “Thank you so much.”

I took the knife from the rack and began to carve.

Sofia watched and then wiped at her eyes. I was astonished to see she was crying.

“Sofia,” I said softly. “What’s wrong?”

She sniffed and smiled. "This is perfect, and it's been so long since I felt like this. I have been so lost since the accident. My thoughts drift, and I have been alone." She quickly amended. "I know you have been there for me when you could, but I have spent days at home _recovering_ ,” she put sarcastic emphasis on the word, “and I’ve wondered if I’d ever get my life back. You know my mother wants me to go home to stay with her and my father, but she’ll smother me; she won’t be able to help herself.”

I set down the knife and sat beside her, my hand taking hers and squeezing it. “You’re doing so well, Sofia. The deficits are so slight now. Think of how far you’ve come.”

When I had first seen her in the hospital the day after the accident, her memory had been affected, and she frequently lost track of the conversation the way she had immediately after the crash. I knew that there had been other issues that came after, trouble finding words in English—her second language—and muscle weakness, but she was doing amazingly well.

She could have easily died in that accident, and the damage from the bleed could have been much worse. In a way, she was amazingly lucky, but to her, the struggle was difficult and frustrating.

I had done what I could for her, but I’d been splitting my time between work and Carlisle, too, so perhaps I hadn’t been there for her as much as I could. I would make that right now.

She wiped at her eyes and smiled again, a more genuine one. “I’m just complaining. I know how lucky I am, I really do. Now, are you going to feed me before the turkey gets cold, or do I need to scour your cupboards for snacks?”

I laughed. “No, I’ll feed you.” I stood again and carved the turkey.

As I did, I was thinking of the accident and what had happened after. I’d not seen any of the tribe since Sam, Jared, and Paul had given me their ominous warning, but that didn’t trouble me. I knew now what they’d been unable to say, and I understood why they’d been concerned, especially after what happened with Edward. There was no bad feeling on my side, and I hoped on theirs. I would go back to see them sometime and see how things lie. Maybe I could reassure them a little more now that I knew the full story and was still sure I was safe.

That might set their minds at ease.

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

I could smell the remains of the meal they’d eaten when I arrived at Bella’s, though the dishes had been done and the leftovers packed away. The sharp scent of wine had joined the smells of food, and there was a lavender candle burning in the living room, which made me smile as its heated scent joined Bella’s own.

Bella directed me into the living room where Sofia was sitting on the armchair with her legs curled under her and a glass of red wine cradled in her hands.

“Carlisle, you remember Sofia,” Bella said, gesturing me to sit and then settling beside me close enough that I could feel her warmth.

“I do. It’s good to see you again,” I said. “Especially in better health.”

Sofia frowned for a moment and then said, “Of course. You were there, at the accident, too, weren’t you? Bella told me.”

“I was. I came to the hospital in the ambulance with you.”

“Thank you,” she said. “I think you’re one of the people I owe my life to.”

“I didn’t do much. I just ensured you were stable and directed us to Port Angeles for the surgery I suspected you needed.”

“Well, I still thank you,” she said, a fervent look in her eyes. 

“I was happy to help.”

She smiled and relaxed. “Would you like some wine?” she asked, leaning forward and picking up the bottle from the table.

“I don’t drink,” I said. “But thank you. You’re not drinking, Bella?” I had noticed she had a glass of water in front of her. She often ended her day with a glass of wine.

“I need to drive Sofia home,” she said.

“I could do that,” I offered. “You can have a drink, relax.”

Bella glanced at Sofia, who nodded and said, “That works for me.”

Bella drained her water and then held out her glass to be refilled by her friend.

“I’d like a chance to talk to Carlisle alone anyway,” Sofia said, a strange quirk to her lips.

Bella frowned. “Behave, Sofia.”

She grinned. “Sure, I will.”

Bella looked between us and then shrugged, evidently deciding I could handle myself against her friend. I could. I had already had one interaction with Sofia that could have been called uncomfortable, but I believed it came from a place of love for her friend, and anyone that loved Bella was valued by me.

“So, now Carlisle is here, we can start the movie,” Bella said.

“What movie?” I asked.

Bella frowned. “It’s Christmas, Carlisle. What else would we watch?”

I shrugged. All I knew of Christmas films was that Jasper and Emmett had an ongoing argument about whether Die Hard was a Christmas movie or not. From what I had seen of it, I came down on the side of not as I didn’t think that amount of violence was particularly seasonal.

Bella picked up a DVD box from the table and said, “It’s a Wonderful Life!” excitedly.

She got up and put it into the DVD player and then settled beside me again, a little closer this time so that our arms were pressed together. An introduction began, and I settled in to watch, enjoying what was evidently a human tradition that I’d missed before, or perhaps just a Bella tradition.

Whichever it was, I was going to enjoy sharing it with her.

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

I saw Sofia settled in her seat before I moved around the car and slid in beside her. She shifted more comfortably and said, “This might be the fanciest car I’ve ever ridden in.”

"It is a smooth drive," I said awkwardly, unsure whether it was a compliment.

I hadn’t picked the Mercedes; Rosalie had. I had no real interest in cars. I just liked something that drove me where I needed to be and that had tinted windows for the days I needed to be out in the sunlight.

I started the engine and pulled out of my drive. I knew Sofia lived on the north of town, past the school and hospital, so I directed us there, knowing she would give me directions when I needed.

“So…” she said lazily, a hint of a slur from the wine she’d drunk in her voice, “You and Bella, huh?”

I smiled, unable to help myself. “Yes, me and Bella.”

“How long?”

“It’s recent, still a young relationship that we’re building. But I care about her very much.”

“You love her,” she stated.

I frowned. “How would you know that?”

She chuckled. “I see it in the way you look at her. It’s intense. It’s the same thing I saw when your children were together in my classes. You Cullens love hard and deep.”

“We do,” I agreed.

“What about your ex-wife? Did you love her hard and deep?” she narrowed her eyes. 

I could have said my relationship with Esme was none of her business, as it really wasn’t, but I knew her questions came from a place of concern for Bella, and so I answered honestly.

“I love Esme, and I always will, but I do not love her as my wife. We were only ever friends, really. We are both happier apart.”

“You’re far apart now, aren’t you? Bella said they all moved to Vermont.”

“They did.”

“Is that because of you and Bella?”

“It’s because it was the right thing for us all.” I steered onto a turn off at her instruction and said, “I love Bella more than I have ever loved any woman in my life.” I could have said anyone in my life, but she might judge against the love I had for my children, and there was no way she could understand the bond between a vampire and its mate, even if that mate was a human. “I will never hurt her. I could never hurt her without destroying myself.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “You really mean that.”

“I do.”

“But you’ve not known her long.”

I sighed. "I feel I have always known Bella, always been waiting for her. I know she doesn't feel the same way for me, but I hope she will one day. I can be patient." When she remained silent, I went on. "I know you are worried for her, but trust me, I would rather die than make her unhappy for even a moment. I know that sounds like an exaggeration, something probably said a million times by a million lovers, but I mean it. In a way, Bella is my world."

She stared at me for a moment, and then a small smile curled her lips. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes, okay. I believe you.” She grinned. “I’ll quit pushing you. You go back to concentrating on making Bella happy.”

“That’s all I want,” I said. “Truly, I just want her to be happy.”

And it was. Being with Bella as much as I was meant that I was blessed. I could hope for more one day, what I thought I saw building coming into fruition, but my focus would be making her happy.

That was what she deserved.


	25. Chapter 25

**_Carlisle_ **

Bella scooped up another handful of popcorn and began to pick up the kernels one by one and pop them in her mouth with a look of relish. As pleased as I was that I no longer needed to eat in order to spend time with her, I missed the hours we spent batch cooking meals for our freezers. I had enjoyed seeing her moving around the kitchen with confidence, creating the meals she so obviously enjoyed.

“Bella,” I said during a slow moment in the movie we were watching in which the lead couple stopped to kiss.

“Hmmm?”

I smiled. “Never mind.” She was obviously more involved in the movie than I realized.

She frowned. “No, what were you going to say?”

“I was wondering if I could take you out to Seattle for an evening.”

An impish look came into her eyes. “A date?”

“Only if you want it to be,” I said awkwardly.

She grinned. “I want it to be a date, Carlisle. I was just teasing you. I would love to come to Seattle with you. What would you like to do?”

“The Oper Frankfurt is coming to perform La Dafne. They don’t often come out of Germany, and I would like to see them. I thought you would enjoy it, too.”

“La Dafne!” Bella said excitedly. “I’d love that. I saw Gagliano’s La Flora in the 1900s, and it was amazing.”

Not for the first time, I marveled at the proof of the life Bella had lived. Though I had lived just as long, my experiences seemed less incredible than hers as I had a good reason for my long life. The thing Bella called a curse, but I called a miracle, made her life all the more marvelous to me.

She stared at me a moment and then grinned and said, “A little weird proof of my life again?”

“Not weird,” I said, taking her hand and cupping it in my own. “It’s just the life you’ve lived… Emmett said you would have stories, as your life would be so much freer than ours, so you would be able to experience so much more than us as vampires, and it sometimes just hits me.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I have journals if you ever want to read them. Some of them are brief as I was too busy to log what I was doing, especially during the wars, but most of it’s there.”

“I would enjoy that very much,” I said, thinking of the gift she was giving me. Edward kept journals, but I never had. My eidetic memory meant there was no need.

“I’ll get them out of the attic for you,” she said. “It’ll give you something to read at night.” She grinned. “Bedtime reading.”

I chuckled. One of the things that had amazed Bella most about my nature was the fact we didn’t sleep. Apparently, that was more impressive than the fact we beat our craving for human blood to protect life and fed on animals. I wondered if the reaction our skin had to sunlight would amaze her more. I’d not yet had a chance to show her.

“So, we’re going to the opera?” I asked.

“Definitely. You’ll get the tickets?”

“Actually, I have already reserved a private box. I was hoping you would say yes, and I thought tickets would sell fast. It would be easier if we stayed the night in Seattle, too. Do you object? I will arrange separate rooms, of course.”

Bella laughed. “I would expect no less from a gentleman like you, Carlisle.”

She set aside her bowl of popcorn and then moved closer to me, resting her head against my shoulder, and I leaned my cheek against her hair. These were the most intimate touches we shared since the day she had told her story, no more than I had as a human, but they were still perfect to me.

It felt like heaven.

xXx

We drove to Seattle in the morning, and Bella went out to enjoy the city while I was trapped in the hotel by some early sunshine that would last until twilight when I would be free to go to the McCaw Hall for our date.

The word gave me a thrill of pleasure. I was taking Bella on our first real date, and that was what she wanted it to be. 

She visited me in my room when she got back to the hotel, and then she returned to her room to eat and dress for the evening.

I took extra care dressing, ensuring my bowtie was straight and my hair carefully groomed, and then waited for her to come. In my hands, the box I had brought with me, a once given gift to return, was cradled.

I heard her leaving her room, and then there was a soft tap on my door, and I rushed to open it for her.

Though my breath was unneeded, it caught at the sight of her. She was beautiful. Her dress was a deep blue that left her shoulders bare and cinched at the waist and then spread into a full skirt. Her hair was styled into curls that were gathered on top of her head with a clip that would be perfect with the gift I’d carried with me for over three centuries.

“You look amazing,” I said.

She beamed. “You look pretty amazing yourself. You should wear a tux more often.”

“I find the opportunities rare in Forks,” I said.

“Yeah, I guess you would.”

I stepped back and gestured her inside. “Come in. We have a little time before we need to leave, and there was something I wanted to give you.”

Looking curious, she came in and stood by the window, taking in the view of the city, the Space Needle, and the bay.

I walked to her and held out the velvet box I had brought for the gift. “I wondered if you would wear this,” I said carefully.

She took it with a curious look and eased open the lid. The wooden comb with its carved flowers was nestled in silk, and for a moment, Bella just stared at it. With a gasping breath, she traced her finger over the flowers with an awed look on her face.

“Oh,” she breathed.

“You don’t have to wear it," I said quickly. "It's just that this…" I fumbled for words. "You gave it to me the last time I saw you when I was human; it was a gift to—"

“To bring you luck,” she whispered.

I stared at her wordlessly as my heart soared at the possibility of what she was saying. Did she remember? That would be the next best blessing to me finding her again. If she remembered me, knew me, I felt I would be completed at last.

Tears slipped down her cheeks, and she made a soft gasping sound, and then she looked at me and said, “I told you to be safe, and…” She wiped at her face. “And to come back to me.”

I nodded, unable to speak.

“You were scared,” she went on. “I told you that you were doing God’s work.”

“You did,” I whispered.

“And you kissed me,” she touched her forehead, “right here.”

I cupped her cheeks in my hand and pressed a kiss to the spot she had touched. “Just like this.”

“Yes,” she swallowed hard. “I remember.”

I drew a shaky breath and forced my hands to be gentle as I stroked her face, being careful as my emotions were so overwhelmed that I wanted to hold her closer, feel her completely.

“I remember it all,” she said, her grip on the box loosening, and it dropped to the floor. “I loved you. I remember loving you so much.”

She said loved, remembering loving me, but it was as good as a declaration of current love for me to hear it. The fact she remembered was more than I had allowed myself to hope for. It was the most amazing gift she had ever given me in my life. No touch or chaste kiss meant as much to me as this. It was everything.

She brought shaking hands to my face and pulled me close. I felt her warm breath against my lips, and then she pressed them to mine with her full strength, and my heart soared with exhilaration. I kissed her back, being careful to not allow her access to my venomous teeth, pouring all my love into it.

She pulled back with a gasp, and fresh tears poured down her cheeks. Her lips trembled, and the words she spoke were so soft I might not have heard them had I not been a vampire.

“I love you. Here, now, I love you, Carlisle Cullen. I _love_ you.”

I made a choking sound and kissed her again, holding her face in my hands, treasuring the miracle I was touching.

She pulled back, breathing hard, and stared into my eyes, which I knew must be dark with the most powerful need I felt, even greater than my need for blood. I wondered if she would fear them, the last time she’d seen a vampire with eyes this dark was when Edward had attacked her, but her fingers traced my cheeks, across my eyelids as they fell closed and I exhaled a shaky breath, and then she pulled my face to her and kissed my closed eyes. The touch felt like nothing I could imagine, the intimacy of it, and the complete lack of fear they showed given her previous experiences. It made me feel truly alive.

“I love you,” she said again. “Carlisle, I love you so much.” She began to sob, and her tears wet my face as she pressed our cheeks together and nuzzled me.

“I love you, too,” I said fervently. “I have never loved anything or anyone as much as I love you. You are my world. You were always my world, even when I thought you were gone forever.”

“I never thought I could have love,” she said, her gasping words feather touches to my skin. “All those years, all those people I knew and cared for, I never loved because I thought I couldn’t. But it wasn’t that I would leave them that stopped me. It was because my heart was already too full of you, even though I couldn’t remember.” She leaned back and stared at me, her gaze seeming to penetrate me all the way to my soul. “You were my world, and I never knew it. You _are_ my world. I feel it now.”

My eyes prickled as if they would tear, though it was impossible, and my breaths became sobbing gasps. “My world,” I said, pressing kisses to her cheeks, her lips, her eyelids, and her temples. “Always, Bella, my whole world.”

I held her close and felt her heaving breaths pressing against me, her heart racing in her chest, beating against my skin.

“My Bella,” I whispered. “Always, my Bella.”

She made a soft gasping sound and became limp in my arms.

“Bella?” I said anxiously. “Love?”

I held her away from me and saw that her eyes were closed and her breaths slower now. She had fainted.

“Bella,” I crooned, lifting her into my arms and carrying her to the bed.

I laid her down and then sat on the edge of the bed beside her, my fingers pressed to her throat to feel the steady and strong beats, checked her breaths, and then, seeing nothing to concern me but the results of shock and overwhelm, I went back to the window where she’d dropped her comb and carried it back to her. I took her limp hand and curled her fingers around it, giving the gift to her that had created this perfect moment, the moment that was the purest gift I could ever have wished for, and then I kissed her cheek and whispered against her skin.

“My Bella, my world, rest now.”


	26. Chapter 26

**_Bella_ **

I felt awareness return slowly, like waking after a deep sleep, and my mind teased me with fleeting thoughts. I knew that something important had happened, something that meant everything to me, but I couldn’t get a grasp on it.

There was a cool finger tracing my cheeks, gentle touches that made a rush of warmth follow. My eyelids fluttered, and the finger paused, then a soft voice called to me.

“Bella, love, can you hear me?”

I opened my eyes and looked up into the most beautiful face I’d ever seen. Carlisle’s hair seemed to glow with the light from the lamp behind him, like a halo. His eyes were the lightest gold, enchanting, and it made me feel a surge of love for him. Love…

I sat up quickly, and Carlisle placed a hand on my back to steady me as my head swam.

“I remember,” I said weakly.

Carlisle’s face broke into a blissful smile. “You do.”

It was all there. I could see my father's face, the house where I lived, and the room where I slept. I saw the brass candlestick that sat beside my bed and the rough blankets with the precise fold that Grace, our housemaid, always created. I saw the view of Long Acre’s street that I had from my bedroom window. I saw the church across the street where Carlisle’s father preached. I saw the Thames and Tower where Carlisle and I would meet in secret. I saw it all and relished each memory.

I remembered loving the man sitting beside me more than my own life, just the way I loved him now.

“How do you feel?” he asked. “You fainted?”

"I feel fine," I said, rubbing my chest, which moved quickly with my weak, shocked breaths.

Carlisle’s fingers found my face again, and I leaned against the touch.

“How long was I out?” I asked.

Carlisle smiled slightly. “A while. We missed the start of the opera.”

“I’m sorry. I know you were looking forward to it.”

Carlisle chuckled. “Bella, you have given me the greatest moment, a truly exquisite one, in my long life today. The opera doesn’t matter. Only you matter.”

I turned my head to the side and kissed his palm. “It’s the same for me. You are everything.”

His lips spread into an exhilarated smile, and he held my hand to his face.

“What are we going to do?” he asked.

“Do?”

“Everything has changed, Bella. You’re truly mine again. My life is…”

“Complete?” I asked. “That’s how I feel.”

“Yes,” he said fervently. “So, what do we do?”

I considered. I didn't know what he meant by 'do,' but I knew I never wanted to part from him again. I wanted to wrap his presence around me and never let it go. That wasn't practical, though. We both had lives to live.

That was what he meant.

“I want you with me every moment of every day,” I said. “But…”

Carlisle nodded. “I know. We have to live.”

“What do you want to do?” I asked.

“Honestly, I want to tell the rest of my family that you remember, though Alice might have seen it already. I can only hope she has kept it to herself if she does know. I want to take you to them as my…” He frowned. “We call it mates, a vampire’s one true companion and love, but the word doesn’t seem to encompass what I feel. It’s so much more than that.” He smiled again. “I want to take you to them as my world.”

“I’d like that,” I said. “We’ve got Spring Break coming up, so we could fly east to them.

“I’d like that more than asking them to come to us,” Carlisle said. “I could ask Alice to keep it secret so that we can surprise them. Though I imagine that this news will be enough of a surprise to them.”

I kissed his cheek. “Then we’ll go to them. I’d like to see them all again.”

Carlisle smiled, and then something seemed to strike him as his face fell. “What about Edward?”

I sighed. It was true that Edward had featured in nightmares after what had happened, but I believed I would be safe around him. It was my freshly spilled blood that had overpowered his control, so if I was careful, I would be safe. And there would be enough other vampires there that could protect me. I knew Carlisle would never let me be hurt again.

“It will be fine,” I said. “I trust Edward to not hurt me again; I trust you to protect me.”

He stared at me a moment and then said, “You truly do, don’t you?”

“I do.”

Carlisle beamed. “Then I will arrange flights and check the weather for travel. We need to be seen in public to travel, and I can’t do that in the sun.”

“Your mysterious thing with sunlight,” I said. “Are you sure it won’t burn you to ash?”

He laughed softly. “No, Bella. It’s just that we are immediately exposed as not human. I will show you as soon as I can. I’ll ask Alice to look for a sunny day to take you somewhere private.”

“I look forward to it.”

“It might be too much for you. It will show you my true difference.”

“No, Carlisle,” I said softly. “The only difference in you that matters to me is the one that means I can have you forever. That’s all I need.”

He stroked my hair back from my face and said, “You are the most amazing woman, Bella. I saw it all those years ago but wasted it. I will never do that again.”

I guessed he was referring to the future we had planned together but would never have had, even if he’d not been changed. I had known he was too dutiful a man to ever give me the life I wanted, marriage and a family, and we could never have that family now with us both being unending, but what we gained in return far outweighed that loss.

“Do you want to go somewhere else?” Carlisle asked. “It’s still early in the city.”

“No, what I want to do it lie here in this bed with you holding me until I sleep.”

“And when you sleep?” he asked. “Do I have to go?”

“Don’t you want to? I’ll be boring asleep.”

“My Bella,” he sighed, “I could stay by your side as you slept a hundred years and never grow bored.”

“Then stay,” I said. “I want to go to sleep with you beside me and wake up with you there. I can’t imagine any better way to wake.”

Carlisle kissed me and then climbed into the bed beside me. I laid down, and he curled around me, his cool skin feeling like heaven against mine.

His hand laid across my upper chest, just above my breast, and he sighed softly.

“What are you doing, Carlisle?” I asked.

“I can feel your heartbeat against my hand,” he said. “It moves with your breaths. That is…” he whispered in the shell of my ear, “that is everything.”

xXx

**_James_ **

I stalked behind the woman as she trotted up the street in her heels. She was ending a night on the town, or perhaps she was a streetwalker; it was hard to tell by how she dressed. Her clothes didn't matter, though. It was her blood I wanted, and she smelled delicious.

She glanced over her shoulder and sped her pace—she’d noticed me. I always enjoyed this moment, when they realized they were being hunted. It made the adrenaline flow and the heart speed. The blood would pour into my mouth with the added sweetness of fear.

I let her get another dozen paces, almost running now as her heels clipped the sidewalk, and then I struck. I grabbed her and dragged her into an alleyway. She screamed, and I relished the sound. There was no one close, and even if there were, it was rare for people to run towards danger for the sake of a stranger.

I pushed her against the wall and pulled her head to the side by yanking her hair. Her eyes were wide and terrified, and useless pleading words slipped thought her trembling lips.

I allowed myself a moment to enjoy her fear and then sank my teeth into her throat. The blood pulsed, and I drank it down, feeling it sate the burn, even if only for a while. I gulped at her as her struggles slowed.

A scream reached me from a distance, a cry of unendurable agony, and I pulled back. I had heard humans in pain before, I had caused it, but this was more than suffering. I had heard this before when venom had been burning through a bitten human’s veins.

With a curse, I snapped the neck of my meal to stop the change reaching her still-beating heart, and tossed her into a dumpster, and then ducked out of the alley and ran towards the sound.

It was coming from the docks, and the cries were growing louder. I followed them and found Victoria standing over a writhing man who was making the racket. Her hands were over her face, and her eyes were wide and stunned.

“What are you doing?” I growled. 

“It’s changing,” she whispered.

“So is he!”

I bent and punched through the man’s chest, crushing his heart, and then lifted him up and dumped him in the river basin. He would float eventually, be found, but we would be long gone by them.

I grabbed her shoulders and shook her. “What were you thinking?”

Her head rolled on her shoulders, and then she looked at me in a way I had never seen before. Her adoration usually shone at all times, the love she felt for me never met by my own, but now she was furious.

She sucked in a shaky breath. “It’s changing,” she said again. “It’s been centuries, and I’ve always felt it there, but it’s different. I don’t understand.”

I scowled at her. “Are you talking about your _magic_ again?” I infected the word with the derision it deserved.

“Yes. It’s changing. She is different.”

I rolled my eyes. “Sure, she is. Come on.” I yanked her arm, towing her along the docks. “You’ve drawn attention to us. We need to be gone before others come to investigate.”

“I have to find her,” she said. “I have to know how this happened.”

“You have to shut up,” I growled. “We’re going where _I_ want to go. You don’t get to decide.”

A flicker of sadness came into her eyes. “No. Of course. I just meant… She took a deep breath. “Where do you want to go?”

I took a breath and said, “Somewhere far away. We can leave the damage for Laurent to deal with; I’m already tired of him. He can explain if they come looking. I doubt the Volturi will come looking for a floater with its chest punched out, but it’s not worth the risk.”

She flinched. “No… not the Volturi…”

“Yes.” I took a moment to enjoy the look of fear in her eyes. She was terrified of _them_ since she had escaped them all those years ago. “We will go west. I want to find that coven the nomad told us about. A group of seven will pose a challenge.” A cruel smile curled my lips.

She nodded dutifully, apparently leaving her fear for whatever her fractured mind had presented her with behind, and said, “Yes. We will go west. West is fine.”

I squeezed her arm hard enough to hurt. “West is what I want, so it is more than fine. It is perfect, isn’t it?”

She nodded. “Yes, James. It’s perfect. Whatever you want.”

I smiled at her, and she returned it, not seeing the threat in my own. Whatever I wanted was precisely what I got.

A coven of seven would be a challenge to face, and if I could manipulate the situation, I could have a hunt.

I lived for the hunt, not the stupid bitch that trailed after me.


	27. Chapter 27

**_Edward_ **

“I know a secret,” Alice sang, plopping down beside me on the couch. “Are you going to ask what it is?”

I momentarily dipped into her mind and was met with a perfect recitation of the crashing hip-hop song she’d been listening to that morning.

“Since you’re not going to let me find out for myself, I will ask. What is your secret, Alice?”

“Not telling!” She giggled. “But it’s a good one.”

I sighed. “That’s very helpful.”

She elbowed me and took the book from my lap, snapping it closed. “You need to hunt.”

“No, I don’t,” I disagreed. “I still have a week before I’ll need to go again.”

"Not this time, you don't. Come on, we'll go across to High Peaks. Mountain lions…”

I frowned. “There are no mountain lions in New York.”

“There _were_ no mountain lions. But I can tell you where to find one…”

I sighed. I didn’t particularly need to hunt, but it would make me more comfortable to be freshly fed again. Now I wasn’t in Forks, away from the risk of Bella’s scent, I could return to a bi-weekly hunting schedule. It would be nice to spend some time with Alice, though."

“Are we all going?” I asked.

She considered and then said, “Yeah, Jasper should come, too. I’ll get him.”

“Esme won’t be happy,” I observed. “She’s got him and Emmett working on the roof.”

“She’ll be happy later,” she chirped. “I’ll go get him.”

She jumped to her feet and darted out of the house and called to Jasper, who was on the roof with Emmett, laying the tiles on the extension we’d added to the house. We’d had enough room when we arrived in Vermont, but this was a house Carlisle had bought when he was alone, so it wasn’t as large as our usual homes. We’d needed to wait for spring, though, as Vermont winters weren’t conducive to a suitable environment for removing walls and laying concrete foundations.

I went outside in time to see Jasper jump neatly from the roof and land on the balls of his feet in front of Alice. She stood on tiptoes to kiss his cheek and said, “We’re going to High Peaks to hunt.”

He shrugged and said, “You’re on your own, Em.”

Emmett cursed, and Esme said, “What was that, Emmett?”

“Nothing, Esme,” Emmett said brightly. “I am more than happy to stay here laying tiles while they hunt. I’m not missing out on the bears waking up.”

A glint came into Esme’s eye, and she said, “Well, as long as you’re happy to stay.”

“More than happy,” Emmett replied.

Alice giggled again, and Esme gave a long-suffering sigh. “You should go, Emmett. You’re probably thirsty.”

There was a whoop of joy, and Emmett jumped down from the roof, handed Esme the handful of nails he’d been driving into the tiles with his bare hands, unbuckled his tool belt and gave it to her and said, “We’ll make up for time when we get back.”

“No, we won’t,” Alice said happily. “We’re going to be busy.”

“Doing what?” Emmett asked.

In answer, Alice gave him a small wave and ran to the covered garage and stood by the Volvo.

“I hate when she gets like this,” Emmett grumbled.

“I like it,” Jasper said. “Whatever’s going on with her, she’s feeling good about it, which means I am. It’s better than others.” He gave me a pointed look and went to join Alice by the car.

I knew I wasn’t creating a pleasant emotional climate for Jasper lately; I hadn't since we arrived in Vermont, but I was trying. 

I missed Carlisle, and I felt horrible about the reason we’d had to leave. It was bad enough to know that it was because of me we all had to leave in the first place, but the victim I’d left behind without apology or explanation haunted me. What I had done to Bella was awful, I could have ended her life or doomed her to a different one with that loss of control, and I’d had no chance to apologize before we fled.

I didn’t know if giving an apology would help me, but I hoped it would help her. She had given me her trust, invited me into her home to help me when she could see I was in pain, and I’d caused her pain and fear.

It was unforgivable, but if I could have explained, she might have been able to handle it better. I was sure I had left a terrified woman behind. Carlisle had been kinder than I deserved, he’d understood and forgiven me because he was a good man that loved me, but it wasn’t what I had deserved.

“Come on, Edward,” Alice called to me. “We’re going to be late.”

“Late for the bears?” Emmett asked. “Because they don’t usually make appointments to be eaten.”

“No,” Alice said. “Late for the surprise.

Emmett shrugged and thumped my shoulder and said, “Come on, Edward. You know how she gets when she’s waiting. I don’t want to spend two hours on the road, hearing her complain about being late. Besides,” he rubbed his stomach theatrically, “I’m hungry.” He looked at Esme. “You’ll tell Rose where we’ve gone when she gets back from town?”

Esme nodded. “I will.”

I followed him to the car and climbed in behind the wheel.

Whatever was coming, Alice’s secret, I would apparently need to hunt before it happened. In spite of my dour mood and thoughts, I was looking forward to seeing whatever it was.

I needed something to bring me up a little, even if only for Jasper’s sake.

xXx

I pushed away the deer I’d fed from and got to my feet. The rest of the herd had fled when I caught the buck, but I didn’t feel thirsty enough to follow them. If it had been the promised mountain lion, I would have given chase, but I had already realized Alice had lied to me when she had lured with me on this hunt. The location she’d given me had left me straight to the herd, and there was no scent of mountain lions at all.

I lifted a towering red spruce, kicked in the carcass, and then dropped it back in place with a creak of roots and a crunch of bones.

I went to a stream to wash the dirt and blood from my hands then checked my shirt for stains. There were none, naturally, so I started back to where we’d parked the car at a relaxed jog.

Alice was waiting for me there, perched on the hood, and she lifted a hand in greeting and said, “Jazz and Em are going to be ten minutes. Emmett got into it with a black bear, and Jasper is waiting for him to finish.”

“So Em found what he was looking for,” I said pointedly. “Lucky for him.”

Alice grinned, unabashed. “I could tell you were going to be difficult about coming if I didn’t tempt you.”

“Are you going to tell me what was so important about hunting today?”

She tilted her head to the side and then said, “Nope. Jazz doesn’t need to spend the whole ride back with you stewing.”

“Stewing about what?” I asked. “What’s going on, Alice?”

“It’s a good thing,” she assured me. “You’ll be happy, I promise. And you’ll be fine. I have checked carefully. Really, it’ll be great.”

I stared at her, trying to break through the barrier of hip-hop she’d created against my gift once again, and said, “I’d feel better if I knew what was coming.”

“Maybe you would,” she said. “But it would spoil everything.” She pouted. “Can’t you just trust me?”

“I do trust you, Alice, but you and I both know your visions aren’t infallible.” My face darkened as I thought of what had happened when I was too sure of myself and the fact a split-second decision had killed a woman, though she miraculously lived now, and a suspicion crept in. “Is it Bella?”

Alice’s face fell. “How did you work it out?”

“It is! She’s coming here?”

“So is Carlisle,” she said quickly. “And it really will be fine. There will be no blood. She’ll be perfectly safe.”

“Then I’m staying here.” I took the Volvo keys from my pocket and threw them to her. She didn’t make an attempt to catch them, though she would have been able to without thought, and they gouged a scratch into the polished hood.

“Damn,” she muttered. “Okay, I didn’t see _that_ happening, but Rose can smooth it out for you.”

“I don’t care about the car, Alice,” I growled. “I care that you were planning to expose Bella to me after what happened last time.”

Alice sighed. “It’s going to be fine, Edward. I promise. And you can’t stay here for this. Carlisle needs you to be there; this is important to him, and Bella will be safe. You can stay back if you want, give her space, but you have to be there for Carlisle.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “What about Bella? Don’t you think she might be more comfortable if I wasn’t there? I killed her! She’ll be terrified of me.”

“She really won’t,” she said confidently. “Think, Edward, would Carlisle bring her here if he thought she would be scared or in danger? He trusts you, and Bella does, too. They wouldn’t be coming otherwise. You _have_ to be there.”

“It’s not a good idea.”

“Do it for Carlisle,” she pressed. “Whatever’s bringing him here, it’s for us all. You can’t hide because you’re worried. After all, he’s not, and neither is Bella. He needs this, Edward.”

I stared into her light gold eyes, bright with the recent blood, and her slightly flushed cheeks that would have been a sign of emotion in a human. I sighed. “Fine. I will come, but I _am_ staying back, and if I see any fear in her, even discomfort, I’m leaving.”

She clapped her hands. “Perfect. You won’t see it, so you can stay.”

Footsteps reached us, and Emmett and Jasper appeared. Emmett’s shirt was torn and stained, but he looked cheerful.

Jasper looked at me and winced. “Okay, what did I miss?” he asked. “Because you’re wound tight again, Edward.” He frowned. “What are you scared of?”

“Only myself,” I muttered, climbing into the car and starting the engine.

I tapped my hands on the steering wheel impatiently as Alice diverted Emmett and Jasper’s questions, saying, “He’ll relax soon, Jazz. And we better hurry. Emmett needs to change. No one needs to see him looking like that.”

“And no one is…?” Jasper asked.

Alice giggled. “You’ll see.” 

xXx

**_Bella_ **

“Are you nervous?” Carlisle asked as he steered our rented car off the highway.

“Can’t you tell that already?” I asked. “You’re listening to my heartbeat and everything, right?”

He smiled slightly. “I am, but I still haven’t managed to untangle your reactions.”

“I’m not nervous,” I said confidently. “I’m excited. I’ve actually missed them.” I gave him a pointed look. “All of them.”

I did want to see them all, Edward included, as I thought doing it would put to bed the last of the nightmares. If I could replace my last experience with Edward with something positive, it would help me. And I knew Carlisle would never let me be hurt again.

His tight grip on the steering wheel relaxed slightly, and he said, “You are the most amazing woman, Isabella Swan.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “You never called me Isabella before, did you? I don’t remember you calling me that anyway, and I think I remember almost everything.”

“No,” he agreed. “I called you Bella, like your father did. I just like Isabella now you remember. It’s a part of that we share memories of again. I can’t express how much that means to me.”

I touched his arm and said, “It means everything to me, too. I lived so long and was never even sure if I had a life before the curse, and now knowing I did… it feels amazing. I belong to a time and place now in a way I never did before. Time passed so fast, and I had so many lives, so many people that came and went, and now I know where it all started.”

There was just one part missing, the memory of what had happened to me. I remember searching for Carlisle, I remember reaching the sewer, and then it was blank. I had no idea what happened to me, how the curse started and who did it to me. Who had made me what I was now?

“We’re almost there,” Carlisle said, turning on the blinker and driving us onto a dirt road.

I nodded and pressed a finger to my lips and winked at him. We hoped to surprise them completely with our arrival, though we were both sure there was one person that was going to know we were coming. We both harbored a wish that Alice had only seen us coming and not why we were coming. The fact I remembered was something I wanted to share with them in person, as well as my now remembered love for Carlisle.

The road we were on seemed to go on forever, lined on either side by trees and winding. I leaned forward in my seat, wanting to get my first glimpse of the new home of Carlisle’s family. He had taken me to see their Forks house, and it was vast and beautiful. I wanted to know what this home would look like.

We turned onto gravel, and I saw the house bloom in front of us. It was made of red brick and wood paneling on the second floor. It had double doors that were painted red, and a porch wrapped around the front of the house. Even in the cloudy gloom, it looked beautiful.

I had a moment to take it in before I saw a figure appear in front of the house, having moved too quickly for my human eyes to take in, and I blinked then saw Esme with her hands pressed to her chest and a broad smile curving her lips.

Carlisle got out of the car and walked to my side to open the door. I climbed out and took his extended hand and gave it a squeeze.

“Carlisle!” Esme said ecstatically. “You’re here!”

She darted towards us and put her arms around him. I let Carlisle's hand go, and he embraced her and then held her back and kissed her cheek. “Hello, Esme.”

“Carlisle!” a voice called from above us.

I looked up and saw Emmett and Jasper standing on the edge of the roof, toolbelts tied around their waists.

Carlisle raised a hand to them, and they both jumped down and appeared in front of us, again, too fast for my human eyes to follow.

The outward show of their difference as vampires awed me. Carlisle was always so human with me, countering his speed and reflexes to be more human. I liked that they were being so relaxed around me.

Emmett threw his arms around Carlisle and lifted him into the air, the huge muscles of his upper arms bulging.

Carlisle laughed and patted his shoulder as he was set down, and then he shook Jasper’s hand.

“What are you doing here?” Esme asked. “Why didn’t you call?”

“We have news we wanted to share,” Carlisle said. “And we were hoping that we could surprise you. I’m assuming Alice kept it to herself.”

“To most of us,” Jasper said. “I’m pretty sure Edward was warned.”

“Yep,” Emmett said, crossing his arms over his chest. “She had us all out hunting this morning.”

“Where are they now?” Carlisle asked.

“They went into town,” Esme said. “She said she had something to pick up. Rosalie went into New York to buy some soft furnishings. We’ve extended the house so that we have a little more space.” 

“I can see,” Carlisle said.

“Shall we go in?” Esme said, her kind eyes falling on me. “I don’t have anything to offer you, Bella. If we’d known you were coming, we could have shopped.”

“It’s fine,” I said. “I ate on the plane.”

Esme beamed and guided us into the house. The living room was a large size given the dimensions of the house and its age, and I assumed they had knocked smaller rooms through to enlarge this one. There was a grouping of couches with a huge television mounted on the wall on which a news program was playing with the volume muted.

Esme pointed a remote at it, and the screen went blank.

Carlisle guided me to a couch and then sat down close to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

Emmett threw himself down opposite me and said, “Okay, things are obviously going well for you two,” as Esme and Jasper sat down with him a little more gently.

“They are,” Carlisle agreed.

“And?” Emmett said pointedly. “I want to hear it all.”

“Not yet,” Esme said. “Alice, Edward, and Rose need to be here, too.”

“I agree,” Carlisle said, and then asked, “How have you been settling in?”

“It’s going well,” Esme said, though I suspected there was something happening that disagreed with her statement.

“And you’re in high school again?” Carlisle asked, though he already knew as he’d told me they’d found a small school to attend.

“Yep,” Emmett said. “It’s not a bad one. Though the history teacher sucks.” He winked at me.

“I’m sure you’re managing to keep your grades up,” I said.

Emmett leaned back. “Yeah, but it’s not the same as learning history for someone that lived it. Which is all kinds of cool, by the way. I want to know everything you did.”

“Three centuries worth of life might take a while to explain, Emmett,” I said.

“Yeah, but we have forever,” he said pointedly. “That’s the best part.”

“We do,” I agreed, and Carlisle pulled me a little closer.

Without trigger that I could see, all eyes but mine turned to the window, and an expectant look spread across each face.

“They’re home?” I asked.

“Yep,” Jasper said, getting to his feet and crossing the room to open the door.

The sounds of engines approaching reached me, and I saw the Volvo and Rosalie’s BMW pulling into sight.

Rosalie climbed out first, and her head snapped up. A smile spread across her face, and she disappeared from the window, and then she appeared at the door.

“Carlisle,” she breathed, her pleasure evident.

Carlisle’s arm moved from my shoulder, and he stood and went to greet her. She hugged him tight, and I thought Carlisle had whispered something to her as she smiled and nodded.

Emmett lifted an arm, and she went to sit with him and nestled against him as he wrapped his arm around her. She seemed happier than I had ever seen her, and it made me think the absence of Carlisle from her life when they’d left had been hard for her to bear.

I’d never given it enough thought before. I was sad that they’d had to go because of what had happened as it had made Carlisle sad, but I’d not really considered that there were six others that would be affected by their separation.

There was movement at the door, and Alice appeared with two paper sacks in her arms. Edward was behind her. In stark contrast to Alice’s excitement, he looked strained.

Jasper went to her and took the bags, leaving her free to hug Carlisle, and then she came to sit down beside me and said, “Bella, it’s so good to see you.”

“Have you been seeing a lot of me?” I asked, wanting to know if she would give me a clue of whether or not she’d had a glimpse into my returned memories.

“Nope,” she said with a hint of pride. “I’ve been making a point of not looking. I wanted you and Carlisle to have privacy. Apart from weather checks, I don’t see much. I only knew you were coming because your paths joined ours.”

“We appreciate it, Alice,” Carlisle said a little distractedly. His eyes were on Edward, who was lurking in the doorway. “Hello, son,” he said, his voice soft, and then he looked concentrated, and I thought he was communicating with Edward through his thoughts as I had learned he could, though not with me as I was silent to him, as Edward he was nodding and a small smile curved his lips.

Edward turned to me, and a look of pain settled on his face. “Bella, I am so…”

“You don’t need to apologize, Edward,” I cut him off. “Carlisle explained how it worked for you, the temptation of my particular scent. You weren’t to blame.”

Edward’s lips parted with shock, and Alice said, “We told you so.”

“You really believe that?” Edward asked doubtfully.

“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t,” I replied. “Truly. I’m not going to pretend what happened wasn’t awful, but it wasn’t your fault. I know you tried to save me after, and I appreciate it.”

“It went wrong,” Edward said, his eyes downcast. “I crushed your chest, trying to do CPR.”

“And I healed.” Seeing he wasn’t reassured, I went on. “I am well aware that it could have ended for me there, but it didn’t. I owe you my life for what happened when the van skidded.”

“That doesn’t cancel out the fact I also took your life,” he said.

“No, but that’s not my point. Carlisle explained what my blood is like to you. The fact you were that close to me when the van crashed, that you saved my life, shows how much strength you have and how good you are. I really don’t blame you for what happened.”

Carlisle gave Edward a pointed look, and then Edward nodded and seemed to relax a little. Even so, he sat on the furthest point of the opposite couch from me, and he didn’t settle back against the cushions. He was poised to run away if needed.

Thinking I had reached him, perhaps eased the pain he’d been feeling slightly, I relaxed against Carlisle.

xXX

**_Carlisle_ **

“Okay!” Alice said. “Now that’s out of the way, Bella needs a drink! We got all kinds of stuff in town for you, so what do you want? We’ve got coffee, teas, juices. Edward suggested fruit, but I figured you’d prefer something sweeter, so I got these cookies that seemed to be mainly chocolate chips. Humans like chocolate, right?”

Bella laughed softly. “They do. I’d love a coffee, and I could definitely eat a cookie.”

“Right,” Alice said. “Perfect. Um… does anyone know how to make coffee?”

“I do,” I said, kissing Bella’s cheek and getting to my feet.

If the shocked looks of my family were any indicator, Alice had been honest when she said she hadn’t been watching us as they seemed surprised by the sign of affection between us. It brought back to me why we had come here in the first place.

“Great,” Alice said, picking up the paper sacks and darting into the kitchen.

I followed her in and took the tea kettle from the stove where it had been set as a visible prop for any humans that happened to come by—it was rare but something we were always alert for.

I filled it with water and set it on the lit burner as Alice unpacked the sack and spread her purchases across the counter. I saw they had indeed got a selection of things for Bella. There were a variety of juices, boxes of teas, and three types of coffee. The coffee wasn’t a brand that I had seen Bella drinking before, so I examined the packaging and found what was called a medium roast.

“So…” Alice said. ““Since I don’t already know, I want to know what made you fly three-thousand miles to spend spring break with us?”

I laid a hand on her shoulder and said, “I’m afraid you’re going to have to wait for that information, Alice. It will do you good to do something in the natural course of things for a change.”

Alice’s gift meant that she sometimes focused more on what she saw coming than what was happening in the present. She seemed happy with it, but I thought she was limiting her experience of life and living.

She pouted. “It’s big, though, isn’t it? It’s not exact yet, but this, us all together, is what I saw in the very beginning.”

“It is,” I agreed. “It’s perfect.”

She beamed and threw her arms around me, giving her a tight hug that made my breath rush out. “I’m so happy for you, Carlisle,” she whispered. “Truly. No one deserves this life more than you.”

I cupped her cheek. “Thank you, Alice. That really does mean a lot to me.”

“Yep, you’re awesome, and you know it.”

I chuckled. “Yes, awesome, that’s exactly it.”

She trilled a laugh and glared at the tea kettle, which wasn’t yet boiling. “How long does this thing take?”

“It takes as long as it takes,” I said. “As do all good things in life.”

She shrugged. “I’m not sure coffee is all that great. It definitely doesn’t smell it.” A smile spread across her face. “Do you want some? I know you’re pretty practiced with the whole human food thing now.”

I nudged her shoulder. “The fact that spending time with Bella came at the cost of human food was never too high a price to pay. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her.”

Alice stared into my eyes and said, “I really am happy, Carlisle.”

I hugged her close and said, “So am I, Alice, so am I.” 

xXx

**_Bella_ **

When Carlisle came into the room with Alice, who was carrying a tray with a French press of coffee and plate of cookies, I smiled and relaxed a little more. Though they were all friendly and kind to me, their obvious scrutiny was hard to settle with.

I understood it; this was the first time we were all gathered together at the same time, and they knew we had come for a reason. It made the room a little tense, though.

Alice set the tray down, and Carlisle poured me a cup of coffee and set a cookie down on the saucer then settled beside me again.

I took a sip and then bite of cookie, feeling all eyes on me.

“Does that really taste good?” Rosalie asked skeptically.

“It does,” I said. “Don’t you remember eating… before?”

Rosalie shrugged. “Not really. Our human memories become faded when we’re changed, muddy. Some things stand out more than others.” A dark look came over her face, and I thought her thoughts had turned to less happy memories for her than eating.

“I’ve got no memories at all,” Alice said. “I don’t remember anything before waking up as a vampire.”

“You lost all of it?” I asked. “Was it hard?”

Alice shrugged. “I wish I did know more, but it might be easier for me to not remember. Some of us struggle with what we left behind, and I don’t struggle at all. I love my life as it is.”

I looked at Carlisle. “Are your memories of us like that? Muddy?”

“Only the smallest amount. We can hold our memories more clearly if we focus on them in the immediate aftermath of our change, which is difficult as the thirst is overwhelming in those early weeks and months. It’s only later that we’re able to be calm. I remember you perfectly as it was my whole focus apart from the thirst. I missed you so much, was desperate to see you again, and so you remained clear to me.”

“You have the same situation, though, don’t you?” Esme asked. “You don’t remember anything of your life before.”

I set down my cup and leaned closer to Carlisle. “I didn’t before, no, but now I have them all back. I remember everything.”

Gasps that sounded like a wind swept through the room, and Carlisle pressed a kiss to my hair.

“You remember _everything_?” Emmett asked. “The whole human thing.”

“She’s human now, Em,” Rosalie said.

“You know what I mean,” he replied, unconcerned.

“I know, Emmett,” I said. “And I’m not sure I’m totally human now. But yes, I do remember everything. I remember my home and father. I remember Carlisle.”

Emmett rubbed his hands together. “Right, I want details. What was human Carlisle like?”

I considered my answer. “In many ways, he was very similar to he is now. Not so confident, perhaps, a little meek, but as good a man as he is now.”

Esme smiled at Carlisle. “Of course, he was.”

"Meek, in what way?" Emmett asked.

“Just quieter,” I said.

I wasn’t going to tell him about the way Carlisle was so often cowed by his father’s will, how he had promised to marry me though it would never have happened. None of them needed to know how I had always been sure that future would never happen because he wasn’t strong enough to create it.

Emmett sighed, perhaps disappointed not to have fun details about Carlisle he could enjoy.

“How did you remember?” Edward asked from his place at a careful distance away from me with Jasper. “What happened?”

“It was a hair comb,” I said. “I had it when I was human, and the last night I saw Carlisle, before he went on his hunt, I gave it to him for luck. He wanted me to wear it one night, and the moment I saw it, it all came back. It was like being hit by a tsunami of memories. For all my long life, all the things I’ve seen and done—and I don’t think you can imagine how much that was—I never felt as happy as I did when I remembered. It gave me love back, too.”

Carlisle nestled me closer and kissed my cheek.

“This!” Alice said, her hand over her heart. “This is what I saw coming.”

Edward nodded. “Yes. I see it, too.”

At my questioning look, Carlisle said, “When Edward first met you, he was almost totally overwhelmed by your scent. He had to leave; do you remember?” I nodded, and he went on. “So, he left to avoid the temptation. I went to him, and we were discussing our situation when Alice came. She’d seen a vision of our family that was dependant on his presence and you. He needed to be there to save you when the van skidded, you see, and that brought you to me. The vision Alice saw for our whole family was perfect happiness if Edward came back. If he had not come, you would have been lost, and so would I. It would have…”

“I would have had to leave,” I said. “If the van had killed me, I would have had to leave Forks behind.”

Carlisle nodded. “And I would have spent forever searching for you again.”

“And you never would have found her,” Alice added.

I smiled ruefully. “I’m good at hiding; I’ve had to be.”

“But you are together now,” Esme said, pressing her clasped hands to her chest. “And you’re happy. You’re in love.”

“We are,” I agreed. “All the time I was with Carlisle, before I remembered, I was growing closer and closer to loving him, but I couldn’t let myself. I have never been able to love someone like that. I would have had to leave whoever it was, so I couldn’t drop my guard. Even when I knew he was a vampire, I guarded myself automatically. In truth, I didn’t think I was capable of love. Then when I remembered, it all changed. It wasn’t like falling in love. It was just being in love again. It was everything. He was everything.”

It looked as though Esme wanted to cry, though no tears fell. I wondered if it was part of her nature as a vampire. Carlisle said they were frozen completely, and I guessed that meant that tears were frozen, too.

“What happens next?” Rosalie asked.

I frowned. “Uh… I don’t know. We can’t be too open in Forks yet since Carlisle is only just divorced. When things settle, I assume we’ll move into the same house properly.”

As it was now, Carlisle and I spread our time between the two houses. I cooked and ate at home, and then on the nights he wasn’t working or hunting, I slept in his house. It would be nice to share a home all the time, but I wasn’t in a rush to face the judgment of the Forks’ residents and being branded a homewrecker.

Besides, we had all the time in the world.

Alice clapped her hands together and said, “We’re going to have some sunshine soon. Carlisle, have you shown Bella yet?”

Carlisle looked excited. “No, not yet.” He looked at me. “Do you still want to see me in the sun?”

“Definitely,” I said. “This whole mystery is driving me nuts.”

Carlisle stood and held out a hand to me. I took it and allowed him to ease me up and lead me outside. I walked onto the green lawn under the cloudy sky, looking up for a sign of the promised sunshine, and Carlisle stood on the shadowy porch.

“What are you waiting for?” I asked, holding out a hand to him.

“For that,” Alice said as the sun crept from behind a cloud and settled over me with weak warmth.

Carlisle looked from me to the sky and then walked slowly down the steps and towards me. My breath caught again at the sight of him, the sun reflecting from his skin as if he was formed of diamonds.

“It’s amazing,” I breathed, touching Carlisle’s face when he reached me and kissing his cool cheek, the glimmering light reflecting in my eyes. “You are amazing.”

Carlisle returned the kiss and then leaned back and held my face in his glimmering hands. “You are the amazing one, Bella.”

“How does it work?” I asked.

A pensive look came to Carlisle’s face, the one I had grown used to when he was absorbed in a topic that interested him. “A vampire’s skin is different from a human’s. The cellular membrane is not as soft or permeable as in a human cell; it has crystalline properties that cause the surface our skin to react prismatically, giving us a—”

“It’s magic,” Emmett supplied. “You’re not the only magic one.”

There was movement, and I looked around to see the rest of his family had joined us on the lawn, their skin alight as just like Carlisle’s was

“It’s different, right?” Emmett said smugly. “Kinda cool, but a pain in the ass on sunny days. That’s why Forks was so perfect. It was never sunny, so we got to be normal. It’s not quite as good here, but we get enough cloudy days. I miss Forks, though.”

Rosalie elbowed him and gave him a pointed look.

“It’s fine though,” he hurried on. “It was worth leaving to keep you safe, and it means you and Carlisle had privacy. And—”

I help up a hand, and he fell silent. “I miss you all, too,” I said honestly.

Alice beamed, and Esme placed a hand over her heart.

I looked from face to face, all of them glimmering with light, and spoke my last words to Edward, who still looked unsure.

“I miss all of you, and we won’t leave it so long between visits again.” I stared into his eyes. “I promise.”

Edward smiled at me and nodded. It was small, but I thought there was a little more happiness in him now.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I would tell you when we reached the chapter which would be a good place to stop reading, and we’re here. There’s more story to tell, of course, but everything from here on out leads towards that cliffhanger ending.

**_Carlisle_ **

After the brief sunny spell had passed, we went back into the house, and I fetched Bella a fresh cup of coffee.

I was pleased with her reaction to the sight of me in the sun, as I had been wary of what the sight of me as so clearly different would mean to her. Though I saw now that I shouldn’t have expected less than her amazement. She accepted the hardness and temperature of my skin and the slow darkening of my eyes between hunts, but she’d never seen me as I really was in that way. The only time she had seen one of us acting as a vampire was when Edward had bitten her.

Her smile had been bright with happiness, though, and the light from my skin had reflected in her brown eyes, making her even more beautiful than she already was.

“So, if you remember everything, do you know how you were cursed?” Rosalie asked, putting doubtful emphasis on the word.

“No,” Bella said, a small frown creasing her brow. “I remember waking to the voices in the street, and I watched from the window as Carlisle’s father was told of his death, but I didn’t believe it. I was sure that I would know if he was really gone, that I would die, too.” She smiled sadly. “Probably stupid, I know.”

“Not stupid at all,” Jasper said, surprising me as he had been quiet and at a distance with Edward all the time we were there. “Some loves feel like that,” he went on. “I understand.”

Alice gave him a small smile, which he returned.

Bella nodded and said, “I thought he had to be alive, so I went looking for him. I took stuff from my father’s stores to treat his wounds and ran out onto the street. I saw the bodies of the two that had been killed and then carried on. I didn’t know where Carlisle was leading the hunt as he didn’t tell me, so I just ran. I reached the sewers and then…” She shook her head. “Whatever happened, whatever or whoever did it to me, it was there. I woke up outside Sheffield. I don’t know if I walked there and forgot or if someone put me there.”

“Magic…” Esme said thoughtfully. “Do you really think it was something done to you.”

“I was normal before that night, I know. I can’t think of what else could have happened but magic,” Bella said. “We believed in witches, werewolves, and vampires then, and obviously vampires are real, so why not witches? Why they would have cursed me, I don’t know. I’m not upset they did it, not anymore at least.”

“Did you resent it before you found Carlisle?” Alice asked, her brow furrowed.

“Yes,” Bella said bluntly, and then went on. “The dying is… awful, even though I suppose some people would give anything to be the ones that came back.”

Edward flinched, and I shot him a reassuring smile. Bella had suffered when he bit her, and she’d suffered when she died, but she was here now and happy. Edward needed to let go of his guilt.

Bella ran a hand over her face and went on. “Even without the dying… You’re not as old as me, and you’ve had each other, but I was alone for a long time. Especially in the beginning, before I got good at hiding it, I felt lost. There was no one I could tell the truth to for a long time, and I could never stay in one place too long. It helped when I found the Quileutes and told them; I could return to the new generations that knew my legend and see people who knew me for who I really was. But even then… I saw so much death. I lived through wars and lost people that I had let myself care about. She looked at me. “Was it like that for you?”

I stroked her cheek, taking comfort in her warmth and the blood I could feel pulsing under her skin. “I was alone for 255 years before I changed Edward, and I felt as I imagine you did, perhaps more as I remembered what I had lost. When I changed Edward, my whole life changed, too, and then Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett came. When Alice and Jasper joined us in 1950, I felt we were complete. I was no longer alone. It wasn’t until I found you that I knew what it was to be complete.”

Bella pressed a kiss to my palm and said, “I feel the same way.”

I stared into her eyes, and a spell seemed to settle over us, making us the only two in the room.

The moment was broken by Emmett clearing his throat and saying, “So, what did you do all those years?”

Bella gave her head a small shake to clear it and said, “Mostly, I lived, Emmett. I studied and explored the world. I helped where I could. I experienced parts of history that were incredible.”

“Explains why you were such a good teacher,” Edward said with a small smile.

“But you all lived through history, too,” Bella said. “You saw the twentieth century.”

“I saw some of the nineteenth, too,” Jasper said. “I was born in Texas in 1844.”

Bella frowned at him for a moment and then said, “The Civil War?”

“Major in the Confederate Army,” he replied.

Bella began to laugh, great gusting laughs that made tears stream from her eyes and us all watch her, confused and waiting for her to share the joke. When she calmed, wiping her face and occasionally chortling, she said, “That makes us enemies, I guess.”

Jasper’s eyes widened. “You were there?”

Bella nodded. “I was. I actually managed a month in the 11th Kansas Infantry for the Union Army before I was ‘unmasked’ as a woman and sent back to Topeka.”

All eyes fell on her, and there was a moment of bated breath awe that made Jasper shift as he took it in.

Bella looked from face to face and chuckled again, clearly enjoying the reaction of the room. “I would probably have been able to stay if my Colonel wasn’t sure a purist for ‘True Womanhood.’” She rolled her eyes. “After that, I joined a ladies’ aid society to farm and perform to raise money at county fairs. I would have become a nurse, but I was not suitable according to the Dorothea Dix rules. Too young and ‘pretty.’”

“Yeah, the Union was a bit precious about their troops,” Jasper said with a wink. “Couldn’t have their delicate boys’ heads turned by a pretty face or flash of ankle.”

Bella giggled. “Yeah, sure, you southerners were the tough guys. Still, we won.”

Jasper tipped his head to her and said, “Yes, you did, ma’am.”

Alice grinned at her husband, enjoying the moment of levity between the man she loved and Bella.

“So, the Civil War,” Rosalie said. “Any others?”

“The Great War, France, nursing,” Bella said. “Uh… World War Two I worked in a munitions factory in Lancashire for the first couple of years, and then I went to Belfast for nursing again. The Civil War was my first active role as I didn’t have as much chance to help before that—being a weak and mild woman after all. Though I was in Copenhagen in 1807 for the bombardment and theft of the fleet by the British.”

“That’s the most…” Rosalie paused. “It’s incredible. You have seen so much.”

I saw the amazement in the faces of my family and the happiness in Bella's, and I drank it in. Her story could be sad, her deaths and what happened to her after, but it was also magnificent. She's experienced the world in ways none of us had a chance to.

“How many languages do you speak?” Edward asked.

Bella counted off on her fingers. “Fourteen, though some of my dialects are dated, so I’d have to study a little more to live there again. I probably couldn’t get by on my Mandarin anymore.”

“She’s got you beat, Edward,” Alice said. “You need to get studying.”

Edward nodded. “Apparently so.”

I looked from my love to my family and saw their wonder. This felt wonderful to me. We were here together, sharing details of her life. Even Edward was present, though he kept a careful distance, and I could see in the stiff way he was sitting that he was being mindful of himself.

Alice was right—the future she’d seen for us was perfect, and now we were living it.

xXx

**_Bella_ **

I was being given a show of vampirism, and it was unlike anything I’d ever seen in my long life. Emmett and Jasper were wrestling on the grass outside the house, and I was sitting on the steps, watching them in awe.

The sounds their bodies made as they collided were like claps of thunder. Each punch landed, each shove and push, made my ears ring. But I didn’t ask them to stop. I was fascinated. Watching Emmett fight was like watching bears fighting, swipes of huge hands and brute force, whereas I could tell Jasper was more careful with his blows. Despite the fact Emmett had greater strength, Jasper was the one I thought was winning.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Alice trilled. “It’s my turn.”

I shot her a startled look. Alice was so small, tiny even, and the thought of her facing either of them was worrying. I didn’t voice my fears, though, as I had a feeling they might be mocked.

Emmett rubbed his hands together. “Come on then, Alice, line on up for a thrashing.”

Alice giggled. “No, thanks, Em. I'm going to face skill this time, not brute force. I want Jasper.”

Emmett made a face but jogged to where we were gathered and plonked himself down on the steps beside me. He nudged me with his elbow and said, “This is going to be good.”

Jasper dropped into a crouch facing Alice, who stood opposite him, as tiny and delicate looking as a porcelain doll, and then he struck. He moved so fast it was like a blur, and I waited for the sound of the collision, but then Jasper was standing with his hand clasping at nothing, and Alice was standing to his right. Her eyes were closed, and a small smile was curling her lips.

“Wow,” I whispered.

Emmett chuckled. “Told you it was good.”

“Again,” Alice said smugly.

Jasper stepped back and launched himself at her, but Alice had moved. They were slowing things down to show me, I could tell, and it was like watching a carefully choreographed dance. Every time I thought Jasper must catch her, Alice slipped away at the last second. They moved around each other, Alice just out of reach each time, until she moved so fast she disappeared to me and then appeared clinging to Jasper’s back.

“Got ya,” she said happily.

Jasper grinned and turned her to kiss and then set her down on her feet.

“That was amazing,” I said.

“And rare,” Emmett said. “Alice and Rosalie don’t wrestle often.”

“Do you?” I asked Carlisle.

Around me, laughter rang.

“I’ll take that as a no,” I said.

“I don’t,” Carlisle said. “I have never felt the need. None of us did until Emmett joined our family, and then he and Edward would occasionally. It was only when Alice and Jasper came that it became a regular pastime.” 

“An awesome pastime,” Emmett said.

Rosalie sighed, but she shot him a look of adoration that made me smile. The relationships between the Cullens were so intense, even the ones that were not coupled off. It made me feel warm inside to see it now and share it. I had watched people fall in love before, and I thought I understand how it must feel, but it was so much more intense now that I felt it, too.

“Have you run yet?” Rosalie asked.

I frowned. “Run?”

Edward chuckled. “Obviously not. You’re missing out. The forest around the house here is only so big, but I guess you could do laps.”

“You want me to run around the forest?” I asked doubtfully.

I couldn’t see how it would interest them to see me running. I could run fast for a human, but I had seen their speed now and couldn’t imagine how a human pace could be entertaining.

They all laughed, and Carlisle stroked my cheek, a warm look of love in his eyes. “No. They want you to run with me. You have seen how fast we can move. You can imagine how it feels to run with a vampire.”

“I don’t think I can,” I admitted. “But I definitely want to try.”

Alice clapped her hands together. “Baseball! We’ll get a storm tomorrow night. Can you stay a couple more days?”

Carlisle glanced at me, and I nodded. “Sure. I don’t have to be back at work until Monday, so we’ve got a few days. But what does baseball have to do with me running? And a storm?”

“We have to get to the field,” Emmett said. “We had a perfect spot back in Forks, but we have a bit of a hike here. Carlisle can run with you. And the storm…”

“We get loud,” Jasper supplied. “We have to wait for a thunderstorm to hide the noise.”

“Great,” I said. “Baseball tomorrow. Looking forward to it.”

“And running?” Esme asked.

“Definitely that,” I agreed. “I’ve always wanted to try running at warp speed. I’m betting it’ll beat my skydive thrill.”

“You did a skydive?” Edward asked from his careful distance.

I nodded. “I did, and a bungee jump. When you live forever, you’ve got to make the most of it.”

A strange smile settled over Carlisle’s face, and he kissed me. I wasn’t sure what had prompted it, but I was happy to accept it. We did have forever together ahead of us, and I was going to wring each drop of happiness from it that I could. 

xXx

**_Bella_ **

Carlisle lifted the zip of my coat to my throat and pushed my hair back from my face. “Are you ready for this?”

“Sure,” I said confidently. “Let’s go.”

He smiled slightly and then turned and bent his knees. “Climb on.”

I jumped onto his back, feeling the hard muscles against my chest, and then he grabbed my knees and gripped them.

“You might want to close your eyes at first,” he said.

“No way! I want to see this happen.”

He shrugged. “Tell me if you want me to stop at any time.”

“I won’t.”

He chuckled and started running. My breath rushed out of me as the wind whipped my face, but his progress was smooth; I wasn’t bumped or buffeted at all. The only sense that we were moving came from the wind against me, and the trees rushing past in a blur. 

I gave an exhilarated laugh and said, “Faster!”

He chuckled again, and then I felt the wind increase. We were flying through the forest. It was the biggest thrill I’d ever felt outside of our most private moments together. Skydiving, bungee jumping, that was nothing compared to this. I felt so alive.

Too soon for me, we reached a vast field and stopped. The other Cullens were waiting, some looking expectant, but my focus was Carlisle. I climbed from his back and threw my arms around him. “That was amazing! You are amazing!”

He looked a little puzzled. “You truly enjoyed running that much?”

“I do, but it’s so much more than that. It’s…” I struggled to find the words. “It’s you, Carlisle. I see the man you used to be, and I see you now, and you’re so… free!” I placed my hand over his chest and said, “Your heart doesn’t beat anymore, but you have never been more alive to me.”

Something fierce came to Carlisle’s eyes, and he slammed our lips together. Someone whooped, and there was laughter, but I ignored it all. I was wholly focused on Carlisle's cool lips against mine and the electricity that seemed to be sparking between us at each place we touched, his hands on my face and the back of my head, his heaving chest against mine. 

He pulled back when I had to gasp for breath and said, “You, Bella, are who brings me to life.”

I hugged him, burying my face into his neck and breathing in his sweet scent. “You do the same for me.”

I was energized by him. The man I had loved all those years ago, meek and dutiful to his father and God, had become this shining light of all that was good. He was still dutiful, still kind and wise, but he was so different, too. Each year I had spent alone with my secret, the people that had come and gone, some leaving not more than a memory and others leaving me the echoes of pain at their loss, had been spent bringing me to this moment. I was alive now, too. I loved and was loved. I knew what it really was to be alive, and I saw the future waiting for us, a future together, and knew that I was never going to be alone again.

“Are we playing ball or not?” Emmett asked.

Carlisle and I broke apart with reluctance, and then I said. “Go on, then, show me how vampires play baseball.”

“Alice?” Jasper prompted.

“Any second,” Alice said. “Any second…” a rumble of thunder rolled overhead, “now!”

Carlisle kissed my cheek and then jogged away to the other side of the field and clapped his hands. The other took positions, and I guessed Carlisle was teamed with Emmett and Rosalie, Emmett pitching and Rosalie catching. Edward and Alice waited behind Jasper who was at the home plate, which seemed impossibly far from the mound.

Esme took my hand, led me back to a fallen tree, and said, "Keep an eye on them. They like to cheat?"

“Carlisle, too?” I asked.

She considered. “No, not really. He’s the gentleman when it comes to the game, but Emmett and Alice… Just watch.”

I sat down on the tree, and she joined me and then said, “Off you go.”

Emmett’s arms spun in a dramatic build-up, and then there was a crash as Jasper’s aluminum bat collided with the ball, which had moved too fast for me to follow. Jasper disappeared, and in the distance, I saw that Carlisle had gone.

“Homerun?” I guessed.

“Maybe not,” Esme said, seeming to be concentrating on something. “Nope. It was a bounce.”

Emmett snatched out a hand, and I saw he was holding the ball and Carlisle was jogging out of the trees. Jasper had made it to third base.

“This is incredible,” I said. “Seriously. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Esme laughed. “Yes. It’s always good to be able to play free for a while. It can be hard to act at being human so much.”

I dropped my voice in hopes that it wouldn’t reach Carlisle. “Do you think Carlisle feels that way with me? He can never truly be free. He has to be careful of his strength all the time.”

Esme considered her answer and then spoke low enough that I thought I had been successful in keeping them out of hearing.

“It may be a struggle for him, I don’t know. He hasn’t said it. But, Bella,” she turned and tucked my hair behind my ear, “he will never mind if it is. He’s so happy now he has you. He is living a dream, and I don’t think there is any cost or compromise that he will see as too much to pay to have it.” She pushed my hair back from my face and smiled sweetly. “Bella, he lives for you now.”

I stared across the field at Carlisle, who was preparing for Alice’s turn at bat. My life was eternal, I would die but never stay dead, and the deaths were painful. I had spent years wondering if there was something more for people that weren’t cursed, if they had Heaven or Hell when they died as opposed to the pain I had. I had wondered if I was missing out on something better than I had, heaven the like I prayed to God for, but now I saw I didn’t need it.

I was already living my heaven with Carlisle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… The fluffy happy stuff. Enjoy this while you can as we’re coming into the home stretch of the story. The final arc lasts from Chapter 31 to 38, and then we’ve got that evil cliffhanger ending.   
> Until next time…  
> Simaril xxx


	29. Chapter 29

**_Bella_ **

Carlisle stroked my cheek and recited, “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach when feeling out of sight. For the ends of being and ideal grace, I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need, by sun and candle-light…”

I leaned my head against his shoulder and took up the poem. “I love thee freely, as men strive for right; I love thee purely, as they turn from praise. I love thee with the passion put to use in my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.”

Carlisle kissed me and whispered against my cheek. “I studied love poetry for years, always trying to find some touch of you in the words, but I never found it.” He turned his face into my hair. “I could find no touch of you there, but I feel it with all my being now with those words.”

“You know, I always tried to understand love through poetry. It was always a mystery to me. I tried to capture an emotion that eluded me with what others wrote about it, and never found it. I know dozens of poems that meant nothing to me for so long, but now…” I moved my face to him and kissed him softly. “Now, I understand what they were saying.”

Carlisle’s face broke into an exalted smile. “I understood it, I felt it, but loving a ghost never brought me this happiness. I have true joy now that I have you again.”

The things he said to me, the complete openness of his adoration, made me think he just might feel the same depth of love for me that I felt for him. He was my world now, everything I wanted, and it was shared in return. Sometimes it was hard to believe that it was real, that he wouldn’t just disappear like a mirage when you were too close. 

“What are you thinking?” Carlisle asked, stroking a finger over my furrowed brow.

“Nothing important,” I lied. “Just that I’m going to have to go soon.”

“Yes. Your trip to La Push.” Carlisle’s brow now furrowed. I knew he worried about me going there as he could not come to me if I needed him, but I would be fine.

“Don’t you have to go to work soon, anyway?” I said.

“Yes,” he sighed. “And I will not finish until you are sleeping.”

“Remember why you do it, Carlisle. You are saving lives. I miss you when you’re gone, too, but we’re both being greedy.”

He laughed softly. “Yes, greedy, we are. I thought I understood the need my family felt to be with their mates, Rosalie and Emmett’s occasional times of living alone together as a married couple and Alice and Jasper’s travels, but I had no idea. The need I feel to be with you is overpowering.”

“We have forever,” I reminded him.

He nodded. “We do.”

I kissed him again and then got out from under his arm and went into the hall to exchange my slippers for sneakers.

I heard Carlisle getting off the couch, and then he was beside me, taking my jacket from the hook and holding it for me to put on. I threaded my arms through the sleeves and then turned to fasten it, but Carlisle’s hands were already on the zip. Instead of making me feel like a child being dressed by my father, I liked it. This was Carlisle’s way of taking care of me the same way I did him by encouraging him to hunt when his eyes darkened to protect himself from the pain of thirst.

I grabbed my keys from the saucer on the table beside the door. “If I’m not awake when you get home, wake me to say goodnight.”

“Of course,” Carlisle said. “And call me if you need anything. I will have my phone with me.”

“I will,” I promised.

I opened the door and gave Carlisle one last long look, taking in the face of the man I loved and the reluctant look in his eyes at our parting, and then stepped outside and walked to my truck.

xXx

“I was in the small lounge of the house Quil shared with his family. Quil was sitting on a highbacked armchair, and I took the couch. I come to see Quil at his request, and I was waiting for him to bring the topic around to the reason he’d called.

In the kitchen, I could hear his daughter-in-law, Joy, preparing the drinks. It was a warm day for Forks, though the clouds blocked some of the sun’s warmth—which was fortuitous for Carlisle to be able to work—and Quil and I had accepted the offer of sweet tea in the spirit of the spring day.

Joy brought the tea, handed it out, and then excused herself to go back into the kitchen to prepare dinner. I wasn’t surprised that she wasn’t staying with us as there had been no discussion of my true nature like before, which she would not know, but I supposed that was Quil’s reason for calling me, so it was coming.

We’d made small talk already; Quil asked me about my work, and I shared a story of an essay I’d gotten on World War Two from Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley, who had either copied from each other or brought the same cheat essay online. They’d thought they were clever until I’d given them both a week’s worth of detentions.

There was a knock on the door, and Quil, seeming unsurprised by it, called, “You can come in.”

The door opened, and Sam appeared pushing Billy Black in his wheelchair. Billy looked extraordinarily solemn, and his eyes fixed on me as Sam steered him to beside Quil and then took a seat in the other armchair.

“Hi, Billy, Sam,” I said. “How are you.”

“We are… well,” Billy said cautiously.

I frowned and decided to venture the question that had been troubling me since I arrived. “Is there a reason I’m here?”

“Yes,” Quil said. “We have come to a decision, Bella.”

I raised an eyebrow. “If you’re going to warn me against being with Carlisle again, you’re wasting your time.”

“We’re going to tell you a story,” Quil said.

I held up a hand. “Quil, I understand your concerns, I really do, but my decision is made. I know the truth now, and I don’t feel any differently about being with Carlisle. I know you can’t understand it, but I love him.”

Quil bowed his head. “We know. And we’re not trying to change your mind about being with him, not only that anyway. There is something we need from you.”

I was puzzled. I couldn’t think of anything I could give them. I had once helped a member of the tribe, the day I met them for the first time, but that situation had been different.

“Just listen, Bella,” Billy said. “You are a legend to my people, but there are more stories than yours that are shared, and we want you to hear them.”

“Okay,” I said curiously. I was interested to hear their own legends, none of them had ever been shared with me before, and I recognized that it was an honor for them to offer to share them with me.

“Do you want me to, Billy?” Sam asked.

“No,” Billy said. “I can do it.” He gave a small smile. “They are mine, too, even if I do not share the burden.”

Wondering what this burden was and why it made Sam look so solemn, I settled to listen.

Billy cleared his throat and said, ““The Quileutes have been a small people from the beginning, and we are a small people still, but we have never disappeared. This is because there has always been magic in our blood…”

I listened in awe to the tales he was telling me, seeing the things he described in my mind’s eye, and I was entranced. It was fascinating, and though I could hear the message he was trying to impart to me when he told me of the Cold Ones and the First Wife’s sacrifice, I saw that it did not apply to my situation with Carlisle. Those vampires had been human drinkers, killers, and Carlisle was not. The part that fascinated me the most was the wolves that he said existed. Actual werewolves seemed incredible to me, though vampires and magic had been proved real already. Werewolves were just one more legend made real.

“And so, the sons of our tribe again carry the burden and share the sacrifice their fathers endured before them,” Billy said, coming to an end. “Sam, Jared, and Paul are werewolves, and we believed my son’s friend is Embry preparing for the change. His temperature is rising, and he’s having the growth spurt.”

“Though he should not be of the bloodline,” Quil said, giving Billy a pointed look that made him hold up a hand in return.

“It is not my doing, Quil,” Billy said.

Quil’s lips pressed into a thin line, but he didn’t speak.

“So, you’re a werewolf,” I asked Sam. “An actual werewolf?”

Sam nodded. “I am. I was the first to phase. Jared followed, and Paul shortly after.”

“Would you like to see it?” Quil asked.

Though I already believed them, I wanted to see the proof of the story for myself. I didn’t think I would have many more opportunities to see legends come to life.

“I would,” I said.

Sam got to his feet and gestured me to follow as he went to the door. I followed him outside and into the trees that surrounded three sides of Quil’s house, deep enough to be concealed from the road.

“Stay back,” Sam said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Feeling a little trepidation, I took a few steps back as Sam went deeper into the trees and disappeared. I heard the sound of movements and then a heavy thump of feet hitting the ground and breaking twigs as something came towards me.

I gasped as I saw him. I had expected a wolf the size of a large dog, but Sam was enormous, the size of a horse. His black fur looked rough, and I reached out an automatic hand to touch it. Sam moved his huge head back, and then, with a strange huffing sound, he moved it towards me and lifted it to my reaching palm. His fur was softer than I expected and thicker than any dog I’d ever seen.

“Wow,” I breathed. “Sam…”

He raised his head, and then Quil’s voice called me from behind. “Come back in, Bella.”

Tearing my eyes from Sam, I went back into the house and sat down. Billy and Quil were watching me carefully, their eyes cautious, perhaps awaiting my reaction.

“That was incredible,” I said, and then both relaxed. “Really amazing. And there are two others just like him?”

“Yes,” Quil said. “Though they’re each unique in the way they look. Not what you expected?”

“Definitely not. And this is because of the Cullens?” I asked.

Billy nodded. “Their presence triggers the phasing. My son, Jacob, carries the gene. If the threat remains, he will be a wolf, too. We know from Embry’s impending phasing that the fact that there is only one vampire left in the area is not canceling out the risk and the magic.”

“But he’s a boy,” I said. “He’s Jacob’s age.”

Billy nodded. “They are boys that become men too soon.” He bit his lip. “I wanted to be a wolf when I was young, to run with a pack, but the threat never came, so the chance passed me by. It’s the new generation that share the burden. My son…”

I felt something click into place in my mind. “You’re not telling me this to change my mind about being with Carlisle, are you? You want me to ask Carlisle to leave the area so your sons are safe.”

Billy nodded solemnly, and Quil said, “I wanted you to know the truth for both reasons. I want you to be safe, as my friend, but I want my grandson and his friends to be safe, too. I would like you to ask your… friend… to leave to save the sons of the tribe, and I would like you to stay when he goes.”

I stared at him sadly, seeing his concern and appreciating it, but knowing I could not give him one of the things he needed.

“I will talk to Carlisle,” I said. “We can leave the area. They’ll be protected.”

Billy said fervently, “Thank you, Bella,” and Sam, appearing at the door, nodded. 

“Don’t go,” Quil said. “Stay here.”

“I have to go to keep your children safe. You said it yourself.”

“I want _him_ to go,” he corrected. “I want you to stay here where you are safe.”

“Quil, I am safe. I understand why you can’t believe me as you have grown up with those legends, the vampires that were monsters, but Carlisle is not like them. He saves lives. If he’s going, I’m going with him.” I smiled at him. “I’ll miss you, though.”

Quil’s face became sad, though I was sure he was also feeling the relief for his grandson. “I will miss you, too, Bella. You are always welcome to return, as long as you come alone.”

“I will,” I said, but I couldn’t guarantee it would be in his lifetime. It was rare that I met the same generation more than once.

I picked up my tea and sipped it. “I’ll speak to Carlisle,” I said. “We will leave as soon as we can wrap things up at the hospital and school. It won’t take long.”

“Our legend of you said you came to save our chief,” Billy said in his gravelly voice. “You gave your life for him.”

“I helped him,” I corrected, remembering the wounded man I’d found in the forest all those years ago and how I had put himself between him at the wild boar to save him.

“You are saving our children now, Bella, our tribe," he replied. "And for that, we will always be grateful.”

I got to my feet and said, “I better go. I’ll call when I know more about when we’ll leave, Quil.”

“Thank you, Bella,” he said.

I went out of the door and let it swing closed behind me. But before it snicked into place, I heard Quil’s thin voice say, “I feel we have just sacrificed a legend to defend our children from another.”

I moved away and sighed. I was sad at the thought I would leave Quil behind when I left Forks, but the children of the tribe needed to be protected. Carlisle would feel the same, I knew. We would go together, start another new life.

xXx

**_Bella_ **

Though Carlisle had woken me when he came home after midnight, I was too tired to speak to him about what I’d learned in La Push. I had soon slipped off to sleep with him curled around me and stroking my hair.

In the morning, I woke late, so I had to rush out to school without breakfast or a chance to share more with him than a swift kiss at the door and take the apple he was holding for me to take for breakfast.

I got to my classroom a few minutes before class started, just long enough to gulp down my apple, and set up the pop quiz I was subjecting the students that day.

I dealt with the complaints when I announced the quizzes with three consecutive classes and spent the time they were working grading assignments while giving the room regular roving glances to ensure no one was cheating.

When the last grumbling student had left after third period, there was a tap on the door, and then it opened, and Sofia stuck her head in. "Is it clear?"

I laughed softly. “Yes, the last of them have left, heads full of facts about the First World War and cursing me for giving them a pop quiz.”

“A normal day of complaints then,” Sofia said, clicking the door closed behind her, them pulling up a chair beside me at the desk and sitting herself down. 

“How was your morning?” I asked. It was her first day back after the crash, and she’d been nervous.

She shrugged. “It went better than I hoped. I got cornered my Shirley Cope in the office when I got my mail, and she was full of oh-so-genuine concern, but I got away from her without giving up too much. The students were obviously curious, wondering how different I’d with brain damage, but they settled into it.” She took her lunch from her bag and said, “You know who I miss? The Cullen and Hale children. They spoke Spanish like natives. It was nice to hear my mother tongue spoken so well.”

“Yes, I miss them, too,” I said honestly.

She stared at me a moment and said, “Do you think you’ll make a good stepmother?”

I balled up a piece of paper and threw it at her face. She caught it.

“Stepmother, definitely not. But they are…” I cut myself off before I could say they were family. That was how I felt about them after our visit to Vermont: all of them. They had made me feel so welcome, like one of them, and I felt at home there.

“They are what?” Sofia prompted.

“Special,” I answered. “They are special to me.”

She frowned and then opened her sandwich and took a bite, still watching me carefully.

“I was thinking we could go back to La Push sometime,” she said. “I just thought we could try and replace a bad memory with a good one.” 

“Sure. We’ll go this weekend.” It would also be nice to spend a little time with her before Carlisle and I left Forks. I wasn’t going to tell anyone about it, not until Carlisle confirmed he’d do; not that I doubted he would go for the sake of the tribe. When we had settled on a decision, I would tell her and let the school know I was leaving.

“You think Carlisle would like to come?” she asked.

“He’ll be working,” I said.

As much as I would like to share La Push with the man I loved, he was barred from entering the reservation.

“Shame. I’d have liked to talk to him some more,” she said.

“You like Carlisle?” I asked curiously.

“I do. I admit I thought you were making a mistake being with him so soon after he separated from his wife, but I can see how happy he’s making you, and I could tell how much he loves you. When you talk, it was like he was listening to poetry. He was absorbed in you.”

“I feel the same,” I said. “I can’t explain it. I haven’t known him long, but it feels like forever. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love him.”

She beamed. “I thought so. I am happy that you’re happy, Bella. And I think he is a good man. He’d make a good father…”

My eyebrows flew up. “Children! I’m twenty-three, Sofia. I’m not thinking about children.”

“Yet,” she said pointedly.

I smiled and took a bite of my apple.

The truth was that I would love to give Carlisle a child the way I had longed to when we were both human together. I wanted a boy with his blonde hair and the blue eyes that had stared straight into my heart, a girl with my mahogany locks and my brown eyes. I wanted a family with him. It was impossible, though. Even if he wasn’t a vampire, frozen in time, I wouldn’t be able to give him that. The curse had stopped my body clock; I didn’t age or go through monthly cycles. The only family we could have was the one he had already created. There would be no babies for us.

The life I had dreamed could never happen, and it was strange in a way that I had always known it wouldn’t. It wasn’t Carlisle’s duty to his father and God that would stop him, it was our nature. I could have a wedding, I could call him husband, but I could not complete the dream.

“What are you thinking?” Sofia asked. “You look sad.”

“I was just thinking of impossibilities,” I said with a small smile. “And all the possibilities that make it seem okay.”

“Are there enough of them?”

“Definitely,” I said confidently. “More than enough.”

I could have forever.

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

“We need to talk,” Bella said as she set her dirty dinner plate in the sink and poured herself a coffee.

Frowning slightly, I said, “Is something wrong?”

Bella gave a small sigh and sat down beside me again. “When I went to see Quil, they told me their legends. I know why you can’t go onto the reservation.”

I folded my hands on the tabletop. “Oh. Are you upset I didn’t tell you myself?”

“No! Of course not. Carlisle, of all people, I respect people’s rights to secrets. The tribe always kept mine, and they never told me before, though I knew after the crash that there was something different about them.” She grinned. “Sam showed me himself as a wolf. It was out of this world.”

“They are really something,” I said. “I remember.”

“There’s a problem, though. Billy told me that it’s the vampire threat that creates a pack. You were here in the thirties when Ephraim’s pack were created, and when you came back, Sam’s pack phased.”

My eyes widened. “They think it was us?”

"Yes. And I think they're right. It skipped Billy's generation, as there were no vampires in the area. But when you came back…" She bit her lip. "I told them we would leave Forks."

“Leave?” I said doubtfully, and then noted the need in her eyes and said, “Of course. If it is my presence that is creating wolves of boys, then I will go.”

“I’m coming with you,” Bella stated.

I smiled and reached out to hold her hand. “I would never leave otherwise.”

Bella smiled. “Thank you, Carlisle. There is one boy they think is close to phasing, too, and he’s so young. Billy is worried about his son, Jacob, and Quil’s grandson is of the wolf bloodline. They could be changed. Billy calls it a burden, and I think it really is. Their whole lives change: they have to live with a secret and mission to protect lives. They become men overnight.”

“We will leave soon,” I said. “Where would you like to go? It needs to be somewhere in the north with the right weather patterns for me to live as normal a life as possible.”

Bella squeezed my hand. "I thought we could go to New England; maybe close to Vermont if there is somewhere far enough away from the others with the right weather so you can see them but Edward won't be uncomfortable too close to my scent. You'll be able to hunt with them again, and I can see them more."

I beamed. “I would love that.”

It would be wonderful to be close to my family again, to hunt with them regularly and for Bella to visit. I had missed them while they’d been gone. We could be together far more than we did now. There were towns in New Hampshire that had cloudy weather for me, and we would only be a few hours from the rest of my family.

Bella smiled. “How long do you think you need to tie things up at the hospital? The school won’t be happy with me taking off before the end of the semester, but I think we need to go soon. Perhaps Embry can be saved from it if we leave fast.”

I considered. Usually, we spent months preparing to leave our home and go to another. Esme would go ahead and prepare the house for us, and the children would finish out the school year. I would find a hospital to work in and give the one I was leaving plenty of time to arrange a replacement for me. But this time, there was a good reason for me to go quickly, so Bella and I would have to leave disappointment behind us with our work roles. 

“One week,” I said.

Bella looked startled. “That soon?”

“If that is right for you, then yes. I will speak to the hospital board tomorrow, tell them I am leaving, and Esme can find us somewhere to live. I might not be able to start work straight away, but some time without reasons to leave you would not be unwelcome.”

“Yes,” Bella said eagerly. “I’ll wait until summer, too.” She looked delighted. “We can spend as much time together as we want. Really settle into the town, make our home together.”

“We can.” I lifted her hand and kissed her palm. “Call your friend Quil and tell him we’re going. I think he will have a peaceful night if he knows now.”

Bella squeezed my hand, then got to her feet and took the phone from the wall. I took my own cellphone from my pocket and wandered into the living room to give Bella quiet for her call.

I dialed the number, and when it was answered, I said, “Esme, I have good news, and I need you to do something for me…”

As I explained what I needed, I heard the joy in Esme’s voice as she agreed to make the arrangements.

I would miss Forks, the perfect weather for us and the place Bella and I had started out together again in our new life, but to start over fresh would be good, to create a home we could share, and Bella’s friends’ children would be protected.

And the most important thing remained: Bella and I would be together.


	30. Chapter 30

**_Carlisle_ **

I rolled the mountain lion under the boulder with my foot then dropped it down over the carcass with a crunch and squelch. I was well fed now, but I would be unable to return home until darkness fell.

When I hunted with my family, these trips were a pleasure. We would build a campfire and sit around it throughout the night, talking and enjoying each other’s company. Alone, unable to be with Bella, these trips were a struggle. I resented the time I was away from her, and I hated my solitude.

I had lived two hundred years before I changed Edward and had a companion, almost all of that time separated from my own kind, but after having company for so many years, I missed it acutely now. Though it would not be for much longer; we would leave for New Hampshire the next day. 

I allowed my thoughts to wander to Bella and the evening we’d spent together, watching a movie of Bella’s choosing, sharing the same blanket. It was a pleasant memory. I would have liked to call her, but she was still at work, and I was out of range of cellphone reception deep in the wilderness.

Suddenly, out of the sounds of the forest, I heard new footsteps. They were moving too fast to be human, much too fast, and I jumped to my feet and looked around. I was alone out here, and more than one vampire was coming towards me. I could run, but they would follow my scent, and that would eventually lead them to my house and Bella’s. My only choice was to stay and meet them.

Ordinarily, I felt no unease meeting my kind as they were friendly usually, though often surprised by my eyes and eager for an explanation, but now I had Bella, someone that needed to be protected. I was wary.

I waited in a relaxed pose as they drew closer, and then two vampires appeared in the distance. They slowed their pace slightly as they examined me.

I spread my arms in welcome and said, “Hello. My name is Carlisle Cullen.”

The man, average build and rather nondescript features for our kind, lifted a hand. His partner was a woman with fiery red hair that framed her traditionally beautiful face in tousled waves. She was a little taller than Bella but still smaller than her companion and me. She had a strangely feline grace to her movements, almost cautious.

When she was close enough for me to see her dark crimson eyes, I realized they were wide with what I guessed was surprise at my appearance. They were both dressed in travelworn clothes of varying styles that made me think they had been scavenged—perhaps from victims—whereas I was wearing a blue cashmere sweater and light jeans of fashion influenced by Bella’s own clothing choices.

They came to a stop a dozen feet away from me, and the man spoke. “James. And this is Victoria.” He glanced at her and looked mildly annoyed, which surprised me. The only thing outstanding was her apparent surprise at seeing me, and that was expected because of my eye color.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” I said. “Have you been in the area long?”

“We’ve just arrived,” James said. “And you? You don’t appear to have been traveling long.”

“No. I keep a permanent residence in the area with my family.” I decided not to tell them that my family were gone. If there was any threat in them that I could not yet see, for me to have six other vampires in my group would deter violence.

“Your _family_?” he said skeptically.

“Yes. There are seven of us living here.”

James looked me up and down and said, “That is a large coven.”

“Family,” I corrected. “We all follow the same diet, which makes it easier to coexist.”

“Your eyes,” Victoria said, her voice strangely babylike and doubtful.

“Yes, we all follow a diet of animal blood, not human. It gives our eyes this golden color and means we’re able to settle in one place for longer. We have created a life among the humans here. I myself work as a doctor in a hospital.”

James looked surprised. “A doctor. This is a story I need to hear. Where are the rest of your… family?”

“They have gone further afield on a hunting trip,” I said. “But they will return soon.”

An assessing look came into James’ eyes. “I would like to meet them.”

“Of course. Perhaps we can arrange something in a few days when they’re back.”

I would not be here in a few days, but I felt no guilt for the lie. I didn’t particularly want to see them again. There was something about the man, something in his eyes, and the way he assessed me that made me uncomfortable around him.

Victoria slipped her hand into James’ and gave it a small squeeze. “We can come back. I need to hunt,” she said quietly.

James shot her an annoyed look, but she seemed to be trying to communicate something with him without words. He stared at her for a moment and then said, “Yes. We should hunt.”

“I would ask that you avoid the local area,” I said. “Perhaps if you could go south to feed. I need to maintain my cover in the area, and disappearances and deaths can draw attention where it’s not needed. My friend Aro is observant of where I live.”

I dropped Aro’s name in as an additional motivator for them to go south. I didn’t like the idea that I was sending them out of my area, the people I knew and wanted to protect, when it would still cost human lives elsewhere, but I wanted Bella safe. If they went south, she would be long out of her range for their thirst. 

Victoria flinched slightly, but James looked at ease. “You have a connection to the Volturi. I am surprised they are tolerant of your strange lifestyle. They always seemed to be purists to me.”

“We came to an understanding when I lived with them,” I said.

“An understanding with the Volturi,” James said wonderingly. “That is, I think, as unique as your eyes.” He looked at Victoria, who was giving him an intense look, and said, “We will come back to find you when we’ve fed. Where are you located?”

“I have a residence just outside Forks,” I said. “But it is guarded by a… select group of people. It’s better if we stay out of the area. I can be back here in three days with my family to meet you.”

James looked amused. “A select group of _people_ guard your home? Do you mean other vampires?”

“Not exactly,” I said. “They are…” I sighed. It was better that these people were warned about to pack both for their own safety and the wolves’. There was no rule against me revealing their existence to other vampires, that rule was for them, and I did not want that small pack to come up against two mature vampires that strayed into their area. “They are werewolves.”

A gleam came into James’ eyes. “Children of the Moon?”

“No, these are a little different, but they are a threat to us. My family and I have a treaty with them that protects us. We stay away from their territory and don’t stray from our chosen diet, and they do not attack. They are entirely capable of it, though. Stay away from the coast.”

Victoria shifted from foot to foot and said, “We will come back in three days, and we will stay away from these wolves.”

I nodded. “I look forward to seeing you again, and I know my family will be pleased to meet you, too.”

James gave me a long look and then smiled and said, “We will be pleased to meet them, too. Come on, Victoria.”

They set off at a run in a southerly direction, heading away from Forks, and I relaxed. Our meeting made had me uneasy. I had ensured Bella was protected by warning them about the wolves so they would stay away from Forks, but I wished I could go home now. As soon as twilight fell, I would go home to be with her.

In all likelihood, there would be no problem with them, but I was alert to all dangers now because of Bella.

I had someone I needed to protect, and that made me overly cautious. There really was probably no problem at all. 

xXx

**_James_ **

I yanked Victoria to a stop a few miles from where we’d left the strange golden-eyed vampire and said, “What was that? You know I don’t like it when you interfere. I was talking to him. Was it your gift? Did you sense danger?”

She turned fervent eyes on me and said, “It was _him_!”

“Him who?”

She pushed back her hair from her face and said, “The one I cursed, that was the man I did it for.”

I rolled my eyes. Her and her _‘magics’_ held no interest to me. The only thing she had of value to me was her gift to evade danger. It had come in handy on many of my adventures when I strayed too far or risked too much, but magic had never done a thing for me.

“What are you talking about?”

Her eyes were wide with excitement. “I have found you the perfect hunt. I didn’t see… didn’t understand… We were sure he was dead after Marianus bit him, and when she came looking, it was the perfect revenge on for him coming for us to curse her, but he lived! She found him!”

I was starting to feel infected by her excitement; a shiver went up my spine. “What does this mean for me?”

She drew a quick breath and spoke in a rush. “The woman was cursed. She would live forever looking for her lover, but she never could find him. I wanted her to search forever, always alone, but he was alive. He’s a vampire, he would know her. If he’s found her…” She pressed her hands to her chest. “Yes! She loves him, she must, and I am sure he loves her. He said her name when he was bitten. I heard when we were hiding. It had to be her name. Bella. Remember the stupid story he told us about werewolves. He is trying to keep us away from her. That’s the hunt! He will come for her.” She cupped my face in her hands and said, “James, there are seven of them all protecting one human. Imagine what we could do…”

I stared into her eager eyes and felt the same thrill she was apparently feeling. She was usually cautious about my hunts, always wary that I would take one step too far and put us in danger, but now she was as eager as I was. If she was right, that strange vampire had a human mate, this would be my most thrilling chase ever. 

“He said Forks,” I mused. “Was that a lie or not?”

“I don’t know. We have to start somewhere, though, so why not there? It will be easier if we can find her before he gets back to her.” She laughed her baby laugh. “The sun is out here. It might be in Forks, too. He will be careful of exposure. You and I can move faster and risk it.” She clapped her hands. “We have to go now!”

“Yes,” I whispered. “Come on! We can cross his scent path and follow it back.”

I yanked her hand, and we set off running. I was careful not to lead us too close to where were had met him, positioning us between the place we’d met him and the west where the coast he’d warned us away from was.

“It’s here,” Victoria said urgently, directing herself to the left, and I caught the scent, too.

It wasn’t strong, but it was enough for me to follow. The light grew brighter as we reached a populated area and the trees thinned. We were taking a slight risk like this, but we were moving too fast for a human to perceive us clearly. I kept us to the trees, though, until the scent grew stronger and combined with sweet lavender perfumed blood.

“It’s her!” Victoria said, her voice shaking with excitement. “It’s really her.”

We came to a stop at the tree line across the road from two small houses, one with an old red truck parked outside. I looked up and down the street for human observers and then said, “Across the road, fast.”

She shot across, and I followed her straight to the house with the truck.

We went into the trees behind it, and I drew a deep breath of the delicious scent and listened to the steady heartbeat within She smelled amazing, so sweet, almost as good as the little psychic I had wanted all those years ago. I had never tasted her blood, thanks to the interference of the old one, but I would be sure to taste her. Not straight away, I needed her alive for my game, but when that grew old, when I thought he had well and truly taken the bait, I would quench my thirst with her to strengthen me before the real fun began.

“Smell that,” I said.

“It’s her,” Victoria said. “I recognize the scent, and I can feel the pull of the curse.” She giggled. “James, this is perfect. I haven’t even told you the best part. This one dies but comes back. We can kill her again and again, and she will _always_ come back. Do you see? We can feed on her forever.”

I laughed loudly. This was not just the perfect hunt; this was the perfect victim, too.

I could hold her forever, always moving, and never go hungry again.


	31. Chapter 31

**_Bella_ **

I got through my door and kicked off my shoes. It had been a difficult day, saying goodbye to my friends on the staff and the students I’d grown fond of, and I was tired.

I wandered into the kitchen and opened my fridge to grab a juice. Almost all my kitchen equipment had been boxed up and delivered to Goodwill already. Everything else I wanted to take, and the things Carlisle had taken from his home and the old house, had been packed into a removals’ truck on Wednesday and it was on its way to New Hampshire to meet us when we arrived. We were going to fly there, leaving Carlisle’s Mercedes in the big house’s garage, and my truck was given to Quil’s grandson to tool around in. I had clothes left to take on the flight, but everything else was gone or donated. My house felt bare without my usual stuff in it, but soon I would have a new home that I could fill with Carlisle’s and my stuff together.

I didn’t know what the new house looked like other than that it was larger than our current homes and within the forest boundaries so Carlisle could behave a little more freely when we were alone. Knowing Esme had chosen it and having seen two of her homes already, I was sure that it was going to be perfect for us.

I went into the living room and dropped down on the couch, which was lacking its usual blanket. I picked up the book I’d been reading the night before, and then dropped it down onto the table and jumped to my feet as I heard a crash from the hall.

I rushed into the doorway and then staggered back until I was pressed against the couch, my heart pounding with fear. My sweaty hands gripped the cotton of the couch cover, and I noticed in a distracted and fragmented way that it was coarse against my palms. Two red-eyed vampires were standing in the doorway. One, a woman was further back, staring at me with a strange look of triumph, and there was a man in front of her with what I could only call hunger in his face.

My sweaty palms pressed against the back of the couch and I felt the rough weave of the fabric. It was a strange thing to notice, but I knew from many previous experiences that it was the andreanline rushing through my veins that made me aware of it. It was the same adrenaline that made my vision clear and sharp and my hearing acute,

“It’s definitely her?” the male asked.

“Yes, James,” the woman hissed.

The man smiled smugly and then was directly in front of me, his nostrils flaring as he drew in a deep breath. “So sweet,” he said with palpable hunger. “And she’ll live?”

“She will,” the woman replied. “I can feel the curse.”

Despite my dire situation and the fear I was feeling, I also felt a jolt of shock at her words, and the automatic question slipped from me. “You know about my curse?”

The woman laughed. “Of course I know, Bella, isn’t it?”

I nodded mutely.

“Victoria, we have to go,” the man said. “I’ll carry her. I don’t want him to follow our scent. We’ll take a car. Get one.”

Victoria vanished, and James grabbed me and hefted me over his shoulder, then he was running. I felt the air whip past me and then become a little cooler as we were outside and into the forest.

I tried to struggle, but it was futile. My heart was racing so fast it felt like it would burst from my chest. The _him_ they referred to had to be Carlisle, and the fact they thought he might follow made me sure he was still safe. How they’d found him, I didn’t know, but I guessed they’d found me through him. And the woman, Victoria, knew about my curse. Did she know who had done it to me, had it been her, or had she been there? She knew my name, after all.

There was a rumble of an engine, and then I was being carried away into the sun again and then dumped into the trunk of a blue car. Before I had a chance to lower myself, the trunk was being slammed over me, and my head was hit. I groaned in pain, and my eyes teared.

The car started, and I rolled to the side, hitting the rear of the car. I braced my hands and feet against the confines of my small cell and squeezed my eyes closed.

I had been kidnapped by two human drinking vampires, one of which knew about my curse, and Carlisle wasn’t going to be able to follow my scent to find me.

There was one other person that I thought could help me, though I didn’t know exactly how it worked.

I opened my eyes and stared into the darkness as I reached out with my mind, knowing I couldn’t say the words as James and Victoria would hear and know someone was coming, and thought, _‘Alice, please, they’ve taken me. They’re called James and Victoria. They know about my curse. Tell Carlisle. Help me. I’m scared…’_

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

Twilight had fallen, and I was making my way out of the forest. My mind went to what waited for me when I got home. Bella would be there, and we would spend our last night in Forks. While she slept, I would pack the last of our things in the luggage we’d fly with, and then we’d be met by Rosalie and Emmett at the airport in New Hampshire and then see our new home for the first time.

I hadn’t seen even a picture of the house Esme had found for us, but I knew it would be perfect as Esme’s home choices always were. The one proviso I’d given was that we were within the forest so I could be freer with speed and strength, and we could have privacy together when outdoors. I liked the idea of being outside in the sunshine with Bella again.

I reached the outer edges of the forest when my phone beeped with a voicemail as I entered the cell phone service zone again. I came to a stop, hoping from a message from Bella so I would hear her voice sooner, but was not disappointed when I saw Alice’s number displayed as a missed call. I then noticed more missed calls from Edward, Esme, and Rosalie, and I dialed Alice straight away, my anxiety ratcheting up. It went straight to voicemail, which was unusual, so I tried Edward’s and then Rosalie’s numbers. They all rang straight through to voicemail, and I was starting to worry. I called the house phone in their Vermont home, and it was answered after only one ring by Esme.

 _“Carlisle?”_ she asked _. “Is it you?”_

“Yes, what’s wrong?” I asked, concerned by the panic in her tone.

 _“You have to stay calm,”_ she said, causing the exact opposite reaction in me.

My muscles tautened, and my breath caught for an instant before I could breathe in again and speak. “What’s wrong?”

_“Alice saw… Carlisle, Bella has been taken. Two vampires broke into her home.”_

I let loose a roar of rage and began to run again, flying through the forest towards our home with the phone pressed to my ear. “Where is Alice? I need to speak to her.”

 _“They’re on their way to you,” she_ said. _“Their phones are off as they’re on the plane. Alice called from the airport. The last thing she saw was Bella in a car. She can’t nail down where.”_

“The vampires that took her,” I said, “Was it a man and a woman? A plain man and a woman with red hair?”

_“I think so. She said they were the vampires you came across when hunting. We tried to call to warn you, but you had no service. The others went with her. I followed, but Edward said I needed to be here when you called. I’m leaving now. They will be with you soon, and I’ll get the next flight.”_

My hands wanted to fist, to crush the phone in my hand, but I forced them to remain stiff but steady. My body was reacting purely on instinct. I was racing towards Forks, though I knew Bella was already gone.

I was panicked and full of despair and guilt. I should have gone straight home to Bella after I met the nomads. Why had I not protected her? I’d let myself believe the nomads were neutral, only putting in the loosest protection for Bella. I should have been there. The sun should not have stopped me. What did exposure matter when Bella’s life was in danger?

And she’d been taken by those monsters… I didn’t even want to think about what was happening to her now, but I couldn’t avoid it. The woman I loved was gone because I had failed to protect her. The fact they’d taken her instead of feeding wasn’t any reassurance. They would have crossed my scent path with hers and know I spent a lot of time with her. Perhaps they wanted to get her away before draining her so I would not interrupt.

If they killed Bella…

She would live again, I reassured myself of that aloud, but she would suffer. I didn’t know what happened to her when she died, before she was brought back to life, but I had seen the haunted look in her eyes when she’d spoken about it. If they found out what she could do…

“Oh god,” I moaned. “My Bella…” 

I reached the edges of the forest around our homes and snarled as I smelled the two vampires’ scents joined Bella’s and my own. Bella’s front door was open, the lock broken, and I raced inside, following the vampires’ scents into the kitchen. There was no blood, she had not been hurt yet, but she was gone. Though I had known she would be, the fact that her heartbeat was absent, her scent faded, almost crippled me with horror.

I moved on leaden feet out of the house and followed the scents that led away. I knew I wouldn’t find Bella at the end of it, Alice had seen her in a car, but I went anyway. Before I reached the end of the scent path, I heard voices and saw the spinning blue lights of a cop car. I stayed hidden in the trees and listened as Chief Swan spoke to a crying woman.

“And you found him out here?” he asked.

“Yes,” a sobbing reply came. “I was going to take the dog for a walk, but when I got outside… What can break someone’s neck like that? How could it have happened?”

I slipped back into the trees, understanding. The nomads had killed someone to get the car they’d taken Bella in. My hands fisted, and I drew a shaky breath. They’d ended a life get the car to take Bella.

My rage began to build at my helplessness, and I began to growl, feral sounds that built in my chest and made the voices in front of the house cut off. I turned and ran away soundlessly. I fled back to Bella’s house and into the kitchen. I stood with my hands on the back on a chair and tried to summon calm. I failed. My hands fisted, crushing the wood of the chair into pulp. It wasn’t enough. The damage wasn’t enough. I drew heaving breaths through my nose and began to pummel the furniture into pieces. When the table and chairs were little more than sawdust and scraps on the floor, I moved into the living room for more items to vent my rage on. My hands were on the back of the couch when I saw the small wooden token on the mantlepiece. It was alone as everything else had been packed, but Bella had wanted to take the comb that had given us both so much to go with us.

She’d wanted to keep it close.

My rage seeped out of me, and a kind of horrified emptiness took its place. I staggered across the room and took the comb. I pressed it to my cheek and breathed in the scent of the old wood and Bella. My knees gave way, and I fell where I was standing, the comb pressed against my skin and a cry building in my chest.

“Dear God,” I begged, “please don’t take her from me. Please, Lord, let her come home…”


	32. Chapter 32

**_Edward_ **

Jasper gave a low groan as we approached Bella and Carlisle’s street. “The pain…”

“That can’t be Carlisle,” Rosalie said. “We’re too far away.”

“It’s him,” Jasper said.

I flinched. If Jasper was feeling him at this distance, it was bad. I didn’t read his thoughts to know just how bad; selfishly, I didn’t want to share that pain.

I took the turning onto their street and drove to the end to park in front of Bella’s house.

“He’s in there,” Alice said, climbing out and going straight to Bella’s house. The door swung open at her touch, as we knew it would as that was how the vampires had gotten in.

We followed her in, but Jasper hesitated on the porch.

“Do you think you’ll be able to help him?” I asked.

He shook his head. “I don’t think there’s any touching that kind of pain.”

“Then give yourself space.”

I knew it that the closer he was to Carlisle, the harder it would be for him to bear it.

He looked relieved for a moment, and then a hard look came into his eyes, and he brushed past me and went inside. Pleased, but not surprised by my brother’s strength, I went in after him and followed the voices into the living room.

Emmett stood with his lips parted and eyes wide, and Alice and Rosalie were kneeling on the floor either side on where Carlisle was curled in a ball. Their hands were on his shoulders, stroking his back, but Carlisle was numb to it. The only thoughts in his mind were Bella’s face repeated over and fragments of desperate prayers for her return.

I stared at him in shock for a moment, stunned to see my father so completely broken down, and then snapped into action. I moved around Carlisle, then grabbed him under the arms and hauled him to his feet. Alice and Rosalie cried out in shock and admonition, but I ignored them.

Carlisle didn’t stand, he was hanging loose in my grip, and I gave him a brisk shake.

“Edward!” Rosalie cried. “Stop!”

“No!” I snapped. “Carlisle, look at me!” When he failed to obey, I shook him again. “Bella!”

He raised his eyes to look at me, and they were dark with pain. “She was taken.”

“I know, but you’re not helping her doing this. You’ve got to be strong, Carlisle. You’re giving up, and that’s pathetic.” I felt cruel saying the words, but we all needed him to snap out of this, Bella included. He was no use to anyone giving himself over to his pain like this. We needed him alert and fighting for when we found her.

Carlisle seemed to come back to us slowly. His eyes cleared, and I heard his thoughts becoming more focused. He fixed my face in his mind, and I saw the reflected hardness of my expression there. I looked furious, which I supposed I was. Bella was his life, and if we lost her, we’d lose him. The fear of that became anger in me.

“Think of Bella,” I said.

He nodded once, pushed my hands away from him, and said, “Have you seen her Alice?”

Alice looked pained. “She’s not in the car anymore; they’ve stopped somewhere. I can’t see where, as all I can see is Bella, but she’s being held in what I think is a basement. I don’t know the vampires that took her, only their faces, so I can’t fix onto them properly.

“Is she okay?” he asked weakly.

“She’s strong,” Alice replied.

I glanced at her over Carlisle’s shoulder, and her lips became a thin line. Her thoughts filled with an image of Bella sitting in the corner of a stone-walled and windowless room with her knees tucked under her chin. She wasn’t outwardly injured or bloody, but she was obviously stressed. Her eyes were concentrated, and with a quick glance to the right, she whispered, _“Alice, can you see me? Please see me. I don’t know where I am. We drove for three hours, I think—I counted the minutes as much as I could. They’ve left me here, but…” She squeezed her eyes closed, and a tear slipped down her cheek. “They know about my curse. I think they’re going to kill me.”_

“She’s talking to Alice,” I said. “She knows we’re looking.” At least she hoped we were. “She’s waiting for us to find her.”

“Do you have _any_ idea where she is?” Emmett asked.

“She said they drove for three hours before they stopped.” Seeing their blank faces, Alice went on, “She counted the minutes.”

Emmett whistled. “Smart, Bella.”

“But three hours could be…” Carlisle broke off with a quiet moan.

“It could be somewhere within running distance,” Emmett said. “Three hours… Okay, that’s, what, one-hundred? A hundred and fifty miles? That’s Seattle… Olympia… anywhere around those places. If she was able to count minutes, she’d have noticed them getting on a ferry, so they’ve not gone north into Canada.” He clapped his hands. “There are six of us and running distance in an hour to search. We can do this.”

I raised an eyebrow at him, missed by Carlisle, who was staring at the comb cradled in his hands, and Emmett narrowed his eyes.

_What? You want me to tell Carlisle there’s nothing we can do? The poor guy is hanging by a thread. He can’t just sit around here and wait for Alice to see something._

Chastened, I nodded and said, “Emmett’s right. We need to go now.

“We can get the wolves to look, too,” Jasper said.

“The dogs?” Rosalie asked scathingly.

“Yes,” he replied. “Bella’s got a connection to the tribe, right? She’s their friend? Even if she wasn’t, it’s their job to protect people from our kind. How do we get in touch with them, Carlisle?”

“We call…” Carlisle said, some animation coming back into his face and voice. “ The chief, Billy Black. I have spoken to him before, when we arrived to tell him we were back in the area. He can contact the alpha.”

“Where’s your phone?” Alice asked.

Carlisle looked around vaguely and then went into the kitchen and picked it up from the floor where it sat among the destroyed remains of what had been Bella’s table and chairs. He scrolled through his contacts and dialed a number.

I heard the call going through and then ringing, and an amiable voice answered, “Hello.”

“It’s Carlisle Cullen. I need to speak to your pack. We have a problem that they need to be warned of, and we need their help.”

There was a long pause, and then Billy said, “What have you done?”

Emmett growled, and I held up a hand to him.

“Bella has…” Carlisle drew a hitching breath.

I took the phone from him and lifted it to my ear and said, “It’s Edward Cullen. Bella Swan has been taken by two human-drinking vampires.”

Billy sucked in a breath. “I’ll tell Sam. Where are you?”

“At Bella’s house,” I said. “We can meet you in the forest, though. We’ll come to the river at the treaty line. We have to be fast.”

“I’ll tell them,” Billy said stiffly, and then the call cut off.

“Come on,” I said, turning and making for the door. “They won’t take long, and the sooner we deal with them, the sooner we can start to search.”

“Do we all need to go?” Rosalie asked.

I frowned at her, thinking that she was being selfish in wanting to avoid the wolves for her own reasons, but when she stared back and me defiantly, I looked into her mind and saw her real concern. The vampires had stopped moving Bella for now, but they could leave again at any moment. She wanted to be out there searching already. Her mind was dwelling on her own change, the horrors she’d suffered at the end of her life, and she was worried Bella’s captor might have the same twisted nature.

“No,” I said. “I will go. You should all leave now. Keep your phones close. I’ll call when I have spoken to them. Stay in touch with each other.”

“And go in pairs,” Alice said. “The male that took Bella looks dangerous, but there is something about the woman that seems worse.”

“We can search more area if we’re separated,” Emmett said.

“No,” Jasper growled, his eyes fixed on Alice.

I understood his concern. Alice was talented at evasion in a fight, as I’d seen in our occasional wrestling bouts, but she wasn’t as good a fighter as him or Emmett. She relied on her visions to help her fight and was good in one-on-one attacks, but she was not a natural fighter the way Jasper and Emmett were. If she was facing two vampires at once, she would be vulnerable. Jasper would not risk her.

“Jasper is right,” I said. “We’re safer in pairs. Em, you and Rose go together, head towards Seattle. Alice, Jasper, Olympia?”

Jasper nodded stiffly. “We’ll call if we find anything.”

“Carlisle, come with me,” I said.

I knew Carlisle would want to search alone, but I didn’t want him out there by himself. He was in no state to fight with his focus split, even though he would be the fiercest in protecting Bella and punishing the ones that took her. He would be made vulnerable by his anger.

Emmett and Rosalie ran from the front door, and Alice and Jasper followed them out after Alice cast Carlisle a searching look.

“Are you ready, Carlisle?” I asked.

He stared at the comb in his hand for a moment, then pressed it to his lips and tucked it into his pocket and nodded. “Yes.”

xXx

The wolves were already there when we arrived, three of them in their wolf form and a taller man dressed in cut-off jeans waiting with his arms crossed between them.

 _The grey spotted one is new,_ Carlisle registered but didn’t speak.

We came to a stop on the opposite side of the river to them, and I said, “Thank you for coming.”

“We are protectors,” the man said. “I am Sam Uley, alpha of the pack. Bella is a part of our history, and we value her. What happened?”

“She was taken from her home by two vampires,” I said. “We are not sure where she is now, apart from the fact she’s being kept in a basement within a three-hour driving radius.”

“How do you know that?” he asked.

“We have a gifted vampire in our family that has seen her,” I replied.

 _They have gifts…_ Sam’s thoughts were surprised and cautious. I understood that their legends said there were vampires with additional abilities, and he was not pleased by the news.

 _They can see us,_ the grey wolf thought. _That’s perfect. As if they weren’t a big enough pain in the ass already._

I remembered this phenomenon from the last pack we’d met. They had a telepathic connection when in their wolf forms that they could communicate through. It aided them in combat but had been inconvenient as it gave them no privacy. 

_I don’t mind,_ the new wolf thought. _It makes them more of a challenge._

 _You’re a damn idiot, Embry,_ the brown wolf replied. _They’ve got Bella!_

I realized of the four wolves, the brown one, and Sam were the ones with feelings for Bella. The silver one, though he had met Bella before, didn’t have affection in his thoughts. He knew her curse and appreciated it as a part of his tribe’s legends, he thought Bella was stupid for putting herself at risk by being with Carlisle. 

_I wonder why that might happen…_ the silver wolf replied. _You think maybe she was asking for trouble hanging around with the leeches?_

 _Shut your mouth, Paul,_ the brown wolf answered, with a deep growl in his throat.

Sam snapped, “Quiet, Jared!” and Jared’s growl cut off, and he fixed his attention on us.

“What do you need us to do?” the man asked.

“We are going to search the area for her,” I said. “Would you help?”

Sam narrowed his eyes. “If there are vampires in the area again, we need to protect our people.”

Carlisle’s hands fisted. “Bella is one of your people. She’s your legend. She is your friend.”

Sam considered a moment. “Jared and I can join your search. Embry and Paul will protect the reservation.”

 _Aww, man,_ Embry thought. _I want to hunt them down._

 _They might come here,_ Paul said. _Then we’ll have some fun._

“These vampires are not to be underestimated,” I said. “Have you fought any yet?”

I knew the answer already, but I wanted to remind them of the stakes.

“We are created to kill vampires,” Sam said. 

I nodded. “Good. Our family have gone towards Seattle and Olympia. Carlisle and I are going south-east. We don’t think they’ve passed into Canada.”

“We will go north-east along the border,” Sam said. “We will be able to search better within the forests. Do you know anything more about the house Bella is being kept in?”

“No, but the forests are filled with isolated houses of loggers,” I said. “Try them.”

Sam nodded curtly. “If you need us, contact Billy Black. He will be able to get a message to us.”

“Billy has my number,” Carlisle said. “Please, call if you find anything.”

Sam looked at him with an oddly sympathetic expression, and I saw him registering Carlisle’s obvious pain and connection it to the face of a woman with a scarred face. His thoughts for her were influenced with an aura of adoration. He was wondering if Carlisle could possibly feel anything of the same with Bella and then dismissing it as impossible.

He and his pack believed we were animated stone corpses, unable to feel anything like love. He was wrong, but I didn’t waste time telling him otherwise.

We had something more important to do. The wolves were set to search, so we were done with them. 

It was time for Carlisle and I to search for Bella.


	33. Chapter 33

**_Bella_ **

I pressed myself against the cold stone wall of the room was I being held in, the bricks biting into my back, and turned my face away from the bucket that was in the opposite corner, waiting for me to be desperate enough again to use it for human needs. I’d already done it once, and the humiliation of it was only made worse by the fear that James or Victoria could come back at any moment and see me using it.

I’d lived through the early centuries and traveled across America in a group of men and women, all trying to start a better life in the west, and privacy had been hard to find on the road before. Still, I’d grown accustomed to retaining my dignity, and I hated the idea of being observed and mocked while I used the toilet.

The floor I was sitting on was either packed dirt or so dirty it made no difference. It was cold, and though the cold was usually a comfort me to now, reminding me of Carlisle’s embrace, it merely reinforced my situation now. I sat curled in a ball with my hands tucked up my sleeves, and my chin tucked to my chest.

I had spoken to Alice as quietly as I could, pleading with her to find and trying to look as strong as I could so Carlisle wouldn’t hear more reasons to worry for me, but it was hard. I didn’t think James and Victoria had heard me as they hadn’t come down. I had no idea how big the house was I was being kept in as I’d been brought inside and dumped in this basement at a speed my eyes couldn’t process. The size of the basement made me think it was quite small, though. Small or not, there was no escape. At the top of the short flight of stairs, there was a door, but I had heard the bolts slide into place when I’d been left here, and, though I’d tried it, it was immovable. Even if I got out, I knew there was no real chance of escape. The vampires were too fast for me to get away from them if I ran.

My only hope was that I was found by Carlisle and his family.

I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to lose myself in memories. I used to do it all the time when things were hard. In the long days I’d been trapped in the lady hole of the ship that took me to India, my feet covered by bilge water to the ankles and the constant rocking of the boat making it hard for me to settle, I had let my mind wander to the good times in my life. I had thought of friends I’d made, things I’d done, experiences I’d had, and it had soothed me. Now I tried to think of Carlisle. I imagined his touches and scent, his voice whispering words of love in my ear and the tickle of his cool breath, but it wasn’t enough to overpower the fear I felt for myself.

The woman knew about my curse, which I was sure meant it was only a matter of time until it was tested. I was going to die again, be drained, and I was terrified.

Of all the ways I’d died, Edward’s attack had ranked among the worse. In theory, it should have been peaceful, being swiftly drained of blood until my mind fogged and body became weak, but the pain of the bite, the time it took that gave me time to fully appreciate what was happening and what was coming, was awful. Though it was nowhere near my most painful death, that was still the bushfire in which I’d been killed in Australia in the early twentieth century when I’d been working on a sheep station, it was worse in a different way.

I heard the grating sound of the bolt slipping across, and my head snapped up and I struggled to my feet. I wasn’t going to cower at their feet. All I had left was the little dignity I was allowed and my inner strength, and I wasn’t going to give that up for them.

James came in first, his mouth stretched with a broad smile that was more of a leer, and a black bag in his hand. Victoria followed, her eyes moving between James and me. The stark difference in the way she looked at is struck me. When she was looking at James, she showed adoration, and when she looked at me, she was smug.

“Bella,” James said, coming into the room and setting down the bag he was carrying on the floor. “Sorry we left you alone so long. There were things I needed to do, and I thought you might like time alone to relax after our long journey.”

Victoria giggled, a babyish sound that sent chills down my spine. I remembered the sound of that laugh from my last night as a true human. She had been the one that laughed when I called for Carlisle. I’d suspected she had been there that night, that she might have done it to me, and now it was confirmed.

Despite my situation, I wished for a chance to talk to her. I’d spent years trying to discover why I was the way I was, what my curse really was and where it had come from, and she was the one with the answers. I wasn’t going to engage now though, not with James watching me with such open hunger, not with her looking at me that way.

When I was found, when Alice saw me and Carlisle rescued me, as I knew he would, I would make sure I got some answers before they dealt with her. How that fate would come about, I didn’t know. Carlisle and I had forever, he’d said, but I didn’t know if that had been a real guarantee. Everything could die, as far as I knew at least, and I wondered if that was true for vampires, too.

I couldn’t imagine Carlisle ending a life, he was too gentle and kind to do that, but I thought he would find a way to stop James and Victoria from ever hurting me again, or anyone else.

“Now, I’m sure you’ve got lots of questions,” James said. “And we’ll get to them if there’s time, but I want the fun to start sooner rather than later, so I’ve got to do a little setup.” He opened the case and took out a slim video camera. “We’re going to make a movie.”

Victoria giggled again, and James scowled, unnoticed by her as she was standing behind him. He handed her the video camera and said, “Get it ready. Don’t start until I tell you. If the Volturi think we’re risking the secret…”

Victoria flinched and said, “I’ll wait.”

James stalked towards me, and I fought the urge to back away. I didn’t know how Alice’s visions worked, we’d never really discussed it, but if she was seeing this, I wanted her to see me being brave.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me in front of him, then pinned me with one arm across my chest. He used his free hand to pull my hair back from my neck, and then I felt his nose tracing my throat. “Delicious,” he said.

My heart started to pound with fear, but I kept my head held straight and refused to look away from Victoria, who was watching with a look in her eyes that I could only describe as jealousy.

James touched his lips to my throat in a way that felt intimate, and I couldn’t stop myself shuddering.

Victoria growled, and he said, “Control yourself or leave.”

“I am in control,” she said.

James paused a moment, his breath on the side of my neck, and then I heard a growl and the pain as his teeth pierced my neck. I felt the burning sensation and then repulsion as his lips sealed around the wound, and the pressure built as he sucked at the blood my racing heart was pumping out of me.

My legs gave way, but he held me up with his arm pressing me against his chest. My breaths became pants, and my mind swam. I knew what was coming, what I was going to suffer when my heart stopped, and I was scared.

All I could do was hope that Carlisle didn’t hear what was happening, that Alice would shield him from it.

I didn’t want him to know I’d died again.

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

We’d searched without stopping for hours. The sky was lightening behind the clouds with the morning, and I glanced at my watch. Bella and I should be leaving now for the airport. Our belongings would be in New Hampshire, and the movers would be distributing them amongst the rooms we’d labeled them for. Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett should be waiting there for us to help unpack and settle us in. We should be happy and together. She should be safe. But instead, she’d been kidnapped by two vampires and was surely suffering.

Alice had told me nothing about her condition, and I was guiltily relieved about it. I was barely clinging onto my mind as it was; I thought if I knew the truth of her suffering, if what I already feared was confirmed, I would break apart and be no use to her at all.

“Stop a moment, Carlisle,” Edward said. “I want to call Alice.”

I came to a stop and waited impatiently as he dialed and waited for Alice to answer.

“Have you seen anything?” he asked.

I heart her reply through the scratchy speaker clearly. _“Nothing new of Bella. They’ve not moved yet. And none of us have found anything. We met Rose and Emmett outside Sequim.”_

I sighed and turned away. I knew they would have called us if they’d seen or found anything, but the helplessness of my situation was making me clutch at straws.

I stared out at the forest, wondering how far I was from Bella, when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out with a frown and saw the number for Forks Community Hospital on the screen. I almost disregarded it completely as nothing at the hospital held any interest to me now, I no longer worked there even, but curiosity made me answer it.

“Hello.”

_“Carlisle, it’s Ted Snow. I wasn’t sure I should call as I know you’re leaving town today, but I thought it might be important. We have a package for you.”_

“You have a what?”

_“A package. Yes, I thought it was unusual, too. It was left at the front desk in the night with your name on it. No one was on duty there, of course, so we don’t know who brought it. It’s got no address label on it or similar. Just your name and urgent.”_

Edward lowered his phone from his ear and said, “Tell him I’m coming to pick it up for you,” he said.

“I can go,” I said, too low for the receiver to pick up.

“If I’m right, you don’t want to,” Edward said. “I’ll bring it to you.”

I frowned at him and then said, “Ted, my son Edward is coming to collect it for me. He’ll be with you within an hour. Don’t open it.”

“Of course not,” Ted said, sounding a little offended. “Tell Edward to come to the ER. I’ll keep it with me until he arrives.”

“Thank you,” I said curtly.

I ended the call and said, “What do you think it is, Edward.”

 _“Think what is?”_ Alice asked. She wouldn’t have been able to hear Doctor Snow’s side of the call as Edward had.

“A package has been left at the hospital for Carlisle,” Edward said. “I think it’s the nomads. We’re going back to Forks now. We’ll call you when we know more. Keep looking, Alice.”

 _“I will,”_ she promised.

Edward ended the call, and we both set off west again, towards Forks.

“What do you think they’ve sent me?” I asked.

Edward’s jaw clenched. “I’m not sure. I don’t know these vampires, I’ve never heard their minds, but the fact it was hand-delivered makes me think it was brought there by one of them.” He looked apologetic. “They’re not going to be stupid enough to leave a trail for us, so we won’t be able to follow them. I thought you being there, smelling the vampires again in front of humans, would be a mistake.”

I scowled. “I can control myself.”

Edward nodded. “You can, I know that better than anyone, but it’s not your control I’m worried about.”

“Then what is it?”

Edward didn’t answer my question. He just sped his pace, so I had to push even harder to keep pace with him.

Not knowing what it was he was worried about, worried me. What did he know that I didn’t?

xXx

**_Edward_ **

The scent of vampires was all over the box I’d collected from the hospital; two of them. One was stronger, which made me sure that was the one that had dropped it off. 

I let myself into Bella’s house and went straight into the living room where Carlisle was sitting with his head bowed and one finger tracing over the engraved flowers of the comb he was holding.

He looked up at me, and it seemed to take effort. “You have it,” he stated.

“I do. I haven’t opened it.”

I would have if my suspicions had been confirmed, but there was no scent of blood in it so I could be confident the vampires hadn’t gone for movie-style horror.

I handed the package to Carlisle, who stared at it for a moment and then tore it open. He took out a sheet of paper that had printed numbers and letters on it, frowned at it, then dropped it onto the coffee table and took out a small USB drive.

“Why would they send this?” he asked.

“We’ll find out. Do you have your laptop here?”

“We sent them with the movers,” Carlisle said. “We didn’t want to have hassle at security.”

“We’ll go back to the old house,” I said. “We left the desktops set up.” When he failed to move, I nudged his shoulder and said firmly, “Carlisle, I know you are in hell, but so is Bella. This is the first thing close to a clue we have, so come see what it is!”

I felt cruel for being harsh with him, but he was slipping into himself, and Bella needed him to be a fighter for her. We all needed him to be strong. Carlisle was our patriarch, and we were facing something none of us, with the exception of Jasper, had ever encountered. We were going against hostile vampires. Only Jasper had been truly tested in any kind of combat. There were seven of us against what we believed were just two, but we needed our leader to be with us.

He got up and followed me outside and then started to run. I could hear him struggling in his thoughts to come back into focus, to work the problem, but it was hard for him. The fact he’d never faced this before, and the fact it was the focus of his whole world in danger hadn’t given him strength; it had taken it away from him instead.

When we got to the house, I went straight to the laundry room and flipped the master switch to give the house power and then went into the library to boot up a computer. Carlisle was standing with back to me, but when I spoke his name, he joined me at the computer. I waited for it to load and then inserted the USB and opened the folder.

There was one file labeled Countdown, a video, and I, with a twinge of hesitation, clicked it to play. I wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing showing this to Carlisle. I had no certainty of what was on the video—just fears—but I hoped seeing whatever it was would snap him into a concentrated state which would strengthen him.

The video was focused on a stone wall, the same I’d seen in Alice’s vision, and then the frame moved to the floor where Bella was crumpled on the floor, facing away from the camera. She was perfectly still, which meant only one thing. She was dead.

Carlisle moaned in his throat, and I placed my hand on his shoulder in a show of comfort.

A foot appeared in the frame and nudged Bella so that she rolled over to face the camera. She was dead, as I had known and feared, and I felt horror filling me.

“How long will it take,” a male voice asked out of shot, and a female answered, “Not long. I can feel it.”

I frowned. This wasn’t merely a taunt to show us Bella’s body, to serve whatever ends the vampires had taken her and sent us this—unless they wanted us to come for them. They knew about her ability to come back; the woman could somehow feel it. Was she the one that had done this to Bella, given her the eternal and unchanging life that she called a curse?

“Soon,” the woman said again. “Now.”

As she said it, Bella’s eyes flew open, and she drew in a deep, heaving breath. She scrambled back until she was pressed against the wall, and her hand moved to the side of her throat.

I heard a cracking sound and looked to the side to see Carlisle’s hands, that had been pressed against the desk, had clawed and crushed the wood.

“She’s alive,” I reminded him. “She came back.”

“I will destroy them,” Carlisle growled.

I was glad that he was coming to some kind of focus and animation again, though I hated the way it had happened.

On the screen, Bella curled into a ball and covered her face with her hands for a moment, and then she seemed to shift. She lowered her hands and lifted her face, looked a little to the left of the camera, which made me think she was speaking to the vampires themselves.

“You are going to pay for that,” she said.

I nodded to myself. I knew she was scared, I’d seen her in the aftermath of one of her resurrections before and I’d seen the horror then which had to be worse now as she was held captive by vampires that had murdered her at least once. But she was being strong. She was resilient. She would need that to come out of it intact.

The camera moved and pointed at the man named James. His eyes were bright crimson from the blood I’d sure he’d taken from Bella, and he was smiling smugly.

“Hello again, Carlisle Cullen,” he said. “I’m glad this video found you. It was made purely for you, after all.” He cast a glance to the side where Bella was and looked back into the frame. “I have sent you the secret to finding us. You have until midnight to come, to take her back, and then the chase can begin. If you don’t get here in time, she will die again. For every day it takes you to find you to come, to join the game, she will die. If you really are as useless as I believe, a vampire that heals humans and feeds on _animals_ ”—he infected the word with derision—“you will need help.” He grinned. “You said you have a big family, that’s a lot of minds and feet on the ground to help you.” He glanced back at Bella and then said, “Good luck.”

The video cut off and I glanced at Carlisle. There was a murderous look in his eyes, pure ferocity that I had never seen before, and I relished it. This was who we needed him to be.

“Did you bring the paper?” he asked.

“No, it’s at Bella’s.”

Without a word, he ran from the house. I pulled the power cord of the computer and then ran out after him.

As awful as it had been to see that video, it had given us something. Carlisle was engaged again, and we apparently had a clue. We had to untangle those letters and numbers, and then we would be able to find Bella.

And we had to do it before midnight.


	34. Chapter 34

**_Carlisle_ **

I paced the house like a wild animal as Edward pored over the page of letters and numbers in the living room. Emmett and Rosalie were with him, Esme hovering in the doorway, staring at me with concern each time I passed her by. She wanted to help me, I knew, but I couldn’t bear any attempted comfort. I didn’t want to vent my rage on the people I loved, which was why I was avoiding them.

The conversation I could hear in the living room prickled at the edges of my mind but gave me no answers.

“It’s not coordinates,” Emmett said. “The letters don’t match.”

“And it’s not a zip code,” Alice replied. “It’s too long.”

I clenched my fists. I had heard this conversation too many times to count, and I was sick of it. They had no answers, no idea where Bella was, and it was getting later and later. I checked my watch. Bella had six hours left before she suffered another death.

“Maybe it’s an anagram,” Alice suggested. “There are a lot of letters there.”

“Maybe,” Edward said thoughtfully. I heard the scratch of a pen, and I rushed into the living room to look over his shoulder as he arranged the letters into different groupings.

“Groin…” Emmett muttered. “Ingot… Intro… Ringo… Torin…”

I stared at the remaining letters, willing them to rearrange themselves for me. There were only six letters. I forced myself to calm down, to think. This was Bella. She needed me to work it out. She would die if I didn’t.

I gasped as I saw it. “Orting!” I shouted. “It’s Orting! It’s a town on route 163. I know it.”

“So it is an address,” Alice said.

“Yeah, but what are the numbers?” Emmett asked.

Rosalie gasped. “It’s a plus code! I can’t believe we didn’t—”

“What does it matter?” I shouted. “We know where to find her!”

I sprinted for the door and raced out into the forest. I was going to cross inhabited areas to get to her, but it would be faster for me to run than to drive. I had time left if James kept his word, but if he didn’t, if I missed them, if I was too late…

I snarled and pushed myself faster into the park.

I could feel people coming behind me, catching up, and I shouted to Edward. “Go ahead! Find her!”

He was the fastest of us all, and he would be able to reach her first if he used his full speed. It was a risk, sending him up against two hostile vampires, but it was a risk I was willing to take for Bella. Edward could fight better than any of us with his gift, and he was strong. If he could just get Bella out, bring her to me…

I would take the risk.

“Run, Edward!” I commanded.

He sprinted past me, disappearing into the forest, and I ran after him as fast as I could.

“Do you see us with them, Alice?” Esme asked from behind me, lagging behind, I guessed. “Will we find her?”

“I can’t see,” Alice said.

I growled and pushed myself faster.

I had to be fast. I had to win this race. I had to find Bella. 

xXx

**_Edward_ **

I reached the town and raced around the outskirts, searching for a trace of vampire scent that would lead me to the monsters that had taken Bella.

I heard the thoughts of my family arriving behind me and Carlisle commanding them to spread out and look. It was twilight, but we were still limited in our speed in inhabited areas, so I stuck to the edges of the forest and searched through the mess of thoughts around me. I was searching for deeper ones, the multi-layered of a vampire’s mind, but there was nothing.

 _I’ve got it,_ Emmett’s mental voice shouted, and I sprinted towards him.

I was led back into the forest, and I saw a house looming in the trees. I smelled the vampires and the weaker scent of Bella. The door was already torn open, and I braced myself for a fight as I ran inside. I knew within an instant that it was too late to find the vampires, though. There was no trace of their thoughts, and their scents had long faded, as had Bella’s.

I ran down the stairs to the basement where Emmett was standing, staring at the wall with a look of fury on his face.

“They’ve gone,” he said. “They lied.”

“I know. Call the others. Tell them where we are. I’ll call Carlisle.”

I knew he was going to be the hardest to give the news to, and I wanted to spare Emmett that. I took out my phone and dialed Carlisle’s number, but before it could ring, I heard his thoughts registering my scent and following it. I rushed outside to meet him as he ran out of the trees and came to a dead stop and inhaled deeply through his nose.

“They’ve already gone,” he said.

I nodded. 

“They took her. He lied.”

“Yes.”

He gave a feral roar and brushed past me. Emmett spoke his name as he met him in the basement, and then there was the sound of stone being pummeled and crushed. I went down after him and saw Carlisle pounding his fists into the walls.

“They didn’t give us enough time!” he snarled. “We could have found her.”

“They were gone hours ago,” I said. “The scents have faded. They lied to us.”

Carlisle slammed his head against the wall, driving a deep hole into it, and made a sound of inner pain.

I was enraged at the vampires for tricking us the way they had, and guilty for not working out the clue sooner. I’d spent too long trying to untangle the numbers and ignoring the letters.

Emmett went out, leaving me alone with Carlisle, and I heard him calling the others and directing them to where we were. I went to Carlisle and placed my hand on his shoulder and said, “We didn’t have a chance, Carlisle.”

“We did,” he snapped. “We should have worked out the code sooner. We have infinite minds, thought processes that surpass anything, and none of us saw it. And now, she’s gone, and at midnight she’ll died again because we were stupid. Because I was stupid.”

He slammed his fists into the wall, driving them right through so that when he pulled them out, I could see light through the holes. 

“We will find them again. James wanted the chase. They’ll be in touch.”

They had to get in touch.

The rest of the family arrived, and Carlisle’s head snapped up then he spun to face them. “Alice,” he said urgently. “Can you see where they went?”

“No,” she said sadly. “They’re driving again. Bella is in the trunk.”

“In the trunk!” Carlisle spat. “They’re carrying her around like luggage.”

She nodded, her face forlorn.

“Did they kill again?” he asked.

“No,” she replied quickly. “She’s alive.”

Carlisle looked appeased, and I locked eyes on Alice. She looked back at me defiantly and thought, _Do you want to break him?_ _'' Look what they did to her!”_

A vision of Bella being stuffed into the trunk of a blue car filled her mind, screaming, living, and then the swift snap as the male vampire twisted her head to the side and broke her neck.

I winched and shook my head slightly. Carlisle did not need to know that.

“What do we do?” Emmett asked.

“We go back to Forks and wait for news,” Alice said. “They contacted us once so they will again, and this time we’ll be ready. We know it’s an anagram now, so we’ll be faster.” She fixed her eyes on Carlisle and said, “We’ll get her back.”

xXx

**_Bella_ **

This time I was in a forest when I woke up. I was lying at the foot of a tree, and when the initial overwhelm and horror of what had happened passed, I was able to sit up and lean against the trunk.

James was standing opposite me, but Victoria was nowhere in sight.

“I wanted to talk to you, and Victoria needed to hunt,” he said knowingly as I looked around the trees that surrounded us. “We’ll be moving on again soon, but I wanted to ask you something.”

I didn’t answer him, though I didn’t look away. He knew I was scared of him from my body’s reactions to his presence, but I wasn’t going to let it show in my actions.

“I heard you talking earlier,” he said. “And it’s got me curious. You were talking to someone called Alice.”

I internally cursed. I should have been more careful, maybe not spoken aloud to her. I had known vampires had acute hearing, but I’d not realized just how powerful it was if they were able to hear my whispers through a wooden door and a floor below them.

“Who’s Alice?” he asked.

I narrowed my eyes at him and didn’t answer.

He stared at me for a moment appraisingly, and then he came towards me and hauled me up by my arm. I stumbled and steadied myself then stared back into his eyes, forcing myself to be strong.

“Who is Alice?”

“Like I’d tell you,” I spat.

He gave me a strange smile and then lifted my hand to his mouth. I thought he was going to bite me again, but instead, he traced his nose across my wrist, seeming to savor the scent of my blood, and then pinned my little finger between two of his.

“I am going to ask you again,” he said. “And if you don’t answer, I am going to break a bone. If you don’t answer me again, I will break another bone. I will continue to break bones until I have all the answers I need. You will be in pain until I kill you again, and then you will wake up perfectly healed. But I won’t kill you fast. I will let you linger for days until I put you out of your misery. I know dying scares you, I can see it in your eyes and hear it in your heartbeat when I talk about it, but imagine days of broken bones grating against each other.” He smiled knowingly as my heart raced with fear at the imagined fate. “Yes, I think that scares you even more.”

It did scare me. I was no stranger to pain, but the thought of being without my hands, to not be able to have even the little dignity they’d given me when needing to use the bathroom, horrified me.

“Now, tell me, Bella, who is Alice?” he asked.

“She’s my friend,” I said. “I talk to her because it helps me stay calm.”

He tutted and wrenched my finger to the side, snapping the bone and making me cry out in pain.

“You’re lying. I have a theory already, but I want to hear it from you. Alice is your friend, yes, perhaps, but you don’t talk to a friend like that if she’s just in your head. Yesterday you told her not to tell Carlisle what she saw.” His lips curled into a broad smile, and he flicked my broken finger, which made me cry out again, then he stroked his nose over my wrist. “Do you happen to have a little psychic on your team, Bella?”

“No,” I said quickly.

He moved too fast for me to follow. One moment he was smiling at me, the next I felt a sharp pain then burn as he snapped my ring finger,

“Tell me about the psychic, Bella,” he said, a growl of impatience making its way into his voice now.

I gasped in pain. “I don’t know any psychics! They’re not real!”

He chuckled and grabbed my wrist. I thought he was going to smell my wrist again, but instead, he jerked my wrist to an awkward angle, breaking the bones of my forearm.

I cried out, Carlisle’s name slipping through in my anguish, and James laughed.

“He can’t hear you, Bella,” he said. “Or can he? Can Alice? Are you feeling more honest now?”

Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I wiped them away with my free hand. “I am telling the truth.”

Another jerk of his hand, another snap, and this time a scream, my left arm was broken. I couldn’t even attempt to hide the pain now as it seared through me. I gasped and sobbed, cursing my human weakness. For the first time in my long life, I was actually wishing for death as it would end the pain and bring me back to a healed body.

“Who is Alice?” he asked.

“I’m sorry,” I moaned, the apology for the one I thought might be watching this from a distance and, hopefully, hiding it from Carlisle.

“Apologies are meaningless when you don’t change the behavior,” he chided.

“I’m not apologizing to you,” I said through my panting breath. “I’m talking to Alice. She is Carlisle’s daughter, my friend. She is psychic. She is seeing this and…” I stared up at him through my pained tears and spoke through my teeth, “she’s the one that is going to help Carlisle find me and end you.”

James shoved me back into the tree, and my broken arms jostled, creating agony that made me scream. I fell onto my stomach and couldn’t right myself without my hands. I turned my head to him and stared into his hateful face.

He seemed perfectly content as he crouched down in front of me and said, “I knew a psychic once. She was a human, a real human, not like you. Her name was Mary, and she had _the_ sweetest blood I ever smelled. I followed that scent across three counties, knowing that the greatest treasure awaited me at the end, but I was too late. The only time I lost the game.”

He took my hand and lifted it to his nose, causing excruciating pain as the broken bones were jostled. I tried to hold in my scream but couldn’t do it.

“She was a young one,” he said. “A tiny scrap of a thing. She saw me coming, you see. She was a true psychic. There was a vampire, an old one, that worked in the asylum she was locked away in, and she was a pet of his. She told him I was coming, so he bit her. I found her as she was changing.” He chuckled. “She was so destroyed by the asylum, the suffering there, she didn’t even seem to notice the pain. I saw her wake up, knowing the blood was gone, and so I left her. I found the one that bit her and questioned him.” He lifted my wrist again, and I cried out. “Her name was Mary. Mary Alice Brandon. The old one told me everything, how she’d seen me coming for her and how each decision he made to protect her ended in the same way. He knew all about how her visions worked, and he told me before I killed him.”

I stared up at him in horror. That vampire had to be Alice. She knew nothing of her human life, no idea who had changed her or why. Who would have wanted to remember a life like that, being trapped in an asylum? Forgetting was the kindest thing that could have happened.

“Does that story sound familiar to you, Bella?” he asked. “Is that how your friend Alice was changed?”

“I don’t know,” I moaned. “She doesn’t remember being human.”

“That makes sense,” he said. “Who would want to remember the horrors of that life? Electroshock therapy? The pain and misery? The knowledge that whoever was supposed to love you in this world had put you in the insane asylum instead? I imagine she’s happy to have forgotten.” He considered me and then lifted my hand slightly so the pain surged again. “If it is your Alice that I knew, if the old one had told the truth about how her visions worked, it means she is watching this, doesn’t it?” He grinned. “I made a very clear decision to speak to you about this. Tell me, Bella, do you think she’s watching?”

“Yes,” I groaned. “She is. She’ll see what you did, and she’ll make sure you pay for it.”

“Alice, that tiny little thing? I don’t think she’s a threat. Tell me about the rest of the coven. Are they strong? Are there any more gifts among them?”

“No,” I lied. “Alice is the only one.”

I had already told him too much, exposed Alice’s gift to him, but I was in agony and couldn’t face more. What I wanted now was to die, to come back healed. The pain I was feeling was so excruciating that it took away the fear of what waited for me after death.

“Well, thank you for confirming that,” James said. “It makes things even more interesting. I thought I was going to have to drip-feed them information, to help them come, but now I see the truth. If I can keep you isolated, no landmarks for little Alice to see, I can keep you here for weeks, months even. I usually prefer my hunts to move faster, but the longer I have you, the more passionate the anger your lover is going to feel when I finally allow him to come.” He leered down at me. “And it’s not like I’ll go hungry. Are you ready for the pain to end? Are you ready to die, Bella?”

“Yes,” I said, unable to keep a hint of pleading from my voice. “I am.”

Something sparked in his red eyes, and then he sank his teeth into my wrist and began to gulp at the flowing blood.


	35. Chapter 35

**_Edward_ **

Alice came back to herself with a gasp and mental moan of, _Oh Bella…_

“What did you see?” Carlisle asked urgently. “Where is she?”

“We don’t know,” I answered when it became clear Alice couldn’t, too traumatized by the things she’d seen James doing to Bella, the broken bones, the pain, the death…

“Then what did you see?” he asked.

I took a breath and saw Jasper give his head a small shake. He didn’t know what we’d seen, but he had insight into our emotional storm when I’d been watching it alongside Alice, so he knew how bad it was, and he was warning me against saying too much. I didn’t want to tell Carlisle either, but he needed to know some of it.

I was clearly silent too long as Carlisle gave a small moan and said, “They killed her again, didn’t they?”

“Yes,” I admitted. “James drained her. But before that, they were talking. They’re in a forest somewhere, but I couldn’t see any landmarks. James knows about Alice’s visions.”

“Bella told him?” Jasper asked, his eyebrows rising.

“She didn’t want to,” Alice said quietly.

“No,” Carlisle said mournfully, “She wouldn’t. He made her, didn’t he?”

I nodded, my eyes apologetic, and redirected. “He knows about Alice’s visions, how they work. He already knew most of it. Bella just confirmed what he knew. He knew about Alice as he was part of her story when she was human. He was hunting her. There was a vampire that was in the place she lived. He changed her to protect her when she saw James coming.”

“Yes,” Carlisle said curtly. “But what does this mean for Bella?”

Alice flinched slightly, and she felt a momentary pang that Carlisle was dismissive of this revelation about her, the story of her human life. This wasn’t the Carlisle she’d always known. The man he usually was would be interested, sympathetic to what she’d just learned. This wasn’t the Carlisle any of us had known, though. He was a vampire solely focused on the safety of the love of his life.

“It means they’re not going to be in touch again,” I said. “He knows how her visions work. He’s waiting for us to find him.”

Carlisle squeezed his eyes closed, and his mind was a wash of Bella’s face clouded by his own misery, and then he took a breath and straightened up, an empty look in his eyes. “I have to go.”

“Go where?” Rosalie asked.

I already saw the answer in his mind and gave it for him. “Volterra.”

Esme clapped her hands to her chest and said, “You can’t! Carlisle, it’s too dangerous. We revealed the secret to Bella. It’s forbidden. They’ll kill you.”

“They’ll kill all of us,” Jasper growled. “We’re all part of it.”

“It’s a risk, yes,” Carlisle agreed. “But I don’t think they will. Aro and I have a relationship. He’s my friend.”

“It’s Aro!” Jasper shouted. “He’s the protector of the law, and we broke it!”

Carlisle started into his eyes, his face blank. “This is Bella.”

Jasper’s rage started to spread from him through his gift. It infected us all, even Carlisle, who had become more pained than anything with my announcement of his intent. I felt myself losing myself in it and tried to think around it to help.

“It’s Bella,” Jasper shouted. “I know that, and I know better than anyone how you feel about her, but this is also Alice. You are risking her life. I won’t let you do that.” He started to stalk towards Carlisle.

“Jasper, no!” Esme shouted.

Jasper reached Carlisle, and they stood nose to nose. Emmett grabbed Jasper around the chest and hauled him back, and then he was falling away as Jasper poured his gifted calm into him, making his focus shift and freeing us all from his induced rage.

 _I won’t allow it,_ he thought fervently. _He will not get Alice killed. Not for anything._

“Stop and think, Jasper,” I said carefully. “We can’t fight each other. We need to be strong.”

“I am strong,” Jasper growled.

Alice locked eyes on me and thought, _Edward, get Carlisle back!_ _Jasper will do it._

I knew she was right, and my shock-induced paralysis broke. I yanked Carlisle back as Alice stepped in front of Jasper and placed her hand on his chest.

“Stop, Jazz,” she said softly. “I don’t want you to fight Carlisle, not for this. Think! Bella is his world. The way you feel now, the need to protect me, is what he’s feeling, and you know it. He can’t leave her with them; it will destroy him. It will destroy us all if we lose them. This isn’t what I saw for us. We were going to be happy.”

Jasper scowled, but I could see that Alice’s words were influencing him. “Do you still see that?” he asked. “Does Carlisle get Bella back and have that life with us all?”

Carlisle’s eyes and attention snapped to Alice as he waited for the answer.

“I don’t know,” she said. “Everything is clouded; too many decisions need to be made. But you can’t fight Carlisle for me.” She stared into his eyes and spoke the damning words. “If you hurt him, I’ll never forgive you.”

Jasper turned away with a growl and raked his hands through his hair. Alice watched him sadly.

Carlisle looked from face to face, his eyes sad, and said, “I know I am putting you all at risk, and you know I would never do that unless I had no choice. But Bella is suffering, and I cannot wait in hopes that Alice will see something that will help me find her. In Volterra, there is a vampire called Demetri with the gift of tracking. He will be able to find the connection to Bella through me, and he will find her.” He pressed a hand to his temple and then said, “I have no choice. I have to save her.”

Jasper turned back and grabbed Alice’s arm. “Then we’re leaving. I won’t allow Alice to stay. If Aro does what the law says he must, if he comes for us, we’re already going to be far away.”

Carlisle nodded. “I would expect nothing less. But, Alice,” he implored her with his eyes, “if you see anything, please tell me.”

Alice nodded and said, “Of course I will. She shot Jasper an apologetic look. “And I’ll be there when you find her.”

“What?” Jasper shouted.

Alice fixed her eyes on him with steely determination. “We can’t leave, Jasper.”

“We can and will,” Jasper said fiercely. “This is your life, Alice!”

“I know, but it doesn’t change how I feel.”

“No,” Jasper said, cutting a hand through the air. “We are not staying here.”

“You shouldn’t,” Carlisle said. “None of you should. You should all go now. You will see Aro’s decision, Alice, you can warn everyone if you need to. But you should get as far away from America as you can. It’s where Aro will come first.”

“That won’t really make a difference, Carlisle,” Rosalie said. “If Demetri can find Bella through you, he can find us, too.”

Carlisle looked pained, but he merely nodded.

Emmett sighed. “I understand why you’re doing this, Carlisle. If it was Rose that was taken, I’d do nothing different. And I won’t try to stop you. But I am not letting Rose die because of it.” He looked into his mate’s eyes. “If we have to go on the run for life, we will.”

Rosalie stared at Carlisle, and her thoughts were torn. She wanted to stay with the man she thought of as her father, the man she loved as one, and the rest of her family, but she wouldn’t stay and wait for the Volturi to come if it meant the death of her mate. They all felt the same, each mated pair, even Alice deep down, though she felt more duty to Carlisle and Bella as she’d seen what awaited them and us all. But she couldn’t be sure that future would happen now, perhaps what we’d already seen of it was the most we were going to get.

Alice loved Jasper more than anything, and when it came down to it, he was the one she would choose to save, no matter how much she loved Carlisle and Bella.

“Yes,” Rosalie said. “We will. I’m sorry, Carlisle, I hate that it’s come to this. I never wanted to leave the family this way, but it’s about our lives.”

“I know,” Carlisle said. “I understand, I am doing worse than just leaving you all for my own safety. I am putting you all at risk.” His eyes became intense. “I need to leave now.” He looked from me to Esme. “All of you need to leave now. It’s not safe for you to be a part of this anymore.”

“No,” Esme said. “I will not leave you. I will come with you to Volterra.”

“You can’t,” Carlisle stated. “You have to go. It’s not safe for you to come with me. Go with the others, you too, Edward. Leave now. Alice will know what happens, and she can tell you.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’m not leaving. It’s different for me; there is no one I love for me to protect. All I can do is help you. I am going with you.”

“So am I,” Esme stated.

Carlisle stared at her for a long moment, his thoughts awash with gratitude to her and sadness for what he was doing to his family. “Stay here,” he said. “Keep in touch with Alice. If there is any news, if you can find them, go; save my Bella for me. Edward, you do the same.” _Protect yourself, protect Esme,_ he went on in his thoughts. _Do what I cannot._

I nodded stiffly and forced a smile. I would have liked to go to Volterra with him, but I could be more useful here. If there was a clue to where Bella was, I would be able to get to her in his place. I could save Bella for him.

“I want to stay, too,” Alice said.

Carlisle looked at her and then took her into his arms and hugged her. He kissed her hair and said, “I know you want to, but you know you can’t.”

Jasper stared at Alice, his frustration with her battling his love. He wanted them gone already, running away from this threat, but he was also loath to force her to do anything. When it came down to it, he would drag her away if he had to. Nothing in the world mattered more to Jasper than Alice, just as nothing mattered more to Carlisle than Bella.

Carlisle looked around the room, taking in the faces of his family and wondering if this was it for him, if he would ever see them again, then he nodded briskly and said, “I have to go.”

He went into the hall and grabbed the bag he’d prepared with his passport and money for the trip to New Hampshire then strode out of the house to his car. I listened to the engine starting and then the wheels leaving the gravel drive and moving onto the road as he drove away.

“He’s right,” I said. “You have to go. Esme, you should…”

“No! I am staying with you. If there’s news of Bella while he’s gone, I will go with you to save her.”

I saw her resolution and nodded. I would prefer it if Emmett and Jasper were with us if and when we faced the nomads, but I understood their need to leave.

“Come on, Alice,” Jasper said stiffly. “Emmett, do you want to drive to the airport with us?”

Emmett stared at Rosalie, who wasn’t hiding her pain at what was happening, and said, “Yeah. We’ll come. What do you think about South America, Rosie?”

Rosalie winced. “I guess it’s as good a place as any.”

“No,” I said. “Don’t go there, and don’t tell us where you’re going. Aro can read minds, too, though he’s even more powerful than I am. If there’s a way I can protect you by stopping Demetri, I will, but if Aro comes, if he does choose to hunt us, he doesn’t need to know where you’re going.”

Rosalie pressed her hands to her face, absorbing what was happening and what it meant for us, and then she looked up and moved to hug Esme. She clung to her for a long moment, and then, choking back a sob, went outside to the car, casting me a mournful, _Goodbye, Edward,_ as she went. 

Emmett hugged Esme, clapped me on the shoulder, and followed her out, his thoughts a tangle of guilt and misery.

Jasper gave me a curt nod and then went to the door and waited as Alice said her goodbyes to Esme. Esme embraced her tenderly then turned away to hide her face as she sobbed.

Alice looked at me. _Am I doing the right thing? I can risk my life for this, but I can’t risk Jasper’s. Am I a monster?_

I shook my head. “You’re doing the right thing.” The words felt like a barb in my throat. “Keep looking. Tell us if you see anything. If you’re flying…”

“I _will_ call,” she vowed. “They can screw their rules.” Her face became filled with misery. _This is Carlisle… This is Bella…._

“It is,” I agreed. I gave her a swift hug for what might well be the last time and then passed her off to Jasper, who tugged her hand and led her outside.

Esme kept her face away, but when I placed an arm around her shoulders, she turned into me and buried her face in my chest. “I never thought this would happen,” she cried. “We’re losing them all.”

“We can come back together after,” I said.

“Can we?” she asked, leaning back to look at me. “What if the Volturi come for us?”

“Then we do what we can for each other,” I said. “I will protect you, Esme.”

She didn’t answer aloud, but her thoughts told me exactly what she already knew.

_You can’t protect me from them, Edward. All you can do is die before me._

I winced and closed my eyes. She was right. None of us were strong enough to defeat the Volturi if they came for us. We _might_ be able to put up a defense, there was the slightest chance I could kill Demetri, leaving the rest of my family with a fighting chance, but it would not save Esme’s life, or Carlisle’s and mine.

All I could do was hope that Carlisle was right, that the friendship he had with Aro would stop him from punishing the violation of the law.

Otherwise, we were going to die.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooo sorry for the late update. I've been ill so was staying with family, away from laptop. I'm home now, though, so I'm able to update—and write—again. I missed hearing from you all, too. I didn't fully appreciate how much support and encouragement I got from your comments and kudos before.

**_Carlisle_ **

It was late afternoon when I arrived in Volterra, eighteen hours after I started my first stage of the journey from Seattle. Bella had been gone for three days. That was at least three deaths if James continued his plan. That was three deaths too many.

I would avenge each and every one of them when I found her, find a way to make James feel the same pain and fear she had, and I would enjoy every moment of it. But I would not rush. Bella was my priority. I would see her safe, make her comfortable and show her there was no need for fear ever again, and then I would start the hunt James wanted.

If I made it out of Volterra alive, that was. If I died here, I would have to hope that Edward could save Bella before they came for him.

The choice to risk my family for this should not have been an easy one, and in a way, it wasn’t, but when it came down to the facts, it was never a choice to make. I loved them all, but Bella was my world. The fact I could be dooming them to a life on the run made me feel guilty, but it was not too high a price to pay for Bella’s safety.

The fact I was forced to wait before going to the castle was torture, but the late spring sun was high in the sky, and I couldn’t be seen outside. If there was one way to guarantee my death before I even had a chance to make my request of Aro, it was to expose myself in the city the ancients treasured.

I positioned my rental car in a shadowy alley close to the sewer entrance and watched the people pass by, enjoying the city. I could hear people in the cafés and restaurants nearby, laughing and talking, and their voices burned me. They were happy, free, safe. Bella was suffering even now, alone and scared, and they had no idea.

When twilight fell, I slipped out of my hiding place with a wave of relief and quickly entered the sewers.

They were rich with the scent of vampires as they were how the guard moved around the city during the day. I reached the steps that led up into the castle and scaled them at speed now I was free to use my enhanced abilities without notice.

I came to a wooden door that I pushed open and found myself in a plush decorated corridor which led into a lobby area with a human woman sitting at a desk.

She gave me a professional smile and said, “Bonum vesperam.”

“I need to see Aro,” I said in English.

She smiled slightly, and a curious look came into her eyes. “He is occupied at present. We have a tour group in the castle. If you would like to take a seat…”

“I don’t have time,” I snapped and walked right past her and through another door.

I entered in the older and more private section of the castle now. The walls were stone and unadorned with any decorations. I strode down them to the very end where a pair of heavy doors opened into the Volturi’s throne and feeding room.

I paused outside the doors and then pushed them open. The meal I had been expecting to interrupt was over. Felix was just dropping the last of the bodies through the open grate in which they were destroyed regularly with acid.

Aro was sitting on his throne placed between Marcus’ and Caius’, and the guard were assembled around the room. I felt their eyes on me as I strode in, and the smallest of them, Jane, gave me an appraising look.

I had never formed any connection to Jane in my time in Volterra. She was an unusually cruel vampire with a dark twist to her nature. The only people in the world she cared about, outside of the false connections made by Chelsea, were her brother and the ancients—Aro especially; she was devoted to him.

Aro’s eyes followed me as I walked forward, the guard stirring uneasily, and came to a stop in front of the now-closed grate.

“Carlisle,” Aro said happily. “My old friend, it is so good to see you again.”

“Aro,” I said. “I come for help.”

He frowned, perhaps disappointed by my lack of enthusiasm for our reunion.

He gestured me forward as he got to his feet and took three small steps away from his throne. Renata stayed at his side, her hand gripping the back of his robes and her expression fretful.

“Peace, Renata,” he said. “Carlisle means us no harm.”

Even if I did, I would be dead before I had moved more than a few paces towards him.

I reached Aro and held out my hand, knowing it was what he wanted as he preferred to know everything before he spoke openly.

He took it with a smile and bowed his head over it, his eyes drifting shut. It took time as I had three centuries of new thoughts and memories for him to sift through, and I held my breath as I waited.

When he raised his head and looked at me again, there was wonder in his eyes. “Well, Carlisle,” he said, “you have had quite the life since I saw you last.”

“I need help,” I said again.

He dropped my hand and held up his own to cut me off. “I know what you need, Carlisle. But you are here at my disposal.”

He drifted back to his throne and sat down. Marcus reached out a hand to him, and he gave it a fleeting touch and raised an eyebrow. “Yes, brother, that is strong.”

I was sure he was seeing the bond Marcus could see now that spread across the ocean to connect me to Bella.

Aro gave Felix a small nod, some communication of a long-established code, and Felix came to stand directly behind me. I knew he would be on me in an instant if given the command, to remove my head and burn me, and I tried to keep an outward show of calm while internally I was reeling at the thought that my mission to save Bella could end before I had a chance to plead my case.

“You have amassed quite the talented coven, haven’t you,” Aro said. 

Caius shifted in his throne and said, “What has he done, Aro?”

“Carlisle has created a _family_ of seven now,” Aro said. “A mind reader, a psychic, and an empath among them. Not to mention Emmett’s strength…” He tapped his chin. “I wonder who would be the victor in a fight between him and Felix.”

Felix gave a small growl that cut off with a sharp glance from Aro. 

“And he has found his mate,” Aro went on. “A dear girl called Bella. She lives up to her name; she’s quite the beauty, and she is special in her own way, isn’t she?”

I nodded. “She is.”

“She’s gifted, too?” Caius asked.

Aro smiled slightly. “Carlisle has found a Phoenix.

In spite of the fact I knew I should stay silent, I asked, “A Phoenix?”

Aro frowned slightly, and I snapped my teeth together to silence myself. I knew I had to tread carefully here, remember my need and not anger him. My situation was tenuous, and if I made one wrong move, Aro could give Felix the signal that would end me. The friendship I had hoped would save me here didn’t seem to be present now that he had read my mind and seen what I’d done.

“What is a Phoenix, Aro?” Caius asked.

“The most incredible thing,” Aro replied, turning to face his brother and excluding me from the explanation, though I could, of course, hear it. “It is a human that cannot die. No, that’s not technically true. She can die, but she will always come back. It’s witchcraft as ancient as vampirekind itself. I heard Phoenixes existed, but I have never met one.” He turned back to me. “I think I know the source of your mate’s ability to be reborn.” He turned to where Heidi stood, still dressed in the scanty clothes she wore to tempt the tour groups to the castle for feeding, and she gave Aro a look of obvious affection, the affection created by Chelsea. “Heidi, do you remember your sister, Victoria?” he asked.

Heidi looked puzzled, “Victoria? Yes.” Her eyes widened. “It was true? She was a witch?”

“I believe so,” Aro said. “I never saw her mind, but she is the only claimed witch I have met, and now she has crossed paths with Carlisle’s coven. She and her mate have captured Carlisle’s mate, Bella.”

My mind reeled. Victoria was the one that had gifted—or was it truly a curse the way she believed—Bella with her unending life? I had thought they’d taken Bella for the chase, for me to hunt them as James had so obviously wanted, but if Victoria had seen Bella and recognized her, surely she would want her, too.

“She was a witch,” Aro went on. “I wondered. I wish I had taken her, too, now.”

“I can find her for you, Master,” Demetri said, stepping forward.

Aro considered and said, “Perhaps in time. We have more pressing concerns now, like dear Carlisle’s sweet Bella.”

Caius narrowed his eyes and said, “Carlisle is in love with a human?”

“Yes, indeed,” Aro said. “And he has done more. He has exposed the secret to her.”

Caius hissed. “He told a human and let her live!”

Aro nodded gravely. “Technically, it was his son Edward that exposed us. He bit and killed Bella. When she came back to life, Carlisle told her everything she’d not guessed.”

“He must die,” Caius snarled, his crimson eyes fixed on me. “They all must. The one that bit her, the human, and Carlisle.”

I forced myself to keep completely still and not allow my fear to show itself. I was terrified, but my more pressing concern was still that I would not be able to save Bella from James and Victoria if I died.

“Perhaps…” Aro said thoughtfully. He looked around at his guard. “What do you think, dear ones? Should Carlisle be punished?”

I watched them as they all nodded dutifully and murmured, “Yes, Master.”

“What about the rest of his family?” he asked. “They are all complicit in the crime.”

“They must die, too,” Caius spat.

I couldn’t hide my fear this time, and I said, “Aro, please, the fault was mine. Edward was reacting to the scent of his singer’s spilled blood, and I was the one that told Bella everything. If you must punish someone, punish me, but… _please_ , let me save Bella first.”

Caius hissed. “You would ask for favors after what you did? You broke one of our most sacred laws, Carlisle.”

I fixed my pleading eyes on Aro and said, “I am begging you, spare them.”

I could imagine Alice’s fear and horror as she saw this conversation, the threat that was posed to her and the people she loved, and I hated that I was putting her through it, but I could not regret it; this was how I could save Bella.

“Tell me, Carlisle, what do you want?” Aro asked.

Though he already knew from his reading of my mind, he wanted me to say it aloud, to hear me beg, and I obliged. “I want Demetri to help me find Bella and save her. You can punish me after, I won’t even try to resist, but I must save her. She is being tortured by them. Each death is agony for her. Please, help me save her. She is my world. I can’t leave her to suffer like this.”

Caius glared at me. “You did this to her. You brought her into our world, a human.”

“Technically true,” Aro said. “They found her through you, didn’t they?”

I bowed my head. “I think so, yes.”

Aro gestured me forward again and retook my hand. I waited with bated breath for him to speak again.

“You love your family,” he stated. “And yet you came here today knowing that it could lead to their deaths. You willingly risked them for Bella.”

“I did.”

“And you know we will find them, no matter how far they run?”

“I do, but please don’t. They pose no risk to our world. They would never expose the secret again. Kill me if you must but leave them alive and help me save Bella first.” I fixed my imploring eyes on him. “I am begging you, Aro.”

Aro met my eyes, and a glint of something indefinable came into his. “I see no reason to kill them,” he said. “They are no threat to the secret now. They will have learned from this experience.”

My breath gusted out of me, and I said, “Thank you, Aro. Truly, I will never be able to repay you for your benevolence.”

“And Bella…” Aro said thoughtfully. “I think we can help her, too.”

I squeezed my eyes shut as the relief washed through me. I had accomplished more than I let myself dare to hope for here. My family would be safe, and Bella would be saved. It would come at the cost of my life, but that was a price I was willing to pay many times over for them all.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“My benevolence comes at a price, though, Carlisle,” he said. “I want something in exchange.”

I should have expected it, but I couldn’t keep the frown from my face. I quickly smoothed it away and said, “I will do anything you ask.”

He smiled slightly. “I know you will, but it’s not just you that I want. You have a talented coven, Carlisle. The price of my leniency is for them to serve when I call.”

I flinched. “I can’t force them to do anything, Aro. They are my family, not my subjects.”

“I know, but I think you could be very persuasive. And they all have affection for Bella, you believe. Do you imagine that they would refuse to offer their services in exchange for her safety?”

“I don’t know if they would be willing to join the guard,” I said honestly. “Our lives do not share the same drives or diets as yours. And they live free now.”

“I am not asking them to join the guard,” Aro said. “And I will probably never have need to call on them. We’ve lived in a time of peace for centuries. Only the Southern Wars, as your son Jasper knows so well, were a time of trouble for us.”

I found myself wincing as he mentioned Jasper’s name, but he didn’t comment. If I made this exchange, Jasper would not be happy. He would see it as me risking Alice again. But if I asked Alice, I _knew_ she would do it for me, for Bella. This might break Jasper and I apart, but I would accept that as the price of Bella’s safety.

“I cannot speak for them,” I said, though I hated admitting it, risking him changing his mind and refusing to spare them and help Bella. “I will do everything in my power to make them do as you ask, though.”

Aro appraised me for a moment and then said, “I am sure that will be enough. They can live, you all can, and Demetri will help you find Bella.”

“You cannot be serious, Aro!” Caius growled. “The law claims them.”

Aro turned back to him, and a moment of silent communication seemed to pass between them. Caius nodded slightly and sat back in his throne.

“You can live, and Bella can be saved, but…” Aro said pointedly, “we cannot allow this situation to continue. Bella cannot be left as human, or a Phoenix, with the knowledge she has. The only way we can guarantee she will keep the secret is if it is her to keep, too. She must be changed.”

I sucked in a breath. We’d never talked about Bella being changed as there was no need. Bella was eternal already. What cause could there be to doom her to a life of thirst and blood, hiding from the sun? But now there was cause. It could save her life.

“I will do it,” I vowed.

Aro smiled. “I knew you would. Our friendship is an old one, Carlisle, and I do not wish it to end on these terms. You can take Demetri to America to find your Bella. You _will_ change her, teach her the ways of our life and how to keep the secret. You will protect her. I can think of no one better to help Bella, and I have never had true desire to end your life. As long as you keep your part of the deal, change Bella and ensure she keeps the secret, I will not punish you. _Encourage_ your family to come to help when I call, and I will not come for retribution later.”

My hands clasped over my chest, and I drew a shaky breath. “Thank you, Aro. Truly, I will be forever in your debt for this.”

“You will,” he agreed. “I imagine you are ready to leave now.”

I nodded eagerly. “I am.”

Aro smiled and said, “Demetri, you can find the connection of Bella in Carlisle’s mind?”

Demetri stepped forward and said, “Think of the human.”

I fixed her in my mind, her face, her voice, and her scent. I willed it to work, for Demetri to find her so he could lead me to her, but Demetri shook his head.

“I can’t find it,” he said. “There’s an absence there.”

“I wondered,” Aro said. “She is silent to the mind reader, too. Carlisle, try the nomads.”

I focused on the hateful faces of the nomads and stared at Demetri as he nodded.

“I have one of them,” he said. “I can find them.”

Aro clapped his hands. “Very good. You can take the jet. Gianna can make the arrangements.”

I thanked him again and then started towards the door, but Caius called after me, “Carlisle, do not delay in changing her. We will come to see her soon.”

I nodded and said, “I will change her as soon as I can.” Mentally amending, as soon as she was ready. I was sure that Bella would agree to the change as soon as she knew the stakes.

She may not like it, would surely not be happy about it, but she would accept it. Though I hated that I had to do it for her, banish her from the sun and freedom to live as she had for three centuries.

It would save her, though, and that was what mattered.


	37. Chapter 37

**_Bella_ **

I was cowering against the wall of my new cell. This one, another windowless basement, was no different from the last two I’d been kept in, apart from one thing: I had no bucket here. I’d not had food or drink in days, so I didn’t need it anymore.

I was hungry, my stomach ached with the gnawing sensation, and my mouth and throat were parched, but I didn’t need anything else to live, and they must know that.

My clothes were filthy, and I could smell myself, but I was alive. These hours, the times I was left alone in the gloom, were the best. It was when they came to see me that I suffered.

I didn’t think James was sticking to the one death a day threat anymore, though it was hard to tell as I had no natural light here to track the time passing. There was just the dim unshaded bulb overhead. It seemed too often for a day to have passed each time, though, before James came to sate his thirst with my blood, and each time it got worse. The fear grew when he came in, the terror as he stalked towards me, and the pain as he drank. And finally, the horror as I was killed and was dragged back again to life.

And Carlisle hadn’t come yet.

The bolts disengaged from the door, and I shrank back. I had long since given up on trying to look strong for Alice to see. I had given up everything. They had broken me completely.

The door creaked open, and Victoria came down the steps to me. Her eyes were bright, which meant she had hunted. She never fed on me; that was James’ pleasure to enjoy. She must be going out to find her meals in the town or city we were close to. I had no idea where we were. Sometimes I was dead when we traveled, sometimes I was just trapped in the dark trunk. I had no sense of time anymore.

“Hello, Bella,” she said in her babyish voice. “James said I could come to see you.”

I had long since realized that James and Victoria had a different relationship to any of the couples I’d seen in the Cullen family. She loved him, adored him even, but I didn’t think he felt much for her. He was dismissive when he spoke to her and gave no signs of affection. I thought she was some kind of tool to him, perhaps just a partner for his capture and imprisonment of me.

I was sure that she didn’t see that, though; she was blinded by love.

She came to a stop in front of me and squatted down so our faces were close. I winched away, turning my face to the side.

She grabbed my chin and forced my head back to look at her. “Do you want to hear a story, Bella?”

“No,” I said, though I knew I had no choice in it.

“Tough,” she snapped. “I want to tell you one, so you can listen to it.”

She released my chin, and I nodded.

“Do you want to know why I cursed you?” she asked. “You don’t remember it, do you? You didn’t recognize me, after all. Tell me, Bella, how long did you search for answers before you gave up and accepted your fate.”

In spite of myself, I wanted to know the answer to my curse, so I said, “I searched for years; I tried everything and everyone I could think of. It took me centuries before I stopped trying, and I never stopped wanting to know.”

She smirked. “Good.” She patted my cheek and leaned back to appraise me. “It was the man that made me do it,” she said. “We had been living in the sewers of London for a long time, taking the anonymous poor and destitute to hunt when we could risk it, and we were unnoticed. Until he came…” She sneered at me. “He brought those men. We were weak and thirsty, hiding. They brought human weapons that were useless, but they brought fire. Do you know what fire does to a vampire?”

I shook my head. “No. Carlisle never told me.”

She smiled cruelly. “He left you in the dark as much as I did, didn’t he? The only thing that can kill a vampire is another vampire, apart from the Children of the Moon, and they are almost extinct. It takes the teeth of the beasts or a vampire to break our skin. The only true end for us is the fire.”

I tried to conceal my reaction, but I felt a surge of hope, knowing that there was a way for a vampire to die. When Carlisle found me, and I was still praying that he would, he would be able to end James and Victoria. He would not come alone, I was sure. All his family would gather to save me. They would destroy James and Victoria, and I would finally be safe.

“But fire… fire hurts. It wounds up in a way nothing should. It’s an instinctual fear of ours because of the power it has. And they brought it to us.”

A dark look came into her eyes, and I held my breath and waited for the pain I was sure was coming. She surprised me, though, giving me a glare that faded into a smug smile.

“Marius was our leader. He was ancient, old as the Volturi themselves, and he caught the one you love. He was thirsty and so bit him, but then they came too close with the fire, so he ran.” She frowned slightly. “We thought your lover was dead; he should have been dead. I was angry about it as I’d wanted to punish him, but we had to hide. We cowered in the sewers, and then you came.”

I stared at her with wide eyes. I had come for Carlisle, and because of it, I’d been cursed. If not for the pain of each death and return, I would call it a blessing as it had led me to Carlisle again.

“We heard the men with fire saying his name… _Carlisle_ … and the way they said it made us sure he was their leader. You said his name when you came, too. And he…” She smiled beatifically. “He said yours. His last words as a human was your name. And you said his, you were looking for him, so I knew it had to be you that paid. I knocked you unconscious, and when you woke, you were asking for him. It was fate that you found us. You were the one I could punish.”

She closed her eyes, and a smile spread across her face as she remembered. I waited with bated breath.

“I knew you loved him, and I knew he loved you. I put the curse on you, never to have end. I wanted you to search for him, to always know the pain of what you’d lost, and then for enough time to pass for you to know he was gone forever. I wanted you to suffer… Did you suffer, Bella?”

“Yes,” I whispered.

I’d had a long and incredible life, but I had still suffered. Each death was a trauma, and each resurrection left a dark mark in my mind to be banished and avoided at all costs.

“Good,” she said smugly.

“I didn’t remember, though,” I said. “I didn’t remember him at all until I found him again, and even then, it took time.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “You didn’t know… You didn’t search… Then it wasn’t the perfect punishment I wanted.”

“It was bad enough,” I said, hoping I could divert her from making me suffer more.

She didn’t look appeased, and I saw her hand twitch. I braced myself for pain, but it didn’t come. She laid her hands flat on her knees and said, “I will take what I can get. Perhaps you didn’t suffer enough then, but you will suffer now. James had a plan for a chase, for your Carlisle to come and hunt us, but I had a better idea. You don’t need to be lost. I am going to put you somewhere you can’t escape until the chase is over and your vampires are dead. Only then will we come back for you. We will take you and keep you forever. Or at least until James is tired of you.”

There was something in her eyes now that made me sure she was jealous. Perhaps it was because there was something I could give him that she couldn’t: my blood. Or perhaps it was just with me there that he gave her less attention. Whichever it was, I knew it was going to cause me pain.

“What are you going to do to me?” I asked, unable to keep the tremor from my voice.

She laughed softly. “Tell me, Bella, in all your deaths, have you ever been buried alive?”

I flinched, and a wave of horror filled me.

“Tell me!” she snarled.

A tear slipped down my cheek, and I shook my head. “No. I always came back in time to get away.”

“Then this will be a first for you, won’t it?”

The idea terrified me; I couldn’t bear the thought. If I was lucky, I would have a coffin, so each death would come from lack of oxygen, but they could be cruel and just bury me in dirt. I would come back and then suffocate on earth again and again. I would be in hell.

“How many times have you died, Bella?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered.

She slapped me across the face, hard enough to jerk my head to the side and leave burning pain, but not hard enough to break bones.

“Don’t lie! You must know. Each death must feel like hell. It must be seared in your memory. How many times?”

I licked my lips, on the point of answering, facing the horror of the number that I tried to forget each time it happened and a new death was added to the tally, but then she jerked to her feet, and her head snapped to the side.

“What’s happening?” I asked.

She didn’t answer. She grabbed my chin and wrenched my head to the side, snapping my neck. I was dead before I could form another thought.

Again.

xXx

**_Carlisle_ **

Demetri pointed north into the trees and said, “You will find them there. I do not have orders to fight with you.”

So I was alone. I didn’t care. Bella was so close now, I would be able to save her, so nothing else mattered. The fact there were two hostile vampires between her and me didn’t stop me racing ahead.

I saw a house loom in front of me, an old farmhouse with a red barn to the left and rolling fields surrounding it, and I ran towards it.

I could smell them, and the fainter scent of Bella. I searched for the sound of a heartbeat as I ran but could hear nothing. I worried that meant they had moved her again, but their scents were strong, which made me think it was the other, horrible reason for her pulse to be absent.

But I was coming. It would be the last death she suffered.

I heard a scream, the woman shouting to the man, and I sprinted towards it. I reached the house and kicked open the door, flying inside. 

The man stood with his arms crossed over his chest, a smug smile in place, and the woman stood behind him, her red eyes bright with amusement.

“You came alone,” James said.

“I did,” I agreed. “I don’t need help to end you.”

That wasn’t true, I probably did need help, but I was going to win this battle because I had the bigger reason to fight than they did.

I charged at the man, my teeth bared and a growl slipping from me, and was met by the woman who jumped in front of him and tackled me to the ground with a sound like boulders colliding as they tumbled down a mountain.

Her teeth snapped in my face, and I grabbed her throat and pushed her away. The man seemed content to watch us fight, which I was relieved by. If they both set on me at once, I would be hard pushed to defend myself.

I brought up a knee and rolled us so that I was pinning her down with my knees on her shoulders. She writhed and called to the male, who gave what I thought was a sigh and then kicked me away from her.

I rolled and jumped to my feet again to find they were both facing me in crouches, prepared to attack.

“What did you do to Bella?” I asked.

James chuckled. “You really want to know? Wouldn’t you rather beg for your life than face the horror of what we did to the woman you love?”

“What did you do?” I bellowed.

James licked his lips. “I fed on her. I drank her down so many times, and it was never enough. When you’re dead, I will feed again, but first, I will show her your head being thrown on a fire. Only then, when she is drowning in despair, will I give her the relief of death again. That won’t last, of course; she’ll soon be back and ready for me to feed.” He smiled rapaciously. “She has the sweetest blood. Almost as good as that little psychic smelled. Mary Alice…”

“I will kill you,” I growled, taking a step to the side and him countering with one of his own.

“Have you ever heard a neck snapping?” James asked. “It’s the most wonderful sound. The grind of bones and then the crack as it breaks. I will never tire of it. And Bella will never stop feeling it. And then, when your coven comes to avenge you, when Alice tells them what she sees me do to you and her, I will have my chase.”

“They’re already on their way,” I lied. “They will be here soon. They will watch as I end you.”

Victoria shifted onto the balls of her feet, preparing to spring, and I braced myself. I wanted to get to Bella, but I wanted her to be safe more. 

“They’re not,” James said smugly. “You would have all come together if they were still with you. What happened? Did they decide to let your human die? Did you ask too much of them? Or are they just cowards that aren’t willing to risk their lives for a human?”

“They would never abandon me,” I said. “They are close.”

“I really don’t think so,” James said.

“You’re wrong!” The voice came from outside, and I felt a surge of relief. It was Edward, he was coming to help me as I knew he would. I’d told him the town we were in when Demetri had nailed it down, but I hadn’t known he would come in time. I couldn’t have waited, though, not while Bella was suffering.

Victoria backed away a step, and James grinned. “Here comes the chase,” he said.

Edward ran through the door and charged at James with a snarl. Victoria tried to intervene, but Edward heard her intent before she moved, and he was ducking under her reaching hands and turning to shove her away.

I launched myself at her and then heard the sound of a heaving breath, a sob, and the pounding of a heart.

Bella was alive.

“Go to Bella,” Edward shouted. “I’ve got them.”

I couldn’t resist the need to go, even though I was leaving him to face two vampires alone. I ran from the room and followed the sound of Bella’s heartbeat through a door, down a flight of steps into a basement, and to her side, where she cowered on the earthen floor with her hands covering her face and her shoulders shaking with sobs.

I enfolded her in my arms and stroked her face. “Bella! Love, I am here. I’m here. I’ve got you. Look at me.”

She raised her face, and her eyes widened. “You came!” Her sobs came harder, and she buried her face against me and cried, “You came! You’re here!”

“I am. I will never let you go again.” I peppered her hair with kisses, stroked her and soothed. I was lost in her, only pulled out of my focus when I heard a shout of pain above, and then Edward’s voice shouting, “Carlisle!”

“I have to go help Edward,” I said, forcing myself to ease Bella away from me and run back upstairs. I heard her cries following me.

I raced into the kitchen in time to see James sink his teeth into Edward’s throat, with Victoria holding his arms. I knew James’ intent, knew Edward was a split second away from being decapitated. I threw myself at James and shoved him away then kicked Victoria in the chest. 

Edward rolled onto his back with his hand pressed to his throat, where there was a deep recess in his skin, and he groaned, “Stop them.”

“Run, James!” Victoria screamed.

I saw James’ indecision, and I used it to my advantage. I pinned him to the ground and, with a swift slice of my teeth, broke the skin and tore away his head.

Victoria screamed, and I jumped up, preparing to attack her next, but she was already flying out of the door, her red hair streaming behind her.

“Go after her,” Edward said, panting through his pain.

I wanted to, I wanted to end her in revenge, but my son was hurting and Bella needed me. I moved to his side and pushed away his hand, seeing the deep bite in his throat.

“Where’s the piece?” I asked.

Edward looked to the side, and I saw the small piece of flesh in the corner where it had evidently been spat. I grabbed it and pushed it into his hand.

“Can you do it?” I asked. “Bella…”

“Go,” he said. “She needs you more.”

He was right. I jumped to my feet and ran out of the room towards the basement, hearing another familiar voice behind me. Esme had arrived.

“Carlisle! Is she okay? Is Edward? I tried to keep up, but he was too fast.”

“He’s in there,” I said, pointing back. “He’s hurt.”

Esme made a small sound of pain and rushed to Edward as I ran to Bella.

She was cowering against the wall, her face hidden against her drawn-up knees. I lifted her into my arms and held her close to me, carefully limiting my strength so as not to crush her to me as my heart yearned to.

“Are they dead?” she asked.

“James is. Victoria ran.”

“She left him?” she asked. “But she loved him.”

“Not enough to die for him,” I said. “But we’ll find her, I promise.”

She buried her face in my shoulder. “I was so scared, Carlisle,” she whimpered.

My heart ached, and my voice was unsteady as I said, “I know. I’m so sorry. But I have you now. I will never let anyone hurt you again.”

“I know.”

There was no doubt in her tone, which relieved me and doomed me in equal measure.

I had told her no one would hurt her again, but I was lying. I was going to hurt her. She was going to suffer the change next, very soon, and she had no choice in it. But I had her. I could protect her.

She would have one more rebirth, and then her pain and suffering would be over forever.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you that celebrate, Merry Christmas. For those of you that don't, Happy Friday. For those of you that are hiding in the bathroom to read this while family clamor at the door, calling you out for dinner or party games, you can get through this. We all survived 2020, so one day filled with family is totally achievable without committing murder.

**_Carlisle_ **

Bella had not wanted to go back to Forks, though it was closer to where we’d found her than our new home, so we drove through the day and night to get to New Hampshire.

Throughout the journey, she had stayed curled into my side on the back seat as Edward drove and Esme rode shotgun. She would sometimes sleep, and other times just stare down at her hands. No words I said seemed to reach her, but her heartbeat responded to the sound of my voice.

I felt desperate. Though I had Bella back with me, safe, she was still traumatized, and I had to add another trauma to her score when I told her about her destined change.

“We’re almost there,” Edward said quietly, taking a turn onto a dirt road.

“Bella,” I said, stroking her cheek. “Are you ready to see our new home?”

She sat up and rubbed her eyes.

Edward steered us along a curve in the road, and then we were driving into a large clearing with a magnificent house set within a meadow of grass and wildflowers.

“It’s beautiful,” Bella said dutifully.

In the front seat, Esme gave a small sigh and turned to say, “I’m glad you like it, Bella,” with a tentative smile.

The house was made of red brick and dark wood that made it look as though it was blending into the forest around it. The windows were high and wide with small panes of glass set into wooden frames painted brown, and the roof was red tile. There was a dark wood porch that wrapped around the house, and there was a swing there just like the one Emmett had crafted for my Forks home. It was much larger than my and Bella’s Forks’ houses combined, but not as grand as the houses I’d shared with my family. Bella and I would have all the space we needed here without feeling lost in it.

Edward steered the car to a halt outside and cut the engine. Before I could say anything, he was opening the door on Bella’s side and offering her a hand to help her out. I was amazed and proud of the way Edward was handling his close proximity to Bella’s scent. He had been fine throughout the long drive, and though his eyes were dark now, I saw that he was entirely in control.

Bella took his hand and climbed out, and I met her and wrapped an arm around her, replacing Edward, who whispered, “I need to hunt,” and disappeared into the trees.

“I am going to go with Edward,” Esme said, touching Bella’s arm and then slipping a set of keys into my hand. “We’ll be back soon. Bella, try to rest now.”

Bella smiled at her and nodded, but when Esme had disappeared, she leaned her weight against me and sighed out a long breath. I guessed she had been fighting to put up a good show of strength while we had company and was now allowing herself to show just how weak she felt.

“Let’s get you inside,” I said. “Do you want me to carry you?”

“No,” she said, getting her feet under her again. “I’m fine.”

I led her up the steps and to the door, unlocked it with the key Esme had given me, and gestured her inside.

Like the Forks house, this door led straight into the living area with a small wood floor entrance area decorated with a coat stand and table that led onto the blue carpeted living space. The walls were a soft grey offset with the navy couches and chairs. The walls were unadorned by any art as all our belongings were on the opposite side of the room in the packing boxes that had been delivered. I knew other boxes were in other rooms as they’d been labeled.

A staircase led upstairs on the left, and there were two doors that I assumed led into the kitchen and a downstairs bathroom. 

“Do you want to eat?” I asked.

"No. I am hungry. They didn't…" She shrugged. "But I don't think my stomach can handle food yet. I just want to clean up. I can still smell that place on me."

With Bella leaning against my side, we made our way upstairs into the bedroom, which had more boxes, but the bed was made, and one of the suitcases of Bella's clothes was on the chaise lounge under the window.

“I’ll run you a bath,” I said.

She sat on the edge of the bed, and I went into the bathroom, noting the spacious dimensions, the large tub which would hold Bella and I together comfortably with a showerhead attachment, and the sizable glass-walled shower with double wash heads.

I looked into a cupboard and found stacks of towels and washcloths with soap and shampoo. I took what I needed, set them on the side of the tub, then started the water running.

While the tub filled, I went into the bedroom where Bella was sitting with her eyes downcast, and I said, “Let’s get you out of those clothes.”

They smelled bad and were grimy from the earth floor and dirty stone walls of the cell Bella had been kept in.

She started to unbutton her shirt, but I replaced her hands with mine, moving much faster. I slipped the sleeves off her shoulders and then tugged up the vest she was wearing beneath and slipped it over her head when she raised her arms. I undid the clasp of her black pants, slipped them down with her underwear as she stood, then unfastened her bra and tossed it onto the floor.

With Bella naked but still bearing the grime of her captivity, I took her hand and led her into the bathroom. The tub was filled, and I turned off the water, checked the temperature, and then said, “Are you ready?”

Bella nodded and, holding my hand, stepped over the side of the tub and allowed herself to sink into the water.

I shed my own clothes and got in with her, guiding her so that she was leaning against my chest. For a moment, I just held her, and then I picked up the washcloths, squeezed on the soap, and began to wash her.

Bella didn’t speak as I cleaned her up, but she lifted her arms and turned to me so that I could wash her legs when I instructed. When I washed her hair, massaging the shampoo into her scalp, she sighed and smiled.

“That feels so good.”

I kissed her cheek. “I’m glad.”

I rinsed the shampoo out of her hair and conditioned it, and then, with the water starting to cool, climbed out and helped her up to be wrapped in a towel.

She pressed herself against my chest, and I embraced her for a long moment, and then we went into the bedroom, and she sat down while I searched in the suitcase for the softest pajamas I could find.

Bella toweled herself off and then allowed me to dress her and then settled between my legs as I rubbed her hair with the towel until it was dry, taking an extraordinarily little amount of time with my speed.

“What do you want to do now?” I asked.

“Sleep,” she said. “Just for a little while.”

“Of course,” I said, pulling back the covers and helping her to settle under them. She wriggled down the bed until she was comfortable, and then I slipped in behind her and curled around her back, one hand pressed over her heart.

“Rest, Bella,” I said softly. “I’ll be here when you wake.”

“I know,” she whispered, and then placed her hand over mine and nestled her head into the pillow.

She was asleep within minutes, and I let myself just relax with her and savor the feeling of her heart beating against my hand. 

xXx

I laid curled around Bella as she slept. Occasionally she would stiffen, and she'd make a small sound of pain as, I was sure, her dreams haunted her. Other times, she would lean into me and give a small sigh that seemed happier.

Watching her was both a pleasure and a pain for me. I was so relieved to have her back, to be able to feel her warmth and watch her breaths, but seeing the evidence of her pain that showed even in rest was agony.

I would never forgive myself for letting her be taken, for not protecting her, and I would spend forever making up for it.

And we had forever.

It had seemed perfect before. Bella would be with me always, never dying again with me at her side to protect her, but now eternity came at a price.

She had to be changed, and I still hadn’t told her.

Edward and Esme were downstairs, I could hear them talking, and Rosalie and Emmett had returned already. They'd come back from Norway where they'd gone to the far north to hide, but Alice and Jasper weren't back yet from Russia, where they'd been heading to hide in Siberia.

The distances my family had gone to protect themselves made me sad. I hated that I had put them in a position to need such distance, but I could not regret it. The choice I had made to go to Aro for help had led to Bella’s rescue. The fact the true price of that rescue was still to be paid made me hope Alice and Jasper would take a long time to reach us.

I was going to have to admit what I had done for Bella, what it was going to cost them if and when Aro called.

I had told Aro I couldn’t force them to do anything, I had said they were my family, not subjects, but I had still put them in this position.

Edward would go wherever they ordered, do whatever they needed, without thought, and I believed Emmett and Rosalie would, too. Alice would want to, but Jasper was going to fight against it for all of them. He would see what I had done as a betrayal. Perhaps it was. Still, I did not regret it more than I blessed what it had done for me.

Bella stirred, and her breaths came faster.

“It’s okay, love,” I whispered. “I’m here. You’re safe.”

“Carlisle?” she asked, her voice fogged with sleep.

“I’m here. Rest now.”

She sighed and settled again.

I kissed her hair and allowed her heartbeat to lull me into a kind of rest myself. She was a miracle, my miracle, and she was with me again.

I heard the sound of a car approaching, and Edward called up to me, “It’s Alice and Jasper, Carlisle.”

I sighed. I needed to talk to them, to face them, but I wasn’t ready to leave Bella alone.

I buried my face in her hair and ignored the sounds of car doors opening and closing, the footsteps on the porch and voices greeting each other, and the rustle of embraces.

“Where’s Carlisle?” Jasper asked, his voice more of a growl than speech.

“With Bella,” Edward replied.

“How is she?” Alice asked.

“Resting,” Esme said sadly. “She’s exhausted. Traumatized. She needs him with her.”

“And we need him with us,” Jasper said.

“We have time,” Esme said. “Let them be together now.”

I heard the sounds of people taking seats, but I knew Jasper wasn’t one of them as there was the sound of a hand patting a cushion, and Alice was saying, “We do have time, Jazz. Come sit with me.”

“No,” Jasper said. “I want to talk to Carlisle now. I need to know what happened in Volterra. I _know_ Demetri didn’t come out of the goodness of his heart, so I want to know what it’s cost us. You said they’re not coming for us, Alice.”

“They’re not,” Alice interjected. “I swear.”

“But they want something,” Jasper went on. “You said you couldn’t tell me what you saw, so I want to hear it from Carlisle.”

I heard footsteps moving to the stairs and then Edward’s harsh voice as, I assumed, he cut Jasper off. “You can’t go up there, Jasper. They need privacy.”

Jasper raised his voice. “Carlisle! You come down here, or I’m coming to you. I want answers.”

I knew he would come, and as little as I wanted to leave Bella alone, I wanted him up here with her even less.

Reassuring myself that I could be with her in a heartbeat if she stirred again, I eased myself away from her and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be close,” I whispered.

She nuzzled into the pillow and sighed out a soft breath. 

I tucked the blanket around her and slipped from the room.

I raced out of the room and down the stairs to where Jasper waited at the bottom with his arms crossed over his chest. I moved around him without making eye contact and went to Alice, who had stood to meet me and hugged me briefly, then whispered, "I'm sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry the woman got away.”

“I will find her,” I vowed. “She will die. But not until it is a fight we can all share together. I won’t leave Bella again.”

Alice stared into my eyes and nodded. She knew what had happened in Volterra, the deals I had made for both Bella’s life and their own. I was grateful that she had chosen to keep it secret, to allow me to tell them myself. I owed them the story in my own words as I was the one that deserved to see their anger and hear their accusations.

Also, by not telling Jasper, Alice had ensured that they would come back here. Once they knew, I believed Jasper would insist they leave again. That would hurt me, but I wouldn’t blame him. If Bella was the one that would have to serve to keep my promise, I would steal her away, too.

I sat down on the armchair and leaned forward with my hands clasped in my lap and head bowed.

“Sit down, Jasper,” Edward instructed. “You’ll hear what you need to hear.”

I watched through my peripheral vision as Jasper sat down beside Alice, and I felt the influence of his impatience and simmering anger that he was projecting, probably without realizing.

“What did you do, Carlisle?” he asked.

I raised my eyes, looked from face to face, and then said, “The Volturi are not coming for us. I was allowed to leave with Demetri to help find Bella without it costing our lives.”

“Yeah,” Emmett said. “Alice told us. But there’s more to it than that, isn’t there? They wouldn’t have given you that for nothing.”

I nodded. “I made a deal with them for our lives and their help. In exchange for Demetri’s services and our safety, I said that we would all serve them when they called.”

Jasper gave a roar and jumped to his feet. “You’ve sold us to the Volturi! You sold _Alice_ to them!”

I couldn’t defend myself or make excuses as his anger was justified, so I nodded and said, “I’m sorry.”

“We’ve got to join the guard?” Rosalie asked, her tone carefully measured but her eyes blazing.

“No. It will be for one time only. And it may never come. Our kind has lived in peace for centuries. Apart from the Southern Wars, there has been no true threat since the time of the Immortal Children. There is no reason it will ever happen again. We may be able to live the rest of our lives without ever being summoned.”

“Or they might call us tomorrow!” Jasper shouted. “This could kill us!”

“Unlikely,” Edward said. “We will be on the side of Jane and Alec. They have never been defeated. Us being there would just be a formality.”

“ _Alice_ would be a formality?” Jasper asked incredulously. “Edward, think what she can do. No gift Alec or Jane have can touch that. Aro would have the future at his fingertips with her. You don’t think he’d want that?”

“He might,” Edward said. “But Carlisle only agreed to one instance of assistance.”

Jasper scoffed. “ _Might! Carlisle agreed!_ If Aro wants her, he will take her. He won’t care what you agreed.”

I flinched but didn’t speak up. In truth, there was an even bigger risk than Aro coming to take Alice. He had a way to make her go willingly. With Chelsea on his side, he could change Alice’s allegiances in an instant. Alice may leave us voluntarily. They all might.

Jasper did not seem to know that, though; Chelsea wasn’t as infamous as Jane and Alec as her power was more subtle, though just as dangerous. I wasn’t a brave enough man to tell him, and from the small nod I saw Edward give me, I knew he wasn’t going to tell them either.

“That’s not all he agreed,” Alice said, her voice small. “Carlisle and Bella have a price to pay, too, Jazz.”

Jasper snorted. “Good. They’re the ones that did this to us.”

“No!” I growled. “ _I_ was the one; Bella did nothing wrong. She was the victim. She’s still the victim! Bella has to be changed. Aro feels she can only keep the secret if it is hers to keep, too.”

“She _has to be_ changed?” Rosalie asked angrily. “She has no choice?”

“No, none,” I said. “It was the only way to save her life. I haven’t told her yet.”

Rosalie fixed her eyes on me and said, “You can’t do that to her, Carlisle. You have to let her choose.”

“How?” Edward asked. “The only alternative is for her to die, but she can’t. Aro will want her silenced, and since he can’t kill her, he will take her to Volterra to live in isolation instead.”

I flinched as the horrific thought settled over me. Bella would be a prisoner all over again, surrounded by human-drinking vampires, probably haunted by the screams of the victims as they were brought in for the ancients and guard to feed. 

“Yes,” Jasper said, his tone smug. “You’re scared now. You know how I feel.”

“I do,” I said, raising my head to look at him. “And I am so sorry for what might happen, but you know you would do the exact same thing if you were in my place.”

Jasper glared at me, but he didn’t deny it.

“You all would,” Edward said. “Carlisle made a choice. Do I want to serve the Volturi? No. I hate the thought of it, but I will do it. It’s not going to risk our lives. This is the best-case scenario. None of us will die for Bella’s rescue. The worst that can happen is that we are uncomfortable for a while working for them. That isn’t too high a price to pay for Bella’s safety.”

“It’s not,” Alice agreed. “Carlisle would do this for any of us in a heartbeat if we asked. He’s asking us to do it for him.”

“He’s not asking!” Jasper snapped. “We have no choice. It’s already done.”

Alice shrugged. “It’s done then. I don’t mind my part of the price. Do you really?”

Jasper fixed his eyes on her and said, “I would die for you, but I will not risk your life for anything—not for Carlisle, not for anyone. We’re leaving. If Aro wants us, he can come find us.”

Alice’s face fell, and then she seemed to brace herself. “If you leave, you’re going without me, and I wish you wouldn’t. I ran with you when it was about our lives, your life, but it’s not that anymore. Carlisle and Bella need us. Bella is going to be a newborn. We have to be here to help them. We need you and your experience.”

“Not necessarily,” Emmett said. “We can handle one newborn between us.”

Edward shot him a sharp look and said, “Emmett, we need everyone for this. If we can’t control Bella, if she slips…”

Emmett shrugged. “I don’t like the thought of her killing anyone either, but I slipped, and I’m fine. Hell, you killed Bella and you’re okay.”

“I am not okay!” Edward growled. “You can’t possibly believe that I am! I _killed_ Bella, my father’s reason for being. Do you really think that doesn’t haunt me every single day?”

Emmett pressed his lips into a thin line. "Yeah, okay, I'm sorry, but I'm just saying we'll be okay. If Jazz and Alice need to go, we'll cope." He looked at me. "I don't want to do anything for the Volturi, but I don't have the same risk Jasper does. Alice is gifted, she's probably the one Aro would want more than any of us, but me and Rose have nothing to offer."

“We’re not leaving,” Alice stated. “I won’t leave my family behind again. We need to be here to help Bella. You can go without me…”

Jasper glared at her. “You know I never would.”

Alice looked sad. “I do, but that doesn’t change my mind.”

Jasper spun on his heel and marched out of the house.

“Where are you going?” Alice called after him.

“To hunt,” Jasper said without looking back. “If we’re going to be dealing with a newborn, we all need to be as strong as we can be.”

“He’s right,” Edward said. “We all should. And Bella and Carlisle need time alone. Carlisle, when are you going to do it?”

I pressed my hand to my forehead. “I don’t know. When she’s ready. I know we can’t delay long, but I want her to make the choice of when. None of you had that chance.”

Edward nodded. “Then we’ll hunt now and go home. You must hunt, too. Call us when you need us. We will give you as much privacy as we can, but we have to be here when she wakes up.”

“Thank you,” I said. “I’ll call when it’s time.”

They all got to their feet, and Emmett nudged my shoulder with a fist then followed Alice and Edward out of the door. Rosalie paused in front of me and said, "Emmett's right. They're not going to want us, but even if they did, I'd do it for you and Bella. We all would. Jasper is different…"

“I know,” I said.

Jasper had never been a part of our family the way the rest of us were. He stayed with us for Alice, but he would be just as happy to be alone with her. 

Rosalie kissed my cheek then slipped out of the door.

Esme stared at the door and said, "If you're going to bite her, you need to hunt first. I can be with her when you go. Call me when you need me."

I hugged her and said, “Thank you, Esme.”

She rested her head against my chest. “I would pay the price if they wanted me, too, Carlisle. You have given me this new life, this family, and I will never be able to repay you for it. And Jasper will calm down in time. Alice will help him.”

I hoped so. Jasper would be essential in Bella’s first days and months, not just for his experience. He could calm her through the newborn madness.

We were going to need him.


	39. Chapter 39

**_Bella_ **

I woke to the feeling of cool kisses over my cheeks, and I opened my eyes and saw Carlisle’s face above mine. I smiled at him and lifted my face to kiss him on the lips.

“How do you feel?” he asked, his brow furrowed with concern.

“Better.”

I knew I’d had nightmares, but they were vague and unfocused now, already fading from my mind. I felt more peaceful now that I was rested, clean, and with the man I loved. 

“Hungry?”

I considered, and my stomach chose that moment to growl, which made us both laugh. “Apparently, I am. But I want to just lie here another minute.”

“You didn’t eat at all when they had you, did you?” he asked.

“No, and I didn’t have anything to drink, but that’s not really a problem for me. My body doesn’t need it like other people’s.”

He frowned. “It must have been uncomfortable, though.”

I grimaced. I had felt the hunger clawing at my stomach, the fact my throat and mouth were parched, but it hadn’t hurt me the way it would someone else. And Edward had bought me water when we’d stopped for gas, so the main discomfort had passed quickly.

“Eat, Bella,” he said. “I promise I’ll be with you.”

There was something in his eyes as he made the vow that made me think there was a lie hidden in it. I looked at his eyes, noting how dark they were for the first time, how deep the shadows were beneath them.

“You’re hungry, too,” I said, running a finger under his eyes. “You need to hunt.”

He looked pained for a moment. “Yes, I do, but I will wait until someone can be here for you. Esme is going to come back. She’s delivered some food and gone home for a while.”

“Are they all there?” I asked.

“They are.”

I frowned. I was confused by the fact it was only Carlisle, Edward, and Esme that had come when I’d been rescued. I’d expected them all to come. I had a feeling there was something behind their absence, something more than caution for themselves, and I wanted to know what it was. I would wait until Carlisle volunteered the information, though, as I thought it was going to trouble him to talk about.

Carlisle climbed out of bed and helped me up. I held his hand, and we walked together out of the room and down the stairs.

I hadn’t paid much attention to the inside of the house when we'd arrived, and exhaustion had swamped me when we'd finally reached it, but now I saw it was as beautiful within as it was outside. Though I had a vague memory of boxes when I'd passed through the living room before, they were gone now, and our belongings were dotted around. On the opposite wall, leaning sideways on one arm, was a wooden cross.

I gasped. “Carlisle, is that… It can’t be, can it?”

Carlisle saw where I was looking, and he smiled. “It is my father’s, yes. I went back to Long Acre after the Great Fire and took it away. He had died two years before, but the church had escaped the fire. It had been abandoned; I suppose no one took over the congregation after him. I wanted something from before with me, even though I had lost the most important thing.” He touched my cheek. “I could remember you in its shadow when I saw it.”

I crossed the room and touched the dark wood. It was cool to my touch and as smooth as it looked. I remembered it hanging over the pulpit where Elias Cullen had preached. It was strange to touch a piece of my old life here in my new one.

I would have stared longer, but my stomach gave another growl, and Carlisle chuckled and led me into the kitchen. It wasn’t as spacious as the living area, but it was large enough for a six-burner stove, a huge stainless-steel fridge, and counter island, as well as a table and four chairs. There were appliances on the counter, including, wonderfully, a coffee maker.

“Did Esme buy coffee?” I asked hopefully.

“She did,” Carlisle said. “Take a seat, and I will make some. What would you like to eat? We have a selection to choose from?”

“I think a sandwich would be enough,” I said. “I don’t want to overload too soon. I’ll make something better for dinner.”

Carlisle smiled, though it looked a little forced, and gestured me to sit as he went to the counter and started coffee brewing and then opened the fridge and pulled out the fixings for a sandwich.

I watched him as he worked, his swift movements still graceful, and then beamed as he placed a plate in front of me with a large sandwich.

“Is it okay?” he asked.

“It’s big,” I said. “But it looks delicious.”

“Eat as much as you like,” he said, leaning across the counter to touch my hand.

I took a bite, and my stomach received it gratefully. I didn’t fully realize how hungry I was until I started, and I had to force myself to take my time eating it.

When the coffee was ready, Carlisle poured me a mug and set it in front of me. I exchanged bites with sips of the coffee, which tasted like nectar after so long without it. 

When I had eaten my fill, I pushed away my plate and said, “Thank you. I needed that more than I realized.”

“I’m sure,” he said softly.

I looked around the kitchen again and said, “Esme excelled herself in here. I’ve always wanted a six-burner stove. I’m going to have all kinds of fun with it.”

Carlisle flinched, but his tone was cheerful as he said, “She’ll be pleased to hear you like it. I admit that, of all the houses I’ve lived in with my family, this one feels the most like a home, and we’ve not even been here a day yet.”

“I feel the same,” I said. “It’s our home. I’ve not shared a home since I lived with my father. When I lived with other people before, it was always for work, when I was a governess or maid, a farm worker or nanny.”

He nodded. “It is _ours_. It will be for a long time.”

“Shame we can’t stay forever,” I said. “But we’ll just have to make a new home somewhere else.”

“We will,” he said. “But…” He shook his head quickly and said, “We will.”

I stared at him, seeing his troubled eyes and the way his lips turned down at the corners. He was in pain, though I didn’t know why. We were together again; the danger had passed. Victoria was still out there, but I knew he would never let her hurt me again.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. “Is it the thirst? Do you need to hunt? Because I’ll be okay here alone, or Esme could come over again.”

“It’s not the thirst,” he said. “Not wholly. It’s…” He bowed his head and drew a shaky breath. “I have done something, Bella, and you need to know, but I am scared to tell you. This feels perfect, you’re safe and with me again, and this could destroy it all.”

My heart began to race, and I placed a hand over my chest as if that could calm it. “What’s happened?”

It seemed to take supreme effort for him to raise his head to look at me, and when he did, I saw the agony in his eyes. “I wasn’t able to rescue you alone,” he said. “I had to get help, and that came at a price.”

“Is that why you only came with Edward and Esme?” I asked. “Are the others okay?”

“They’re fine,” he soothed. “Jasper is upset with me, but otherwise, they’re all okay.”

“Why is Jasper upset with you?”

Carlisle flinched and said, “Because I did something I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me for. He and Alice, Emmett and Rosalie didn’t come with me to rescue you because they had gone into hiding for their own safety.”

I was confused and had many questions, but I thought it was better to let him tell me in his own time, so I merely nodded and squeezed his hand.

“There is a ruling kind of all vampires. They are called The Volturi, three ancient vampires called Aro, Marcus, and Caius. They uphold our laws, punish transgressors, and maintain our freedom. They have a guard of carefully selected, talented vampires to protect them and punish those that need it.”

“And they were who the others were hiding from?” I asked, unable to help myself.

“Yes.”

“But what law did they break?”

“They… they were associated with me and what I did,” he said. “There are laws we have to obey, but they all come down to one overall rule—to maintain the secret. Vampires have lived in secrecy for millennia. There have been risks, times when humans became suspicious, and The Volturi dealt with them. They killed the transgressors. Aro is gifted with an ability similar to Edward’s, though his is more powerful. He can read every thought a mind has ever had with a touch. He knew everything the moment he took my hand. He saw my crime.”

I thought I could see the problem now, what had caused the threat to Carlisle’s family, but I didn’t speak up. I waited for him to confirm it to me when he was ready. It was scaring me, though, the thought of him being at risk of these ruling vampires. If they came for him, I would be helpless to do anything to protect him.

“Alice couldn’t find you,” he said, “so I went to The Volturi for help. They have a vampire among their guard called Demetri that has a gift for tracking. He can get the sense of a person when he meets them or from the mind of someone that has, and he follows it to them. There is no way to escape him when he locks onto you. You can run and hide, but he will find you in the end.”

If that was true, Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie would have been doomed, even though they ran. Demetri could have found the sense of them from Carlisle, and he would have found them. The fact they were okay now and apparently together made me think that they were safe, but there had to be a reason for it.

That was what Carlisle had done.

“I needed him to find you, though, so I went to the city where they live and asked Aro, the one that truly leads The Volturi, to give me Demetri’s help. He did, but there was a price. Aro likes talented vampires, and I had to make a deal with him for their safety. When he summons us, all of my family, we have to go to him to help.” He went on in a rush, his voice impassioned, and I saw the need in his eyes. “It may never happen. We have lived in peace for a long time. The greatest risk to us, the Southern Wars and Immortal Children, have been dealt with.”

“But if they call, they’ll have to go,” I said. “And that’s because of me. You went there to save me, and they know that…” I flinched. “They know the secret was exposed to me.”

He made a choking sound and whispered, “Yes.”

“And if you had not made that deal with them, you would all have been hunted and killed,” I said.

“Yes.”

“You risked everyone’s life for me.”

“I did,” he agreed. “And I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Bella, you are my life. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything in my long existence. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you, no risk I wouldn’t take.”

I couldn’t rebuke him because I felt the exact same way. There were no lengths I would not go to for him, though I hated that he and his family had been put at risk for me, that a debt was still to be paid if and when this Aro needed them.

I could see why Jasper was angry now. If Carlisle had been in Alice’s position, I would be out for blood.

“So, they have to go when they’re called and do what he asks,” I said.

“They do. But…” He began to breathe hard in choking sobs. “The debt is not paid yet. Aro could not let you go on knowing the secret. He saw it as too big of a risk.”

“Does he want me dead, too?” I asked, my words catching with fear. “But I can’t die! I always come back.”

Carlisle nodded, and his eyes seemed to implore me for something as he said, “Which is why he asked for something else.” He took both of my hands in his own and clung to them. “Bella, you need to be changed. You have to be a vampire. It’s the only way Aro believes you will keep the secret; if it's yours to keep, too. I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I couldn't see any other way to save you. I was desperate, and…"

I pressed my fingers to his lips to halt the flow of words but did not speak myself. My mind was reeling. I’d never considered being a vampire as there was no need. I already had forever with him, a life I could live freely. Being changed would do nothing but limit me. I probably wouldn’t be able to teach as no school would hire a teacher that disappeared whenever the sun shone. I wouldn’t be able to go out in the sun around humans. I would be doomed to a diet of blood. And I would suffer the thirst…

But I had no choice. Even if it was possible, I would not choose to die instead of being changed. I needed Carlisle as much as he needed me. If this was the price of me being saved from James and Victoria, it was one I would more than willingly pay. It was better than being with them for another moment.

“Okay,” I said. “Change me.”

Carlisle’s mouth dropped open. “Okay?”

“What else am I going to say, Carlisle? You risked everything for me; you saved me from that hell. If I have to be a vampire now, that’s fine. I’ll still have you forever, and that’s all I need.”

Carlisle stared at me wonderingly and then slammed our lips together. I poured my love into the kiss, wishing his lips could part for me, and then realized that soon they would. I would be able to love Carlisle as an equal; he'd never have to be careful with his strength or his sharp and venomous teeth. We would be able to be truly free with each other.

Though I didn’t want to be a vampire, I could see the benefits it came with.

When he pulled back to allow me to catch my breath, he cupped my face in his hands and said, “Bella, you are the most amazing woman I have ever known.”

“Do we have to do it now?” I asked.

He looked wary. “We have a little time, but we can’t delay too long.”

“Tomorrow?” I asked.

Carlisle’s face spread with relief. “Tomorrow is fine. I won’t do it until you’re ready.”

“I’ll be ready tomorrow,” I said. “One more night as an almost human.”

Carlisle huffed a laugh and said, “I always told you that you were human when you said that, but in truth, you are something far more remarkable. Aro called you a Phoenix. It’s a legend he was aware of but had never seen.”

“A Phoenix,” I said, testing the word and then smiling. “I like that. Another legend for me.”

“A Phoenix,” he agreed. “The most wonderful and beautiful Phoenix that ever lived.”

And soon, I would be a beautiful vampire, no longer a Phoenix as I had died for the last time, but still a legend. I would be bitten and changed, become something new, and I would have Carlisle with me.

I wasn’t looking forward to the pain, the feeling Carlisle said was like being burned alive, but when that was over, I would be safe and with the man I loved.

That was all I needed.


	40. Chapter 40

**_Carlisle_ **

I sat on the edge of the bed, watching Bella as she moved restlessly around the room, picking things up only to set them down again. She was wearing the vest and shorts she’d chosen, her feet were bare, and her hair was held back with an elastic. She looked as though she was settling down for a comfortable evening with me in front of the television.

She wasn’t.

She was within the last minutes before I bit her and started the change.

Even if I couldn’t hear her heart racing, I would know she was nervous from her fidgeting and quick breaths. I didn’t say anything to her, though, as I knew this was a process she needed to move through without interruption. If I spoke, she would stop, and it would be time. I would only do this when she was ready for it, and that meant I had to leave her to work through her thoughts alone.

Eventually, she set down the throw pillow she’d been plumping and said, “Okay, Let’s do this.”

“Are you absolutely sure you’re ready?”

“Sure,” she said brightly.

“Bella…” I sighed. “Please…”

She smiled and sat down beside me on the bed. “I _am_ ready. I’m just a little nervous. But that’s normal, right? I mean, I’m about to do something huge.”

“You are,” I agreed.

She clapped her hands on her knees, then said, “I want to start, though.” She held out her arm and said, “Give me the good drugs. It’ll be my first experience of morphine.”

I leaned over and picked up the prepared syringe from the table. Edward had acquired the drugs for me from a hospital in the night, delivering them when I got home from my hunting trip while Bella slept.

“Make yourself comfortable,” I said.

Bella laid down on the bed and positioned her head on the pillows, then extended an arm to me. “You know, the only injection I’ve ever had was a flu jab when it became procedure in the hospital I was working at.”

“This will be much the same,” I said. “It’s an intramuscular suspension. You will feel the effects quickly.”

“Yep, drowsiness, dizziness; I’ve been told it’s a pretty weird experience. A patient described the feeling as dreaming while awake and wrapped in a thick comforter.”

“I’ve heard the same. I will allow it to spread, and then…"

“Then the bites,” she said. “I know. You already told me, Carlisle. The more, the better, right?”

“Yes, the more venom that enters your bloodstream, the faster the change will be. The morphine should combat the pain, at least at first.” My face fell. “This is going to hurt in time, though, Bella.”

“I know,” she said serenely. “But it’ll only last a few days, and then it’ll all be over, and I’ll be a vampire.” She smiled. “A whole new life.”

“Yes,” I agreed. “And I will be with you every step of the way. I promise you will never be alone for even a minute of the change, and after, we will be together forever.”

“As equals,” she said with a bright smile than I thought was a little forced.

I understood how she felt as I knew firsthand what she was about to experience. If I could have gone through the pain of the change in her place, I would have, but all I could do was watch it happen.

I would be there, though. I remembered the way I had felt when the change progressed, as my senses enhanced, and I was able to hear the people moving around the warehouse whose basement I had hidden in and the sounds of the street. I hoped that hearing my voice, sensing my presence, would be soothing to her.

I injected the morphine into her arm and watched as the effects of it hitting her system developed, holding her hand and stroking her face.

“Wow,” she said drowsily. “It’s even better than they said.” She blinked up at me. “I’m ready.”

I pressed my lips to hers, and then moved my mouth to her neck, kissed her again, and then sank my teeth into her throat. I tasted her blood on my tongue, sweet and rich, and then quickly laved my tongue over the bite to seal the venom inside. Bella flinched, and I apologized. I moved to the other side of her neck and bit her again.

I moved along her body, biting her wrists, the crook of her elbows, and the backs of her knees, and then moved back to her side.

Her eyes were closed now, and she showed no signs of extreme pain, which relieved me, but she was not peaceful. Whether in fear for what was happening or because of how her body was reacting to the venom now coursing through her system, her hands were in fists and her breaths fast. Her heart was racing, but I knew that was the venom’s influence.

“Are you in pain?” I asked.

She didn’t answer or indicate that she’d even heard me, and I guessed the morphine was clouding her mind. I knew that would only last so long before it was replaced by the venom as it sealed her veins and began to change her cells to something new.

I laid down beside her and rested my head on the pillow beside hers.

“I love you,” I whispered. “I’m here, and I love you. It’s going to be okay, Bella. I promise you will be okay.”

Though she didn’t answer, I thought I saw a slight softening of the hard line of her mouth, and I felt better for it.

I stroked my hand over her face, feeling the blood moving at speed under her skin, and waited for the minute changes to reach her skin and firm it to my touch.

As I waited, I imagined what my family were doing. Alice would be watching for the time to come assist me with a newborn Bella upon her waking, but they had all agreed to leave us alone until then. I didn't want people around us while Bella was changing, and there would be no need for them for days. Bella still had a long process of transformation ahead of her.

I lost track of time as I laid with her, never relaxing; though I kept my voice soft and reassuring as I spoke to her, I lost all outward semblance of calm when her heartbeat changed.

It had been racing like a train speeding along tracks, but it began to skip beats. I sat up and pressed my fingers to her throat, feeling the evidence of what my ears had detected, and said, “Bella, love…”

Her lips parted, and her eyes flew open. A look of horror crossed her face, and she whispered, "No… Carlisle…" and then the room became silent.

For a moment, I was frozen, too shocked by the absence of the sound of her heart, and then I snapped into action with a cry of pain.

Her heart had stopped, but it wasn’t over. If I could keep the blood moving around her body, the venom might work again. This was just a setback, the first time I’d seen it happen, but it would be okay. My phone began to ring, but I barely heard it.

I started CPR, my movements carefully measured so as not to crush her chest as I knew Edward had, and prayer began to move my lips.

I begged and pleaded with the God I believed in, willing the words to reach him and for him to answer my pleas and grant my wishful prayer.

I needed him to save her.

xXx

**_Edward_ **

I looked up from the book I was reading when I heard a startled cry from upstairs. As the thoughts filled my mind, I jumped to my feet and raced up the stairs to where Alice was sitting on the couch in Jasper’s study.

Her eyes were wide and lips parted, but she was not seeing her surroundings. Her mind was focused on the vision that was spiraling through her head and leaving terror in its wake.

“What is it, Edward?” Jasper asked. “What’s she seeing?”

I couldn’t answer as horror had stolen all words from me. What Alice was seeing, what I saw with her through my gift, was worse than any vision I had seen of Alice’s before.

“No,” Alice moaned as the vision came to its completion. “She can’t.”

“Maybe not. It might not be too late,” I said, racing from the room, down the stairs, through the living room to the garage where I threw myself in behind the wheel and gunned the engine to life.

Alice threw herself in beside me and answered me as if there had been no interruption to my words. “What can we do, Edward? If it happens… Carlisle is already trying… He tried, but it changed nothing.”

"It's Bella," I said tersely, reversing out of the garage and slamming my foot down onto the accelerator as we tore along the drive to our house, onto the road, and then onto the highway. It would be faster to run, but it was too exposed of a route for us to do it. I could make the journey fast in the car, too, and I would.

“Call him,” I commanded. “Tell him.”

Alice took her phone from her pocket and dialed, but the call went unanswered.

I steered the car around the slower traffic on the road, diving in and out of my lane to speed our journey as Alice leaned forward in her seat beside me and clasped her hands in her lap.

“What happens if we can’t save her, Alice,” I asked, my voice taut with fear.

She looked at me, and her eyes were haunted. “Don’t ask me to look, Edward,” she said. “Please. Let’s just drive.”

I understood her fear as I shared it. If Bella died, as Alice had seen, Carlisle would… What? I didn’t know what he would do or be without her.

I didn’t know what I would do in his place.

We drove in silence until we reached Randolph, where Carlisle and Bella’s new house was, and screeched onto the drive then tore up to the house.

I threw open the door, climbed out, and ran to the house without closing the car door behind me. I let myself in, Alice on my heels, and raced up to Carlisle and Bella’s bedroom, though I knew from the absence of sound that we were too late; what Alice had seen had already happened.

Carlisle was lying on the bed beside Bella’s still body, his hand over the place her heart should have beat and his eyes closed.

Though he didn’t move or look at us, he spoke. “How much longer, Alice?" he asked. "Will she be back soon?”

Alice closed her eyes and searched ahead, but where Bella should be was a darkness, a void where her future had been before. Alice searched ahead and saw Carlisle standing over a grave, which bore a sprig of lavender and a small wooden cross.

She gave a small sob, and Carlisle opened his eyes to look at her. “How much longer?” he asked.

Alice shook her head, her face twisted with pain. I heard the sound of Rosalie’s M3 stopping and the movements of people downstairs, but they didn’t come up. They knew now from the absence of a heartbeat where there should be one racing with the change still what had occurred.

“How much longer?” Carlisle asked, a growl in his voice now.

I approached him and placed my hand on his shoulder. “There’s nothing, Carlisle. I’m sorry, I am so sorry, but she’s not coming back—not this time.”

Carlisle stared at me, his eyes wide with incomprehension, and then the most awful sound ripped from him. I thought I had seen him suffering before; when Bella had been taken, I thought I’d seen his pain, but that was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. I had to focus on blocking his thoughts as he gave voice to his agony in an inhuman howl.

Downstairs there was a moan of pain, and Jasper said, “I can’t bear it,” before there was the sound of the door being yanked open and his footsteps disappearing as he fled.

“She’s a Phoenix,” Carlisle howled. “She has to come back. She always comes back.”

I gripped his shoulder as it heaved with his breaths and said, “Not this time, Carlisle. This time she couldn’t.”

Alice moved to the door, sobs ripping from her, and I could hear pained cries and words of shock from the first floor where my family were gathered. I stood holding Carlisle’s shoulder as he bowed over Bella and buried her face against her chest and sobbed. I was frozen by my shock, pain, and grief, unable to help but unable to leave.

My father was in agony, breaking apart in front of me with his grief, and I was helpless.

Bella was dead. 


	41. Epilogue

**_Bella_ **

My hands reached cool air, and I spread them, yanking myself upwards and out of the earth. As soon as my head broke the surface, I drew a heaving breath and choked. My chest was still constricted by the dirt, and I yanked myself up and out of the hole I had created with my clawing hands and desperate struggles to be free.

I crawled forwards, away from the earth mound that had covered me, and collapsed onto the grass. I turned my face to the side and gulped at the air I had not believed I would ever reach again.

“Carlisle…” I whispered and then forced my voice to rise, “Carlisle!”

There was no answering voice, no cool hand on my face or hands to raise me up. I was alone.

I managed to get to my feet, and I turned back to look at the mound of earth I’d escaped—my own grave.

I shuddered. I’d had nightmares about being buried after one of my many deaths, that I would not come back in time, but I always had. Then Victoria had threatened it, and the nightmarish imagining became terror of the very real possibility. But it had finally happened. I had been buried and dug my way out, and I didn’t understand how.

I remembered being bitten, the searing pain that had flared as the morphine failed to counteract it, and I’d tried to bear my pain without giving a sign of it to protect Carlisle, but then my heart had started to falter. I had known, as I had so many times before, that it was going to stop, and I would die. I thought I’d spoken, said Carlisle’s name, but it was a vague memory; my fear had overpowered it.

But I _had_ died. The thing I was supposed to have left behind forever, death, had taken me once again, and this time it had not been an instant resurrection.

And now I was alone. I had been gone long enough for someone, surely Carlisle, to bury me.

It had been long enough for him to leave, too. I knew he would hear me if he was close, he would come and help me if he knew I was there, but he was gone.

I was alone.

And I was alive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… Now you know why I always said we needed a sequel. I have a couple chapters written, but I've not worked on it in months. I plan to come back to it when my Marvel series is complete, but I can't guarantee it. If the story doesn't 'talk,' I can't write.  
> Until next time, whenever that may be…  
> Simaril xxx


End file.
